My girlfriend doesn't want sex. In the 4 years we have been together we have made love about 9 times. She has two boys aged 10 & 12 and she works part time and we don't live together. I help her out with stuff like buying her a bike so that she can join her boys, a new TV, a new cooker, plus I took a loan out to buy her a car. She says that she only has sex with me like it's payback for what I do for her. Am I being used?

I have been with my husband for 18 years. Our sex life wasn't great but it was enough at the time. After being rejected by him when I tried to initiate sex I stopped trying. When we decided to have our daughter we had sex only a handful of times. After she was born it stopped, that was 10 years ago. Last year I met a guy at work, I felt great and it boosted my confidence as my marriage was a sham. I did have sex with the guy as I wanted to know if I still had a desire for sex, which I did. After this happened I went to councilling as I was so confused, she gave me the strength to confront my husband and ask him why he didn't want to have sex with me. When I talked to my husband about it he said it was my moods that turned him off wanting to have sex with me. I explained my moods were the result of him not showing me any affection which has led to a vicious circle. We both agreed to try which we did for a few months. We did have sex however he struggled to maintain an erection and could not ejaculate. This upset me as I felt I wasn't enough for him I told him this and he said I was. After this I stopped initiating sex as I wanted to see if my husband would try, that was 6 months ago and he hasn't tried. I am now at the stage I don't know what to do as if I talk to him again he will agree to try but will then do nothing. Having sex with the guy at work made me realise that I need to have a sex life but I'm not sure my husband does!

I've been with my husband for 12 years since we were 18 and 20. About 6 months ago whilst pregnant I accidentally found some internet history that showed my husband was viewing gay porn. I found it on 2 occasions on 2 separate devices. I immediately freaked out thinking our whole life was a lie and he was actually gay using me as a cover or whatever. I confronted him and he said he was embarrassed and assured me he wasn't gay and loved me etc. I forgot about it until recently I stumbled across it again. I'm started to question our relationship and now feel super anxious about it and worried he will later decide he doesn't want to be with me and I'll be a single mum with 2 kids. I've spoken to him about how I feel and he again reassures me he is not gay and loves me and wants to grow old with me etc. I just can't shake the thoughts. It's constantly on my mind and started to affect the relationship and my parenting as I feel constantly distracted. I've had postnatal depression before so not sure if this could be playing a part too in my anxiety or am I right to feel anxious about this. Apart from this he's a loving husband and father who I can't fault otherwise. Please help!

Hi I'm 31 married with 3 kids. We've been together 13 years. She gives no affection hugs kisses cuddles nothing. I've tried to talk to her about it her response was it used to be fresh. I try to give her whatever she wants. We use to be intimate for the first few years. Now I haven't had sex for over a year, and get it once a year if I'm lucky. I am also basically for bidden from touching her. What do I do.

