I have been with my S/O for almost three years now. I am so in love. I love him with all of my heart. He is perfect. He makes me feel perfect and special. He always knows how to make me feel better.
But we are getting older now, and I just feel like I sometimes am in a different stage in my life. I sometimes feel more mature. I have threatened a breakup because I have these feelings that things aren’t going to change. He is going to be the same. He is going to still be this amazing and wonderful person but he has no head on his shoulders. He has a dream but is afraid to go for it. Or at least that's what it seems like.
But I have been with him for so long that I just couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else. I know he has some family issues going on right now which is the root of most of his issues but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if things would be different. Which is why I feel like I am constantly searching for something new. But I don’t want it to be our relationship.
I am heavily attracted to one of our close friends and I keep having these dreams of being with him and I feel so guilty. And sometimes I catch myself flirting with him, laying down and snuggling with him and constantly thinking about him. The way I used to think of my boyfriend. But the thing is i feel like I will never stop loving my boyfriend. I love him so incredibly much so I feel so guilty. I don’t know how to feel.
Am I guilty of cheating in my head? Am I cheating because I flirt with my guy friend? Am I wrong for having these sorts of dreams? I have spoken to my boyfriend about my feelings and he does know about them. But sometimes I can’t help but feel like even though I felt great after that talk and I felt so much closer to him I still keep getting those feelings of my guy friend. I just don’t know what's right and wrong anymore.