This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Can anyone help ease my mind? I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (who we will call D) for two years. Here is some of our history. In 2009 we met on Match.com, and dated for about a year. I was really crappy to him, lying, cheating, breaking up with him, getting back together with him, and continuing that cycle. We ended it in 2010 - because of me. I started dating someone else, (who we will call J). In 2014 I left my ex (J) because he was abusive, and my current boyfriend (D) was there for me for six months until I got the guts to leave my ex. The sixth month in, D started to let his guard down and let me in again....all for me to go back to J. Needless to say, D was crushed. 2016 approaches, J punches in me in the face. I decided enough is enough, called the cops and moved out that night. Four months after I left J, it was what I swear fate, that I ran into D again. Twice in two days. We started dating right away, not giving myself enough time to fully heal from the seven years of torment I had been through but I didn't want to lose D again. My issue is D has this friend, who we'll call M, who is married. They've been friends for 15 years, met in college because she dated his roommate at the time. Every week D and M will text each other, specifically on "Hump Day", which in itself bothers me. It's just to say hi and see how each other is doing. Some times I feel there are inappropriate memes sent, but D says they're harmless. I have voiced to D my insecurity and worries with this. Yes, she's been married 10 years and yes, over 10 years D has given me more and more chances than anyone should. He's never even given his "baby mama" as many chances as me. I just do not feel comfortable with this. Something in my gut says it's not right. He will change her oil (because he's a mechanic) and then they go out for tacos, not that often, but still. I have voiced this to D a few times, at first he was patient with me. Then, he started getting frustrated. I told him I don't get how a guy and a girl can be friends, and there not be something there. Especially when you've been friends 15 years, there has to be something there. He said there's never been anything between them and that she's like a sister to him and I should really just think of her as having a dick, but I can't because she doesn't. A couple weeks ago, I went through his phone and looked at his texts. He told me I could, but he does not like when I do it behind his back...which is what I did. So he changed his password and took off my fingerprint ID to get into his phone - which frustrates me. Last night I brought it up again how I am not comfortable with them texting. That there has to be something there. I don't care if she's married or not. I've been cheated on, I've cheated on people, I've even almost cheated with a married man, my mom and dad have cheated on one another, my son's father walked away from me when I was four months pregnant. He was, needless to say, frustrated and tried to keep is cool. He said nothing is there, that if they want to have dated, they could have but never did. I asked if there was an attraction there, he said she's not ugly but I'm not attracted to her in that way. I said is she attracted to you? He said if she was, she's never voiced it. I don't know...to me, if you're happy within your marriage or relationship, you don't have to reach out to someone of the opposite sex...even if it's just a hey, how you doing? Am I being ridiculous?!?!? Please tell me honestly.

