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This probably sounds weird. 3 weeks ago I split up with her. At the time I was so sure about splitting up and the reasons behind it. Her behaviour was controlling toward me. Using her past against me. Example: I shouted whilst we were arguing. She left the room. Came back a few hours later and told me because she was in an abusive relationship she felt she had to leave. She speaks down to me which i really hated. Always got to win the argument even to the point of screaming and shouting at me and saying i made her feel bad. I was miserable in the relationship for the last year or so. But felt that I couldn't break it off with her. I did try to talk to her but she always seen it as me being critical of her. I felt as though I couldn't do anything good. But I miss her really badly. I just don't know what to do.

Ask the community | breakups

“Separation after 23 years”

My husband of 23 years has moved home to his parents' house. He’s angry at me because I haven’t contributed financially to the home and bills. When he first left he said, show me some small income and I’ll come home. Now he’s talking divorces. I have a small child to look after. Why is he so angry?

User article | breakups, divorce, finance

If trust was broken by a previous partner

Article | breakups, trust, YPc

“Marriage breakup”

My husband of 15 years left me two months ago. Our relationship hasn’t been great and bad the last two months prior to him leaving. I love him so very much and want him back. Should I just give up? He keeps telling me he’s moved on and accepted we are over but gets jealous if I go out and wants to know who I am with. We have two children who are struggling to cope with their father home. I just want to try and fix this mess and get him back.

Ask the community | breakups, big changes

I want out

Ok...me and my significant other have been together nearly 5 years we don't do shit together don't sleep together barely have sex always argue there's no happiness anymore my daughter's adore him but I want to leave what should I do

User article | breakups

“Falling for someone else”

I’ve been in a relationship for around eight years. I love my partner but for the last six months or so I haven’t felt like I’m in love with her – we just feel like housemates. Our sex life has dropped right off, we just aren’t as intimate in general any more, and when we are it’s planned. There’s no spontaneity. That thing has just gone. We don’t really fight but when we do I always find it’s me trying to end the fights. I love her but definitely feel like I’m not in love with her anymore. There’s a girl I work with that I really hit it off with as soon as we met. Nothing was said for ages but you could cut the tension with a knife. Since then we have started talking a lot and really developed feelings for each and spoken about it. It’s made me really think that my current relationship is definitely over but I’m so confused. I’ve told my partner that I think I want to leave and that I’m not in love with her. Then got sad sitting around at home alone and we decided to work on things. The girl at work and I decided to cut things off until I work my things out and now I feel like I’m going through two breakups at once. I’m so confused, upset and anxious about everything and don’t know what to do. I feel like my relationship is definitely done but I’m so scared to end it. What if I’m making the wrong decision and blinded by love for someone else? Any advice please.

User article | breakups, emotional affair

“She dumped me but I like her so much”

I have been seeing a girl for a couple of months and the relationship started off rocky. She spent a couple of days at mine, I spent a couple at hers. We had full-on weekends a few times and we already went on holidays together. She has to move abroad for work and unfortunately I cannot follow her. This is where the relationship started to get bad. Because of the move, she has a lot things going on. The plan was for me to come to visit her twice a month and then eventually follow her. However she preferred to end the relationship yesterday. She cannot cope with the move and the commute to come to my place. I have been feeling very sad and beat down since yesterday. I struggle to come to terms with the fact she's leaving me.

