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“I have a crush on my best friend”

A couple days ago in my group chat two of my best friends (one's a girl the other a guy) told the rest of us at 2 am (after my pestering them because i thought something was wrong) they had decided to date and would make it official once we started our freshman year of high school. The second I received the message I was really feeling something intensely, something I couldn't describe, so I left the group chat and went to talk to a another friend who is not a part of our group. I had told her I was short of breath and my heart was beating rapidly, so much so I thought I was having a panic attack. She told me I was probably just shocked, but for the rest of the night and early morning I could not sleep. I went downstairs at 6, (which is when I thought was an acceptable time to be awake). I didn't want my parents or sister to think I was sick or something. I got to the point where I told those two friends I didn't want to be friends anymore, and that their relationship was weird and gross. I knew I was wrong to say those things, and of course i wanted them to be happy.

Later that same day they persuaded me to come back to the chat and try to adjust to them being together. Still, I couldn't shake this feeling, and I could not stop shivering either (it was not cold). I had always known my best friend that a boy liked her, but she had told me that she'd never be in a relationship with him. I think sometimes I even pretended not to see it when we were together, because we are a very affectionate bunch and them hugging all the time was normal. At one point, I even fought with him because it made things tense that I thought he like her and he lied to me saying he didn't.

I've taken a lot of time thinking about this, and I think I like her too. I think it shocked me because i couldn't believe she liked him and not me. I think I'm jealous, extremely jealous. I think the feeling I was feeling was 'heartbreak' if that's not too cliche. In quarantine currently I can deal with feeling, and school is almost at it's end, but when it comes time to see them again, and if they're still dating after the summer, I won't know what to do.

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