I’ve been in a physical and mental abusive relationship for over 15 years. Sometimes I wanna run away far where no one can find me. We have 4 kids and the oldest is 15. I have no family in the state we live in. I don’t work because I have two twins that don’t go to school yet so they require a lot of attention. I feel like I’m not capable of leaving because of my kids I wouldn’t be able to afford anything and I will struggle it would be great if someone who’s been there can give me some tips . Thanks

Short and sweet... I am engaged to a guy since last year, we have been together for 10. I'm finding that his sulking is getting intolerable. Example: since 2 weeks he has given me the "I'm so sad" because my friends got me out the house unexpectedly and he did not like it and went quiet for days. I went to a car boot and I liked something but he thought that it was not right for me and because I bought it ....he sulked! Now only today I cooked the meal and it was time for my swimming lesson (trying to strengthen my compressed nerve), I told him to eat and I will when I get back but he became sulky and is now lying in the bedroom whilst I am in the living room. I have tried to speak to him but have noticed that if I do not speak to him first his next phase is the scorned man, when that does not work he is back to sulky. I am 49, he is 51. I feel like a child who is in trouble and it gives me sleepless nights. I have gone through the same with my ex for 23 years and this for 11 years. He is normally a good decent man but this behaviour makes me want to run away and live in a cave alone.

Hi, I've never done this before and it it's my first time ever posting but i needed some advice. Me and my sons dad split when he was 3 months old and hes now 11 years old. We went to court over my son when he was 11months old and court orders were put in place. These were changed in 2010 and they are now for me to have my son unsupervised overnight one week and thursday til sunday the other week. Recently me and my new partner who i have been with for 2 and a half years had an arguement where he hit me, it wasnt expected and hes never done anything like this before but due to underlying issues at the time it did happen. It was reported to the police and we have since resolved this issue ourselves. Since the incident happened someone made a call to social services stating i threatened to self harm and overdose while i have my son. I do have mental health problems but my psychiatrist has been asking about finishing my outpatient care as he feels that now i have been off my medication and stable for 3years i no longer need the help i once did. Obviously the call to social services was a lie, they rang my sons dad to tell him of the complaint. He told me about the call and what was said. He has said about my partner being around our son. Now my partner would never harm my son or do anything that would cause him harm as he loves him like his own children. My sons dad has told me that should my partner come back he will stop my son coming down to my home. I know he will be in breach of the court orders as they state he is to be made available to me on the days stated. What can i do regarding this as i do not want to lose contact with my son over someones lies to social services.

Hi ! Season's Greetings ! Hope all donig fantastic. I threw myself in but og a heart breaking situation here and im totally cofused what to do ? I broke my 14 years of toxic marriage with my husband . I few to another country immediately to pursue my further studies and met this guy. This guy already has long distance girlfriend. He claims to love her so much and keeps talking about her that how great she is. Slowly he started approaching me and telling me how good I am and started touching my body in little but inappropriate way. I confronted him and told him that I am totally in mess situation and I have become numb I don’t feel anything for you. He said I don’t know even if I feel anything for you but still he kept perusing me by flattering comments. I started taking care of him in every way and started to develop feelings for him. He kept coming close and I tried going away because he was committed and in love. After I tried going away he started becoming very rude and distant to me. Being in same house I felt horrible and I don’t know how but I went running to him asking why he is not talking to me and rude to me then he started to treat me bad and aggressively screaming on me. I was feeling lonely and horrible because I confided in him and told him all im going through and he was the only person I knew in the country. Then suddenly one day he tried kissing me and I let him. I was ashamed and honestly didn’t even feel nice.. since then he was again nice to me. This cycle kept on going till he got few physical favors from me (other than intercourse) and I kpet growing close to him. I do all his work help him in everything as of im his fulltime made and few physical favors whenever he needs to get close to me. One day I asked him what is all this and we need to stop this or you breakup with your gf and be with me. He said I just have attraction for you and care for you. We aren’t even want to having sex with each other (we do everything else but intercourse what gives only him pleasure not anything I want). I try so much to go away from him and he keep pulling me towards him . He keeps telling to his GF daily even in front of me. He compares his gf with me every time and try to show how great she is in everything. He said he value me and cares for me but he cant love me as he is committed and about physical attraction that he want to stop but couldn’t . Now he wants to stop because he is going to meet his gf after long and he is scared that experience with me would hamper his pleasure with his GF. Do feel deep emotions for him and I want to go away from him but I’m stuck in my emotions. Does he love me or not? Even I love him or is this anything else ? Otherwise I’m very strong person but first time with this man I’m falling weak and doing everything I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing for anyone. Why I am weak? I surely know he cant be the one for me but then what is this attachment? Please help me !