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Hello, I just didn't really want to talk about this with any of my friends and I am looking for an unbiased opinion. My boyfriend and I have been properly together for almost 7 months now and we've had our ups and downs. For this period of time we've been through so much together... through his mum being diagnosed with cancer in the very beginning of our relationship, through my personal problems involving my mum and my past, my emotional instability at some point and others. he's been by my side and I've also been there for him in every way I can. He's almost left a couple of times, but he just couldn't because he loved me too much. The truth is that we argue often, but for silly things and we always find a way to fix it. Sometimes, I feel so broken in comparison to him and other people I know. I've had a pretty emotional and rocky childhood because of my parents' separation and loads of issues concerning that, and also heartbreaks, falling out with friends,etc. At the age of 20 now I find myself so scared of loving someone, but at the same time so willing to love. I just wish I could love and let go of that fear that people always leave and that feeling that I'm never going to be good enough, because I can see how it ruins my relationships with people, not just my boyfriend, but my family and friends. I am a really nice person with a good heart, real fun and people just love to be around me. But then when they get close to me I can feel that I become this baggage for them. I am too emotional. It's so hard to fit everything I need to say to describe myself and my life at this one post. So, let's just get to the point. I am so scared of loosing my boyfriend. A few days ago he told me he didn't feel the same about me. But he explained that it's not that he loves me any less, but he gave an example: at night when we go to bed, before he'd just want to have sex with me, but now if he is too tired he'd go to sleep. I told him that's absolutely normal. After a few months of being together, especially when we've lived together for like more than half of that time, it's completely normal not to have sex every day. He also told me we spend way too much time together and he needs some time on his own to do his own things and he wanted to sleep at his room in his student halls for one night and I took this pretty badly , but still went through with it because of him. The next day when he came back to mine I was upset. I didn't like spending the night away from him. But he was so sweet. He said he missed me that night and he didn't want to spend any more nights away from me, but he just needed to do this to see how he feels. During the summer, he went back home, but he was with me every weekend and we had a lot of sex for those two days. And after he came back here for uni, we kept on having a lot of sex in the beginning and then the amount of sex we have gradually decreased. Is that okay? Does it mean that he doesn't want me anymore? Am I right to think it's normal or should I be worried about it? That's one thing that worries me. We are so good together, I can feel it. We dream of being together forever and love each other unconditionally. But we often end up arguing for really silly things such as my ridiculous jealousy (he hasn't given me any reasons to be jealous, but I am insanely jealous and insecure and I don't know how to deal with it. I apologize for being so jealous, but I think it's worse for me than for him. It just kills me inside. I'd appreciate some advice on how to deal with this as well.) or even things more stupid than that. I am actually ashamed of sharing them with you. Thank you for reading this! I am looking forward to some fresh piece of advice! Xxxxx

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My husband is in his late 20s and is terrible with money. He has never been GREAT but now it’s awful. We have never shared a bank account until a few months ago before we bought a house. After that, I caught him taking money from my savings acct when he made well enough to pay his bills AND have spending money. Lately, he hasn’t been paying any bills besides $150, but still has no money. He has a part time job after getting laid off, and has no drive to get a full time job. I work full time and I’m sick of paying all the bills by myself. I watch him do fun stuff with his friends while I work, come home, wait to go back to work. He doesn’t contribute to chores. He spends every second he can with his friends. I’m also concerned he has a drinking problem since for awhile he was at the bar or knocking back a 6pack every night. He’s “tried to quit” drinking several times and it only lasts a month. He’s also gained 75 pounds (majority from drinking). Two months ago, his car was repossessed after he said he’d “been making payments”. Now we owe his parents money and I found out a few days ago he has a $2k credit card bill I had no idea about. We just got our tax returns back and he thinks he’s entitled to my half and his half. AND he overdrew his bank account, causing them to take the money from my account. So, for the 2nd week in a row I have no money to pay bills or buy groceries! I have bailed him out with money several times. When his license was suspended and we had court costs....fixing things on his car that he “didn’t have money for”.....money for a down payment for the car..... I don’t believe I’m responsible for the debt he has accrued. I feel as if the tables were turned he wouldn’t be offering any help to me. I feel maybe if he had to dig himself out of debt he will finally learn a lesson. I love the man he used to be, and I really want to make our marriage work but I’m so frustrated. I feel as if I’m ready to settle and have children and he still wants to act like a child. To make matters worse, his mother is always trying to give me advice on “how to be a better wife”. I’ve tried nagging him, gently and encouragingly talking to him, and praying and nothing has helped. I feel like a failure and it’s put me into a depression. I’ve considered temporary seperation, but it breaks my heart to even think about that. Please give me any advice. I feel like it’s a losing battle :(

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been with my partner for five years now and he has always been a bit of a flirt. It's not normally something that bothered as its usually just harmless. However I have been very low for a while now and have lost most of my sex drive. I have found out that he has been going for drinks with a lady that works in a shop a few doors down from his workplace. I have pulled him up on the fact that he had not told me about it and he told me they are just friends. Not proud of myself for this but I went on his phone and there are so many messages between them. A lot of them are quite sexual with him saying he want's to take her to bed even though she is getting married soon. Again i had pulled him up on this a while ago and said i wasn't comfortable with the contents of the messaging and wanted him to stop. It's carried on. I don't really know what to do.

