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Overcoming jealousy and insecure feelings

Article | 3min read

Lots of people in relationships feel jealous from time to time, but it’s important not to let it get out of control. It's also important to recognise that your own insecurities might be playing a part. Here's our best quick-fire tips to help you manage jealousy and work towards a healthier, happier relationship.

Recognise your good points

Make a list of all the things you like and respect about yourself. In moments of insecurity, this can help to remind you why your partner loves you. Of course, the love from your partner and your own sense of self worth should go beyond a list of character qualities, but it's a good start.

Improve your self-esteem independently of your partner

Try to spend time doing something you enjoy that makes you feel good about yourself. Consider taking up a new exercise or joining a class.

Think about how your situation appears to an outsider

You may be able to rationalise jealousy in your own head, but think about what other people might think if they were to see your outbursts. Seeing yourself from someone else’s point of view can help you stay calm and in control.

Take responsibility for your jealousy

If your jealousy comes from your own insecurities rather than your partner’s actions, try to recognise and accept that this is the cause. In time, it could help you overcome the negative emotions.

Change your attitude

Healthy couples have separate interests. Try not to get jealous if your partner decides to spend an evening with friends. Make your own plans and look forward to having more to talk about when you’re next together.

Create balance

If your social life revolves around your partner, you might feel left out when they want to do their own thing. Take some pressure off your relationship by developing your own interests, catching up with old friends, and carving out some independence.

Learn from past behaviour

If jealousy has caused issues in your previous relationships, try learn from experience to make positive changes in your current relationship. Don’t make the same mistakes twice.

Share your feelings

This one might sound a little bit fluffy, but it's essential. Try to make your partner an ally in battling your jealous feelings. Be open when you’re feeling jealous and ask for your partner’s support. Explain that you know the feelings may not be rational, but that a little reassurance from them can help you let go and move on.

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Article | jealousy, YPc

Jealousy and affairs

Most of us experience feelings of jealousy in our relationship from time to time. Sometimes, it’s just a fleeting feeling that’s easy enough to let go of; other times, jealousy can take hold, settle in, and turn to anxiety. Mild feelings of jealousy can be useful. A little bit of jealousy might remind you not to take your partner for granted – but when jealousy won’t let go, it can become extreme or obsessive. Jealousy, left unchecked, can ruin a relationship. Where does jealousy come from? Often, it's linked to something in your past which has left you with a sense of insecurity. If you're insecure in your relationship and very dependent on your partner, then you may have more triggers and be more likely to become jealous. You may find it helpful to explore where your feelings of insecurity come from. If it’s something you’re able to identify, try to accept and own it. Have an honest conversation with your partner about your insecurities, and explain that you’re trying to work through them. Affairs People have affairs for a variety of reasons. It isn’t always about sex, but an affair is usually a sign that something in the relationship is not right. An affair is a breach of trust between partners. Trust is essential in any relationship, and it's often taken for granted. Finding out that your partner has had an affair can be a huge shock. If your partner has had an affair, you may feel insecure and jealous for a long time. You may choose to end the relationship but if you and your partner both want to try and repair the damage, it’s likely to take some time before you feel confident in your partner again. There’s no set time on how long it will take to rebuild your relationship, but it is possible to recover if you’re both willing to move on from the affair and work on the underlying issues. Many relationships do survive affairs and can sometimes end up being stronger over time. As time passes, trust can be restored and you may find yourself feeling more secure in your relationship. An affair will nearly always bring about a change in a relationship, but it doesn't always spell the end.

Article | jealousy, trust

“Insecure in love”

