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Parenting through Rise-filtered glasses
As a new parent, you might find yourself cut off from some of your usual social outlets, stuck at home for long stretches of time with only the baby for company. At this time, family and friends can be more important than ever, providing support and advice to boost your confidence and help get you through the tougher days. If your friends and family live far away, or if you don’t have face-to-face access, online social media can help you and your partner feel more connected to the outside world. Emotional support and positive feedback from other parents can also be invaluable as you figure things out [1] [2]. Social media can give you access to this, but it also helps you stay in touch with old friends who keep you connected to the parts of your life outside your parenting role [3]. Beating loneliness with online social interaction Your baby is always going to be your first priority, but these other social connections are important. As humans, we need to have meaningful relationships with each other – when we disconnect socially it can affect our health, making us more stressed and more likely to get sick, and affecting our sleep and concentration [3]. Social media can help you feel less isolated but it’s important to pay attention to the way you use it. Parents who actively engage with friends on social media tend to feel less stressed and more positive about their role as parents [2] but people who just spend more time on social media without engaging tend to feel more isolated, not less [3]. The difference here is between use and interaction. We’ve all spent time staring into our phones, refreshing our social media feeds in the hope that something new will come up. But this isn’t going to help you feel more connected when you’re knee-deep in baby wipes waiting for your partner to come home. You’ve got to reach out and engage with people if you want to experience the positive effects of social media. Turning off the filters It’s also important to keep some perspective on what you see through the lens of social media. We all know that Facebook life isn’t real life, and that nobody ever looks as good as they do on Instagram, but it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing things through Rise-filtered glasses and believing everybody on social media is having a better time than you.  If social media is your only window into your friends’ lives, you might start thinking they are living happier, more connected lives than you [3]. Try to remember that you’re only seeing an edited glimpse of what your friends want the rest of the world to see. When your social networks start making you feel worse instead of better, take a step back and have a think about who you could reach out to for a chat. It’s the social aspect of social networks that’s valuable, so the next time you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through posts, send a message instead – ask for advice, vent your feelings, or just tell someone a funny story about your day. The empathy, advice and humour that you come across online can give you a life-affirming confidence boost and make you feel better about how you’re getting on as a parent [4]. You might even want to start by making a post here on Click.   References [1] Madge C., O’Connor H. (2006). Parenting gone wired: Empowerment of new mothers on the Internet? Social and Cultural Geography, 7, 199–220.[2] Bartholomew, M. K., Schoppe‐Sullivan, S. J., Glassman, M., Kamp Dush, C. M., & Sullivan, J. M. (2012). New parents' Facebook use at the transition to parenthood. Family relations, 61(3), 455-469.[3] Primack, B.A. et al (2017) Social Media Use and Perceived Social Isolation Among Young Adults in the U.S. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 53(1), 1-8.[4] Fletcher, R., & St. George, J. (2011). Heading into fatherhood—nervously: Support for fathering from online dads. Qualitative Health Research, 21(8), 1101-1114.