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I’m young - 18 - and I quite frankly have no idea what I’m doing. At all. But I have a few questions and none of my friends can help, so I’m wondering if any of you might have something to say. My girlfriend appears a bit jealous. I know the reasons why - a lot of her friends have betrayed her before - but the damage done is quite deep and though I try to be supportive...

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi Please bear with me whilst i explain, but i really need some advice if possible. I have checked my husbands facebook this morning, i dont know why as i havnt for a long time and promised to stop doing it ( i used to as he has cheated several times in the past) and i have seen a message from someone i think he had an affair with years ago, but never could prove it. The message i think was her follow up to meeting him at work, where she has told him something, i dont know what, but she did say something along the lines of 'i hope your ok, i just thought you should know as its your marriage on the line, and i didnt think it was fair even if she didn't go through with it' i have no idea what that was referring to, but to me it sounds like he has been up to something with someone and its about to come out? its left me really confused, because looking through his facebook and he has been looking at hot tub getaways for us secretly (our anniversary is coming up), he says lovely things on facebook about me and doesn't seem to be having an affair? but i cant ask him what it is all about otherwise he will know iv been on his facebook again. The trouble is it is eating away at me, and i've come to realise today that i don't trust him, not one bit! Im a nervous wreck when he goes out and look for clues he may have been with someone, i hate when he gets drunk as he loses morals,and sometimes he will start being cocky and starts with all the insults, he gets at the kids who are autistic and its really unfair to them, and he is drinking a lot lately, every night in fact but most weekends are spent with him being drunk or hungover. His dad is an alcoholic and my husband is going the same way, i thought he was getting help but he wasn't turning up to the sessions, a letter came through the post saying they were sorry he couldn't attend but he denied it, and said they must have made a mistake. I've had enough and want to leave, right now! But i dont know how to, i have 3 kids, no money, nowhere to go, so i am trapped. I need to go away from him altogether, we have tried to split up several times in the past but he always sweet talks his way back. If i don't do it now then ill go on for the next few weeks/months with it all going round in my head and pretending everything is fine, then ill never do it, at all. i cant keep going through this but i just don't know how to break away, if i ask him to leave he will find ways to keep coming back, obviously the kids are one excuse for him, and i'm too soft with him. I don't want to take the kids away from him, i wouldn't do that, but i just need to be away from him for now, but cant leave him with the kids so i'm stuck. It might seem i'm being a bit hasty but i have had enough of this over the years, that message was the last straw, and the fact i'm still checking up on him says it all really. how do i break free? i really need some advice on where to start if possible. thanks in advance x

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been dating a guy for over a year now. We have a great time and have never fought. We have told each other we love each other and having been spending holidays with each other’s family. Problem! His ex wife . They are the best of friends. She texts him and calls him. They were only married two years and they never had kids together. He told me they fought all the time. I have seen texts from her and him from nsayinf they love each other. She has had him to her house whom she lives with a new boyfriend and the new boyfriend so t like them around and he has never been invited back. My it is almost like she can’t let go of him. I am sick about it. My ex husband cheated on me after 17 years of marriage. I do t know how to bring this up to the new boyfriend that it bothers me without it causing a big problem. I trust him but I do not trust the feeling nor the situation. What do I do?

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   This is a bit of a weird one. My confidence has been low lately so that’s why I’m having trouble saying what’s on my mind with my boyfriend. He travels for work and I saw him yesterday and it was good. He was sweet and loving etc. He is now in a different city and told me he was travelling overnight somewhere else. The problem is, we can see each other’s locations on our phones. I don’t know if he forgot that, but he is not travelling right now. He is still at his hotel. He told me he is in the vehicle about to go to sleep while travelling. I know his ex lives nearby and I’m freaking out. It’s a big accusation so I don’t want to do it and harm things if it isn’t true, but why is he lying??