Can anyone help ease my mind? I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (who we will call D) for two years. Here is some of our history. In 2009 we met on Match.com, and dated for about a year. I was really crappy to him, lying, cheating, breaking up with him, getting back together with him, and continuing that cycle. We ended it in 2010 - because of me. I started dating someone else, (who we will call J). In 2014 I left my ex (J) because he was abusive, and my current boyfriend (D) was there for me for six months until I got the guts to leave my ex. The sixth month in, D started to let his guard down and let me in again....all for me to go back to J. Needless to say, D was crushed. 2016 approaches, J punches in me in the face. I decided enough is enough, called the cops and moved out that night. Four months after I left J, it was what I swear fate, that I ran into D again. Twice in two days. We started dating right away, not giving myself enough time to fully heal from the seven years of torment I had been through but I didn't want to lose D again. My issue is D has this friend, who we'll call M, who is married. They've been friends for 15 years, met in college because she dated his roommate at the time. Every week D and M will text each other, specifically on "Hump Day", which in itself bothers me. It's just to say hi and see how each other is doing. Some times I feel there are inappropriate memes sent, but D says they're harmless. I have voiced to D my insecurity and worries with this. Yes, she's been married 10 years and yes, over 10 years D has given me more and more chances than anyone should. He's never even given his "baby mama" as many chances as me. I just do not feel comfortable with this. Something in my gut says it's not right. He will change her oil (because he's a mechanic) and then they go out for tacos, not that often, but still. I have voiced this to D a few times, at first he was patient with me. Then, he started getting frustrated. I told him I don't get how a guy and a girl can be friends, and there not be something there. Especially when you've been friends 15 years, there has to be something there. He said there's never been anything between them and that she's like a sister to him and I should really just think of her as having a dick, but I can't because she doesn't. A couple weeks ago, I went through his phone and looked at his texts. He told me I could, but he does not like when I do it behind his back...which is what I did. So he changed his password and took off my fingerprint ID to get into his phone - which frustrates me. Last night I brought it up again how I am not comfortable with them texting. That there has to be something there. I don't care if she's married or not. I've been cheated on, I've cheated on people, I've even almost cheated with a married man, my mom and dad have cheated on one another, my son's father walked away from me when I was four months pregnant. He was, needless to say, frustrated and tried to keep is cool. He said nothing is there, that if they want to have dated, they could have but never did. I asked if there was an attraction there, he said she's not ugly but I'm not attracted to her in that way. I said is she attracted to you? He said if she was, she's never voiced it. I don't know...to me, if you're happy within your marriage or relationship, you don't have to reach out to someone of the opposite sex...even if it's just a hey, how you doing? Am I being ridiculous?!?!? Please tell me honestly.

Ask the community | insecurity, jealousy

“My insecurity is killing our relationship”

I didn't want to talk about this with any of my friends and I am looking for an unbiased opinion. My boyfriend and I have been properly together for almost 7 months now and we've had our ups and downs. For this period of time we've been through so much together... through his mum being diagnosed with cancer in the very beginning of our relationship, through my personal problems involving my mum and my past, my emotional instability at some point and others. he's been by my side and I've also been there for him in every way I can. He's almost left a couple of times, but he just couldn't because he loved me too much. The truth is that we argue often, but for silly things and we always find a way to fix it. Sometimes, I feel so broken in comparison to him and other people I know. I've had a pretty emotional and rocky childhood because of my parents' separation and loads of issues concerning that, and also heartbreaks, falling out with friends,etc. At the age of 20 now I find myself so scared of loving someone, but at the same time so willing to love. I just wish I could love and let go of that fear that people always leave and that feeling that I'm never going to be good enough, because I can see how it ruins my relationships with people, not just my boyfriend, but my family and friends. I am a really nice person with a good heart, real fun and people just love to be around me. But then when they get close to me I can feel that I become this baggage for them. I am too emotional. It's so hard to fit everything I need to say to describe myself and my life at this one post. So, let's just get to the point. I am so scared of loosing my boyfriend. A few days ago he told me he didn't feel the same about me. But he explained that it's not that he loves me any less, but he gave an example: at night when we go to bed, before he'd just want to have sex with me, but now if he is too tired he'd go to sleep. I told him that's absolutely normal. After a few months of being together, especially when we've lived together for like more than half of that time, it's completely normal not to have sex every day. He also told me we spend way too much time together and he needs some time on his own to do his own things and he wanted to sleep at his room in his student halls for one night and I took this pretty badly , but still went through with it because of him. The next day when he came back to mine I was upset. I didn't like spending the night away from him. But he was so sweet. He said he missed me that night and he didn't want to spend any more nights away from me, but he just needed to do this to see how he feels. During the summer, he went back home, but he was with me every weekend and we had a lot of sex for those two days. And after he came back here for uni, we kept on having a lot of sex in the beginning and then the amount of sex we have gradually decreased. Is that okay? Does it mean that he doesn't want me anymore? Am I right to think it's normal or should I be worried about it? That's one thing that worries me. We are so good together, I can feel it. We dream of being together forever and love each other unconditionally. But we often end up arguing for really silly things such as my ridiculous jealousy (he hasn't given me any reasons to be jealous, but I am insanely jealous and insecure and I don't know how to deal with it. I apologize for being so jealous, but I think it's worse for me than for him. It just kills me inside. I'd appreciate some advice on how to deal with this as well.) or even things more stupid than that. I am actually ashamed of sharing them with you. Thank you for reading this! I am looking forward to some fresh piece of advice! Xxxxx

