Advice Needed About Van Life
Hey guys. SO. I have never asked a community like this about stuff, but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope or road or whatever. Before I met my current partner I had never been in a "real bf/gf relationship". In fact, I was still hurting badly from a guy I fell for 3 yrs ago who told me if I moved states we could date...Then I moved states and surprise, he ignored me to my breaking point. I have finally just within the past month gotten completely over him. Anyway, my first ever bf moved in with me a month after dating me bc my female roommate told me she wanted him and if I dated him she would abandon the lease. So she abandoned the lease dramatically and he moved in with me. He is 3 yrs younger than me and we used to fight a lot over things that have never been an issue to the other guys I have known--and several times he and I got physical and left bruises on each other. But, we always made up for it and always told each other we only fought bc we care so much not like the other guys who would have just ignored the "issues". Most of it was my stress to keep the apartment bc I was working more than him and he had a very part time job....Fast forward and we are both making a much better wage and are living in a different apartment. We don't fight as much BUT this is where I need advice!! (Finally!) To give you a picture of my life, I used to be really dark and sad and then I got involved with light workers and spent a lotta time outside and meditating and since I am a singer and writer I sort of bloomed past all the darkness...I love seeing people living their dream and I love health, which you can often see in someone's eyes. Well my bf is very dark. He makes me watch horror movies (which i really don't like but i am trying to get past it) and he is a funeral directing intern, plus he hates sunlight. So he will never be out there sunning with me or swimming, which makes my lil heart sad. He is not a bad guy tho, he has a huge heart for his family and for me and is constantly spending money on me, so don't assume he's mean or something. The point is, we actually went to a farmers market and my lower wisdom tooth was hurting like hell bc it's erupting so he noticed a CBD booth that was selling capsules. He asked the guy selling if they would help tooth pain while I was smelling all the CBD soaps--they were amazing and I was so fascinated by them I didn't even look up and see the guy who was at the booth till my bf mentioned me and I was in so much pain I could hardly even smile. But what struck me right away was when I did look up, all I saw was a hazel ocean of light and depth and so many good auras that even tho I am typically a shy person I maintained eye contact. My eyes are heterochromic, one blue one hazel, so I may have been striking him the same way. But anyway, is this just a crush? I do love hazel eyes, and my bf has brown eyes so is it just stupid. Oh and then he mentioned his male roommate had tooth pain which didn't get helped by cannabis and then my bf and I walked away and I mentioned to him I would pay for cbd salve for his back bc he has scoliosis. He insisted he would pay for it himself so he did and I wandered around the market half in a daze and half in incredible tooth pain. It was a small market and as I walked down the center with my dog the CBD guy was looking at us. I purposefully didn't look back, because i am crushed inside....My bf knew from the start I didn't want a relationship but honestly he was so kind and sweet to me that I felt it would be unfair to live and share life with someone in such close quarters without letting them claim me. But the week leading up to this event has been filled with me wanting to tell him I feel like something is missing. He wants to buy a camper in 9months and live out of it with me and just travel and work odd jobs, I wonder if even if I never see the hazel eyed CBD guy again, maybe it is all connected and I should just keep my job as a dental assistant and not live out of a trailer with my bf in 9 months?? I really don't want to quit my job but trailer life seems cool and we would travel a ton and have lots of adventures. I just am divided and also like I alluded to I am not in love with my bf, never have been just he has been so kind and he knows how to treat me during bdsm which no one else even had the creative capacity to try. But ok I will admit I wish we weren't in a relationship:( i will take any and all advice! --
Ask the community | sex, intimacy
Built up animosity? Am I in the wrong?
My friend had told me to join a live, so I did as told thinking that "it'll be fun". Only for me then to realize that she, and the other fifty people were tormenting this poor guy...just because he said "nigga." As a future female black youth leader, I was so disgusted by this, because we, in fact, go to a POC high school where the word is loosely used among all POC's so It was really unfair when he was automatically a "racist"...just because of the slip of the tongue. What made me even angrier was when they had all started using his physical insecurities against him and telling him he was worthless. I, personally struggle with depression, so I know what trigger depression. Obviously I was extremely heated after the live, so I made a post about what ALL they did and how both parties were wrong. But then she came at me aggressive and stated that "you have no right to speak on this". So I brushed it off and told her personally what she had taken part in was wrong... ( she'd gotten several death threats online before and she should know what it's like to be in his shoes). Then she got angrier and made a post about how she tired of playing games with people and etc. Previously she'd also posted that all her friends were inconsiderate and didn't listen to her...she also included examples of me putting my headphones in or just shutting down completely...but I suffer from BPD just like her and I need to take a moment to unwind sometimes and breathe..but I didn't take it to the heart. Instead I asked her why she felt that way and what I could do to be better friend, but she only left me on seen...so I unsent my messages and said forget it until this happened. This morning, because I was so overwhelmed by everything I ended up having to step out of class to breathe, and she made another post stating that "go on and cry about your insecurities somewhere else...etc" I'm reading everything that I've typed back and trying to pin point where I was in the wrong...should I have approached the situation a little better. I feel like there is some built up animosity or jealousy that I may have contributed to...maybe I hurt her? ( we both obviously have bad social media habits)
Ask the community | sex, intimacy
What do I do?
