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Lost and unsure what path to take

Basically, I have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years now, but I don't think she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. The part I need help with, is that I have developed serious feelings for a friend of mine, and I am unsure if this is what caused me to think my current girlfriend isnt the one for me.

Starting from the beginning, my current girlfriend is the first girlfriend ive had, first everything in fact. We met at work but she was still dating a guy at the time, but it was on the rocks, I didn't actually know she was with someone so I flirted with her and gave her lots of attention because I thought she was cute and we had some similar interests. One thing led to another, she left her boyfriend, and we started dating, it was rocky at first (first girlfriend and all that), but she came from a very abusive home and very abusive past relationships, so she was very clingy and really needed someone to take care of her. I think I was desperate to have a girlfriend so I promised to be there for her no matter what, and when her dad kicked her out 6 months into our relationship, I offered for her to live with me and here we are.

Now don't get me wrong, I still have lots of love for her, and still cherish all the moments we shared together, we travelled together, we went to multiple family weddings together, we graduated university together, she became part of my family and they love her, but recently i've started to think that maybe we just aren't as compatible as I thought. We dont have many shared interests, I like watching and playing sports, she doesnt, she likes playing nerdy card games with her friends, I don't (no judgement im also a nerd), I like rap and metal music, she hates that music, the list goes on, and obviously common interests dont make or break a relationship, but when I think back on certain moments, and try to be objective, like certain things that maybe rubbed me the wrong way but I didn't say anything, I kind of see it now as behaviours and an attitude that I really dont like.

On top of that, our love life has slowly started to descent into nothing, she used to jump me any chance she could as soon as we were home alone, and I would do the same, now any time I come onto her theres excuses or reasons or (apologies for the graphic imagery) she'll just use her hand. I already have pretty bad self esteem issues with not being attractive enough, so that stuff really hurts, and ive communicated that to her, but I've seen no change in months.

The small stuff usually didnt bother me, sometimes she doesnt clean up after her self, or she'll take my stuff without asking and not put it back and now its lost. That stuff I usually could overlook, but recently it became bigger stuff, our 5 year anniversary just past a few days ago and she didn't remember, I came home after a 2 day trip and bought some cool clothes for her and her friend that was staying over while I was gone, and when I came home, she didn't say "hello, I missed you, how was the trip", no she said "wheres the clothes". There has been numerous instances of little things like that, and its just chipping away at me.

About 6-7 months ago, I became close with a friend from work, at first I thought absolutely nothing of this girl, she seemed nice and polite, I didn't talk to her much, didn't find her drop dead gorgeous or anything like that (she is pretty not denying that), I would chat to her every now and again at work, just general conversation about how university was going for her etc etc. Eventually we chatted enough to the point where I started thinking "oh shes cool, we should be friends." Time goes on, lots more small talk, even helped give her advice with a relationship with another co-worker, it didn't work out but through it all we were much closer. Eventually she told me and my girlfriend that she was going to a big event that we were attending, so I said we should all hang out together, and we did and it was great, but my girlfriend ran off with her friends so it was just me and this girl from work together for the whole night. Nothing happened but again we just got closer and closer until one day I noticed I started to kind of miss talking to her or I would try swap my shifts around so I could work with her. At first I kept trying to tell myself its nothing shes just a friend and she gives you attention so you enjoy her company, its nothing more than that. Eventually I realised the feelings had progressed further than I could rationalise, so I started to panic and fell into a pretty deep depression. I felt so ashamed and guilty and disgusted with myself that I could think these thoughts, and tried to start pushing away the friend from work and would make myself not msg her, but it would never stick, I would always cave and obviously would still see her at work.

After some more time, me and the girl from work would work together regularly, almost every shift, and again, we started to become closer and closer, and I started to realise we have a scary amount of common interests and experiences. I don't remember what started it, but one night we just started messaging each other after a shift, and ended up staying up to 5 am talking about everything and anything, and we have basically done that every night for weeks now, she has opened up some of the darkest parts of her life to me that she says she has told no one else before, and ive done the same to her. I have deep deep feelings for this girl now, but have never confessed them to her. I dont know for sure if she feels the same way for me, but she talks about me as if she could never imagine her life without me now (she actually said that in a msg). When she goes out drinking with her friends or to an event, i get terrified that shes going to meet someone or hook up with some guy, and it tears me apart.

I am lost and unsure what path to take. As mentioned I have a lot of love for my current partner, she still loves me I think, but I just don't think I could happily spend my life with her, and this other girl, I don't know if she has the same feelings for me, I am worried that a confession of love will ruin our friendship, or alternatively, subtly pulling away from her and ending our friendship to focus on my current girlfriend could crush her and thats the last thing I want. I don't know if im willing to risk a long term relationship that might just need some work for something that is just a "what if", although that "what if" could be the best thing to ever happen to me.

The hardest part of all of this is that both parties are mentally fragile women, both have told me they have had experiences with self harm and suicidal thoughts and both have serious abandonment issues, as do I, so I am terrified that either choice or path could lead to serious consequences.

Please help me, any advice or guidance would be appreciated.

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