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Overcoming jealousy and insecure feelings

Lots of people in relationships feel jealous from time to time, but it’s important not to let it get out of control. It's also important to recognise that your own insecurities might be playing a part. Here's our best quick-fire tips to help you manage jealousy and work towards a healthier, happier relationship.

Recognise your good points

Make a list of all the things you like and respect about yourself. In moments of insecurity, this can help to remind you why your partner loves you. Of course, the love from your partner and your own sense of self worth should go beyond a list of character qualities, but it's a good start. 

Improve your self-esteem independently of your partner

Try to spend time doing something you enjoy that makes you feel good about yourself. Consider taking up a new exercise or joining a class. 

Think about how your situation appears to an outsider

You may be able to rationalise jealousy in your own head, but think about what other people might think if they were to see your outbursts. Seeing yourself from someone else’s point of view can help you stay calm and in control.

Take responsibility for your jealousy

If your jealousy comes from your own insecurities rather than your partner’s actions, try to recognise and accept that this is the cause. In time, it could help you overcome the negative emotions.

Change your attitude

Healthy couples have separate interests. Try not to get jealous if your partner decides to spend an evening with friends. Make your own plans and look forward to having more to talk about when you’re next together.

Create balance

If your social life revolves around your partner, you might feel left out when they want to do their own thing. Take some pressure off your relationship by developing your own interests, catching up with old friends, and carving out some independence.

Learn from past behaviour

If jealousy has caused issues in your previous relationships, try learn from experience to make positive changes in your current relationship. Don’t make the same mistakes twice.

Share your feelings

This one might sound a little bit fluffy, but it's essential. Try to make your partner an ally in battling your jealous feelings. Be open when you’re feeling jealous and ask for your partner’s support. Explain that you know the feelings may not be rational, but that a little reassurance from them can help you let go and move on.

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