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Before me and my partner got together, he went out on a few dates with this woman. They stopped talking as she got back with her ex and a few months later we got together. Long story but ill try and cut it short we was best friends and then decided to enter a relationship so i was fully aware of the ins and outs of there dates etc as he was open with me. we have been together for a year now and he works away for a couple months so we don't exactly speak that often as we would if he was back at home. I understand he is really busy with work however the other day in a argument he brought this girl into the argument and was basically comparing me to her, I've asked him several times to stop talking to her because of how they where and how they are now, we split up for a few weeks and he sent her flowers, hes been too her house whilst we've been together but "as mates" anyway in this argument he blurted out that he speaks to her all day everyday because shes going through a tough time... ??? Am i right for being pissed that he hasn't stopped speaking? Or am I being OTT?!

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Ok this is a long one I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 8 we have 2 children At Christmas he was out on his Christmas do i was browsing through Facebook before i went to sleep and a photo popped up with him tagged it showed him very cosy with a young girl. it disappeared around a minute later from Facebook but it was enough to make me think, so the next opportunity I got I looked at his phone and found more photos of him and this young girl on his phone.They are with other people but very cosy and they look like a couple. I did not mention it at first but i just tried to have a discussion about our relationship in which he admitted he had not been happy for 2 years. I thought then and there it was over but he sent be a huge bunch of flowers and seamed to want to work it all out. However i just couldn't shake the pictures from my mind so i eventually brought them up. He assured me they were just very good friends(his words) She had worked with him for 2 years and i had no idea who she was. its only a small office i know all the other ladies by name and i have never had any issues i used to pop in every now and again (for valid reasons he forgot his lunch things like that at his request) i had never seen this girl or heard him mention her. He then said he hadn't mentioned her because they talk about me?? As you can imagine things deteriorated between us and i was very hurt angry and confused. I lost a lot of weight and he seamed pleased by this kept telling me i looked great i was only a size 12 before all this (she is about a size 4 thats a guess very skinny) But then in the middle of all these arguments he though it was appropriate to book to go to Vegas with his friends. Ordinarily i wouldn't mind this but I had wanted to go to Vegas for my 30th 6 years ago at the time we couldn't afford it which is fine and he promised me we could go for my 40th i have been planning this and looking forward to it. financially we are a lot better off now i have been promoted and earn equal to him and there is the option to do overtime whenever i need/want. We could afford for us to go to Vegas now but i wanted it to be something special for my 40th. We have no debt nice cars a lovely house but i would give it all away to feel like i matter to him anymore. I'm struggling to understand why he is staying with me. No I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect I'm not i get very very angry and shout and sometimes say things i don't mean not violent I'm not a violent person at all. classic me (we wouldn't be here if you had kept it in your pants) but i often feel that i do these things to get him to sit up and take notice (wrong i know as it just makes him angry) We find it hard to have conversations without them becoming a argument. His work organise charity things and i have never been invited to 1 he says he wants that part of his life separate from me and he should be entitled to have that. i don't want to stop him doing anything i just want to be part of his life, i don't want to go to everything i know we have issues with childcare my parents live a long way away but help when they can, his parents are closer but don't really do much. I'm really struggling. He now says he's suffering from depression. I have booked him an appt at a the Drs. I'm trying to be supportive i know how horrendous depression can be. When i look back tho i don't think he has ever really considered me and I've probably just put up with it but I'm so so hurt by the Vegas thing he says he going and that's that. What would you all do? I'm lost, confused and don't want to destroy my children's lives. If you all think I'm in the wrong please say I'm especially interested in a male perspective. I have male friends but they are my friends and obviously give me the whole what are you doing with him get rid talk but i am also fully aware they only have my side.