Ask the community | insecurity, jealousy

Unpack the issue: jealousy and trust

To unpack this issue over the next few pages, we’re going to use this three-step approach: Look at WHAT the specific jealousy or trust issue is for you. Look at WHY this issue might be happening to you. Look at HOW you can help deal with it in a practical way. This approach offers a great way to unpack many other relationship issues and make sense of things. Throughout this journey, we hope to give you plenty of things you can take away and start practising in your relationships right away. Click ‘Next article’ when you’re ready to continue. The whole thing should take about 15 minutes. If at any time you want to start again with a different category, just select one of the options at the bottom of the page.

Activity | jealousy, trust, YP

“Do I need to let go?”

I've been seeing a guy for over six years now... we met on a dating site. At the beginning he told me he had a friend who is female. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't see a lot of him because of his job. He works shifts and it clashed with my work on occasions. After seeing him for three months, he went on holiday with his female friend. He told me it was booked for a while, again I was OK with it. When I asked to meet this friend he always made excuses, he also invited her to family do's and not me but again made excuses that she was a family friend. After one year passed we had our fair share of arguments about this friend, he again went away with her to the same place they went year before. I contacted her on fb to see what her relationship was with him... expecting her to say they were friends. She wanted to know who I was, had I met his family! She saw herself as his partner. After another argument he denied they were a couple, he maintained they were friends. Oh, I found out they slept in the same bed when they go away but nothing happens, and I've asked her that and she has said they don't do anything but sleep. Over the years, he's continued to go away with her. When we argue he books to go away with her then blames me. She had to sell her house about four years ago and she moved in with this guy I'm seeing... I've been over and she has her own bedroom. I don't go over much, very rarely, he comes over to me more. I've met his family and recently went away for five days to his brother's with him. He's a fab guy when he's with me and we get on so well... but when he goes home it changes and he says it doesn't, it's me! Last year I'd had enough. I finished it completely and met someone else. He was devastated and pleaded with me to go back and he'd change even promised me we'd get engaged... I finished it with the other guy and went back... He went back on his word and all the promises he made. I even found out he'd been on two dating sites. He says he loves me and I believe he does. He went through a bad divorce, his wife left him for someone else, and he says he finds it hard to trust... I love him but I just can't cope with his lies. I don't know what he's up to when I don't see him, and with his work that can be 21 days before i see him. Anyone got advice please?

User article | ex-partner, jealousy

“Man-child husband”

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My husband is in his late 20s and is terrible with money. He has never been GREAT but now it’s awful. We have never shared a bank account until a few months ago before we bought a house. After that, I caught him taking money from my savings acct when he made well enough to pay his bills AND have spending money. Lately, he hasn’t been paying any bills besides $150, but still has no money. He has a part time job after getting laid off, and has no drive to get a full time job. I work full time and I’m sick of paying all the bills by myself. I watch him do fun stuff with his friends while I work, come home, wait to go back to work. He doesn’t contribute to chores. He spends every second he can with his friends. I’m also concerned he has a drinking problem since for awhile he was at the bar or knocking back a 6pack every night. He’s “tried to quit” drinking several times and it only lasts a month. He’s also gained 75 pounds (majority from drinking). Two months ago, his car was repossessed after he said he’d “been making payments”. Now we owe his parents money and I found out a few days ago he has a $2k credit card bill I had no idea about. We just got our tax returns back and he thinks he’s entitled to my half and his half. AND he overdrew his bank account, causing them to take the money from my account. So, for the 2nd week in a row I have no money to pay bills or buy groceries! I have bailed him out with money several times. When his license was suspended and we had court costs....fixing things on his car that he “didn’t have money for”.....money for a down payment for the car..... I don’t believe I’m responsible for the debt he has accrued. I feel as if the tables were turned he wouldn’t be offering any help to me. I feel maybe if he had to dig himself out of debt he will finally learn a lesson. I love the man he used to be, and I really want to make our marriage work but I’m so frustrated. I feel as if I’m ready to settle and have children and he still wants to act like a child. To make matters worse, his mother is always trying to give me advice on “how to be a better wife”. I’ve tried nagging him, gently and encouragingly talking to him, and praying and nothing has helped. I feel like a failure and it’s put me into a depression. I’ve considered temporary seperation, but it breaks my heart to even think about that. Please give me any advice. I feel like it’s a losing battle :(

Ask the community | stress, communication, jealousy

“Is his flirting going too far?”