Ask the community | breakups, long distance

Separating from a pregnant partner

If you and the mother of your child have separated, you might be worried about what time you’ll get to spend with your child. If the relationship between you and your ex is volatile, you might not be able to hold a conversation long enough to discuss joint childcare arrangements. Why do I feel scared about this? There a few reasons you might feel this way: If you’ve recently separated, emotions will be running high and everything can be quite intense. It’s common to be overwhelmed, and this could be affecting your worldview. You may have heard stories of other dads not getting the chance to play a part in their children’s lives after a separation. 13% of non-resident fathers say they have no contact and never see their child [1], and this is a frightening statistic for expectant dads contemplating a separation. You might worry that you don’t have as many legal rights as your partner, or that they will move on with someone new who could take on a parenting role with your child. How can I help the situation? If your partner is angry and doesn’t want anything to do with you, first let the dust settle. Give her with space, and respect the decisions she makes for your child. The law will always favour your child’s needs, so the best thing you can do is demonstrate that you will be a positive influence in your child’s life. When the time is right, you could talk with her about doing a parenting plan, to make decisions and plans while focusing on the best arrangements for the baby. Research suggests that even though regular face-to-face meetings are most ideal, frequent contact by phone or email can make up for distance from your child [2]. Although this kind of contact may not be ideal, it should enable you to maintain your parent-child bond. This is particularly good news if you live in a different location to your partner and your child. If your partner ends up blocking you from seeing your child, then you may need to go down the legal route. While the courts recognise the importance of the mother in the very early years, there is no gender bias. Researchers from the University of Warwick found that fathers applying for child contact had been “overwhelmingly successful” and that dads fared just as well as mums when making contact applications [3]. References [1] Eloise Poole. (2013). What do we know about non-resident fathers? Retrieved from Modern Fatherhood: www.modernfatherhood.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Briefing-paper-Non-resident-fathers.pdf [2] McGene, J. and King, V. (2012) Implications of New Marriages and Children for Coparenting in Nonresident Father Families. Journal of Family Issues, 33(12), 1619–41. [3] Warwick University (2015). Study finds English and Welsh family courts not discriminating against fathers. Retrieved from: http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/newsandevents/pressreleases/study_finds_english/

Article | breakups, contact

I don’t want to be with my husband anymore

I met my husband in 2008 whilst I was going through a divorce to my first husband who had cheated on me. We got married very quickly 2010 and had a child in the same year (I already had 3 children ). He was everything my ex husband wasn’t, kind caring loving and treated me like a princess. Then it all changed soon after our child was born. He became almost controlling, I struggled to talk to him asi was always frightened of what he said back to me. Now fast forward to now amd he’s totally nasistic. He hates me working, he always wants to have the masters clothing, gadgets etc he has to fit in, me on other hand am not materialistic. He wastes money and makes out he’s something special to others but he had nothing before being with me. He’s always looking at cars and wanting new ones, think we’ve had 7 cars in 10 years!! He’s just got so spiteful, he’s rude to me and then expect sex in return, I can’t bare him near me. We’ve had sex once in 3 years as the thought repulse me. Everything he does repulse me. He’s always had a problem with my eldest son who is now a police officer, he seems jealous of our relationship. I am at my wits end. Even our child together wishes he would move out the thing is I know he won’t go! It’s my house from before him and is a counci house. I never put his name on it as I never did trust him. What do I do??? I don’t need a man I just want it to be me and my children from now on.

User article | breakups

What should I do?

Hi everyone I’m going through a huge dilemma in my current relationship involving a girl who my boyfriend claims is “obsessed” over him. Me and my boyfriend really haven’t dated for long just 4 months. I’m 20 and he’s 24. This relationship was off to a really rough start because my boyfriend had many many toxic traits as he had just gotten out of a relationship two months before me. Needless to say I told him that if he didn’t change his toxic ways I would just leave. To my surprise he changed drastically and my relationship with him was going great. But there was one issue. I had trust issues. I had absolutely no reason in particular and because of this I chose to break up with him because I didn’t want to be that one girlfriend who doesn’t trust her boyfriend. I also needed time to figure out why I didn’t trust him. The breakup didn’t last long just two days without talking to each other because to my surprise it was really easy to figure out what was wrong with me. But my boyfriend told me that he was still confused and needed time. And I told him if he wanted to stop talking to me he could because I understand. He claimed he was confused and going through a lot. I respected this but the problem was we were still seeing each other and doing everything a couple does. It has been two weeks since our breakup and once things were off to a great start I saw a video. In this video i saw my boyfriend going into his bathroom (which is connected to his room) and in his bed there was the girl who recorded the video and his door was closed. It was just the two of them. When I confronted him about it he told me that this girl is obsessed with him. That she told him she was gonna kill herself over him. And because of that he said he didn’t tell me and that’s why when I came back two days after our breakup he said he was “going through things”. He claims and swears that he never slept with her. But I find it hard to believe as they were alone in his room with doors closed. He’s asked for forgiveness as he’s the kind of guy that doesn’t really think things through when he does them. He’s more of a “go with the flow” guy. And he didn’t think much of it at the time. Also he said she was in his room because they were waiting on this other guy who was hanging out with them too. It was basically all three of them. But when the video was taken it was just them two. He’s told me he will stop hanging out with her. But if he stops hanging out with her that means he has to stop hanging out with one of his group of friends. They’re not his closest friends. But I feel guilty because I don’t wanna feel controlling. I’ve been really confused… I don’t know what to do… I don’t know if to believe him… I don’t know if to talk to her and figure out what’s really going on. It hurts me cause I wanted to have a fresh start with him and now we have this major issue to deal with.