I am in a serious relationship and we have had our ups and downs like anyone. I have moved away from my awesome job, family and friends and moved 18 hrs away from everyone and everything I've known. During this time my bf has had his own issues with not seeing his daughter, buying a house, me moving in and everything. I've helped him the best I can with those issues. Lately I have had issues of my own with anxiety and some depression. When he was stressed he would occasionally lash out at me for saying or doing stupid things. Like starting hypothetical conversations, or not closing drawers all the way. He gets so angry and when I try to explain myself or my reasons for saying or doing something he gets more irate. When I get upset or irritable it is unacceptable and starts a huge fight. He blames his outbursts on me saying that "if you wouldn't have starting talking about it I wouldn't have gotten mad" or "you could see me getting pissed you should have shut up" "you're talking in circles and repeating yourself and it pissed me off". Our last argument we were watching a show about abuse and I made a comment saying "I wouldn't beat you up if you cheated, I would just leave because you don't do that to someone you love" then he goes on about how "yeah, because you know better than to try anything because you would lose" I responded with "I'm sure I could hurt you if I wanted to, but I wouldn't". He took this as a threat and it started a huge fight. I was so confused why he was so angry because he didn't even hear the part that I wouldn't ever do anything, he only heard that I was threatening him. I tried to explain that's not what I meant and he accused me of taking back what I say, and this is why men call women crazy and "answer me and tell me what you would do to hurt me because there is no way" he tells and screams at me to shut up then is enraged that I get pissed... I feel like my issues aren't important, that I'm not allowed to get mad and that I have to watch what I say to not make him upset. I talked to him about seeking anger management and he won't do it. He feels like I'm making our issues his fault and I'm not taking responsibility for making him mad.... I am ready to move out. Is this normal or am I in a controlling and manipulating relationship?

When I first met my boyfriend seven months ago, I was still in some contact with two guys that I hooked up with, both of which I had to see due to work related obligations. I told him that I had blocked the one guy on everything, and later on he had seen that guy in my snapchat. He knew I was lying, and had confronted me on it. I ended up telling him that I had been receiving snapchats from him, they were meaningless pictures of his dog, and that was it. He didn’t believe me and thought there was still something going on, and I understand why. I was still friends with the second guy I had hooked up with, and he questioned me about him and I told him that he was just my friend and nothing had happened which was obviously a lie. I ended up telling him I had hooked up with him, and then deleted both of them on my social media/snapchat. I ended up telling him later on after he had to dig to find out that the second guy I still had to be in contact with due to work related obligations. He already knew this about the first guy. I lied to him initially about the first guy because I just made a stupid mistake, and once I saw how intense his reactions were to finding this out, I was scared to admit to any of the other lies I had told him in the past. His reactions were warranted because I caused this, but they were explosive and scared me. This still isn’t a good excuse to lie, however that’s how I felt. Now he cannot trust me on anything, and I understand why, and is to the point where he is coming up with the idea, and is firmly believing that I cheated on him when I didn’t. I never did anything remotely close to that, but he thinks I'm lying. We had a big fight recently, and I told him I had ordered chinese at work. He misheard me and thought I said “we” ordered chinese and firmly believes that I ordered chinese with someone else. I showed him proof of the transaction in my bank history, and it was a $10 bill which is about how much one person would spend on chinese. I provided him a record of the phone call I made to order the food, and he is claiming that someone must have taken the leftovers, even though I said I threw them out because I don’t eat leftovers and he knows this. He is ready to end things with me, and I understand why but obviously don’t want this to happen and want to prove to him that he can trust me. An instance that has come up where he need to know something involving another male, I told him about immediately after fully expecting an explosive reaction but he had a great one. I have tried very hard for the past three months to show him that he can trust me, and every and any opportunity I have I give him to prove to him. He can see my location, go through my phone, knows my schedule, I don’t have any forms of social media anymore, he has access to every single thing of mine. I understand why he doesn’t trust me, but I don’t want this relationship to end because I love him more than anything and I want to fix this and show him, and continue to show him, that he can trust me. Any words of advice on building trust and trying to get him to see clearly with this whole chinese food thing? I can explain more in the comments if anybody has questions.