I have been with my partner for five years now and he has always been a bit of a flirt. It's not normally something that bothered as its usually just harmless. However I have been very low for a while now and have lost most of my sex drive. I have found out that he has been going for drinks with a lady that works in a shop a few doors down from his workplace. I have pulled him up on the fact that he had not told me about it and he told me they are just friends. Not proud of myself for this but I went on his phone and there are so many messages between them. A lot of them are quite sexual with him saying he want's to take her to bed even though she is getting married soon. Again I had pulled him up on this a while ago and said i wasn't comfortable with the contents of the messaging and wanted him to stop. It's carried on. I don't really know what to do.

Ask the community | trust, jealousy

I’m young - 18 - and I quite frankly have no idea what I’m doing. At all. But I have a few questions and none of my friends can help, so I’m wondering if any of you might have something to say. My girlfriend appears a bit jealous. I know the reasons why - a lot of her friends have betrayed her before - but the damage done is quite deep and though I try to be supportive...

User article | jealousy, communication

"Just concerned"

My girlfriend is telling me that her friend's boyfriend is calling her to say hi and she sees no problem with that and worries me. What should I do?

User article | jealousy

“Cheating: what do I do now?!”

In this video we talk about what really happens when you cheat and what you should do after. Cheating is a topic many people are afraid to talk about. Many people still unfortunately have to go through situations like that. As we got a question about cheating last week in our inbox, we decided to make a video about it. It is our advice on how do deal with the fact of cheating. No matter if she cheated and he's affected by it or he cheated and she's affected by it, we kept it as general and honest as possible. In this video we are talking about why people cheat, how to prevent cheating and what to do once you already cheated on your partner or have been cheated on. A topic unfortunately many people still deal with and don't know how to get out of that state of mind. We hope this Video helps you getting closure in certain areas! Much LOVE PAX&Q

User article | trust, jealousy

“I want to get away from my husband”

I checked my husband's Facebook this morning (he has cheated several times in the past) and I have seen a message from someone I think he had an affair with years ago. The message, I think, was her follow up to meeting him at work, where she has told him something – I don't know what – but she did say something along the lines of 'I hope you're ok, I just thought you should know as it's your marriage on the line, and I didn't think it was fair even if she didn't go through with it'. I have no idea what that was referring to, but to me it sounds like he has been up to something with someone and its about to come out? It's left me really confused, because looking through his Facebook and he has been looking at hot tub getaways for us secretly (our anniversary is coming up), he says lovely things on Facebook about me and doesn't seem to be having an affair, but I can't ask him what it is all about otherwise he will know I've been on his Facebook again. The trouble is it is eating away at me, and I've come to realise today that I don't trust him, not one bit! I'm a nervous wreck when he goes out and I look for clues he may have been with someone. I hate when he gets drunk as he loses morals, and sometimes he will start being cocky and starts with all the insults. He gets at the kids who are autistic and it's really unfair to them, and he is drinking a lot lately – every night in fact – but most weekends are spent with him being drunk or hungover. His dad is an alcoholic and my husband is going the same way. I thought he was getting help but he wasn't turning up to the sessions. A letter came through the post saying they were sorry he couldn't attend but he denied it, and said they must have made a mistake. I've had enough and want to leave, right now! But I don't know how to. I have three kids, no money, nowhere to go, so I am trapped. I need to go away from him altogether. We have tried to split up several times in the past but he always sweet talks his way back. If I don't do it now then I'll go on for the next few weeks or months with it all going round in my head and pretending everything is fine, then I'll never do it, at all. I cant keep going through this but I just don't know how to break away. If I ask him to leave, he will find ways to keep coming back. Obviously the kids are one excuse for him, and I'm too soft with him. I don't want to take the kids away from him. I wouldn't do that, but I just need to be away from him for now, but can't leave him with the kids so I'm stuck. It might seem I'm being a bit hasty but I have had enough of this over the years. That message was the last straw, and the fact I'm still checking up on him says it all really. How do I break free? I really need some advice on where to start if possible. Thanks in advance x