Article | social media, parenting
0 6 min read
Advice Needed About Van Life
Hey guys. SO. I have never asked a community like this about stuff, but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope or road or whatever. Before I met my current partner I had never been in a "real bf/gf relationship". In fact, I was still hurting badly from a guy I fell for 3 yrs ago who told me if I moved states we could date...Then I moved states and surprise, he ignored me to my breaking point. I have finally just within the past month gotten completely over him. Anyway, my first ever bf moved in with me a month after dating me bc my female roommate told me she wanted him and if I dated him she would abandon the lease. So she abandoned the lease dramatically and he moved in with me. He is 3 yrs younger than me and we used to fight a lot over things that have never been an issue to the other guys I have known--and several times he and I got physical and left bruises on each other. But, we always made up for it and always told each other we only fought bc we care so much not like the other guys who would have just ignored the "issues". Most of it was my stress to keep the apartment bc I was working more than him and he had a very part time job....Fast forward and we are both making a much better wage and are living in a different apartment. We don't fight as much BUT this is where I need advice!! (Finally!) To give you a picture of my life, I used to be really dark and sad and then I got involved with light workers and spent a lotta time outside and meditating and since I am a singer and writer I sort of bloomed past all the darkness...I love seeing people living their dream and I love health, which you can often see in someone's eyes. Well my bf is very dark. He makes me watch horror movies (which i really don't like but i am trying to get past it) and he is a funeral directing intern, plus he hates sunlight. So he will never be out there sunning with me or swimming, which makes my lil heart sad. He is not a bad guy tho, he has a huge heart for his family and for me and is constantly spending money on me, so don't assume he's mean or something. The point is, we actually went to a farmers market and my lower wisdom tooth was hurting like hell bc it's erupting so he noticed a CBD booth that was selling capsules. He asked the guy selling if they would help tooth pain while I was smelling all the CBD soaps--they were amazing and I was so fascinated by them I didn't even look up and see the guy who was at the booth till my bf mentioned me and I was in so much pain I could hardly even smile. But what struck me right away was when I did look up, all I saw was a hazel ocean of light and depth and so many good auras that even tho I am typically a shy person I maintained eye contact. My eyes are heterochromic, one blue one hazel, so I may have been striking him the same way. But anyway, is this just a crush? I do love hazel eyes, and my bf has brown eyes so is it just stupid. Oh and then he mentioned his male roommate had tooth pain which didn't get helped by cannabis and then my bf and I walked away and I mentioned to him I would pay for cbd salve for his back bc he has scoliosis. He insisted he would pay for it himself so he did and I wandered around the market half in a daze and half in incredible tooth pain. It was a small market and as I walked down the center with my dog the CBD guy was looking at us. I purposefully didn't look back, because i am crushed inside....My bf knew from the start I didn't want a relationship but honestly he was so kind and sweet to me that I felt it would be unfair to live and share life with someone in such close quarters without letting them claim me. But the week leading up to this event has been filled with me wanting to tell him I feel like something is missing. He wants to buy a camper in 9months and live out of it with me and just travel and work odd jobs, I wonder if even if I never see the hazel eyed CBD guy again, maybe it is all connected and I should just keep my job as a dental assistant and not live out of a trailer with my bf in 9 months?? I really don't want to quit my job but trailer life seems cool and we would travel a ton and have lots of adventures. I just am divided and also like I alluded to I am not in love with my bf, never have been just he has been so kind and he knows how to treat me during bdsm which no one else even had the creative capacity to try. But ok I will admit I wish we weren't in a relationship:( i will take any and all advice! --
Ask the community | sex, intimacy
Never met his children but he picks fights over them
My partner of two years has two children from a previous marriage. I am yet to meet his children but he has said in the past that he would like me to meet them. He has custody of his children every other weekend and has decided this is not enough so wants to have them every Monday after school, returning them to school on Tuesdays. He told me this and asked my opinion on this whilst we were out queuing to buy tickets at the cinema. I told him it would be good all around if they had extras days as a family and Monday seemed to be the best day as it would not interrupt their activities during the week. We proceeded to get our tickets but I could see that his mood changed. I did not say anything but had an incling it had to do with his children as he often picks fights with me about his children I have never met. He would say I don’t show interest but I ask about and listen to what he tells me about them all the time. After the cinema walking to the car he said that when he asked about him having his children on a Monday (he told me but did not ask opinion,I gave as a normal response) that my tone was flat. I said I disagreed and if he wanted a more indepth conversation there is a time and place with no distractions. He then proceeded to ask if I have a problem with his children and asked what do I think of him having children. This question is asked again after two years???? We tend had a full on argument because I felt attacked for no real reason I don’t have children of my own. We don’t live together but spend a lot of time together, which I hope would be extended to his children spending time with us as a couple but also alone time with their father. It is now a running theme where always pick fights or speaks to me in a tone when the subject involves his children. I can’t seem to be left alone if he feels I have not responded in the way he perceives as the right way to respond when answering questions about his children. I am never negative towards them and I am wondering what life would be like if I did meet them if he acts the way he does. My partner did have a troubled childhood. One aspect is that he does not know his father. I am at a loss. Please advise. Pamela
User article | trust, someone else
Feeling unwanted, what do I do?