I have been married for two years. I was born and brought up in Fiji and I married an Australian guy, Fiji Indian. It was a love marriage, we met on facebook and then he and his family came to Fiji to for engagement. Eventually we did got married and, on the same year, I came to Aussie in tourist visa and applied for spouse visa. During my stay here in Aussie we have been arguing a lot, its like every day. He says one thing to me in the room and in front of his family, he says something else and blames me for everything. I remember just one week ago his father called me and started saying shit about me and he didn't say anything. His friends say so many things about me and he doesn't do anything about me. So yeah so I was with him when his father was swearing at me... and I got angry and ran outside. When I came back in the room he started saying shit about my family. Currently I am living with my sister and can't get over him.

This is a real problem. I am at my wits end and I do not know what to do. I have been married for nearly three years and was with my wife nineteen years prior to that. We have had a fairly volatile relationship over the years and about six years ago the arguments had tipped over into unbelievable week-to-six-week silences with two episodes of physical abuse spread over a few years. My wife finally, out of desperation, was taken to the doctors by a friend and started taking mood stabilising pills. The results were astounding! The daily / weekly arguments stopped, when we did argue again it was fairly reasonable and things went back to normal fairly quickly so much so that after a few years we got married. A few months ago my wife decided to stop taking the pills without advice, and things started slipping. Last Sunday when my wife went to get sausages from the freezer and there weren't any she hit the roof! I was called a self centered man that only thought about myself, that she was sick of my inability to remember shopping we need and stormed off into her room and jammed the door shut. I was away the following day till this evening for work. I texted her three times and she did not reply, even when I said her friend was meeting me and she could talk to her. I got back home around an hour ago and she walked out of the bathroom, into her room and blocked her door shut without a word said to me. This is what she used to do in her really bad patch, before the pills, sometimes it would go on for, at the longest, six weeks. She has already told me she will not go back on the pills, so that's not a option. I promised myself years ago, before our relationship nearly ended, that I would never take the emotional and physical trauma again. Looking back I was self medicating with alcohol and food and was way up at nearly 17 stone and I was fast approaching type 2 diabetes. I managed to turn that around, started going to the gym and lost, and kept off, nearly four stone. I do not want to go back to that again, my body and mental health could not take it. I love my wife, but if she will not talk to me how can I sort this out? There has been over the last few months a slow slide toward unreasonable arguments and this is the worst it's got. I don't want my marriage to end and I'm desperately trying to think of how to sort this. Because I cannot take what I took years ago again. She will not talk to me, and when i suggested going to couple counselling she flat out refuses. Is my only option now separating and divorce?