User article | breakups, cheating

To stay or go

My husband confessed a couple of months back of his debts he'd built up due to gambling drinking etc. Its a substantial amount but he said he had been depressed. I tried to support him and seek him help, which we separated got back and same habits of drink disappearing and lack of trust. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

User article | debt, marriage, breakups

How to get over a breakup

Article | breakups

"I have feelings for someone else"

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. This is my first relationship and he has been through a lot of my firsts. I’m 19 and just graduated high school. Some people take this age to have fun and experience love from different people. I met this other guy at my old job that I quit. He started talking to me first when I walked past him & honestly a part of me was attracted to him that first moment and wanted to talk to him more and more. At first he just showed interest in doing sexual things but I was starting to grow a little crush and would help him out at work because I wanted to be near him. That’s all it was until I quit. He got my number the first day we met but we never actually texted. He texted me a couple days after I quit then a week later we hung out and went to the park and to eat. This guy is 22. Now about my boyfriend and us, my boyfriend just turned 18, is very sweet towards me and doesn’t mean any harm towards me. He’s the relationship kinda guy and would rather be with just one person rather than have a bunch of girls to talk to. He only wants me and forever. He accepts me for me and we have learned to be weird together. We have our inside jokes and places that we like to eat. Everything was so good the first 3 months until I met this other guy and I slowly started to pull away from him. I’ve been hanging out with this other guy more and he likes hanging with me too. This guy doesn’t really have people to hang with, he’s anti social but he let me in. He likes hearing me talk and listens to everything I have to say when I’m talking my head off. He’s also sweet towards me and so caring. I can tell he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me and he treats me as if I was his girl. We’ve talked and I admitted I had feelings or have and he said does too and that he wants me to be his girl. I have been very hurt and confused because I have a boyfriend so I feel bad and don’t know if it’s worth breaking up with him for this other guy. Especially since my boyfriend wants me for the long run no matter what and idk if this guy would even if he says he does. Yes my heart does want this other guy. He’s beginning to be cuter to me the more we hangout and I like him for him more and more. Sigh I don’t know what to do. Breaking up with my boyfriend wouldn’t be easy. I have to let go of everything we’ve done together, seeing his parents, and the side of me he brings out. But people have broken up lots of times and got through it so I know I can too if I had too.

User article | relationships, breakups

“Will he leave her?”

There is this guy I went to school, I loved him since I was nine years old and yes he loved me since then too. I moved to another town up until I was 16. I went back to stay with my granny only to found out that he still loves me and I feel the same. After our matric we went on our separete ways. When we were 29 years old we met again and started to date. And it was for three months only then, again, we went on our separate ways but by that time he has a girlfriend and a kid. Then he came back to me, he was telling me that he loved me since he was a kid, and I make him happy. But the problem started when he didn't tell me the truth about his girlfriend. He only told me that his girlfriend is cheating. He took me to his family, introduced me and told them that he wants to marry me. I wasn't ready because I was hurt on my previous relationship. So he told me that his girlfriend didn't treat him nice and she told him that he must go and find someone else. So I developed lots of feels again for him but he was lying to me. He never told me that he has another child with this girlfriend of his. When I found out, I was hurt to a point that I broke up with him. Weeks later I found out that he is staying with his girlfriend. Now should I just let him go for good or should I still wait. Cause I love him and I feel it in my heart that he's the one. I don't want to break things between him and his girlfriend.

User article | breakups, love, cheating

“Lies and pain”

My partner and I used to be so in love. Sometimes we still are. He lies to me about stupid stuff and doesn't understand the pain he causes me. He always promises it'll change and I always fall for it but it never does. He's gradually started getting more abusive. The first time he ever pushed me he cried for hours and left because he felt so guilty and now he hits me and calls me names without a care in the world it seems like. I love him and want a future with the man I used to love but lately I feel so hopeless. I don't know what to do to force him to see that I'm not going to accept this forever.

