Just want to say I'm so grateful to find a page where I can express myself without going to a therapist. So this might be long but I promise I have a point and I really need advice.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years and living for one year together. At the beginning of our relationship, it was soft, sweet, sexy and loving. My man is a humble guy. He doesn't like romance, lovey dovey or affection as much. But in the beginning he did. My man doesn't have a high sex drive like I do! BOOM! I said it!
Now lets approach the problem. I love affection, attention and effort and this he is lacking lately. Now we have spoken about it for a while since we moved in a year ago. We barely have sex now, it's once in a while type of thing, its starting to become a JOB! I swear! I get controlling as well and lead on but, damn, I want to be treated like he wants me as well! He doesn't want to have sex around the house, he doesn't like head on the spot, he doesn't like to try new things. Its like bust a nut, boom, go to sleep. And I'm a freak, so yea... Now! I have an issue with this because we used to be jack rabbits in the beginning and he made me feel so good (loving-wise, sexy, and wanted it when we weren't living together).
Now that we are, it's boring. No flowers, no gifts no love, barely any sex. All he wants to do is smoke and chill after work (which is understandable, he has an active job) But c'mon, I'm tired too, not to mention I am a mother, I have to cook, clean, make sure things are good in the house, work and deal with this mentally. So I'm tired too but how come I always want him? I crave him. I want him to have sex with me like he actually wants it! You know, that type of fifty shades crap!
Little by little things he does is irking me now. and I get turned off so easily by anything. Him not brushing his teeth before bed. Yuck! I don't want kiss him like I used to, him leaving a mess in house, or him just tired all the time.
Now for your mental info we have spoken about this shit always, and it wasn't till recently I had a mental break down. I couldn't take it anymore! Why can't the man I love show me affection and love? Why can't he have sex with me like he actually wants me? One time he yelled in an argument "I'M NOT THE ROMEO TYPE". I was like, what the hell??! lol I don't want no soft guy like Romeo but, damn I'm a hopeless romantic. Give me something. It's like we're roommates.
And my daughter loves this man and sometimes I feel it's a job for him with that too, showing her love and affection. At times I'm like, what have I done? Am I less attractive? Is he too comfortable? I'm feeling insecure now. I don't want to force a man to love me or have sex with me. I feel it's not natural to force someone to show love and affection the way you want them. It should be equal. Well, you get the point, I'm tired of typing, lol. Please help.