What should be good for all ? I was in a relationship with girl1 from the end of 2015 and the relationship was very nice, when time passed I had to change city...I reached city1 in aug 2018. I met another girl2 in Sept 2020. My earlier relationship was even nice but, due to busy working it was degraded than earlier, everyone in my office was aware of my relationship with girl1, when girl2 join office in sept 2020, she was my junior and I came to know that she is only person to feed his 4 member family, she had less professional knowledge. Her father had passed way earlier. So I felt little sad for her and decided to help. Instead of supporting financial, I started teaching her, to grow and feed better for her family, she joined as a intern for 3 month, but even 3 months was also very hectic to survive. I convinced the manager to pay 10000 as salary. Girl2 was aware that girl1 is my gf. Later girl2 become good friend with me. I tried all possible way to keep her happy and stand on her legs as soon as possible. I also did not cared about my growth. After 3 months my and her affection towards each other started increasing. After 2 months I came to know that girl2 had a bf, where her bf married another girl due to kundali issue and she cried very much like a mad. Later know that she'd had financial, family, relationship and career issues. Due to which she was not concentrating and I tried helping her to overcome all. On 1 January 2021 we met at my rent room for normal chill. But as there was none, our intentions change to dancing and reached to hugging each other. I was feeling very guilty after that tried to close further interactions but the feeding of family and survive of girl2 pushed me back to continue. We both had same track that we are not going to marry eachother, she was asking for a year to live with her. Things were going normal I was communicating with girl1 in less proper way. It was turning to quarrelling everyday. In mid Feb 2021 I met girl1 and spend 2–3 days with her as gf bf do. Returned to work place, and there thing begin as same earlier. In better march -may, we met i.e girl2 and me at my rented room 5–6 time, and usually same things happens , hugging and sharing problems…in 4–5 meeting we kissed each other and the top of the girl was removed. (She was in bra and pants). Things was going, now it's June end, we understood that the things are not correct, we had also made many promises , to not leave each others. In last of June she got a good offer of 18000 and wfm job. I insisted to join as the offer was good, she joined, later in July start I also got good offer wfm and joined another company in aug 2021. In JULY, Girl2 Started asking to leave girl1. and Even i choosed girl1 , as girl1 was unaware of this all issues we created. Things started changing now, as we were departing and problem was increasing day by day, she continues asking to leave girl1, and started calling 50–100 times at night we decided to break say- relationship. I met with girl2 and told to decrease these things and break relationship. She started weeping and begging for love. I honour her feeling, eventhen I had to leave the city and there was no use to stay in rent house. I left city in oct 2021. Our conversation was going on call now. Girl2 still had technical issue of working, I was working with him remotely to fix her issue, else company 2 may expell her. Thing were going with quarrelling, with girl1 and girl2. For all I wanted that she should take over her task. As she was very new to this field she took an year to understand work. In between I met girl2, 3 times on her request as she threatens me to commit suicide. I though that this problem may end after few months. As girl2 was very opponent to girl1 and started asking regularly to either leave her or girl2 will kill girl1. Due to this I told lie to girl2 that my communication with girl1 has ended. Later in April 2022, I met girl1 with few friends for tour, after this tour girl2 managed to know that I met girl1. Due to this girl2 called girl1 and narrated few stories, what were going on. There I was getting blamed and relationship was also on kill. So after communication I blocked girl2 Few days later girl2 psychiatrist doctor called and told to be connected with her, else she may suffer a lot. Again things going like quarrelling and working. Today's condition is on every call I am being threaten to leave girl1 and else she will commit suicide or ask me to work like a servent. My thinking is: why we cannot be a good friend to live forever, why to hurt/leave girl1 as she doesn't know anything. Girl2 has only few months to marry another guy, eventhen she want to break my relationship with girl1. I am totally trapped, sometime i think to meet with accident, that none will be aware of my issue Now in End of Nov 2022 Girl2 started asking to marry her forcefully or die. My opinion is: no body nows life, as all gilrs caste is completely differnt marry become a tought in UP India. so may convience once for only girl1 and if family does not accept will leave to them. Any reply text will be helpful for me.