Well, after five years of definitely a less than sexless marriage, three times in all, we finally had THE CHAT! He says he loves me and finds me attractive but each night thinks 'I'll wait till tomorrow.' Yes, tomorrow never comes... no pun intended. He's a closed book usually but told him how unloved unattractive I felt. I've been patient but not so desperate for sex that I would cheat... but one passionate kiss at least. Not much to ask. So every night we'll be in bed and I may as well be sleeping next to a stone. He wouldn't notice if I had old pj's on or nice lingerie or even naked. He's only 40. Now he does have health issues and is now depressed. But last week I asked him if he relieved himself. He said 'Yes last week' and I know it would be to porn. So, no I am not upset that he can't be intimate. I'm angry. If you've no sex drive yet can't respond to your partner naked next to you but can do that, then you are either a liar or keeping something from me. Then he admitted he also feels untrusted. Well, over five years ago I found a secret twitter account where he'd been tweeting a female workmate - way too flirty. He had worked with her every night for eight years. I'd never heard of her. Reading the tweets I was stunned. I'm all for having friends but then to see 'thanks for visiting'?? He had visited her at home once then it was twice but both times with friends when she had broken her leg. If he had told me I would have said get her some flowers but it was the week I was in hospital with pneumonia and he couldn't visit me. He wouldn't add me on Facebook but liked all her (sorry) slutty pics and a man's work leaving do turned out to be hers as I found out later and he'd been liking her outfit pic in the bathroom just before he went and rolled in at 6am. He finally understood he'd been disrespectful and after another 18 months I finally said, 'Enough, take her off twitter and Facebook.' I would have done it instantly if I had been behaving like that. He did. She moved job and got a boyfriend. It's the sneakiness. He said he had never had a woman as a friend and it was work banter. I let it go and accepted he'd not carry it on. But the visiting at home was still niggling so I sent her a polite text... She said he'd never mentioned a partner once and was very secretive but he visited twice, both times alone. Even when I told him what she said he still lied to my face. Just the last few months I've got over the lies and deceit and after our chat I asked how he got there. Nice. two buses there and back. He then had another female at work start the same but he said he'd nipped it in the bud. Partly I felt I had caused his depression by taking his 'friend' away. So you can see where the mistrust comes in. Sometimes I've pretended to be asleep when he gets home so as not to feel like a stranger in my own bed but all he says partly I believe. But funny that all the intimacy stopped exactly the time she popped up on twitter etc. He's great in all other ways but now I'm getting to the point where I think uuck... Do I really want to sleep with him never mind be intimate? And days I want to say 'Leave the car keys and door keys'. I just wish I knew if he was being truthful and things could improve or do I say adios thanks for the memories? Nightmares. It's his only day off today and jokingly I said, 'You know tonight's the night?' He laughed and said, 'Yes, takeaway and a movie.' FFS is he just dim, depressed, or a snide two-faced liar? I'm at the end of my tether and 20 years together can't drag on if it's one sided. I don't need him, I want him but I want him to want me or at least take drama lessons. I still think he's carrying a torch for her and his porn watching has got him to a point where he can't do the deed with a real person. Sorry, long rant but not told anyone before. So, any advice? Lying using snake or a depressed man? I have tried to help. Do I cut my losses while I love him or let him stay as a roommate which is all he feels like and be taken over by bitterness? The trust issue is his burden. Trust has to be re-earned when broken or am I just putting two and two together and making five and overreacting?

I have been with my current boyfriend 5 years but recently hasnt been showing intimate feelings over the last couple or years. I am Bi and at the start of the realtionship he was open to brining in another woman. Recently i made freinds with a trans female and we both like each other.and reallu have made a conection but my boyfi

I've decided to finally begin writing about this here, as I saw a few posts here about women being in the same situation as me and I know writing is a healthy outlet. My partner and I have been together for over 3 years, when we first met he was in his active addiction and I was also a heavy drinker. Due to this, we had a lot of crazy kinky sex. Do I need it like that? No. But do I compare how he wanted me than to how he wants me now? Yes. I am happier we are both healthier now, but our sex life/intimate life is not satisfying me. Nearly any relationship I had been in, we were having sex way more frequently. I like to do it at least a couple of times a week, if not every day is possible. Why not? I’m still 28, and I’m healthy with a sexual appetite.. I enjoy sex, and I have always been confident sexually so “feeling sexy” was never something I struggled with. We have sex about once a week now, and it's usually always on a Saturday, in the shower, and initiated by me or forced by him because he can see how frustrated I am becoming. I think part of the reason I also want sex so badly, is because he is not an overly affectionate guy (for many reasons), so when we have sex its a good time for me to “feel” the love and feel closer than ever. I understand that he has his own way of showing he loves me and I also understand there are different love languages and not all people are as touchy or romantic. The thing is, as a First Nations man, he has also been exposed to a lot of intergenerational and immediate trauma in his life and he also struggles with mental health challenges, and severe stomach issues and is constantly in discomfort. I believe him and know he has suffered for years, and I would do anything to take all of his pain away. At the same time, I am a human with needs and when they are unmet I am left feeling gross, unwanted, and even selfish for feeling this despite knowing his struggles. The thing is, the reason we usually do it in the shower (in the same position all of the time) is because that is the only place his stomach does not bother him as much. We have spent years trying to resolve his digestive issues and it's been honestly disappointing and a never ending battle. But the thing is, it was also bad when we were no longer drinking further in our relationship and still having sex regularly. I understand he suffers, but I think sometimes the desire to have sex just doesn’t overpower what ever he is feeling. I wish sometimes it did. As women we grow up conditioned into thinking that men always want sex and are always hungry and looking for it. Even from my experience, whatever partner I have ever had has always been all over me. At one point in our relationship, he was addicted to pornography. He was also lying to me about masturbating. It took us a while to get over that and resolve it (if its been resolved). This fucked me up really bad, and still does today to be honest. He never wanted to have sex with me because he said he was tired or he would never finish and I found out he was watching porn and jerking off nearly every day. Its common for people with childhood trauma, or addictions in general to become addicted to internet porn.. But the feeling of someone rather having something that is non-physical and external to you- is unfathomable. We got through it, I’ve been under the impression for about a year that he doesn’t watch porn anymore. I honestly believe he doesn’t, and he wouldn’t really even have time to now anyways. But, is it wrong for me to still wonder in the back of my mind? I guess I have some questions to myself. Is my partner still addicted to porn? Is it wrong for me to be upset and sexually frustrated for not having sex more often while knowing he struggles with multiple things that cause him to feel this way? Is it just normal for some couples to not have sex more than once a week? Should I be “normalizing” it if I still feel crappy and like I want it more often?

