I would really love to hear from anyone else who is going or has gone through what I have been experiencing for the past year. I have been with my husband for 29 years. Suddenly last June he started acting strangely; he was moody and irritable with me. I just knew something was wrong. When I asked him he suddenly came out with loads of things he hadn't been happy about over the years, blaming me for everything that had gone wrong in our lives, telling me I had had my own way all these years (when to my mind we had made decisions together), saying I had held him back because he wanted to "see the world" whereas I was reluctant to fly long haul. This was all a big shock, and very upsetting.
Prior to that everything was great - the kids had left home and we were finally free to do whatever we wanted to do. He decided he needed to get away to clear his head, and flew off to Portugal by himself for a week. When he came back he told me he did want to make things work; however, nothing had changed with regard to his attitude and he did absolutely nothing to make our relationship better. For the next few months he continued to just leave and fly off to Portugal, only letting me know he was going literally as he was walking out the door, not telling me where he was staying, or even when he would be back. This was all really worrying for me and our daughters. All the time he was away we barely heard from him; he would just send a one word reply if we messaged to ask if he was OK.
Every time he came back he told me he wanted to make things work but, again, made no effort whatsoever to make things better. He avoids coming anywhere near me: he literally hasn't touched me even with a fingertip for over a year now. We have separate rooms. He won't go anywhere with me, even to the supermarket. It makes me feel disgusting, unattractive, unlovable etc. He only really talks about how he's feeling when he's had a few glasses of red wine, and at those times he says he feels like a failure, that he hasn't provided as he should.
We do not own our house due to various reasons, but he is blaming me for this which I feel is unjustified. He has always been someone who does exactly what he wants when he wants to do it, yet he is accusing me of saying no to things and saying he just went along with things to keep me happy. I think that he had really wanted to do these things, he would have done them. I have asked him to see a therapist; he is reluctant to do this, saying he doesn't believe in "all that". He doesn't open up easily at the best of times and so would probably not be a willing participant; however even that can't be done at the moment due to Covid. He says he doesn't want to speak to some online or on the phone. I feel like he is making excuses and just doesn't want to do it.
My gut feeling is that he doesn't love me anymore but doesn't want to admit it. He has no money that I am aware of and so couldn't afford to rent his own place, and I think he is just not leaving me because of that. We are stuck her like housemates, just eating dinner together and then he goes off to his room. He can be quite chatty, but only about current affairs, what is happening with the kids, what is happening with the cats, what's on TV at the moment, NEVER about our situation.
I love him and want this to work, but if I am right that he doesn't love me, he needs to leave me and let me move on. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this I would be grateful. I go through so many different emotions every day - sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I feel sorry for him, sometimes I'm lonely, the list goes on. If you have read all of this, thank you for your patience!