Well, after five years of definitely a less than sexless marriage, three times in all, we finally had THE CHAT! He says he loves me and finds me attractive but each night thinks 'I'll wait till tomorrow.' Yes, tomorrow never comes... no pun intended. He's a closed book usually but told him how unloved unattractive I felt. I've been patient but not so desperate for sex that I would cheat... but one passionate kiss at least. Not much to ask. So every night we'll be in bed and I may as well be sleeping next to a stone. He wouldn't notice if I had old pj's on or nice lingerie or even naked. He's only 40. Now he does have health issues and is now depressed. But last week I asked him if he relieved himself. He said 'Yes last week' and I know it would be to porn. So, no I am not upset that he can't be intimate. I'm angry. If you've no sex drive yet can't respond to your partner naked next to you but can do that, then you are either a liar or keeping something from me. Then he admitted he also feels untrusted. Well, over five years ago I found a secret twitter account where he'd been tweeting a female workmate - way too flirty. He had worked with her every night for eight years. I'd never heard of her. Reading the tweets I was stunned. I'm all for having friends but then to see 'thanks for visiting'?? He had visited her at home once then it was twice but both times with friends when she had broken her leg. If he had told me I would have said get her some flowers but it was the week I was in hospital with pneumonia and he couldn't visit me. He wouldn't add me on Facebook but liked all her (sorry) slutty pics and a man's work leaving do turned out to be hers as I found out later and he'd been liking her outfit pic in the bathroom just before he went and rolled in at 6am. He finally understood he'd been disrespectful and after another 18 months I finally said, 'Enough, take her off twitter and Facebook.' I would have done it instantly if I had been behaving like that. He did. She moved job and got a boyfriend. It's the sneakiness. He said he had never had a woman as a friend and it was work banter. I let it go and accepted he'd not carry it on. But the visiting at home was still niggling so I sent her a polite text... She said he'd never mentioned a partner once and was very secretive but he visited twice, both times alone. Even when I told him what she said he still lied to my face. Just the last few months I've got over the lies and deceit and after our chat I asked how he got there. Nice. two buses there and back. He then had another female at work start the same but he said he'd nipped it in the bud. Partly I felt I had caused his depression by taking his 'friend' away. So you can see where the mistrust comes in. Sometimes I've pretended to be asleep when he gets home so as not to feel like a stranger in my own bed but all he says partly I believe. But funny that all the intimacy stopped exactly the time she popped up on twitter etc. He's great in all other ways but now I'm getting to the point where I think uuck... Do I really want to sleep with him never mind be intimate? And days I want to say 'Leave the car keys and door keys'. I just wish I knew if he was being truthful and things could improve or do I say adios thanks for the memories? Nightmares. It's his only day off today and jokingly I said, 'You know tonight's the night?' He laughed and said, 'Yes, takeaway and a movie.' FFS is he just dim, depressed, or a snide two-faced liar? I'm at the end of my tether and 20 years together can't drag on if it's one sided. I don't need him, I want him but I want him to want me or at least take drama lessons. I still think he's carrying a torch for her and his porn watching has got him to a point where he can't do the deed with a real person. Sorry, long rant but not told anyone before. So, any advice? Lying using snake or a depressed man? I have tried to help. Do I cut my losses while I love him or let him stay as a roommate which is all he feels like and be taken over by bitterness? The trust issue is his burden. Trust has to be re-earned when broken or am I just putting two and two together and making five and overreacting?

My girlfriend doesn't want sex. In the 4 years we have been together we have made love about 9 times. She has two boys aged 10 & 12 and she works part time and we don't live together. I help her out with stuff like buying her a bike so that she can join her boys, a new TV, a new cooker, plus I took a loan out to buy her a car. She says that she only has sex with me like it's payback for what I do for her. Am I being used?

I have been with my husband for 18 years. Our sex life wasn't great but it was enough at the time. After being rejected by him when I tried to initiate sex I stopped trying. When we decided to have our daughter we had sex only a handful of times. After she was born it stopped, that was 10 years ago. Last year I met a guy at work, I felt great and it boosted my confidence as my marriage was a sham. I did have sex with the guy as I wanted to know if I still had a desire for sex, which I did. After this happened I went to councilling as I was so confused, she gave me the strength to confront my husband and ask him why he didn't want to have sex with me. When I talked to my husband about it he said it was my moods that turned him off wanting to have sex with me. I explained my moods were the result of him not showing me any affection which has led to a vicious circle. We both agreed to try which we did for a few months. We did have sex however he struggled to maintain an erection and could not ejaculate. This upset me as I felt I wasn't enough for him I told him this and he said I was. After this I stopped initiating sex as I wanted to see if my husband would try, that was 6 months ago and he hasn't tried. I am now at the stage I don't know what to do as if I talk to him again he will agree to try but will then do nothing. Having sex with the guy at work made me realise that I need to have a sex life but I'm not sure my husband does!

