“Ghosted after four years together”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. We are from the same city in the U.S. and about two years ago, he moved to Nigeria for a work assignment. We made it work because he visited four or five times a year. Last summer, it was my turn to go abroad. I was offered a unique experience to do humanitarian work in East Africa. It was only a temporary contract, but I went because of the rich experience I would surely gain. I took a risk to come, quitting my job, leaving friends and a place I called home for so long. My boyfriend was supportive of this endeavor. He said many times he was proud of me. We continued to talk every day, and he was extra attentive because he was in my shoes of moving halfway around the world not too long ago. So, we were finally on the same continent again. In February, we finally met in South Africa. It was our first time seeing each other since I had left the U.S. in July. The catch was that it was only for two days. We both had busy schedules and decided to give it a try anyway and meet up even for a few hours. The first day was very nice. It's always nice when you reunite. We went to the spa together and had lunch and dinner together while walking around Johannesburg. We had nice moments. At the dawn of the second day, I could already feel the pressure mounting, the feeling that time was not on our side. On the contrary, my boyfriend has always been the type of person who believes they have all the time in the world. So, he woke up early and left me for a few hours to play golf. That was ok with me. I had supported his love of the game and had also grown up on a golf course myself. I had learned upon his return that the subsequent plans of the day were to go shopping. I was to leave later that night. It was the fact that he didn't have anything special planned that bothered me. I grew upset. To me, he was throwing away a day, prioritizing everything else (his hobbies and chores) and not wanting to spend quality time with me. To him, we were an old couple and he expected that we'd be doing more mundane things together. I got so angry to the point that I refused to shop with him, choosing to stay at the hotel, because after all I came to see him not to go shopping. We fought. He said nothing makes me happy. He suggested I needed to work on me for a while and not be so focused on our relationship, not be so obsessed with it. We both know we've worked hard especially with the distance to make things work. I cried. We didn't part angrily. We actually mended things, or so I thought. We kissed each other goodbye. In the following few days, we exchanged the usual texts to see how each other's days were going, etc. I thought we dodged a bullet and avoided a break. On the fourth day, he just stopped communicating. I didn't know what was going on. At first I was calm about it, telling him that if this is a break we're taking, he can take the time he needs to clear his head. He never responded to any of my texts. There were many days where I felt so bogged down with sadness, but I didn't let it affect my work. I certainly had enough going on around me to be distracted. I don't feel I let my work suffer because of what was going on in my personal life. I was actually pretty good at keeping it private, but that came at the expense of suffering in silence and bottling up so that I spent many nights at home crying. I hadn't told anyone about what happened. Days turned into weeks and into months. We had never gone this long without communicating. We had a brief break right before he moved to Nigeria since he was unsure of the long distance, and it lasted for a month. This time, it's been four months. Waaaay too long. Not a peep from him. The man who was my best friend and confidant was gone. Actually, I didn't know what happened to him. Were we officially broken up? I was in the the dark. If it was a breakup, there was no closure, no definite green light to go ahead with my life. What was worse was that it seemed he abandoned me. This has been the most trying time of my life... being thousands of miles away from home, living in incredibly frustrating circumstances, and having to face big challenges everyday... and he wasn't there. I continued to text him even though I wouldn't get answers. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing he didn't block me. I made up excuses for him. Maybe he was giving us time to work on ourselves. He had a job search to think about with the upcoming return to the U.S. coming up in September and the whole idea of moving again. Maybe he was dealing with his kid's issues. He definitely was busy and didn't have time to deal with the standards I set for this relationship. At the three month mark, I started to become angrier. I went from thinking he just needed space to thinking he GHOSTED me. How could he leave without saying a word after almost four years together? More negative feelings began to take over. In my mind, he had already made up his and wasn't going to come back. Perhaps he had already moved on to the next woman, even with three months left in his assignment. I sent him angry texts accusing him of abandonment and being callous. At the same time, I made pleas, saying what I wanted from him. I said I only wanted to be closer to him and be more of a priority. I have spent the last few days feeling empty, feeling like my life has no direction. The life I dreamt with him would be left unrealized. At the same time, I have been pushing my stubborn self to let go. If he doesn't have the decency to communicate and if he is aware of the suffering he's putting you through, why put up with it? Giving the benefit of the doubt is why I'm still here. I don't have closure. I don't really know what happened. My contract is also up in August. I am now navigating my next steps. It can be a scary experience, feeling like you're free-floating with no direction in life. It's incredibly lonely here at this post, far from home and from friends and family. His presence would make things a lot better, but I know the burden is on my shoulders and no one else's.
