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“Love or lust?”

I had sex with a man for four years. We now haven’t spoken in six months. There was an obvious sexual attraction – he was having problems with his relationship, I was having problems with mine. We both agreed we could never be in a relationship although he says “If things were different, he would have me for the rest of his life.” He claims he doesn’t want to be a stepfather. He often would tell me he loved me, and seemed to be so intimate. I soaked it up quickly, given my situation where my now ex was cheating on me and I was pregnant with his child. I soaked it alllll in.

I had obviously left my ex, but he just recently left his ex, about six months ago. I don’t contact him and he doesn’t me. I’m deeply hurt by this. I miss him so much and I have no one to tell about the situation because it’s a bit fucked up. I fell for a man who may or may not have truly cared for me, when it seems he really did. Was it love or lust? I need some input because all I want is some form of closure from him and not sure I will have the balls to ask for it. This way gives me a peace of mind.

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