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hello. I’ve met my partner a year ago, I love him dearly and have wanted to meet someone like him for a long time and see such a good future ahead of us... cue the ugly anxiety and insecurity from my part that raises its head constantly in the relationship (past trust issues with exes, life situations have greatly shattered my levels of trust and distorted my reality of how I perceive what is potentially threatening to my happiness) Recently, I made the mistake of looking at his pc..out of morbid curiosity to see what pics of his ex looked like. I opened up a can of worms as there were photo albums of them just kissing- photo after photo, the album was even called ‘kisses’. There were also folders of Valentines celebrations, plus many more seemingly happy and romantic times they’d shared. He’s always lead me to believe that this woman he was with for a few years wasn’t the one for him and that he didn’t see a future with her- despite his proposal to her a few years back. He’s always said they had no connection and that he is completely over that relationship. I know I shouldn’t have done this..but I deleted the photo albums. A few weeks ago, I stupidly returned to his pc and saw that he’d moved the photo albums I deleted to the original file paths on his computer- making me question why the hell he would want to keep photos of him and her kissing passionately and sharing valentines dinners. What I want to address is both why he would want to keep these pics and also what it is that I’m so insecure about. He’s never given me a reason not to trust him yet I can’t help but feel I should prepare myself for hurt. I’ve seen a counsellor about my levels of anxiety and insecurity but it was a short term solution to a long term issue of mine. I feel like I’m sabotaging a good relationship by looking for things to hurt or worry me and I would so appreciate anyone else’s views or advice on this. I can’t tell my friends or family as I feel too embarrassed by it all and my partner has understandably had enough of trying to reassure me. Please don’t judge me.

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I went on a diving trip last year where I left my partner and her children at home. Whilst on this holiday I put sun lotion on another female's back and when I got home was asked why I was in pictures with this certain girl, I told her I didn’t know why we had just been in the same social group whilst on this holiday. She then asked if anything had happened, I lied and told her nothing had happened even though I had put sun lotion on her back. Few months later I exchanged flirty messages with this girl and one other I was working with at the time. I was caught out after my little girl was playing on my phone. My partner has tried to deal with this understanding that I would never do it again but she can’t trust me, and is no longer happy in the relationship, so she’s asked me to give her some space and move out for a bit, telling me that for me to be serious about the relationship I would do it, I have agreed and respect her enough to do as she has asked. However now I feel alone, I feel since I was caught out we’ve lost our communication in the relationship, so as well as her not trusting me I feel I need to be able to communicate with her better, but how do I get back to where we were happy in our relationship. I wasn’t expecting her to trust me straight away but I want her to be able to trust me again, I love her, and she tells m e she loves me.

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about two years now. We have been friends for over three years as we were in the same college. We were seeing other people before we started dating. He is super insecure and we have had multiple disagreements and arguments over me being in touch with my guy friends. He, however, is super social and has many female friends in his inner friends' circle. He is in touch with all his exes and although I am not super happy about it, I don't mind either. Recently, he travelled to another city for some work(as he says but i am highly suspicious about) and chose to stay at his ex's place. I wasn't happy by the idea and told him upfront that i would be hurt if he stays with her. He still chose to stay at her place and hardly contacted me all the while (just two messages and no calls in three days). I don't even know if his ex is aware of his relationship with me. He says he loves me and he is very loyal and did nothing wrong, but somehow I am not convinced. I feel insulted and de-valued. What am I supposed to do? Am I overthinking?

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Me and my girlfriend have been redoing our flower beds (taking out rock/putting in mulch) and a guy from work has picked up the rock we’ve taken out so far. However last night she said that he wanted to come by and get some more rock but we haven’t gotten around to finishing so there wasn’t any. He says that he can get it himself and my girlfriend said she felt obligated to help him. A couple things that concern me are that they get off work at 4am so it’s dark outside. Not sure how well you can dig up rock in the dark. It took me and her around 4 hrs to do the front on a Sunday as well. Also I asked why she felt obligated seeing as how the guy requested the rock and we didn’t have any ready. And it’s not as if he’s in dire need of it. He’s just using it to fill in a ditch supposedly. I’m not sure if I’m jealous or what but I’m not really cool with this. I see it as a project for me and her. I don’t want to look at it when it’s all done and think it took me, her, and some dude. I want it to be something we can be proud of together. Anyways If this is just jealousy I can accept that and be cool. If not what do you think I should do?