(Married to my husband for about 16yrs, I've been with him for 15yrs) I just can't shake that I am in love with his brother and I know he is in love with me too. Let me start by saying. I wrote a post with this title before and since I have been inactive, it seemed to have disappeared. So I will write again with more that has happened over time and with a lot more detail. The only way I believe anyone will understand is if I tell what happened from the beginning to what's going on currently. This is my emotional story.... So before I met my husband and his brother, we both lived in the same neighborhood. Across the street from each other. I lived in the neighborhood longer and they moved into the neighborhood afterwards. They used to play basketball a lot. I used to go to the courts to watch the guys play basketball(that's just the sport I liked to watch), over a course of about a month, I was observing my husband at the time before we officially met. I just kept thinking how cute he was and I was really nervous to talk to him, so I never really made a move(That part comes later). Next my husband's brother walked up to me and he was really showing that he was interested in me(I did not know that they were brothers during this time, but I found out later on). We talked about a lot about different things, like basketball, but mainly about his daughter and the situation he was going through with his daughter's mom. He was really attractive, but he told me his age and showed me a picture of his daughter. I wasn't ready to be part of someone's life that already had a child because I was only 15yrs old at the time, plus he was 20yrs old at the time too and I knew my Mom would have a heart attack. Mind you I was really mature for my age though, so I carried myself like I was grown already. He had asked for my number after our conversation and I just told him, "No, I don't have a phone", (even though I did). I just made up an excuse because I did not want to hurt his feelings(I made my decision knowing the connection we had already). We didn't really talk too much after that, but I always knew he was still interested in me. So now a couple of weeks later I find out that they were both brothers when I met my husband during my 16th birthday. He(my husband) just showed up randomly, uninvited. I just let him join the party anyway. We talked for hours that night after the party and 3 days afterwards we finally decided to start dating. (Both brothers were obviously interested in me at the same time) I really didn't think anything of it, but it felt weird to be with my husband a little because when I would go to his house and during other house parties etc, I would always catch his brother staring at me. We even went out on double dates and his brother has always looked at me with that attraction gaze for the longest no matter who he was with. My husband and I were good at first, until I started to see a side to him that made me wish I never dated him in the first place. He was really mean, controlling and occasionally violent(If it wasn't towards me, it was towards objects). Here is where it all begins between both of them. Every time my husband was violent and mean to me, his brother was always coming to my rescue and stepping in. He defended me and made me feel safe when he was around. He has always been my protector when it comes to his brother. This is not easy for me to admit, but my husband had thrown me, when he was angry, and I hit my head on the ground and I just laid there because my head was really spinning. His brother ran up to me and he moved my hair out of my face and was really worried about me. He comforted me. He asked me multiple times, "Are you okay?" He held me and then got in his brother's face to fight him and then ran back to me to help me. I felt so helpless during this time and I really felt like my husband did not care for me at all and his brother did. There are a few other times that my husband was cruel and his brother has always been there in the middle of it. I don't want to go into all of the painful moments of my history, but mentioning at least one major thing can give a clear picture behind part of why I feel the way I do for my husband's brother. Over time my husband's brother has always randomly checked on me and has always given me the love gaze(you know what I am talking about if you've seen it). It has never changed. If any change has happened, it's the strength of the bond between my husband's brother and I. I feel it and I know he feels it too(It's all in the energy when we get around each other). I've always wanted to tell him how I've felt for him over time, but I was not courageous. I was afraid my husband would be really violent towards me. Plus I asked myself, "How could I feel this way about my husband's brother?". I thought to myself, "Maybe it's a feeling that will go away over time, so I just left what I was feeling inside alone", and I just kept it to myself for a really long time until I finally decided to tell him that "I care" for him. There are sooo many important moments of my life that have to do with my husband's brother, like even things and situations that my husband wouldn't notice, but his brother always did(Example: I was really sick and depressed during a long period of time and his brother would always call to check on me, he was even married during this time and was still showing that he cares for me anyway. My husband didn't even notice that I was sick and depressed.). During a large portion of my life I had no body that actually took the initiative to show that they care for me like my husband's brother. He always told me positive things like, "You deserve better", "You don't deserve to be treated the way my brother treats you. "Why do you stay with him?" Here is the part