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My love story

Hi, I'm 18 years old, I live and grew up in the countryside. My parents were friends with neighbors from the same village. They had children my age and my sister's age. She is seven years older than me. My friend, the neighbor's daughter, is two years younger than me, her older brother is three years older than me, and the oldest, who left home quickly, is a few years older than my sister.

We all met together very often when we were children, we went to school and kindergarten together. Our parents spent time together and we often played together. Mainly me and my younger friend, my sister was watching over us, and sometimes with her brother, with whom I understood more, probably because of his age. I remember those years wonderfully, although there were also some worse moments.

Later I changed school to a music school, her older brother had his own company, but I still hang out with my younger friend. In the meantime, their parents had a nasty divorce and from then on everything started to go wrong. Slowly, without even noticing, I began to lose contact with my older friend.

At some point, when I was 13-14, I started to like him. I dreamed about it every day and everything. We met at events, for example birthdays or village bonfires. However, we didn't talk to each other. I was having a difficult time in my life at the time, I was afraid to approach him. I was ashamed, it was my first love and I have always been shy. I told my younger friend about this infatuation and she laughed at me, although I don't know if she was happy.

Later we didn't talk about it anymore, I told her that I had fallen out of love. I thought so for some time, but every time I saw him, the feeling came back. He had a girlfriend for a while, but he broke up with her because he started studying abroad. I was honestly happy then because I thought we would lose contact and I would fall out of love with him. Although I missed him, I slowly forgot. The problem was that he returned to his family every now and then for the holidays.

In the meantime, my young friend had been drinking alcohol and smoking e-cigarettes for several years, and we had completely different lives and friends, which made us distance ourselves more and more. We haven't had anything to talk about lately, I miss her a lot and she seems to miss me too, but when I meet her I don't see any commitment on her part.

About her brother: the last time I met him, I thought I didn't feel anything for him, but it turned out that it wasn't true. This feeling hasn't gone away and it scares me. In addition, he has a girlfriend in college.

I recently got over it and talked to him. It was wonderful. I felt very natural talking to him. we even sang one song together at the party. I invited him to my birthday party on the 18th, but he couldn't come because he had classes at college. My mother and sister advise me to invite him to the class prom, which is supposed to be in January, but again I'm afraid he won't be able to. I don't have anyone to invite. I don't know whether to try or give up? 

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