Ask the community | trust, jealousy

“He is still friends with his ex-wife”

I have been dating a guy for over a year now. We have a great time and have never fought. We have told each other we love each other and having been spending holidays with each other’s family. Problem! His ex wife . They are the best of friends. She texts him and calls him. They were only married two years and they never had kids together. He told me they fought all the time. I have seen texts from her and him from nsayinf they love each other. She has had him to her house whom she lives with a new boyfriend and the new boyfriend so t like them around and he has never been invited back. My it is almost like she can’t let go of him. I am sick about it. My ex husband cheated on me after 17 years of marriage. I do t know how to bring this up to the new boyfriend that it bothers me without it causing a big problem. I trust him but I do not trust the feeling nor the situation. What do I do?

User article | ex-partner, jealousy

“Should I confront him on his lie?”

This is a bit of a weird one. My confidence has been low lately so that’s why I’m having trouble saying what’s on my mind with my boyfriend. He travels for work and I saw him yesterday and it was good. He was sweet and loving etc. He is now in a different city and told me he was travelling overnight somewhere else. The problem is, we can see each other’s locations on our phones. I don’t know if he forgot that, but he is not travelling right now. He is still at his hotel. He told me he is in the vehicle about to go to sleep while travelling. I know his ex lives nearby and I’m freaking out. It’s a big accusation so I don’t want to do it and harm things if it isn’t true, but why is he lying??

User article | jealousy, communication

“He wont stop talking to her!”

Before me and my partner got together, he went out on a few dates with this woman. They stopped talking as she got back with her ex and a few months later we got together. Long story but ill try and cut it short we was best friends and then decided to enter a relationship so i was fully aware of the ins and outs of there dates etc as he was open with me. we have been together for a year now and he works away for a couple months so we don't exactly speak that often as we would if he was back at home. I understand he is really busy with work however the other day in a argument he brought this girl into the argument and was basically comparing me to her, I've asked him several times to stop talking to her because of how they where and how they are now, we split up for a few weeks and he sent her flowers, hes been too her house whilst we've been together but "as mates" anyway in this argument he blurted out that he speaks to her all day everyday because shes going through a tough time... ??? Am i right for being pissed that he hasn't stopped speaking? Or am I being OTT?!

User article | stress, communication, jealousy, someone else

“Why is he staying with me?”

Ok this is a long one I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 8 we have 2 children At Christmas he was out on his Christmas do i was browsing through Facebook before i went to sleep and a photo popped up with him tagged it showed him very cosy with a young girl. it disappeared around a minute later from Facebook but it was enough to make me think, so the next opportunity I got I looked at his phone and found more photos of him and this young girl on his phone.They are with other people but very cosy and they look like a couple. I did not mention it at first but i just tried to have a discussion about our relationship in which he admitted he had not been happy for 2 years. I thought then and there it was over but he sent be a huge bunch of flowers and seamed to want to work it all out. However i just couldn't shake the pictures from my mind so i eventually brought them up. He assured me they were just very good friends(his words) She had worked with him for 2 years and i had no idea who she was. its only a small office i know all the other ladies by name and i have never had any issues i used to pop in every now and again (for valid reasons he forgot his lunch things like that at his request) i had never seen this girl or heard him mention her. He then said he hadn't mentioned her because they talk about me?? As you can imagine things deteriorated between us and i was very hurt angry and confused. I lost a lot of weight and he seamed pleased by this kept telling me i looked great i was only a size 12 before all this (she is about a size 4 thats a guess very skinny) But then in the middle of all these arguments he though it was appropriate to book to go to Vegas with his friends. Ordinarily i wouldn't mind this but I had wanted to go to Vegas for my 30th 6 years ago at the time we couldn't afford it which is fine and he promised me we could go for my 40th i have been planning this and looking forward to it. financially we are a lot better off now i have been promoted and earn equal to him and there is the option to do overtime whenever i need/want. We could afford for us to go to Vegas now but i wanted it to be something special for my 40th. We have no debt nice cars a lovely house but i would give it all away to feel like i matter to him anymore. I'm struggling to understand why he is staying with me. No I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect I'm not i get very very angry and shout and sometimes say things i don't mean not violent I'm not a violent person at all. classic me (we wouldn't be here if you had kept it in your pants) but i often feel that i do these things to get him to sit up and take notice (wrong i know as it just makes him angry) We find it hard to have conversations without them becoming a argument. His work organise charity things and i have never been invited to 1 he says he wants that part of his life separate from me and he should be entitled to have that. i don't want to stop him doing anything i just want to be part of his life, i don't want to go to everything i know we have issues with childcare my parents live a long way away but help when they can, his parents are closer but don't really do much. I'm really struggling. He now says he's suffering from depression. I have booked him an appt at a the Drs. I'm trying to be supportive i know how horrendous depression can be. When i look back tho i don't think he has ever really considered me and I've probably just put up with it but I'm so so hurt by the Vegas thing he says he going and that's that. What would you all do? I'm lost, confused and don't want to destroy my children's lives. If you all think I'm in the wrong please say I'm especially interested in a male perspective. I have male friends but they are my friends and obviously give me the whole what are you doing with him get rid talk but i am also fully aware they only have my side.