My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been together on and off for almost 2 years. When we start seeing each other the intimacy is quite high and we have sex at least 2 or 3 times a week. But it has suddenly dropped to nothing. I am constantly trying to initiate it and he doesn't show any interest at all and says ''it dies down in a relationship" etc. It has been 2 weeks and I tried to initiate it 4 days ago and ended up having a breakdown asking him if he even finds me attractive because I rarely even get any compliments about my body. He said he finds me beautiful he just doesn't feel like it but then I found out he was watching porn the other night when I wasn't over. I'm just not sure what I am supposed to do because I feel so insecure.

He says he still wants me..thst its not that he doesnt want me sexually...it will go back the way it was. I dont think i turn him on anymore and hes hoping it will go back to how it was. It kills me inside but facts are there...he doesnt want sex with me. Never wants anything to do with sex brought up or he gets mad. Ive even told him i wanted to basically fulfill any fantasy he wanted..few times and he turned me down. Im just being stupid huh? Its tight in front of me right? I just dont want to accept that he doesnt want me anymore..right..wrong?? Help seriously bad. Its killing me slowly each day.

Hello, I'm 26 years old and have been married for 1.5 years. Before marriage I dated him for nearly 3 years. At the beginning of our relationship my partner was very much sexually attracted to me as he was stealing even little moments to kiss me or touch me and asked for photos and stuff but we never had full intercourse (due to cultural values), even though he liked it. Gradually I felt like he was losing interest in the sex part as soon as my mom passed away. He was obsessed in taking care for me and making me feel better. A year later we got married and moved to Australia. On our first night together and ever since I've tried several times to initiate sex but he does not want to. I'm a very shy girl in nature but I don't have any other option than initiating and trying. I make jokes, I tell him seriously that I want it but he makes jokes about it and that's it. I've began to feel desperate and during this 1.5 years I've argued and cried three times but he never answers my questions. Only thing he does is give me a hug that's it. I soon stop the conversation as I feel so ashamed of myself for being needy and sexually active. Unfortunately I feel like I'm sexually too active as I can't stop feeling desperate and I've started imagining things in my head with fictional characters. I've started watching love making videos and satisfying myself but I feel so empty. I want intimacy and during this 1.5 years we haven't even kissed lips. Whenever I try to kiss him on the cheek he laughs and pushes me away saying it tickles. Please help!! He is a lovely man and I love him!