User article | abuse, breakups

“Leaving a controlling relationship”

I want to end my relationship but my girlfriend refuses to accept that it is over. She will not stop messaging me and turns up at my house if I ignore her messages. We have a daughter together and she will not let me see her unless I go to her house. I can see that I am being controlled but cannot see how to break the control. This has been going in for at least 18 months.

Ask the community | breakups, big changes, control

“Getting over betrayal”

I'm really struggling to speak to my wife to discuss our children after an affair (on her part). Cutting a very long story short, my wife and I (in my mind) was happy, she was my soul mate and best friend. I told her everything and anything, we spent most of our time together (at work and home) we have two amazing children who I love dearly. I have always played a main role in both their up bringing due to me working from home since they were born. Four months ago my wife said out of the blue she wasn't happy and she had feelings for somebody else (one of our friends) she is now living with him and my two kids, i'm in the family home which is full of memories and ghosts. I still have regular contact with the kids but no where as much as I would like due to having to start a new job (we closed down our business due to no longer been able to work together) she got really nasty and said a lot of lies which involved me been arrested so she could clear out our home. (i hand on heart did nothing wrong. i have no reason to lie on here as nobody knows me) I don't understand how her personality can change so much - I can only think he is manipulating her (don't get me wrong i would like to 'hurt' him shall we say for what he has done, however i know i will be punished for it - so there's really no point. I just don't understand what I did? Everything was fab before - she was in tears telling me at first, so apologetic but then just turned nasty saying it was my fault she's not been happy for months etc. I did NOT once get asked for a sit down to discuss things, where I/we may have been going wrong etc. It literally went form picture perfect to its over! over night. It's really messing with my head and in all honesty i have silly thoughts all the time, my whole world has ended i just want out! but my two amazing kids, i cant leave them - they need me... now more than ever, they are use to seeing me 24/7. I did bath, tea bed, the lot - every day. My eldest screams when i drop him off, begging me not to take him there. "I don't love mummy" "I want to live with you" It kills me!!! (i'm 99% certain that she won't hurt him, no idea about the new guy though) She's now been nice again (personally i think she's having a mental break down) but she says I can come up and do bath time bed time etc, come for tea - come for xmas (wtf) (all with the new guy there) I'm sorry i just can't deal with it - like I say it was just four months ago. It feels so fresh like it was only a week or two, these four months have flown. It's scary. Please help me, people! How do I get over it? I don't want her back, she's a raving evil nutter - I just want to learn how to get over the betrayal??? I hope I have made sense. Can I forgive her? How do I do it? For my own sake as well as the kids. Thanks in advance. One very unhappy lonely dad :( #menhavefeelingstoo

Ask the community | counselling, therapy, parenting apart, breakups

“How do I leave him?”

I've been in a relationship with a borderline alcoholic with a narcissistic personality for about three and a half years. We live together but spent the last month apart. I went to stay with my mum with my two cats and left him the flat. His drinking has become a huge problem and a year ago I received a serious health diagnosis which I've been trying to come to terms with. The main problem is that he is more interested in going to the pub with his mates than helping me cope with all this. It got to a point where he was coming back late at night completed drunk, waking me up or making me wait up before I could cook dinner for us because he hadn't phoned to let me know he was going to be home late, tripping over the cats and being a general nuisance. My health condition was brought on by extreme stress and he is only adding to that. If I am suddenly ill and have to go to hospital, I can't rely on him to be able to care for me or even be sober enough to call for an ambulance. I'm back temporarily but I asked him to still give me my space. That includes sleeping in separate rooms. So far I've been packing my things down into boxes because I don't want to/can't afford to live in our flat anymore. I want to move back to my home town, which he has known about for a long time because I told him before our break. What I'm finding now is that he's not actually respecting my boundaries and is now actively looking for flats in my home town for both of us to live in. What he's not understood is the fact I don't want to be with him at all and I want to move on my own. I'm trying really hard to not disrupt the peace in our flat at the moment as it just creates a volatile environment for not only me but the cats too. I've considered just taking a day off work when I know he won't be at home and just moving all my stuff out. After that I'd tell him it was over when he can't do anything to stop me. Has anyone got any advice?

Ask the community | breakups, big changes