User article | trust, jealousy

“I cannot trust a trustworthy man”

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Hello. I’ve met my partner a year ago, I love him dearly and have wanted to meet someone like him for a long time and see such a good future ahead of us... cue the ugly anxiety and insecurity from my part that raises its head constantly in the relationship (past trust issues with exes, life situations have greatly shattered my levels of trust and distorted my reality of how I perceive what is potentially threatening to my happiness) Recently, I made the mistake of looking at his pc..out of morbid curiosity to see what pics of his ex looked like. I opened up a can of worms as there were photo albums of them just kissing- photo after photo, the album was even called ‘kisses’. There were also folders of Valentines celebrations, plus many more seemingly happy and romantic times they’d shared. He’s always lead me to believe that this woman he was with for a few years wasn’t the one for him and that he didn’t see a future with her- despite his proposal to her a few years back. He’s always said they had no connection and that he is completely over that relationship. I know I shouldn’t have done this..but I deleted the photo albums. A few weeks ago, I stupidly returned to his pc and saw that he’d moved the photo albums I deleted to the original file paths on his computer- making me question why the hell he would want to keep photos of him and her kissing passionately and sharing valentines dinners. What I want to address is both why he would want to keep these pics and also what it is that I’m so insecure about. He’s never given me a reason not to trust him yet I can’t help but feel I should prepare myself for hurt. I’ve seen a counsellor about my levels of anxiety and insecurity but it was a short term solution to a long term issue of mine. I feel like I’m sabotaging a good relationship by looking for things to hurt or worry me and I would so appreciate anyone else’s views or advice on this. I can’t tell my friends or family as I feel too embarrassed by it all and my partner has understandably had enough of trying to reassure me. Please don’t judge me.

Ask the community | trust, jealousy

Boyfriend's female colleagues

Hello I am new to this site and have been with my boyfriend for 17 and a half years. We have a son with a hidden disability. We have been through a lot together (including his mother trying to split us up when we had been together 10+ years together but he cut off contact with her after she lied about me and tried to manipulate/blackmail him about other situations and having a negative involvement in our dog and son’s lives). We are very close and spend a lot of time together and we both have issues trusting people outside of our relationship from past issues with family and friends. He has always been honest with me and has told me of some women at his work coming on to him which he has felt uncomfortable with. All 3 women know he has a family and how long we have been together. Woman 1 – young woman who is very touchy with him – touching him on shoulder, leaning on him when he is sat down, making sexual comments about herself, always looking for reasons to talk to him etc. He has always been a joker and has used this as a shield to get the message across that he wants her to away and stop touching him etc. Woman 2 – a woman who likes to go out for drinks with him and his team. He walked her home once as was worried about her being too drunk and she tried to drag him on top of her at her home . He text me asking me to ring him so he has an excuse of getting away from her but has been asking for him to catch up for some drinks alone which he has done once at lunch at work to get out of doing it after work and being in a similar situation as last time. Woman 3 – this woman has always told him he thinks he is attractive and wished he was single leaving him notes on his desk that he is fit etc. She has been cheated on herself so knows how it feels but still comes on to my boyfriend. He had to tell her that I found out about her coming on to him and was not happy to be polite and not hurt her feelings but to get her to back off. She stills make a bee line for him when he is working in the office and is very forward with him. I trust my guy completely and know he wouldn’t cheat on me and is worried about causing issues at work as he works for his family as I had to hand my job in for my own health issues as well as my son’s as we was struggling to juggle everything between us. Plus his father cheated on his mother and although he doesn't get on with his mother anymore it is something that he has always been against. My boyfriend knows about my unhappiness and said do you think he will cheat and when I said no but it angers me how these women just have no disregard for his relationship. His response was I can’t control actions of other people but know that I am not going to return their behaviour and if I trust him then I have nothing to worry about. I know he is right and I get so annoyed with myself but can’t seem to stop myself. How do I stop this irrational jealously?!?!