and the reason I finally decided to tell him(Husband's brother) that "I care". My husband's oldest brother passed away(my husband has 3 brothers total). The brother that I am in love with is the 2nd oldest. After the oldest brother passed away, which was years later. I started to see life in a different way and I didn't want to take my husband's brother for granted because we are not promised tomorrow. I felt like I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him and he didn't know that I cared for him at least, so I texted him saying, "I really need to talk to you about something important." I didn't know he was going to call me, but he did. He wanted to know if everything was okay with me, and asked if his brother was okay. I mentioned to him that everything is fine with his brother, but I needed to talk with him about something. I asked if we could meet up in person to have a face to face chat(I am not the kind of person that likes to give this kind news over the phone). He just asked me why and I just said that I wanted to talk with him, but what I had to say deserved a face to face instead of over the phone (I really wanted to see his facial expressions after I told him). He asked what it was about and I just said, "feelings"(by this time I was soooo nervous I was about to just hang up). He asked me if I wanted/needed him to leave work and come over. I decided to tell him, "No, there's no need for that" and then I told him, "Nevermind, forget about it." His response was, "No tell me" , "Please tell me", "Come on, please"(In a charming, sweet tone of voice). I gave in and just decided to ask him, "Do you have feelings for me?" He just said, "nooooooo" (With an uncertain tone of voice) and asked me, "Why?". I then told him specific situations and behaviors that indicated that he cared for me. He didn't say anything back after. He seemed more in shock because of what I noticed about his behavior. I then decided to tell him that I care for him. He asked me if it was because of his brother and asked me, "What did my brother do now?" I just told him, "No, I've always cared about you." "Your brother didn't do anything to make me feel the way I do." (Yes, my husband's brother's protective nature got me to start caring, but that's not the only thing I've noticed over time. I fell in love because he is a very compassionate and caring person, and I always felt like we knew each other when we talked. We have that connection. I love him for who he is.) He just asked me after, "Why did you wait until now to tell me this?" He didn't let me answer the question and then he said, "I wish you would have told me this before I met my wife, then things would be different". I asked him, "How would things be different?" He didn't respond to the question(The response would have been obvious anyway though. I didn't really need to ask him that question). He was happy that I told him that I cared for him and he thanked me for my honesty. His tone of voice then changed like he was disappointed that I waited to tell him that I care for him, because then he said, "I really wish you told me this sooner." He then proceeded to tell me that I am very pretty(because he just wanted to let me know he was attracted to me) and then said, "Since we are being honest with each other, I was always jealous of how much you fought for my brother and I never had anyone fight like that for me before and that is what I envied/wanted you for." He also said, "I admire you." I was very surprised at his response, but then it confirmed everything that I thought he was feeling over time even though he did say, "noooo", in the beginning of the phone call. I just thanked him for noticing what I went through with his brother and it made me feel like I was not alone. We both were a little quiet afterwards, but because he was at work, he then told me that it was nice talking with me, but he has to go before his boss was going to "chew his ass"(We talked for almost an hour, which was actually supposed to be his 15min break). I asked him if we can continue talking the next day and he said, "yes." (Note-Our conversation was also about other things like his family etc, but I don't think those details are relevant to mention, but we were opening up to each other. I always felt he understood me. We understand each other well, but the next day is a bit hard for me to put together to understand) **Over time there has been confirmation and I've just been gathering pieces and putting them together like a puzzle. I already figured my husband's brother out. Now for the next day. I texted him, "Good morning"(Just to be nice) and that is when things took the turn for the worst. He decided to tell the family what I said to him, leaving out everything that he said and felt to me. I am not certain why he decided to do that, but my husband seems to think it's because his wife found out and made him tell the family(It's possible, but I'm not certain). Even though he decided to throw me under the bus, he still gives me that love gaze all the time when our eyes meet each other. He gets really mad when I am anywhere near my husband etc. I wanted to just continue working things out with my husband, but over time my husband's brother seems to be getting angry at the fact that my husband and I are together still. It's just getting worse. My husband's brother called my husband and decided to tell him that I have a "crush" on him etc. I have already tried to mend the situation with my husband's brother, but he doesn't want me to message him anymore. He would rather we speak in person, but when he made that decision I was pretty mad at him for what he had done and I didn't want to talk to him for a while afterwards. I just ignored him, but his behavior started to get worse after that. I felt tension