My boyfriend Tim and I met in our early 20s, we each have our groups of friends from different genders and are very respectful about it. However there is one problem. He has this 1 female friend lets call her Betty. They were friends before we dated and they were always flirty (banter) with each other. That was when my partner was single and she was attached. Signs would be calling each other babe and names. But who am i to judge here, i wasnt in the picture yet.
Tim has been upholding his boundaries and halted whatever that may be disrespectful to me, but still keeping the friendship. Im not one to control who my partner makes friends with as i believe he have his own morals n values that i respect. I believe that fighting over another girl in my relationship means that this rs is not worth it, bcos why can she be the cause of our disputes??? Im grateful that she played an important part in his school life but when he started dating me, she was very ignorant of my existence. One instance she asked him to prank her boyfriend that Tim and I brokeup. My boy was confusedly dragged into this which i called him out after when he told me. I felt disrespected that she had to pull a joke on our relationship like that. She texts him flirty names calling him Hi handsome etc, he did not respond accordingly just a hi back. Because of that, i have been saying Hi handsome to him just for the lols.
Tim ended up being mad at me for being passive aggressive. Fight was resolved. Betty will also write to him that she misses his parents and wish to see them etc. Betty will ask him to go on short walks with her, and having to give him a “slap” everytime something is funny(?) We talked about it and he understands why it felt disrespectful towards me n minimizes his interactions with her keeping it minimal to none. I dont feel threatened, just disrespected. I would be Fine with their friendship if she wasn’t so disrespectful. Fast forward a few months now, I have a group of girlfriends bestfriend which have not been in contact for awhile with 1 guy let call him Marcus. Marcus is a chill and laidback person that is fine going years without talking to a friend. When we are 13, Marcus use to have a crush on me in school which i turned down and end up being bestfriends with a bunch of other girls. Recently Marcus asked my girlfriends and I to hang out as he just came back from a vacation. So i updated Tim about this get together. He knows about my circle of friends as much as I know about his and they have hung out once. Marcus bought us all gifts and I excitedly told Tim. Suddenly Tim asks, How is it that I (me) can be so fine with Marcus but He can’t be the same with Betty. And if Betty were to do that I would be unhappy with it.
To which I am now extremely confused. If he is fine with Marcus, why am i also suppose to minimize contact with Marcus? I am the one that isn’t okay with betty because of the disrespect, to which I communicated it to him and came to a conclusion that he is willingly minimizing contact. Unless he isn’t fine with Marcus, then i suggested that he lets me know and I’ll draw the line and respects his opinions n feelings. Guys help me understand. I am the one that is not okay with this particular girl bestfriend, there are other female friends that he has that I very happily mixes with. If he is Fine with Marcus, then is there a reason for me not to keep Marcus around or that I shouldn’t be accepting Marcus’s gifts ? I feel that Tim suddenly bringing Betty up is something irrelevant to the current situation about the get together with my friends. Giving me thoughts that he may want it to be a fair play that since he cut his female bestfriend off, I should too. Or That he misses his times with Betty and finds it unfair that I get to keep my friendship with Marcus and he doesn’t with Betty! Give me some insights