My wife and I have been married for four years and together for eight (no kids), we realized and discussed about two years ago that we had fallen out of love with each other. We have been actively trying to make it work but are both such different people now then when we were younger. Primarily the fact we were both quite depressed when we met and fell in love in our twenties and since have both done a lot of growth and healing. We have realized we are both very different people now, and although we both love and care for each other, are not "in love". Neither of us wants to stop the other from being happy and 10 months ago decided to have a trial separation, we are both open to the idea of the other person dating in this time. I feel like we both know where this is truly ending but are afraid to let go. Enter "M", my closest friend at University. We are are extremely close, have engaging conversations every day, work on all our projects together, etc. When we first met there was that instant spark and despite both of us just being friends, there was constantly this underlying tension between us. We have had a pretty close friendship and have shared a lot of personal stuff back and forth including our histories and such. I cannot deny, I have never connected with another person on this level. About a month ago, M and I were chatting online, and she brought up how difficult it has been trying to date and meet people online during pandemic. I related talking about how it has been extra hard on my marriage. Instantly, it was like a switch flipped and M started acting distant. We spoke and M told me she thought we should take a step back and she thought I wanted us to take the relationship to another level. I panicked, told her I had only ever wanted to be friends as well ... and that I was in an Open relationship. I don't know why I said this, I panicked and was afraid to admit my wife and I were separated for some reason. M and I talked again and we agreed to reset just as friends. I see M everyday in class and normally we would chat all class together. M is now avoiding me and is largely ignoring me, I respect she may need space but am also afraid I have lost a really good connection. And as I realize I have pretty serious feelings for M, I am also afraid we may have lost the potential for more. M has made it clear she had feelings for me and needed space, but also left it vague whether we could be friends in the future.. I have realized I have significant feelings for M, but if I am being honest with myself, I know I am not in a place where I even want to be in a relationship. But I do still want M's friendship.. Part of me wants to reach out and tell M the truth about my marriage and feelings, just for the sake of being perfectly honest and clear, before taking a step back and giving her space. The other part of me feels like I hurt M and should just take the step back... The only thing I know is I really really miss M.

Ah god i feel so awful for even thinking this! I am married to an absolutely lovely man who would do anything for me, i am super lucky that he is as good as he is and i know this. Yet one of my friends husbands is saying how much he likes me and i find him attractive too. We live 50 miles apart and he says he would come down to see me. I keep saying we shouldn't but he says we should and part of me really wants to! I know i shouldn't. I almost feel as if im two separate people and the one wants to go do what she wants and the other knows that i love my husband and father of my children (and i do still find him attractive). Why cant i control my thoughts?! I feel like such a tramp.