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“Too soon to say ‘I love you’”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I recently met a wonderful lady through a dating app — about 2 weeks ago. We went to dinner, sports activities, long walks, talked on the phone for hours and everything had been great. She and I had very romantic get togethers where we exchange lots of passionate kisses & hugs... She is very funny but also a little unfiltered (very direct in communication and graphic sexual humor)... We exchange texts often throughout the day and it feels like we are truly a couple already! I got to the point where last night I told her “I love you”..... Last night she asked me over to her house which ended up with me staying over until 5am while her 3 kids (9, 13, 15) were asleep upstairs... I have not met her kids yet... (we have been on several “dates” while the kids remained at home unsupervised which makes me feel her priorities are unbalanced)... Last night ended up to be a very passionate night — too passionate. What I experienced was sensory overload which left me with feelings of guilt and shame — and she was all bubbly and loving it... My question is, do people end relationships primarily based on a complete mismatch on bedroom passion? And, is saying “I love you” after 13 days too early — and ending a relationship right after saying that screwed up? I appreciate your input in advance!
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“My girlfriend was lying to me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi dear community i would like to share something that is braking apart my heart...I had a relationship over 6 years and yez is a lot...on our 5 year of relationship she lie to me...She was starting this whole thing about having her drive licence. At the beginning she was honest and was having school driving...Because she take personal form someone who is related to her when shes call out when she dose something wrong...but after a month she top taking the class's and she didn't say anything... She make this whole story that she was hanging with her friends from work, and they were letting her drive their cars. She was starting to get late to her grands home were she was living and the fact that she does not call or msg me at all makes me worry... Mostly when i never told her that she wasnt allow to do anything at all...she was totally free as i meet her...It came to the point that she wasnt answering mtly calls or msg, even turned off her phone. One day i decide to call to her work place, it was the GM that answered say that she left 3 hrs ago. I got sad and desperate and start calling a lot. She never answer any of my calls over a month...One night at 11pm she finally pick up her phone and her answer was this....(WTF you want) am not your wife to gave you explanations about what i do or don't...We broke up cause she was rebel...We were 5 months separate...I did my research and i found out the truth... The 30 of December 2 hrs before the end of the year. She call me crying because she miss me, that no buddy understand her like i do, that she doesn't feel comfortable with no one thats not me, that she can't see herself with someone else or me...Then she was very quiet...I told her you are quite because you want to come back to me and you are scared of being rejected...She said yez.. I ask her whos the guy that you were hanging with this whole time science the summer...when you told me that you were going out with the gilrs from work... It was an old friend back from highscool...He was the one taking her to work, home, using his car and everything else's...She said that she was scared of me getting jealous not allowing her to learn how to drive...When thats non scenes know whow I've been to her science i meet her...But that wasn't rhe end or everything...She did have a relationship with him those whole month while we were separate...then i ask her did you sleept with him...Answer (YES)
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“Have I ruined the relationship?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi, So me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year and a half now but at the beginning of the year we broke up for a while. He got busy with work etc and one day he suddenly asked me if it was the right time to be in a relationship. It was a real shock for me because we had been so close for so long before that and from that day it just went downhill, he never made time for me, would be online and not reply and just generally seem very uninterested. I have always been very open and honest about my feelings so I would confront him about it however he would get annoyed with me and say I was overthinking or I would ask too much. After months of me trying to make enough effort for the both of us and feeling so low and unworthy he broke up with me (over text) saying the situation was not right. I had felt so low for so many months because of everything that when he did break up with me I decided I couldn’t keep feeling like that anymore and that I was not going to sit around being sad when I knew I had tried my best. I started going out with my friends, being the one ‘not seeing’ his messages for a change and genuinely feeling so happy and relaxed for the first time in so long. After a while he messaged me apologising for how he behaved and saying he wanted to get back together. I wasn’t honestly sure how I felt about getting back together because of what happened but I was honest and told him that in the time we were apart I had kissed someone that I met on a night out (not long after we had broken up). He was devastated when I told him, I didn’t expect him to take it well but he took it very very badly. We ended up getting back together but he still feels I have ruined our relationship through my actions and that he cannot trust me now. It’s been a while but the arguments still happen over this and I know he looks at me different. For me it’s frustrating because the issues he brought to the relationship are now ignored because he believes what I did is so much worse. Also because I did not tell him until he mentioned getting back together he says that I was lying to him during that time. (Also this might sound dramatic to some people but I think it’s partly because this is our first relationship so we are each others first kiss etc. now that I have kissed someone else I think that has ruined it for him a bit) I know it was close to when we broke up but I was single and not through my own choice, I had been sad and had felt like he had broken up with me months before he did and finally I was going out and having fun and not caring about him constantly like I had been. Have I ruined the relationship? Was what I did wrong? Can it ever be the same after this because I don’t know if he’ll ever forget? Thank you, this is causing me a lot of stress
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