I'm unsure of my husband. He had been doing gym for over a yr. I trusted him. End of last year he started a gym class called hiit. There was only girls. I didn't worry at first. He ended up being late once I felt faint. Don't know if this was true or a lie. A few weeks later he came bk from that class and took his wedding ring on two occasions showing me his finger with no ring. I am a person hides my emotions. I had a row on valentines day and cut up his roses. I noticed he txt someone and hid in the toilet (deleting evidence)He said I was paranoid. When I said I don't want him doing this class he gave me an evil glare. My friends think that he is selfish. He liked the class, but i still let him go to ordinary gym. Was he cheating or potentially cheating?. After the row he is only half into me. Now he has problems with work with work load and acting distant. I don't know whether or not to stay or go. He's not wanting sex at the moment due to stress. I was going to walk out on valentines day. Another time he didn't give me much affection I was going to have a break had my bag packed and toothpaste brush I was going to stay in a hotel for a few nights but he stopped me he was more affectionate for a few days. I have two young children. I don't know what to do! I love him but i don't like the changed him. I had tummy pains he never cuddled me one day. What is wrong with him.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we have the best relationship ever. He’s sweet, he’s caring, he’s got the same personality and sense of humor as me, we have our apartments each but we spend the majority of time together. Our families are close and we are loved by the others family. We have so much fun together and do fun dates, we share a group of friends. We often go on vacations. He’s the nicest, we help each other out all the. He says he loves me in many do ways, not just verbally. He’d do anything for me. Except have sex. Tbfh I do consider myself a great girlfriend. I’m not jealous or controlling, I don’t get mad if he plays video games every night (although it hurts knowing he’d rather do that than touch me). I help him clean his apartment, we have the same sense of humor and our personalities match each others perfect”y. We are quite the perfect couple except for the fact that our sex life has declined increasingly for the past months to the point that we haven’t had sex in 6 whole months. We never had a crazy amount of sex to begin with, but we used to have sex. Maybe not every day but at least twice a week. During the first weeks we did have sex 5–6 times a week. But then, it disappeared. I have no idea how or why but he’s just not interested in sex anymore. At least not sex with me. I know for a fact he’s not seeing anyone else because we spent a lot of time together and he’s shown me his passwords to his socials. And he really isn’t that kind of guy. He’s been cheated on many times before, and he’s made it very clear that he’d never cheat on anyone ever. I’ve confronted him many times before about the fact that he doesn’t have sex with me anymore, in the most delicate and careful way, in hopes of getting some communication to get through this, but he always ends up mad and we end up fighting. He doesn’t have ED because he can get hard, he just doesn’t want to have sex with me. His excuses are usually stuff like:” I’m older than you so I don’t have a high libido” or “I’m tired” “I’m not in the mood”. Mind you he’s never on the mood, he doesn’t have a demanding job and he’s literally just 6 years older than me and still in his 20s. Ive tried EVERYTHING. I initiate all the time, I have worn sexy lingerie, I’ve told him there’s few things I’d say no to (Though I’m against any sort of swinging or theesoomes or anything involving others) I’m not sex crazed, but I really am down for lots of things. I like fun spontaneous stuff, and I like to be submissive in bed. Nothings worked. I’ve tried to get him in the mood in so many ways: being sexy and seductive, I’ve been soft and romantic, I’ve told him we could try role playing if he wanted to. I’ve offered countless blowjobs and handjobs but I always end up rejected. Ive asked him if there’s anything I do he’d like me to stop doing or viceversa. He says alls good. But still no change, he’s not interested in sex. he also once told me he is just not a sexual person but then why was he so active at the beginning of the relationship? And he’s also discussed his past with me, and he’s had a lot of sex in his past. Car sex, beach sex, sex with younger women, older women, sex with women who are mothers, etc. so he IS a sexual person. Just not with me. And it breaks my heart. It hurts a lot because he’s such a good loving partner, it’s really just the sex we’re lacking, but I’m afraid it can escalate and become our downfall. I mean, 6 WHOLE MONTHS of no sex, in your 20s is just crazy. He does watch porn. I had been ok with it bc I think it’s normal, especially on guys but I didn’t know he watched that much. Recently he told me he did watch a lot and that he still watches it, so it makes me feel like he’d rather watch it than have sex with me. also, lately everything seems to come before me. He’d rather watch a movie or play video games or just lay in bed and watch tiktoks for 2 hours straight than have sex with me. Even if i try to initiate I get rejected. Even if I ask him with anticipation, he still rejects me or finds and excuse. I have recently stopped initiating because I feel disgusting, I can’t help but think there’s something wrong with my body and face. Even though he says it is nonsense and that he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful, and that it has nothing to do with him not wanting sex, it just feels that way. How can I believe him when he says he does find me attractive when all he does is reject my attempts of having sex? I also noticed I’m not his type. Im a short, natural brunette with extremely pale skin, but I used to dye my hair blonde. His exes and celebrity crushes are all tall, skinny brunettes (Kendall Jenner, Dua Lipa, Camilla Belle, etc) while I am pale, short and I recently just dyed my hair back brown for this reason. Could me not being his type be the reason why he doesn’t want to be intimate? He constantly says he doesn’t care abt looks and that he likes me the way I am but idk, this whole situation makes me feel so bad about the way I look. and it’s not that Im not pretty because I’ve been told I am, but I’m just not why he usually goes for. I am so heartbroken and hurt about this. Does anyone have any advice? Please let it not be “communication” because believe me, I’ve tried it all. He doesn’t open up. I’ve even suggested we look for a therapist or even see a doctor if the issue is physical (I doubt it is), but he simply doesn’t want to do anything about it. What should I do? I don’t want to end the relationship but I feel so unwanted and just want to feel attractive and sexy. Is there any way to fix it or am I just doomed and condemned to a sexless life? Please help a girl out.