My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for the last five. We have a five-year-old and a three-year-old. I love my wife but the last 18- 24 months I have been feeling disconnected. I am beginning to realize that we never had much in common and that if it wasn't for the kids we wouldn't even be together right now.
About six months ago I started a new job, made new friends, one of whom is woman that I have become very close with. She is a divorced mother with three boys. We take our lunch breaks together most days and talk about our kids, life at home, music and movies. The last two months or so we have moved on to deeper conversations about our on childhoods, plans, hopes and dreams what we want out of life. I have started to have feelings for her as more than a friend but pushed them aside because I know nothing can come of it.
A few weeks ago as we were leaving work I walked with her to her car and as she went to get in she gave me a hug before getting in her car and leaving. She texted me later and said she was sorry and that she shouldn't have done it but she has a bit of a crush on me and just needed a hug today. The hugging started to become a daily thing, innocent enough, and it seemed to quench our desires for more. But we have also been texting each other late in to the night saying that we wished we were together on the couch just holding each other while we watch Tiger King (sorry, need to laugh for a second).
The other day, she said we can't act like that anymore and that she doesn't want to be the reason our family fell apart like hers. I agreed that we should stop and that we should just be friends which does hurt but I felt like I could move past it as it was such a short amount of time and just a crush. But we don't have lunch together anymore even with our other friends as a group and not talking to each other at all anymore. I also feel more unhappy than ever at home with my wife.
I know I have gone on for a while now and I am sorry but I am lost and can't find the direction I want to go or how to get there. Any advice on how to get over her and find happiness at home again. Or should I just let my wife know I have been thinking about separation?