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“Long term crush vs. boyfriend”

Okay, let's start at the beginning. There was a guy – let's name him "Kevin". I have had a crush on Kevin since literally 1st grade (wrote about him in diary etc.). Kevin and I never really interacted much throughout school other than having some classes together. Let's also add in the fact that I was super skinny and had braces and pimples so therefore I was not seen as "popular" or "attractive" in high school. And Kevin was definitely attractive, at least to me, but he was 100% popular. However, Kevin never dated anyone through school (which I always thought was weird).

Flash forward a year after high school. I had just broken up with a boyfriend of mine (we were together for three years) and I had a mutual friend of ours reach out to him and ask what he thought about if we went out together. He responded to say he was about to go back to college and didn't want to start anything. Which I get. Whatever. Never really gave much thought to it again, like, “Hey I tried, move on”.

During the next year, I got more curves where a woman needs them I guess. I got my braces off, and I learned how to make up pretty decently and I have money to gets clothes I really wanted. So I started dating this guy – we will call him Luke. Luke was a little younger than me, he is super silly, and funny, and he’s pretty good looking. I still struggled getting in a relationship with him for some reason. I took me a long time to fall in love with him even after dating.

Luke and I were dating and moved in together for about three months, then one day I was working my second job at the local gas station and Kevin came in to buy beer. I knew it was him but I didn’t really talk to him (I acted like I didn’t know him and just rung him out). Then, two days later I get a phone call from my friend saying Kevin reached out to her to try to get my number. She told him I was seeing someone. I didn’t think much of it until A WHOLE MONTH after when I get a random text message from Kevin asking how I am and if I was free this upcoming weekend. I let him know I was in a relationship (even though he already knew).

I was confused with how he even got my number. Come to find out he had his uncle reach out to my mom for it. I was interested, I'm not gonna lie – my long term crush finally sees me and is interested. Middle school me would be screaming. But I'm 21 now, what the hell do I do with this? So, I decided to hang out with him at the park. We fished, we talked, and we laughed for hours. And then we left. No, I never cheated on Luke but I did feel guilty because I hid it.

Kevin and I hung out again and we painted. He said he would try anything for me even if it was painting. So we spent hours on the lake painting and listening to music while laughing. He hugged me when we left. He went back to college after that. I kept hearing from his uncle that “Kevin wants to be with you.” “He finally decided he wants to be in a relationship and he chose you.” “He said he sees a future with you…”. But when I ask him what he wants he beats around the bush saying, “I would have to get to know you better” and “I don’t know, I'm a senior in college”.

We didn’t talk too much after that. We check in but that’s about it. I'm still currently with Luke but I always think about Kevin and what we could have been in another world. He's back home and still not seeing anyone. Luke and my relationship is currently struggling and I don’t know if its because of me and I'm overreacting… Or if it's just not meant to be.

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