Sorry, it’s long! I am 37, separated with no kids and my boyfriend is 31, separated, with two kids from his ex-wife and his first born from a relation he had prior to meeting his ex-wife. We started dating nine months ago… First two weeks were like a fairy tale then he had to leave for work (he works offshore on four weeks rotation). We kept in contact when he was away, and video called each other every day. He came back and we went for a short holiday together, it was when he said I love you first (after just seven weeks). We seemed to be so intertwined with each other. We gave a lot of attention to each other, missed each other etc… It was such a lovely period where we were both falling in love with each other like crazy. He seemed very happy and according to him, the happiest he’s been as he finally found an understanding, beautiful woman who he can be open with. Before we met, after he separated from his wife (he separated seven months before he actually met me, and it was from her side, she stopped loving him, and he was totally devastated) he started going out with his sister (40) and her best friend (48) who is also a family friend. This woman and my bf had built a certain bond between them and they became ‘special friends’. I knew about her and the first time I actually met her during a family wedding, two months into dating, I immediately felt/realised she liked him from the way she greeted me, which was a ‘hi’ and she turned away. When I asked him about it he said that she does have a soft spot for him, but they are just friends. I accepted it and It stopped there. I never told him not to message her or anything… she was just a female friend and he seemed to be head over heals in love with me. Roll on five months from the beginning of our relationship and he went for a guys’ night out with his boy-friends. At a point, in the beginning of the night, he sent me a selfie of him with his two boy-friends, on a table at this particular lounge/restaurant drinking Rose wine. The following day I asked him how the night has been and he briefly explained the night; at a point just mentioned they bumped into his sister and her friend. Five days later I see a picture on FB of his sister with her friend, dining at the same place as him, having rose wine as well, possibly on the same table. I asked him about it and there is where all the lies came coming out. At first he told me they bumped into them and decided to dine with them and later he said that he found out last minute his sister was going out to the same place so decided to join them. (1. please note that this is a busy restaurant and it’s not easy to go and get a table for 5 without reservation, 2. If he had planned to have a guys’ night out, I don’t think it’s on for him to do last minute changes and meet his girl-friends together with his mates) Then, even the details of the night were getting different from what he had briefly explained. I couldn’t believe him and was thinking that he deliberately hid from me since there was this ‘special’ friend of his. He kept on insisting that they are just friends and nothing ever happened between them. Two weeks later he ‘confessed’ after I told him to tell me the truth, that they had agreed upon this night only a day before and he did not tell me because 1. I had other plans anyway, 2. They were planning to go clubbing (just the boys) after they’re done from this lounge. I decided to believe him but my instinct knew there was something I don’t know. When I asked why he didn’t tell me immediately that they met them and dined on the same table and he even sent a picture misleading me, he told me that his ex-wife was very jealous and not understanding and he would hide to her in order not to create any arguments. So, his first reaction was that of hiding, even though there was nothing. After that night, I met this woman twice. First time during a family picnic where she tried to make a fool out of me, being rude to me and ignoring me etc etc.. I spoke to him about it and he got the excuse that she’s like that with everyone especially until she gets to know a person. Then I met her again on his mum’s birthday dinner, we were only five of us on a table and again she totally shut me out. Especially since these incidents happened, I wasn’t happy, I was getting more and more anxious, feeling that there is/was something I really need to know. I asked him to tell me what there is/was between them several times and he always insisted there’s nothing but they’re just good friends. At one point he told me she finds him very hot, another time he told me that they had mutually agreed that they cannot possibly be with each other, at other times he tells me that he isn’t even attracted to her. I couldn’t believe him, I was hearing too many contradictions and lies. For the past 3 months, whenever her name comes up, I used to ask him about her, hear ‘lies’ and get anxious. He couldn’t keep up with my anxiety because it was because of him. He was telling me that there is nothing else that I don’t know and to please stop talking about her as there really is nothing, that this is getting out of hand and that he had nothing else to say or do about her to reassure me. I tried to shut up as much as I could, even though my anxiety was killing me. I wasn’t trusting him. I didn’t want to push him away, nagging about the same thing, but then I couldn’t hold it any longer. Last week I was really anxious and after a conversation about her, I asked him to show me her chats! At first he did not want to, he told me that if he does so, he’s going to resent me, then he told me that by doing so he would go down the same road he was with his wife, and finally he told me ‘ok, I’ll show them to you, but not now, when you are calm because now you will interpret everything wrong.’ He then tried using his mobile, telling me that he’s just scrolling and didn’t want me near him. I knew he was trying to delete messages… At a point I snatched it from his hand and I found out very playful conversations, not every day, but with sexual innuendos. He sent him her selfies and he sent her his pictures including shirtless pics with his abs showing. He told her stuff like, ‘sexy and a naughty devil’s icon’ after one of the selfies. Or once she said something after he sent her a shirtless pics and then he went ‘and I haven’t even touched you’. Or she sends him ‘missing you’ or ‘thinking of you’ or she sends him loads of hearts and kisses and stuff. These mainly happened during the first 3 months of us together. One day, two months into our dating, she texted him in the morning ‘thanks for the surprise’ to which he answered ‘that was my plan, dear. I just landed in…. ’ He was on his way to work and I had just dropped him off at the airport and he had just left me a loving card on my bedside table before he left – when I asked him about it, he couldn’t even remember what the surprise was. It was also very clear there were some messages deleted but he kept on denying this. They also had a video chat on one particular night, when he was off-shore and he was feeling down. I also found out on the messages that they had agreed on that night out, a good 3 weeks in advance! I was mad and furious… I grabbed my bags and left! To be fair, these messages had stopped 3-4 months ago, when this thing of his night out happened and I was suspecting there’s something. Since then, there were only a couple of normal messages (one liners with no hearts and kisses). He is now trying to explain that there was absolutely nothing between them and that is just the way they talk and joke with each other. He told me that he had stopped everything the minute he thought he was going to lose me and he never told me the whole truth because he didn’t want to hurt me or lose me. He was afraid to tell me to go out with them because he knew how she is and wanted us (me and her) to get to know each other before we all go out together. He’s begging me to stay, telling me that he never cheated on me and that he loves me. That he never meant to hurt me and that he’s utterly sorry for what happened and for how he made me feel. He is not eating and sleeping. I told him I need to move on but deep down I don’t know what I should do. What is worrying me the most, is not the kind of relationship they had, even though those were not appropriate messages at all, but the fact that no matter how many times I asked him, no matter how bad with anxiety he used to see me, he never came clean about her. He lied and lied and was never vulnerable enough to come clean. If he did, I would have probably been mad for a short while, tried to understand and appreciate the fact that he’s owning up to his mistakes and perhaps I could see a real man in front of me. But now all I’m seeing is someone who was hiding from me and lying to me! These last three months, he stayed home because the company stopped all contracts and will resume work again in a month. He spent ALL evenings with me, including weekends – it was his decision not to go out with friends at night. We used to sleep together every night, either at his house or at my house. Sometimes he also drove me to work. We were inseparable. We loved being with each other. We did everything together. When he had his kids, once a week, we used to take all 3 of them out to nice places and spaces suitable for them, I loved them and they loved me. He loved that fact and told me plenty of times that I’m much of a better parent then their own mothers. He mentioned several times that he had never received such love and care from his gf and her family. Even though I was trying to build my trust back in him after that incident, I loved him with all my heart and so did my family. Our sex was great and he seemed very happy with me. He used the flaunt me with everyone and tell them I’m the apple of his eye. He told me that I’m now his life and that he won’t live without me. I am now so confused! What shall I do? Shall I forget and go back with him or shall I just move on? He promised me he wouldn’t talk to her anymore, even if it means he opt out of family do’s, because of her. But I’m scared. I’m scared he’d lie to me again if something else is to happen – not just with this woman. Also, I’m thinking that if there really was nothing, what he was doing was to get attention from another woman, which I don’t like, especially considering it was done during the first months, when we were falling in love with each other and when he was telling me the most beautiful of words. I think this is a huge sign of immaturity or that he’s a perv. I’m so confused… I don't think I should consider going back with him. Will I be able to ever trust him again??