I've been with my husband for 12 years since we were 18 and 20. About 6 months ago whilst pregnant I accidentally found some internet history that showed my husband was viewing gay porn. I found it on 2 occasions on 2 separate devices. I immediately freaked out thinking our whole life was a lie and he was actually gay using me as a cover or whatever. I confronted him and he said he was embarrassed and assured me he wasn't gay and loved me etc. I forgot about it until recently I stumbled across it again. I'm started to question our relationship and now feel super anxious about it and worried he will later decide he doesn't want to be with me and I'll be a single mum with 2 kids. I've spoken to him about how I feel and he again reassures me he is not gay and loves me and wants to grow old with me etc. I just can't shake the thoughts. It's constantly on my mind and started to affect the relationship and my parenting as I feel constantly distracted. I've had postnatal depression before so not sure if this could be playing a part too in my anxiety or am I right to feel anxious about this. Apart from this he's a loving husband and father who I can't fault otherwise. Please help!

Hi I'm 31 married with 3 kids. We've been together 13 years. She gives no affection hugs kisses cuddles nothing. I've tried to talk to her about it her response was it used to be fresh. I try to give her whatever she wants. We use to be intimate for the first few years. Now I haven't had sex for over a year, and get it once a year if I'm lucky. I am also basically for bidden from touching her. What do I do.

I have been with my current boyfriend 5 years but recently hasnt been showing intimate feelings over the last couple or years. I am Bi and at the start of the realtionship he was open to brining in another woman. Recently i made freinds with a trans female and we both like each other.and reallu have made a conection but my boyfi

So I personally have never talked about my sex life with my parents (I am only 20) But my boyfriend has always been pretty close with his dad and would talk to him about things as they happened (dating 4yrs and started very slow) as we were both each other's firsts. Since we had sex for the first time about 2 weeks ago he just told his dad. and although it's not like I'm directly involved or will be "talked to" by his dad it makes me upset and grossed out honestly. I don't know why or how to handle the feeling. It may be bc I've never been close with my father like that so it seems unnatural or bc I don't have anyone to talk to about it in my Christian home.

I've decided to finally begin writing about this here, as I saw a few posts here about women being in the same situation as me and I know writing is a healthy outlet. My partner and I have been together for over 3 years, when we first met he was in his active addiction and I was also a heavy drinker. Due to this, we had a lot of crazy kinky sex. Do I need it like that? No. But do I compare how he wanted me than to how he wants me now? Yes. I am happier we are both healthier now, but our sex life/intimate life is not satisfying me. Nearly any relationship I had been in, we were having sex way more frequently. I like to do it at least a couple of times a week, if not every day is possible. Why not? I’m still 28, and I’m healthy with a sexual appetite.. I enjoy sex, and I have always been confident sexually so “feeling sexy” was never something I struggled with. We have sex about once a week now, and it's usually always on a Saturday, in the shower, and initiated by me or forced by him because he can see how frustrated I am becoming. I think part of the reason I also want sex so badly, is because he is not an overly affectionate guy (for many reasons), so when we have sex its a good time for me to “feel” the love and feel closer than ever. I understand that he has his own way of showing he loves me and I also understand there are different love languages and not all people are as touchy or romantic. The thing is, as a First Nations man, he has also been exposed to a lot of intergenerational and immediate trauma in his life and he also struggles with mental health challenges, and severe stomach issues and is constantly in discomfort. I believe him and know he has suffered for years, and I would do anything to take all of his pain away. At the same time, I am a human with needs and when they are unmet I am left feeling gross, unwanted, and even selfish for feeling this despite knowing his struggles. The thing is, the reason we usually do it in the shower (in the same position all of the time) is because that is the only place his stomach does not bother him as much. We have spent years trying to resolve his digestive issues and it's been honestly disappointing and a never ending battle. But the thing is, it was also bad when we were no longer drinking further in our relationship and still having sex regularly. I understand he suffers, but I think sometimes the desire to have sex just doesn’t overpower what ever he is feeling. I wish sometimes it did. As women we grow up conditioned into thinking that men always want sex and are always hungry and looking for it. Even from my experience, whatever partner I have ever had has always been all over me. At one point in our relationship, he was addicted to pornography. He was also lying to me about masturbating. It took us a while to get over that and resolve it (if its been resolved). This fucked me up really bad, and still does today to be honest. He never wanted to have sex with me because he said he was tired or he would never finish and I found out he was watching porn and jerking off nearly every day. Its common for people with childhood trauma, or addictions in general to become addicted to internet porn.. But the feeling of someone rather having something that is non-physical and external to you- is unfathomable. We got through it, I’ve been under the impression for about a year that he doesn’t watch porn anymore. I honestly believe he doesn’t, and he wouldn’t really even have time to now anyways. But, is it wrong for me to still wonder in the back of my mind? I guess I have some questions to myself. Is my partner still addicted to porn? Is it wrong for me to be upset and sexually frustrated for not having sex more often while knowing he struggles with multiple things that cause him to feel this way? Is it just normal for some couples to not have sex more than once a week? Should I be “normalizing” it if I still feel crappy and like I want it more often?