Hello everyone, my boyfriend and I have known each other for a very long time and all this while it's been a long distance relationship. Regardless of that, we still made it work. We used to be giving each other everything we could and through that we've developed such a deep bond and a great love for one another. However, I feel like the effort and expression of love on his part is lacking. And I don't think I'm right for telling him this especially because if he does start showing it I'd feel like it's not really coming from him but because of something I asked and he's just doing it to calm me down. Ironically, he just isn't the type of person that I've ever known to do something for me if I ask. For example, if I say can I see you tomorrow at 9am? The chances of that happening are close to zero and I'm so prepared to hear an excuse like 'sorry I was up all night playing games and I fell asleep late' or 'i just wanted to sleep in' or 'i'm just not motivated to wake up that early' but when it comes to his family, God or himself he makes a way when there is none. He even told me today he was up since 2am and he's been with his family and at 5am he messaged me and when he did, I didn't even have his full atttention. I don't know if I'm being needy or what but it really breaks my heart to know that I don't matter enough to the point where he's willing to make the time out for me when it's not convenient to him. I've been sacrificing so much and I don't think he rememebers how much I do but sometimes I feel like telling him I just want you to treat me the way you used too is going to make him think that I'm asking way too much of him. Usually he always makes me feel like I need to be more understanding but I just don't know what to do. I can't tell him and I can't keep it inside, but I just don't know what to do. Something else I would just like to emphasise on is the fact that I'm having trouble when it comes to God. I make sure to put God first in my life but I still make time for him and make sure that he doesn't feel left out or anything regardless of my tiredness but when he puts God first it's like I can't go to him for anything. I usually hear that if I have a problem, take it to God and not him. For God he'd sleep early the night before just to make sure he's early in church the next day and find the time to pray and read the Bible etc. But for me I just don't see it. I feel like I'm in competiton with God and everything else in his life and it just has me in an emotional mess. Do I need to do something or do I just need to get over it or what?
Ask the community | communication, arguments
Boyfriend hides me from friends and family
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 years (we are both 20). 80% of the time my friends and I hang out, he is always invited, either by me or my friends. We've gone out to countless dinners, concerts, parties, games and shopping trips and all with my friends. He's even been invited to my friend's house for dinner. However, till this day, his friends have never asked me to hang out with them and my boyfriend has only invited me to one party on his own. My friends are a mixed group of individuals, guys and girls. His excuse is his friends are all guys, but he knows for a fact I get along fine with guys and that is not an issue. He also says it's because they don't do things I can be invited to. But I think inviting me to dinner or bowling or the beach (which is all things has has blatantly said I can't come to) just once in a while won't hurt. I have also never met his family and they don't know we are dating and he says it's because they won't approve of him dating however he has been over to my house for dinner, thanksgiving and he has even come to New York with us. I wouldn't necessarily say he's "hiding" me from his friends because they know we are dating. It just feels like I put in a lot more effort to try to include him in my life and he tries to keep me away by using excuses. I've noticed all my girlfriends have great relationships with their boyfriend's friends, and they enjoy having her around too (obviously not all the time) and they're the ones who ask if she'd want to come along whenever things are planned. My friends do the same with my boyfriend.I want to get to know them better and I also don't want to be labeled as just "the girlfriend" but rather someone who they wouldn't mind making plans with. I just feel like I'm never given the chance. Am I asking for too much? Is it wrong to ask to be able to hang out with his guy friends once in a while?
Ask the community | arguments, emotional abuse