building up between like it's going to explode. My husband and I have spoken and he knows the truth of the entire conversation his brother and I had. My husband also knows that I am in love with his brother, but his brother does not know that I am in love with him. I only told my husband's brother that I care for him, nothing more, but to be honest he probably could tell in my eyes how I feel about him without the need for me to tell him. My marriage is pretty much just about done because of my husband's brother and the way that I feel, but I also found out my husband is in love with someone else. This is all just a messed up situation, but without a doubt I know that my husband's brother is in love with me, but he keeps dissimulating because of the obvious judgement that he would get if the truth came out. The energy between my husband's brother and I is getting more intense over time instead of a typical situation where time usually heals. My husband seems to believe that his brother does love me because he knows his brother's behavior when he is in love. My husband also believes that his brother has been trying to break us up for a long time based on situations behind the scenes that he told me about. I'm not sure what to do at this point. My husband is distant and is being indecisive about us(I understand why though), but I feel the same too. We both just drifted apart after everything. It's a painful mess and I feel completely torn. I hated myself for caring about my husband's brother, I hated myself for feeling the way I do and I've tried sooo hard to hate him(my husband's brother), but I can't. My husband's brother knew my worth before I did( I know my worth now of course). I've come to terms over the years that the way I feel will NEVER go away no matter how hard I try. I'm human and I'm not perfect, but this situation really hurts... ...to be continued

I saw a post on here that's similar to my own situation and it made me want to ask for advice. My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old, turning 21 in the next few months. We've lived with each other since March of 2020. We've been together since June of 2019. Around 4 or 5 months ago we started experiencing problems. Last year after the first few months of living with each other, he started to verbally and emotionally abuse me. He'd put me down by calling me a "baby, crybaby, sensitive" when I'd be upset over an issue I brought up to him that really hurt me. When I would tell him, "when you said this it felt like you meant this.. this is what hurt me," but then he'd put it back onto me by saying "well, you didn't tell me sooner. Well, you did this before or this." (The "you did this or this before" issues were already things I had apologized for repeatedly and had moved past. These issues were things like accidentally bumping into him getting into bed, giving him sassy remarks when I had been frustrated, or snapping at him when he wasn't listening to anything I was telling him. Whenever I brought up issues to him, and this is still somewhat the case, he would bring up the snippy things I said to him or the faults I had that was dealt with a long time prior to this. He has a very difficult time acknowledging and apologizing for his faults. And this hasn't changed very much. He still tends to attack me when I bring up something that hurts me. He would shout at me, throw his fists into things- he punched a hole in the wall by the front door, punched a wall into the bedroom door, shoved his desk chair and desk back which broke his monitor, shattered a 70 inch. glass picture frame that I got him for Valentine's Day last year. When we had arguments I'd try to walk away. I felt suffocated especially since he blocked the door from me leaving. I told him I needed space and air, but he didn't listen to me- except for now, he listens to me but after minutes of telling him I just need air. In the past when he wouldn't let me leave the room, he'd hold me back and end up bruising me. I took pictures one day and I had up to 8 half dollar bruises on my arms, legs, and hip area from being held back from leaving the room. After a while, I became depressed. I'm going to University classes online and have my food, rent, etc. paid for right now from money I saved up since high school, so I didn't leave the house often, but after paying off most of the bills for us, I ran out. For two months I couldn't wash any clothes (we don't have a washer/dryer so I went out to the laundry mat). I barely ate anything and ended up losing 30 pounds. I couldn't go out with friends because he and, eventually with how depressed I was, I had isolated everyone away from me already. Whenever I was out with my best friend, he'd continually call or message me what I was doing. He would try to get me to leave sooner, telling me that he was in an extreme state of depression and missed me. He would tell me to come home or leave in a few hours of not being with him. This happened a few nights ago as well while I was out with my best friend and a friend I had since high school were hanging out. Both my family and my boyfriend don't like each other. My older brother and dad want me to break up with him for not treating me right. My mom has never liked my boyfriend, but because he "took me away" from her. Before him, I never had a serious relationship, but after I started dating him, I saw him every day and every day we spent together. My mom is very possessive and selfish. When I was trying to get any job, she offered one through her boyfriend, J, and herself. I took the job and helped her with flipping a house- along with company gift wrapping. She offered me $50 and I accepted. I was very happy.- At this time I didn't have any money for food, water, shampoo, etc.