Wow I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’ve got to get it off of my chest. I don’t want to hear any of the cliche responses, I’m already aware. Let’s start from the beginning, I met a man at a funeral on New Years Eve last year. I was with my husband and two children and he was with his girlfriend and child as well. We instantly connected somehow, even my son came over to him and just wanted him to hold him. So let’s fast forward to the actual burial, we briefly held hands and there was a spark, and not just a normal spark, it was the kind of spark that sent chills throughout my body. He also gave me his jacket and when I accidentally brushed against him there was just something. So two days later we connected on Facebook and started talking every single day for 2 weeks and we finally met this past Sunday, alone. I can’t help but wonder how I’m the world we can have such a strong connection that’s not just physical but also this really intense emotional connection as well. Both of us are confused because neither of us is really happy in our relationships and we have both tried to work things out with our significant other to no avail. I’m not really sure what to do, I can’t stop thinking about him and honestly just want him in my life. We recently discussed slowing whatever it is down until we figure out what is going on in our relationships because we both understand the repercussions of it. I’ve never been one to cheat and I understand this is an emotional affair at this point but I also believe everything happens for a reason. I’m so hurt and so confused. Please spare me from your negative comments.

I started dating this guy, we'll call him "Joe" about two years ago. For the first few months of dating, everything was great as it usually is in the beginning. I did notice that he had a lot of female friends on Facebook. I don't have a Facebook account, but he used to scroll through it on his phone with me next to him. One day, about a month or two into our relationship, he was at my house and received a call and spoke with a female friend of his who was in a female prison or halfway house. I tried not to listen in, but at the end of the call he said (right in front of me, not hiding anything) "I love you! Bye!" He then told me a sad story about this woman who had been his friend for decades, who had been incarcerated for holding drugs. He said that she didn't do anything wrong, and he "had no reason not to believe her." I think that is naive of him, but whatever. He told me they had never been romantically involved. He told me he was sending her some money, and that she was looking for an iPod or something for music. I had an old iPod, but it wasn't new enough for her, in his opinion. Over the next few months, he kept talking about her, explaining how they met, how his friend had dated her. He told me about her ex-husband and children. He told me how she'd looked the last time her saw her (how she looked like she was on drugs, etc.). When we were together for about five months, she was released. She messaged him through Facebook while we were at my house, and they had a little back and forth, exchanging numbers. He did say that he was "at his girlfriends house," and showed me her picture, saying she used to be prettier. Since then, he's completely stopped talking about her. I started noticing when we were scrolling through his Facebook that her name kept popping up in posts and messages, and he would quickly swipe them away. Fast forward to now - I bought a house, and he's moved in. He stopped looking at Facebook in front of me completely, and I asked a few times, but he always changed the subject. To note, he is chipping in 1/2 of everything financially, but not chore-wise. A few months ago, we were looking at YouTube videos on his phone, and an alert popped up about a Facebook message from her. He made an offhand comment to the affect that "she sends me crude photos and videos." Now here is where I did the wrong thing. I checked his Facebook from his computer, where he was always logged in. I saw such disgusting videos of naked women, references to dildos, oral sex, etc. coming in direct messages from her. I confronted Joe, under the guise of him telling me that she was sending him crude photos and videos, and asked him to tell her to stop since I didn't like it. He flipped out, changed the subject, and then said he'd delete his Facebook account. I told him I didn't want him to delete his account, just tell her to stop the filthy messages. He said he wouldn't do that, he'd just delete his account. He's since re-activated his account. BUT he hides it 100% from me, doesn't get any alerts at all on his phone anymore. I horribly looked at his computer, and he's not logged in anymore, but when he looks at his email in bed I see his notifications from Facebook, which he quickly swipes away. I've asked him several times about her, why I haven't met her if she's such a good friend, and he says that its because she lives 2 hours away. We've visited people 3 hours away, 17 hours away, etc. I'm ready to end this over someone I've never even met. Not because I think he's cheating physically, but because he won't be honest with me. Am I being unreasonable?

Two years ago, I became great friends with someone I met through work. A year into our friendship, it became more and we started an affair. We are the same age, both married, and have been for over 25 years each. We both have children. For my part the intimacy in my marriage disappeared about nine years ago and although on the whole we get along I have missed the sex and have often felt sad and lonely. For years I tried to repair and discuss our issues but now I have lost the desire for my husband which I suppose lead to the affair. I can honestly say that I wasn't looking for anything outside of my marriage. I just shut down the feelings I had. When the affair began I confess to having very little guilt about sharing my body with someone new. Sex happened only a handful of times in the first six months and not at all from then on but I quickly fell in love. I never made any demands on him to leave his wife and family. I honestly would have continued happily as we were. However, for my lover, the guilt was to much and after 12 months I ended it as I couldn't bear to see his emotional struggle any longer. I'm struggling to cope with the loss of the relationship which is not helped by him wanting to stay friends. I now feel such a myriad of emotions – grief, loss, anger, jealousy and finally guilt. It took its time but there it is. However much I try to move on and forget him, I cannot seem to. The loss of my friend is such a physical pain that I sometimes feel I might curl up and die from it. I keep trying to look at the situation from outside with as rational a view as I can and whilst I know my faults and his it doesn't seem to take away the grief I feel. I haven't shared any of this with another living soul except for him which is why I'm on here I guess. I don't know what I'm looking for, possibly absolution or advice on how to move forward? Please be kind, I don't know if I could cope with outside hate, it's pretty tough from the inside already.

Recently I found out my wife has been in quite inappropriate conversation with another man, i seen their chat pop up while using her laptop and the content of one message was out of order so i clicked to read further into this. It had been going on 3 months or so and very sexual chats and even some non revealing but teasing photos had been sent. He was leading most of it but recently she seemed to be enjoying it more and playing along (she sent the photos) he kept asking for more revealing photos and she was teasing along. It took me a while but i eventually confronted her about my disgust and i tried to be reasonable and understanding and asked was something missing from our relationship. I had on many occasions felt we were missing something and a few times asked her and she kept saying all was fine. After talking to her about this she admitted she is a bit bored and the younger man made her feel good and it was flattering, she agreed it was inappropriate and promised me it would stop. A few weeks passed and all seemed great but i walked in one day of her taking a close up of her cleavage lying in bed. She quickly passed it off and denied it. She has moved all messaging to snapchat so no history is available and she guards her phone closely which was never really a thing before. I feel its still happening but don't know how to confront her again in case i come across as possessive and controlling as I'm sure she will accuse me of this. We have always been a very open and trusting couple and this leaves me heartbroken and i feel I've lost trust in her since this but I don't want to be watching over my shoulder the whole time. I feel betrayed even though by the messages nothing has happened physically ( well at least not up to a few weeks ago) but i really tried to be understating to make things work and feel she played along and made me feel she would stop to save any further conversation as she has never been into having relationship chats. Is the snapchatting her workaround so I don't find out or am i being paranoid. Her job leaves her open to late nights away and he lives near her job and although I don't thinks anything has happened I'm fearful it can easily under the circumstances as its normal for her job to have her in late and different times each night. I think if it is still going on i will lose all trust and not want to be with her but we have kids and i adore them and i would lost without them. Any advice welcome and thanks in advance.

