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Do we both want the same things?
Ambitions, hopes and dreams

How much do you know about your partner’s vision of the future? Do you talk openly about where you see yourselves in five or ten years’ time? Many couples don’t!

Important decisions like where you want to live, your career plans, and whether to work full- or part-time often get overlooked as couples embark on their life together.


Many people assume that making a long-term commitment like getting married means having children sometime in the future, but not everybody wants to start a family. If your ideal future involves starting a family, make sure your partner is aware. It is especially important for couples to share views on having children.

Talking about what matters to you both

When thinking about what matters, you might want to have a look at the headings below. You don’t need to have all the answers right away – what’s important is being honest about what matters to you.

Creating a home together
What did home mean to you growing up? How important is it to be near family and friends? Do you see yourself settling in one area or moving around? How do you picture an ideal home?

Do you want to have children? If so, how many? If either of you have children from previous relationships what issues does this raise for both of you? What are your memories of childhood?

Extended family 
How involved would you want your extended family to be? What lessons would you learn from your own upbringing – what would you would want to replicate or avoid?

What do you want to get out of the work you do? What’s your ideal job? Do you want to be self-employed or employed? How do you want to balancing work with your home life? Which matters most – making money or doing a job you care about? How ambitious are you? What motivates you?

Life together and apart
How important is your social life? Think about your shared friends and those from before you met. How much time will you spend together as a couple, and how much time apart? What does quality time mean to you? Do you have a mix of shared activities and separate hobbies? What do your interests and hobbies signify for you? Do you have any travel plans and dreams? How important are these to you?

You shouldn’t rush this activity – you might even want to do it over several weeks rather than in one go. Try to consider your practical goals as well as big dreams and fantasies. You might even want to go through the list with your partner.

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