“Emotional affair with my ex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years, together for over 14 and we have 2 young kids. I love my husband very much and we have a good, comfortable relationship but it has always lacked real intimacy and passion. Sex is just okay, and he seems fine with that. Over the years I have suggested doing things to spice it up and he’s always in agreement but has never really made an effort. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how to improve our sex life. Maybe that’s why I contacted my ex who happens to be the only person who’s ever satisfied me sexually. This is someone I haven’t seen in over 15 years and have only exchanged the odd message in all that time. I thought I’d just say hello, enquire after his kids and that would be that, like it has been every other time in the last 15 years. Instead, we got to reminiscing about the past, clearing up misunderstandings and just enjoying talking to each other after so long. It progressed from messages to Skyping and now I want to talk with him every day. Just to give a bit of background on our relationship; we met while he was married. His wife wasn’t interested in sex and he thought having an extramarital affair would save his sanity and eventually his marriage. I was a ‘good girl’ so I don’t quite know how I got messed up with him. All I know is that we had an unbelievable chemistry that I hadn’t experienced before or since. Now he’s divorced and single and I’m the one who’s married but it seems we still have amazing sexual chemistry. Fortunately, geography is not on our side so it’s unlikely that we would ever be together again but from our conversations I have come to understand myself better and more importantly, what I get from him that I don’t get from my husband. So now I’ve come to the crux of the matter, how do I get my husband to understand that sex is important to me and his lack of interest in improving our sex life is putting a wedge between us? How do I get him to care? Maybe someone could point me in the direction of reading materials and other resources that could help.
Ask the community | emotional affair, sexless
“He doesn’t trust me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My boyfriend's last relationship failed due to her cheating on him. My relationships have always failed because I've allowed them to abuse, humiliate, and control me. Our relationship was going pretty well until I moved in. We were both used to living alone and not having to answer to anyone. I had spent 4 years in therapy gaining the strength to love myself and create boundaries with people that made me comfortable. My boyfriend hasn't had much therapy and has extreme trust issues. We had been fighting and he told me to leave. He had been trying to tell me who I could be friends with, I wasn't allowed to talk to family or friends to vent about my struggles, I had to make sure it was okay for me to go places, he wanted me to go to bed when he did, I couldn't go in another room to have time to myself, etc. I felt controlled again. I'm 47 years old and didn't feel I needed permission. I did move out. We were texting and he was very angry. Was calling me names and threatened to hurt himself. I was concerned for him and sent his sisters our conversation. Since then we have been trying to work on this and he doesn't trust me at all because I sent our texts to his sisters. I apologized and offered to do more to show he could trust me. I had to leave his house early last weekend because my best friend was in a serious car crash and I was her emergency contact. He didn't believe me and said I needed to take a picture to prove I was at the hospital. I did and my friend was extremely upset. I was devastated that I did something against her will but he said I needed to do what he asked so he could trust me. I have double pneumonia and have been in bed. He said he didn't know if i was telling the truth, but he wouldn't ask for proof. I honestly have done absolutely nothing for him not to trust me except sending our texts to his sisters. Ever. He said I haven't done anything to earn his trust and that I need to. Am I wrong in not feeling like this is right? I really need advice.
Ask the community | trust, emotional abuse, control
“Struggling to get over being cheated on”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been with my boyfriend just over 2 years, its been the best and happiest relationship i have ever had and we moved in together early May this year. It was the best our relationship had ever been ( or so i thought) and he was talking about marriage, having a family etc. This all came crashing down when i received a message whilst we were on a couples holiday from a girl telling me that she had slept with my boyfriend a week prior. Ever since this has happened i think i have felt every emotion in the book and it is so exhausting. I have tried having a ‘break’ from the relationship but just couldn’t do it. I feel so weak for not being able to leave and i don’t think i have fully come to terms with the fact that this person probably isn’t who i thought he was. It hasn’t been helped due to him lying about it for weeks until i confronted him with evidence when he finally admitted it, and i don’t know whether the lies or the cheating hurt more? The woman he cheated with is gorgeous, a stripper and older than me and since this i feel completely inadequate. I can’t stop thinking what is it about me that led him to do that? why did he lie so much? how could he jeopardise a relationship like ours? I feel so low in myself and its affecting my daily life. I can’t sleep properly and constantly have flashbacks and we are now 3 months on. I feel like i should be over this by now but i just can’t move on. I love him so much and feel like i don’t know my own identity without him and i just don’t know what to do. Any advice whatsoever would be so appreciated x
Ask the community | cheating, someone else
“Relationship issues and trust”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I particularly am writing about one of my friend who is desperately looking for help or some therapy to help her through the rough journey. Therapist visits are expensive and a lower middle class family cannot afford it. If you can somehow help her with information or an in depth article on relationship issues and how to deal with it, I'm sure it would help her and millions of maybe other women who can relate to their own story. One day she caught her husband of 26 years cheating on her. He had been seeing the other woman for past 2 years and exchanging sexual messages and spending time together alone with the other woman. He was having sexual relationship with the other woman and also constantly sexting with her for past 2 years. My friends whole world crashed. She could not accept it. Her husband was her ideal, someone she cherished and looked upon always. He was her strength. She could not bear the pain and hurt and would cry for hours locking herself in the toilet. She wanted to leave her husband but could not do so thinking of her kids. Now every time she looks at his face she cannot find the man she once loved. It was as if he was a stranger. 26 years of her life with him felt a waste. She felt let down. The day she caught him cheating was a tragic day. She was running a very high fever, so he lovingly took her to the doctor, gave her medicine and put her to bed and then went to meet the other woman saying he was going for a prayer meet. All along he was planning and plotting while being so nice to her on the face. She could not bear this hypocrisy. Everyday she goes through anguish and pain. She tells me how could he do this to her and then come back home and sleep and share their bed as if nothing happened? She says her whole faith and trust is broken and now she does not know how she can believe in him? She cannot afford a therapist. Please help her with your article or suggestions on how she can move forward. Your feedback would help her greatly. Also, I would like to mention one more thing which I missed mentioning. She had confronted her husband on this and he said that it was nothing and a mistake and would not repeat it. He said she asked him if he wanted sex and so he had said yes and it was only a sexual relation. My friend feels because he got caught and forgot their love and togetherness when he cheated on her. She feels he keeps contact with her and in his mobile her number is still kept saved. N----- talks of death and wanting to die and although she is still with him, she cannot come to terms with her pain and is unable to trust him anymore. This worries me as she was a very jovial and loving person and now she is withdrawn and in her own shell, not wanting to meet people. Please do help. Very worried for her. She is not in a position to hire a therapist. I do hope you would be able to somehow help.
Ask the community | cheating, trust, emotional affair