My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been together on and off for almost 2 years. When we start seeing each other the intimacy is quite high and we have sex at least 2 or 3 times a week. But it has suddenly dropped to nothing. I am constantly trying to initiate it and he doesn't show any interest at all and says ''it dies down in a relationship" etc. It has been 2 weeks and I tried to initiate it 4 days ago and ended up having a breakdown asking him if he even finds me attractive because I rarely even get any compliments about my body. He said he finds me beautiful he just doesn't feel like it but then I found out he was watching porn the other night when I wasn't over. I'm just not sure what I am supposed to do because I feel so insecure.

He says he still wants me..thst its not that he doesnt want me sexually...it will go back the way it was. I dont think i turn him on anymore and hes hoping it will go back to how it was. It kills me inside but facts are there...he doesnt want sex with me. Never wants anything to do with sex brought up or he gets mad. Ive even told him i wanted to basically fulfill any fantasy he wanted..few times and he turned me down. Im just being stupid huh? Its tight in front of me right? I just dont want to accept that he doesnt want me anymore..right..wrong?? Help seriously bad. Its killing me slowly each day.

I would really love to hear from anyone else who is going or has gone through what I have been experiencing for the past year. I have been with my husband for 29 years. Suddenly last June he started acting strangely; he was moody and irritable with me. I just knew something was wrong. When I asked him he suddenly came out with loads of things he hadn't been happy about over the years, blaming me for everything that had gone wrong in our lives, telling me I had had my own way all these years (when to my mind we had made decisions together), saying I had held him back because he wanted to "see the world" whereas I was reluctant to fly long haul. This was all a big shock, and very upsetting. Prior to that everything was great - the kids had left home and we were finally free to do whatever we wanted to do. He decided he needed to get away to clear his head, and flew off to Portugal by himself for a week. When he came back he told me he did want to make things work; however, nothing had changed with regard to his attitude and he did absolutely nothing to make our relationship better. For the next few months he continued to just leave and fly off to Portugal, only letting me know he was going literally as he was walking out the door, not telling me where he was staying, or even when he would be back. This was all really worrying for me and our daughters. All the time he was away we barely heard from him; he would just send a one word reply if we messaged to ask if he was OK. Every time he came back he told me he wanted to make things work but, again, made no effort whatsoever to make things better. He avoids coming anywhere near me: he literally hasn't touched me even with a fingertip for over a year now. We have separate rooms. He won't go anywhere with me, even to the supermarket. It makes me feel disgusting, unattractive, unlovable etc. He only really talks about how he's feeling when he's had a few glasses of red wine, and at those times he says he feels like a failure, that he hasn't provided as he should. We do not own our house due to various reasons, but he is blaming me for this which I feel is unjustified. He has always been someone who does exactly what he wants when he wants to do it, yet he is accusing me of saying no to things and saying he just went along with things to keep me happy. I think that he had really wanted to do these things, he would have done them. I have asked him to see a therapist; he is reluctant to do this, saying he doesn't believe in "all that". He doesn't open up easily at the best of times and so would probably not be a willing participant; however even that can't be done at the moment due to Covid. He says he doesn't want to speak to some online or on the phone. I feel like he is making excuses and just doesn't want to do it. My gut feeling is that he doesn't love me anymore but doesn't want to admit it. He has no money that I am aware of and so couldn't afford to rent his own place, and I think he is just not leaving me because of that. We are stuck her like housemates, just eating dinner together and then he goes off to his room. He can be quite chatty, but only about current affairs, what is happening with the kids, what is happening with the cats, what's on TV at the moment, NEVER about our situation. I love him and want this to work, but if I am right that he doesn't love me, he needs to leave me and let me move on. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this I would be grateful. I go through so many different emotions every day - sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I feel sorry for him, sometimes I'm lonely, the list goes on. If you have read all of this, thank you for your patience!

My wife and I have been together for eight years, and we have a one-year-old boy together. Now is thing, I love my wife very much, I adore her and find her very attractive. I'm always lock and loaded ready for her but thing is, she's never interested... not the even slightest. And she never agrees with me, or make joint decisions. I feel like she's always fighting against me, not sure if this is intentionally or not. I've spoken to her about these things, and how they are a big deal to me. So much for a big deal, I am prepare to leave as this is not how I pictured the rest of our lives together but nothing has changed. I have asked her, does she still loves me, in love with me and want be with me? She says yes but there's no fun in marriage and I am struggling with is. I long for her intimacy, closeness and for us to be one in everything, but it feels like I am the only one wanting these feelings. I just feel like the relationship is pointless and worthless... I don't want to be without her and I want to be in my son's life full time, near and close by, I just feel like the lack of fun, intimacy and team work is killing slowly and softly. My question is, am I been unreasonable, am I asking for too much or being unfair?

My husband comes home in the afternoons then leaves again doesn't come back home until 2-4am in the morning then leaves again at 5:30am... he doesn't seem to want to be at home, i think i am unattractive to him now. I've had 5 kids so my body is brilliant, we don't have sex unless he wants to. Yes i have tried but he doesn't seem to be interested, i tell him i love him when i see him and he says it back, i tell him i love him when we are on the phone together when he wants to answer and he never says it. Am i over reacting or is something wrong? what should i do i need help.