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I'm in a relationship, but I have feelings for someone else

I don't understand myself. I consider myself a loyal person who doesn't want to mess around. I want a relationship that works. I'm in a relationship with my first love. We're certain about our future. We're going to build a family together.

However, my mind often slips away and fantasizes about other guys. I always convince myself that it is just a short-term madness and, most of the time, it is. The feeling did fade away, but I feel so terrible for my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve this. We always have sweet talks. I love the way we are.

Stupid and shitty as it is, I am fantasizing about my professor. I never have until he appeared in my dream once. I've started to notice him like what the f**k. I've started to lock swift eyes on him. Weird thing is I caught him doing the same shit. My mind and my head is a complete mess. I am naturally attracted to good looking guys, but as I say I don't fall in love if my mind does not think about it further. It fades, but when my mind keeps thinking and analyzing shit, it will be messed up. Like what the hell.

Normally, my boyfriend and I share every secret with each other, but not this. I don't want to hurt him because it'll hurt me too. I don't share my sheepish stories even with my best friend because I believe time will make everything up for me as it always does. And, another thing is we broke up once due to some other reasons, but we were back together after a short period of time because we couldn't live without one another.

But, during that time, I was hurt as hell, but I let myself loose to see good in other guys. Three guys were falling for me. My mind was so conflicted. I had some feelings for them too, but I know deep down I love my boyfriend, so I didn't give them any chances. Why am I always like this? It is so unfair for my boyfriend. I don't want to be like this , but I can't stop my messy head. I just want to release my thoughts. Keeping it to myself makes it hard on me. I would like to hear other people's stories too.

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