So recently my bf and i have had some problems. One night we where with our friends and he got drunk and said he thought about having sex with his “girl best friend”. This hurt me so much, I left and went to sleep, the next morning I had brought it up and he said it was a joke and it didn’t mean anything. But that night before I went to sleep, I snooped through his phone. I’m not one to typically do this vecuase it’s a huge invasion of privacy. However I’ve had some gut feeling telling me something wasn’t right. I looked through his texts with her and found some things that broke me. She had messaged him explaining how she wanted to be with him, and he told her I was his girl on the side.

An accident close to my house took out a light pole. After the power was off for an hour or so, I tried playing a couple games on my phone only to find I couldn’t play them without internet. My wife plays a lot of games on her iPad and cell phone. I sent her a text asking if she had a game on her old phone (Santa brought her a new one). I didn’t get a reply for some time. I powered up the phone. When phone came on, a lot of notifications came across the screen. I happen to see a male name and a partial message that the few words that showed seemed odd. I clicked on the conversation only to find 3 months’ worth of back and forth messages and nude penis pics and her replies of ‘looking good’ and other short texts that seemed very inappropriate on both sides. I immediately destroyed the phone because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control myself from going through the entire phone. I am so hurt and angry. I sent her a text telling her what I saw and she explained it as just friends and what she is not supposed to have friends?! I have a firm belief of what is right and wrong. Can someone please advise me on this? I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering about other texts she deleted to and from him. What did they contain? Is there more? I just don’t know if this is cheating. I don’t know if I am just a prude or what. I only know I would never have done anything like that. Sorry for the long-winded story and the bad grammar. My head is just cloudy. Thanks to everyone.

I’ve been in a relationship for around eight years. I love my partner but for the last six months or so I haven’t felt like I’m in love with her – we just feel like housemates. Our sex life has dropped right off, we just aren’t as intimate in general any more, and when we are it’s planned. There’s no spontaneity. That thing has just gone. We don’t really fight but when we do I always find it’s me trying to end the fights. I love her but definitely feel like I’m not in love with her anymore. There’s a girl I work with that I really hit it off with as soon as we met. Nothing was said for ages but you could cut the tension with a knife. Since then we have started talking a lot and really developed feelings for each and spoken about it. It’s made me really think that my current relationship is definitely over but I’m so confused. I’ve told my partner that I think I want to leave and that I’m not in love with her. Then got sad sitting around at home alone and we decided to work on things. The girl at work and I decided to cut things off until I work my things out and now I feel like I’m going through two breakups at once. I’m so confused, upset and anxious about everything and don’t know what to do. I feel like my relationship is definitely done but I’m so scared to end it. What if I’m making the wrong decision and blinded by love for someone else? Any advice please.

