Think sensual, not sexual

Sex is not just about penetration and orgasms. it is a sensual experience that involves all your senses and your whole body. Thinking sensually can help to remove performance anxiety, leaving you free to enjoy the experience whatever the outcome may be.

Exposing yourselves to sensory stimuli promotes the release of oxytocin, a hormone necessary for sexual arousal and pleasure in both women and men. So, turn your thoughts to sensuality, engage your senses, and try experimenting with the following tips:

Touch: try different types of touch – and not just with your hands. Experiment with textures like different fabrics, feathers, or body lotions.

Sound: Play some sexy music or whisper your fantasies to your partner.

Sight: Get dressed up for bed. Try some sexy underwear, use a little mood lighting, or watch a sexy film together.

Smell: A clean body is often best so that those sexy pheromones can get to work when you get sweaty together.

Tastes: Foods like ice cream and chocolate are not only yummy but they melt in the mouth too. Share some naughty food together.

Talk with not at each other

Couples who argue a lot tend to talk at rather than with each other. Lecturing, nagging, moaning and accusing your partner are talking at. The partner on the receiving end can become defensive or aggressive or might just withdraw from further interaction. One way to improve communication with your partner is the PACT method below:

P – Pay attention to what is being said. Make eye contact and don’t interrupt.

A – Acknowledge what has been said by restating it in your own words.

C – Check from your partner’s response to see if what you said was accurate.

T – Think before you speak. Respond without making accusations, assumptions or judgemental statements.

Show your gratitude

When you live with someone for a long  time, it’s easy to assume that they know and understand you and there is no need to express your appreciation. It can become all too easy to forget to say or do the things that make your partner feel special. But it’s a big mistake to assume that your partners know how important they are to you. Most people like to be told or shown how beautiful we think they are, how grateful we are for what they do and how much we appreciate their qualities.

Psychological research has found that reminding ourselves of the good things in our lives and expressing gratitude can substantially increase our happiness levels, make us more successful and improve our health and relationships. So, both you and your partner will benefit from some kind words.  Tell your partner something you like, appreciate or value about them every day, and tell them what you enjoy doing with them.

Couples that play together stay together

Play isn’t a luxury - it’s one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship! Psychological research has shown that play is as important to your physical and mental health as getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising.  Play helps you relax and to relieve the stress of day-to-day living. It can strengthen emotional bonds, develop creativity, build resilience and enable you to develop the habit of being happy. Play encourages you to be imaginative, open and trusting, all of which are key ingredients of romance.

But whatever it is you’re playing, there are two things you have to take seriously: being together, and the sheer fun of it all. No game is more important than the experience of being together. If you have forgotten how to play, you can try the following:

  1. Sit down, close your eyes, and think back to when you were around four to seven years old. I If it helps, think about a particular event like a birthday or the day you started school.

  2. Now, think of something that you always loved doing – something your parents had to drag you away from, that you always wished you could do for a few more minutes.
  3. Ask yourself what it was about that activity that was so special and try to find an activity that recreates that feeling.

If that doesn’t work, sit down with your partner and try to write a list of all the fun things you would like to do together. 

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