User article | jealousy, trust

“I don't trust his best friend”

My boyfriend, we'll call him Bob, is not from Ireland and frequently complains about not having that many friends in this country. He has a best friend who is his ex (not exactly his ex, she was with him a lot while she had a boyfriend, they used to video chat where she would strip for him etc..). She is in another country now. She has no problems with cheating until she gets married (she sounds like someone who is lacking morals, and just a person I wouldn't get along with). She apparently messed him up a lot and now he doubts himself. Bob and I started dating and his "ex", we'll call her Sarah, would text him things such as "use her (me) to get experience then come show me what you learned etc." He tells me he put her in her place and said he's with me now and that he loves me. Now Bob claims Sarah has changed and respects our relationship (I don't believe this). He says he doesn't have many people here so he likes having her as a best friend. I've noticed he is reluctant to open messages from her around me, and if she calls he'll go into the other room. He then tells me what she wanted etc. He promises me that nothing is there anymore between them. I really am uncomfortable with their relationship and I've said so before. Bob then tells me that he loves me and that nothing is going on. Am I just becoming jealous? I've never been a jealous person before but now I actually can't stand Sarah and have a horrible feeling every time Bob brings her up.

User article | trust, jealousy

“My boyfriend's low sex drive”

I am a 24-year-old female in a relationship with a 23-year-old male. We live together with his mum but are moving out as soon as we have the money. We have been together for coming up to two years. We were originally long distance as we are from different countries and we visited most months. Our sex life was incredible from the beginning. We are so sexually compatible and it was so fulfilling. However, recently he has had such a low sex drive and mine is usually high that it is becoming a problem for me. He is stressed at work and has been feeling very anxious lately, so he says he is not in the mood. I try to initiate sex and he says that he is too tired or too hot or too stressed and always says later or tomorrow but I know he won’t. He never initiates sex or touches me sexually anymore – well, very rarely. I have tried everything. I’ve tried making myself look sexier, suggesting we do things I know he’s wanted to try, only initiated when he hasn’t got work or when we’re home alone all day and he has no need to be stressed and isn’t tired. When he is in the mood it is how it has always been, really passionate and intense but it just isn’t often enough to satisfy me. Lately, my self-esteem has been so dreadful. I’ve started getting jealous and paranoid which is not like me at all. I can’t stop dreaming about him and his best friend's girlfriend. She wears more makeup and more revealing clothes than me and we went to a party and he confided in her about his anxiety (he said he said it super casually). She cried to him and he comforted her but they were in her closet, and then they were gone for over half an hour. I didn’t know where they were and then they came back in the room laughing and he was wearing some of her clothes, like her dresses and stuff, and one of his other friends she had dressed up that night too. He is insecure about his body to me, yet he will get undressed in front of her. Also, he told me that when they were getting him dressed, she told him, “Don’t go looking in the drawers” and told him she had loads of dildos and sex toys... I’ve been going crazy thinking about this and having bad dreams where he cheats on me. I explained that our lack of sex is affecting my self-esteem and he seemed frustrated by me. I’m worried that if I try to discuss it with him that I will push him away. Everything else in our relationship is perfect and I’m so happy with him. He is so affectionate with me still and tells me I’m pretty and hugs and kisses me but I am a very sexual person. I need it to feel connected and close to who I am with. I’m not sure what I should do. Does anyone have any advice on how I should banish these delusional thoughts and also try to rekindle his sex drive?

User article | insecurity, sexless, long distance

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