She's a great mother to our son but outside of not wanting to leave him I'm absolutely miserable in the marriage. I don't trust her as a life partner. She's great with the whole family dynamic and being faithful in a relationship but I've long thought her decision making wasn't the best or most thought out and unfortunately she's smitten by the cliche Disney princess facination. I'm a logic/data driven person whereas she makes her decisions based on emotion. This might be part to our drastically different upbringings. For context, I grew up away from most blood relatives and spent a majority of my early childhood between foster care and living with my mom's sister before a couple year stint with my mom until she temporarily abandoned me in a sober living to relapse before spending middle/high school raised by a former partner of hers that fell in love with me as a baby and decided to be my "dad" since my biological one didn't want anything to do with me. She on the other had lived with her mom and siblings, raised amongst a huge family, saw her dad frequently (emotionally unavailable but financially present father)  and was coddled by her mom. Essentially she wasn't really allowed to make critical decisions for herself so she never cared to learn growing up and whenever things got difficult she'd walk away or let someone else fix it. This I've learned definitely came as a result of my now mother in law "wanting the best for her kids growing up" but completely mind fucking them by not allowing them to make their own decisions or have much mental fortitude. Despite loving her I struggled believing in marriage and I made that clear to her. This as a result of wasting money buying jewelry for women before (mom, sister, her) for it to get lost, seeing so many unsuccessful marriages, having to spend soooo much on a ring/one day party for others to enjoy as well as someone (usually the male in my state) getting completely screwed in court when the divorce happens and don't get me started if there are kids involved. Most of our adult lives I've supported her financially paying all/majority of rent and bills while she worked in grad school. This way she could afford gas, apt. internet, insurance and her car note. Dumb on my part looking back as I wasn't making great money and wasn't the best with it but better than her working part time while in grad school. Looking back, I wish I would have talked finances with her instead of being the guy who just took care of it. Eventually we got jobs in the same city, collectively we made six figures, didn't have to pay rent, and could actually start considering saving for travel/house. Our relationship was great, I didn't have to take care of her out of obligation and wanted to build a forever life with her. Decided logically this was the best time to get engaged and start building that life together. Months out from our wedding she quits her job (racism in her department and treatment of staff). We talked about these issues as they were coming up but I didn't expect her to quit. Frankly, racism sucks but as a person of color, regardless of where you are in the US you're going to experience it, especially in university settings, so don't spend your life running from it. Mind you, we hadn't paid for the wedding yet (75% remaining). We move out of free housing provided by her old job and get an apartment. No issue with my jobs salary but still stressful month to month considering she made this choice without even having a solid savings established. Therefore I became that financial support again when she couldn't contribute to our bills or pay her own. She decided she didn't want to go back to the field she was in at university because of racism at higher paying schools. Mind you, this decision came less than 18 months after finishing grad school that took 2 years and cost her six figures in student loans. I considered calling off the wedding because it wasn't feasible to have and the entire foundation of stability I based our marriage on changed. Her dad offered to pay for the wedding and even gave her the remainder of the money for it but she used it for her bills and personal/ student debt. Not a cent went towards helping me with rent which passes me off but at the time i just shook off.. Here comes the curve ball! Despite using emergency contraception, a month before the wedding we find out she's pregnant. Due to covid our official wedding was postponed (no sweat as I didn't want one and we hadnt paid it off). Neither of us wanted to have a child outside of marriage so we got a friend to officiate for us and had a safe and very small wedding with close family only. I love our son but since the moment we knew she was pregnant I wanted to have an abortion, she didn't. I feel like shit saying it now that he's born but logically and financially it made no sense to bring a child into the world when you look at all the other issues we had going on. I talked myself into thinking and feeling like this is what I wanted but I knew it wasn't real deep down. I spend most of my time avoiding conversations outside of our son with her, ive isolated myself from friends and family out of embarrassment over my depression and involving them in a failed marriage. I have good moments in the relationship and then I'm back at hating her. Hating her for making so many emotional decisions that now I have to deal with. It tears me up because we have a beautiful son but part of me hates that he's here because if he wasn't I know I wouldn't be. I'm not crazy enough to hurt myself especially if it meant leaving my son to be raised by her or any of her family but I really feel trapped and see no way out. I know she wouldn't hurt him physically but she's indecisive and weak minded when faced with adversity and I don't want him to be like her. I know I dont want any more kids in this marriage. We've talked about it and she wants to wait until we get property and a house. I don't say much, just sit back and chuckle in my head at the fact that i definitely don't want anymore kids in this marriage and that she thinks we could afford to get a house when she has all this student loan debt. I know I should leave and deal with the whole two parent household but I feel like my happiness would cost me so much more and hurt our son than if I just stayed.

J is a great caring guy and a brilliant step dad but I feel embarrassed about him. J never brushes his teeth, rolls cigarettes in bed, always has a dirty face, he has b o. All these things are a complete turn off for me, I mention to him about it and he says he would still kiss me if I was dirty. His side of the sofa has dark marks all over it and thinks nothing of going out with dirty clothes on. I don’t think I can deal with it anymore, it’s got to a point to where our relationship is platonic rather than romantic. Does anyone else have a messy partner? How do you deal with it? Did you end up Leaving them?