We haven’t had sex in seven months
So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we have the best relationship ever. He’s sweet, he’s caring, he’s got the same personality and sense of humor as me, we have our apartments each but we spend the majority of time together. Our families are close and we are loved by the others family. We have so much fun together and do fun dates, we share a group of friends. We often go on vacations. He’s the nicest, we help each other out all the. He says he loves me in many do ways, not just verbally. He’d do anything for me. Except have sex.
Tbfh I do consider myself a great girlfriend. I’m not jealous or controlling, I don’t get mad if he plays video games every night (although it hurts knowing he’d rather do that than touch me). I help him clean his apartment, we have the same sense of humor and our personalities match each others perfect”y. We are quite the perfect couple except for the fact that our sex life has declined increasingly for the past months to the point that we haven’t had sex in 6 whole months.
We never had a crazy amount of sex to begin with, but we used to have sex. Maybe not every day but at least twice a week. During the first weeks we did have sex 5–6 times a week. But then, it disappeared. I have no idea how or why but he’s just not interested in sex anymore. At least not sex with me. I know for a fact he’s not seeing anyone else because we spent a lot of time together and he’s shown me his passwords to his socials. And he really isn’t that kind of guy. He’s been cheated on many times before, and he’s made it very clear that he’d never cheat on anyone ever.
I’ve confronted him many times before about the fact that he doesn’t have sex with me anymore, in the most delicate and careful way, in hopes of getting some communication to get through this, but he always ends up mad and we end up fighting. He doesn’t have ED because he can get hard, he just doesn’t want to have sex with me.
His excuses are usually stuff like:” I’m older than you so I don’t have a high libido” or “I’m tired” “I’m not in the mood”. Mind you he’s never on the mood, he doesn’t have a demanding job and he’s literally just 6 years older than me and still in his 20s.
Ive tried EVERYTHING. I initiate all the time, I have worn sexy lingerie, I’ve told him there’s few things I’d say no to (Though I’m against any sort of swinging or theesoomes or anything involving others) I’m not sex crazed, but I really am down for lots of things. I like fun spontaneous stuff, and I like to be submissive in bed. Nothings worked. I’ve tried to get him in the mood in so many ways: being sexy and seductive, I’ve been soft and romantic, I’ve told him we could try role playing if he wanted to. I’ve offered countless blowjobs and handjobs but I always end up rejected. Ive asked him if there’s anything I do he’d like me to stop doing or viceversa. He says alls good. But still no change, he’s not interested in sex.
he also once told me he is just not a sexual person but then why was he so active at the beginning of the relationship? And he’s also discussed his past with me, and he’s had a lot of sex in his past. Car sex, beach sex, sex with younger women, older women, sex with women who are mothers, etc. so he IS a sexual person. Just not with me. And it breaks my heart.
It hurts a lot because he’s such a good loving partner, it’s really just the sex we’re lacking, but I’m afraid it can escalate and become our downfall. I mean, 6 WHOLE MONTHS of no sex, in your 20s is just crazy.
He does watch porn. I had been ok with it bc I think it’s normal, especially on guys but I didn’t know he watched that much. Recently he told me he did watch a lot and that he still watches it, so it makes me feel like he’d rather watch it than have sex with me.
also, lately everything seems to come before me. He’d rather watch a movie or play video games or just lay in bed and watch tiktoks for 2 hours straight than have sex with me. Even if i try to initiate I get rejected. Even if I ask him with anticipation, he still rejects me or finds and excuse.
I have recently stopped initiating because I feel disgusting, I can’t help but think there’s something wrong with my body and face. Even though he says it is nonsense and that he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful, and that it has nothing to do with him not wanting sex, it just feels that way. How can I believe him when he says he does find me attractive when all he does is reject my attempts of having sex?
I also noticed I’m not his type. Im a short, natural brunette with extremely pale skin, but I used to dye my hair blonde. His exes and celebrity crushes are all tall, skinny brunettes (Kendall Jenner, Dua Lipa, Camilla Belle, etc) while I am pale, short and I recently just dyed my hair back brown for this reason. Could me not being his type be the reason why he doesn’t want to be intimate? He constantly says he doesn’t care abt looks and that he likes me the way I am but idk, this whole situation makes me feel so bad about the way I look. and it’s not that Im not pretty because I’ve been told I am, but I’m just not why he usually goes for.
I am so heartbroken and hurt about this. Does anyone have any advice? Please let it not be “communication” because believe me, I’ve tried it all. He doesn’t open up. I’ve even suggested we look for a therapist or even see a doctor if the issue is physical (I doubt it is), but he simply doesn’t want to do anything about it.
What should I do? I don’t want to end the relationship but I feel so unwanted and just want to feel attractive and sexy. Is there any way to fix it or am I just doomed and condemned to a sexless life? Please help a girl out.