So I've been dating this woman for five years and things suddenly changed. I met this woman when I took an out of town job and we hit it off instantly. She was the fire to my soul. She was a single mother with two young boys and even though I don't normally date single mothers, there was finding about her. She made me feel like no one ever has. We were young and in love. After a month I was living with her. Eventually, her crazy side emerged and I found myself packing my stuff and waiting on the sidewalk for my ride after every major argument almost once a month. Of course persistence and love overcame the crazy and our relationship was one to be envied. A few years go by and she decided she wants to have a weight loss procedure done. She's always been beautiful in my eyes and even though I had my objections, I was one hundred percent supportive. I cared for her, cleaned up after her, cooked for her and motivated her. I made sure the kids were fed, clothes, and clean. I was on top of their chores and school work. I did what I had to do. After she recovered, her mom ended up moving in with us. Bad move. Her mom started filling my wife and son's heads with lies like I was cheating on her or I didn't love her. She would tell my wife that the kids were scared of me and that I beat them. Eventually my wife kicked me out. With no place to go, I had no choice but to stay with my parents. Three months go by and my love for her is as strong as ever. Then she tells me that her mom destroyed a wash machine in our apartment complex and they're evicting everyone. My wife reasons with them and they agree to let her stay as long as her mom leaves. Guess who gets to come back home? Yours truly returns with nothing but love and forgiveness in my heart. Or relationship goes back to being normal. Somewhat. A few months go by and I notice my wife is a little more distant than usual. She spends a lot more time on facebook. Now, I'm somewhat of a jealous person due to several previous relationships ending with them having affairs and after the loss of our son, my ex-wifes infidelity hit me hard. So when this woman told me that a few of her relationships ended when she cheated on her boyfriends, of course suspicions arose,even though she assured me that she was no longer that person. Well, one night I was up late as usual and her phone went off. I got curious and checked it. The message was from a guy. It said "lol I love you". My heart dropped. I woke her up and asked her about it. As it turns out, she added an ex-boyfriend without even considering me. She explained that he requested her and she added him without even thinking and deleted him. I let it go. She's even more distant now. One day, I snatch her phone to see what's so important that she has to shut out myself and our kids. She puts up a huge fight, trying to take it. During the struggle, I notice that she had 142 friends (I remember numbers for some reason). So I give it back to her and she does something on it for about a minute, not letting me see what she's doing, then she tries to hand it to me. I decline. Later that night, I look again and she only has 141 friends. I ask her about it the next day and she claims ignorance. Things have only gotten worse. A few weeks ago she told me that she wanted a break. She hasn't been intimate with me in months. I ask her if there's still a chance between us and all I get is maybe someday. Now I'm sleeping in my car because I have no place to go. We still talk and I spend every last dime making sure she has gas, taking her kids out to eat and just trying to make sure they are happy. I just need feedback on my situation. I've never really had anyone to talk to about my problems so I thought I'd give this site a shot. Am I wasting my time? Should I give up? I love this woman and her boys so much I would give my last breath to ensure their happiness but I'm afraid it's going to cost me more than just money.
Ask the community | dating, commitment
“Too much, too soon?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   A few weeks ago I connected with a woman on a dating app, this one is designed to work with your Facebook profile and recommends friends of friends etc with the potential of finding someone more suitable. We’re both in our late 20 but not quite at 30 yet. We are mutual friends with another couple, me knowing the guy through university and her the girl through a previous job. Long story short the conversation quickly progressed and it was clear we found one another easy to talk to. We exchanged numbers and she was quite forward saying I could then ask her what her plans for the weekend were. We arranged dinner for Saturday but on Saturday morning she asked if I wanted to meet sooner and go for a coffee and progress to dinner. Throughout the week she had kept telling me how much she was looking forward to our date. Our first date essentially ended up being 8 hours together with conversation flowing easily, no awkward silences or thinking what to talk about next. We then arranged a date for the following week, a dinner on Friday at a nice restaurant and once again on the afternoon of the date she is asking again to meet earlier for a drink in a bar and progress to dinner. Dinner is extremely good and again conversation flowing and it is apparent how similar we are. She invites me home that evening and to spare details that also went very well and we end up spending the Saturday together talking and relaxing with the intention of spending another night together at my house. But a few hours in to being at mine she then asks if she could go home as suddenly everything just got intense for her and she realises she hasn’t spend two nights in a row with a man before. I then get a message on the Sunday telling me that it all got too much too quickly and she would like to leave things there. It’s been two weeks now and I wasn’t quite ready to finish, in fact for me given how easy it was to be in her company I thought this had the foundations to be something serious and given how much more forward she has been than me, thought it was mutual. I would like to reach out to her again but I am also respecting her boundaries. To me we were a good fit but I can’t quite understand why she didn’t just ask to slow down instead of the reality that is completely stopping things altogether? She hasn’t told me she no longer likes me, just that it was too much for her so I don’t know where exactly that leaves me. I haven’t felt that spark with someone I’ve dated in a long while that I did with her so don’t want it to extinguish.
Ask the community | dating, commitment
“Where is this relationship headed?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   So I met this guy online and he lives about 2 hours away from where I live, We've been talking for 3 months now I've made the first move to call him on the on the phone twice and he hasn't done his part in calling me idk what's the big deal is before cell phones before all this texting people spoke on the phone , don't get me wrong i like texting myself but if you like someone don't you want to hear their voice ? oh yea! we haven't met yet every time we were suppose to meet something would happen on his part or on mine i have a son and he knows this and said he was okay with it so the 1st time we couldn't meet because my son father cancelled on my son so i had no one to take care of my son (i'm a single mom with no sitter no one to relay on) and then the next time we were suppose to meet his parents went out on a vacation cruse and had to dog sit and i said why don't you bring your dog he said she was an old dog and couldn't handle the long drive i wouldn't know bc i don't have a pet dog so i was pretty sad about that, so fast forwarding time.... Well it was all great at the start the whole good morning, my love , the i wish i was with you right now and all those sweet things you want to hear ... So it's been 2 weeks now and I've notice some change . He went on a job training for a week and in that week he wouldn't txt me good morning he will txt me after he was done okay that's fine no biggie but forwarding to this Monday i asked him a question and asked him... " has your feelings changed for me " H- "Yea i think they have " M-"In what way''? H- "idk they just changed" M- (his name) Have the feelings changed to less or more? H- "They are the same but different". Easy question right? it's a Yes or No more or less type of question isn't it? M-"okay so if i came to you and said (his name) Yes my feelings have changed for you but not really telling you if they are more or less, How would you take that'? H- Fine as long as you still want to be with me. M- Well that brings another great question! Do you want to be with me ? H- Yes. So at this point i once poured out my feelings telling him.... M- I just don't want to be someone you just settle for .I want you to want me like you did before and not for less. H-"I just don't know what to say" me in my head (WHAT!?) so i said... M- See (his name) that's not going to cut it that answer gives me nothing but more confusion, so the last text i sent him was " How about i don't text you for a few days and let you think what you really want or really want to say more then just IDK WHAT TO SAY so if by WED i don't hear from you i'll know ,I just don't want to be wondering . Never txt saying okay or anything so we are on Tuesday got one more day. So can anyone please tell me what to think. I have a clue of what i'm feeling and thinking and what this might mean but i would like some input please. Than you! P.S I have been single for 5 1/2 years now dedicated my time to my son and myself i'm just looking for love once again.
Ask the community | sex, intimacy
“I want a relationship, but know it's a bad idea”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I am a high-school senior who's about to do his final exams and start his year-long military service afterwards, where I'll rarely be allowed to visit home. As soon as I am done with my service, I am to study in another country for 4 years and will only be coming to my homeland once a year or so. (P.S. I'm in Europe) I've avoided starting any relationships previously, because I knew teenage relationships are fragile and almost never stand the test of time, especially when you have to serve in the military and study in another country. I've also sometimes feared that relationships might distract me from things that are more important. I've always put my future and career above all else. I'm also a guy who isn't really into "fun" relationships that last a few of months or maybe years, as is often popular for young people these days. I want mine to be solid and long-lasting, as a proper relationship should be. I guess horoscopes have a degree of truth to them, since I'm a Capricorn and we are notorious for this lmao I'm a tall, athletic guy who's often successful on a national and sometimes international level. I can say that I'm above average in terms of looks, maybe even a bit higher than that (though it's subjective). I'll also say that I can be a bit of an introvert at times. I've had girls fall for me quite a few times, too. I'm not saying all this to brag, but to say that what I'm facing now is not because I fear rejection (because I'm generally confident), or that I was ridiculed for my looks during some sort of failed attempt at getting a date that resulted in an inferiority-complex. I also promise you I do not have a superiority complex - I know my flaws very well and I am willing to work on them. This year I've noticed that I just feel a great, subconscious urge to start a relationship, and have realized that chatting to and flirting with girls releases some sort of Dopamine rush for me. It never goes beyond anything other than said flirting and chatting, since I'm still in control of my actions in general and I keep reminding myself to focus on what's really important, but I feel as if this urge is getting stronger by the day, and it's not a good feeling. Is what I'm experiencing normal? How can I resist this urge? Should I give in? Thanks in advance! Tl;dr: I've never bothered with a relationship before, but now I feel a great urge to start a relationship despite knowing and telling myself that now is not the time to do so because of my mil. service and studies. Is this normal? How do I fight this urge? Should I give in? Thanks!
User article | sex, intimacy