- She ended up keeping the money for herself because she was "going through a tough spot." And I understand because her boyfriend J controls her money so she must've needed it for something- but I was eating only a meal- if I was lucky- every day, so it hurt me a lot. My boyfriend became furious with my mom because she didn't go through with what she promised and put me in a bad situation. (She had done this before with a lot of other things- so I understand why their relationship is so sour.) I eventually didn't expect anything from her anymore, which is probably a bad thing when it deals with your own mother, but I've learned that, to me, it hurts a lot less to expect nothing and get nothing than to expect more and be left miserable. My dad had been emotionally and verbally abusive to my brother, my sister, and I in the past. My sister transitioned from a male to female at 14 years old, she's 23 years old now, but my dad would put her down for wearing feminine clothes, colors, etc. all up until she was 21. If my dad doesn't like your opinion or who you are, he will do everything he can to put you down for it. He's very close-minded, stubborn, and mean at times. There were many other issues that happened in our childhood, but I'd rather not bring it up since there's a lot to focus on already. My dad thinks my boyfriend is lazy, doesn't treat me right, and smokes pot all day. My boyfriend knows my past with my father- that he yelled at us, mocked us for our feelings growing up, wasn't involved in our daily lives, etc. My brother, sister, and I stuck together when we grew up. We went to each other's art shows, graduations, eating pizza out by ourselves after college, hung out away from my dad afterschool in high school often, things like that. My dad and my mom left us alone pretty much. My boyfriend doesn't like how my dad treats me, but he respects that he helps me with money. I don't think my dad is wrong. I think my boyfriend should've treated me better- he's trying now, but my heart can't erase the things he's done to me. I know people can forgive without forgetting, but I can't forget. I'm trying to be forgiving but our love feels destroyed already. Ok- it doesn't seem like it could get worse- but I somehow found a way to make it worse. I was struggling with classes, down 30 pounds, bruises everywhere, not really eating, no one to talk to- I stopped talking to her after my boyfriend told me to stop-, I became so severely depressed. I started playing online and using Discord more often. I was a part of a few Discord groups with my boyfriend and I's mutual friends. We would all play Phasmophobia, Minecraft, Among Us, Osu barely, but still, games like that. We spoke over voicechat and all grew closer towards each other. One and a half months ago, his "best friend" who my boyfriend says isn't actually his best friend, came over and hung out with us. When my boyfriend was yelling at me or making the day very hard, I'd turn to Snapchat to see what the few people who I talked to were up to- my boyfriends, "best friend" was one of these people, so this is how I knew him. I also knew my bf's bf from playing online games with him and talking with him, along with everyone else, that way. I was stuck at home since he took my car to work every day (his was broken down and never paid to get it fixed so he used mine) and I had to take University classes online. The only people I stayed in contact with at this point were friends my boyfriend and I shared. That night my boyfriend played on his computer almost the entire night while his best friend and I played on my computer. His best friend talked to me nonstop for awhile about career and life things, which sparked my talkative side. I started talking about Chinese characters and things I found interesting. I apologized to him because I felt guilty for talking so much, but he told me "No it's really interesting, I love listening" and looked genuinely accepting for me to continue. This was a complete opposite to my boyfriend. He listened and even ended up following me around the house to talk to me about what I brought up. We talked for hours and I let him go on for an hour or two at one point in the night. My boyfriends friend made a comment about me drinking shots with him and referred to playing a strip game while drinking. The only time my boyfriend paid attention to us that night was when he turned around after hearing this and told him "you crossed the line, that's my girlfriend." I didn't know what he was talking about until he revealed the true intention of what the game actually was until after the incident. I was shocked because it didn't seem like that was in his character to say aloud or at all. I made all of this worse by starting to have feelings for this other person. Before this "game" was brought up, I felt my heart jump/flutter at points in the night and the words he said to me like "I appreciate you" seemed to stick with me more heavily than any words my current partner says to me. He tried helping me out with my computer for a few hours and didn't become frustrated at all. He was very patient like he has been since I met him a few years ago. Whenever we'd play online games together or if we were out in public, if my boyfriend was more focused on our friends or literally anytime I was lost or having trouble with getting in the game/figuring out what to do, he'd help me out. After the "game" was brought up, I felt disgusted. At him for bringing that topic up and at me for having a crush on him while being in a relationship. I was upset because he seemed like he had changed from who he once was previously and disgusted of what I heard about him after I told my partner about what was going on. (My boyfriend told me that he cheated on his past girlfriends 3 times, got into a physical altercation with his mother, is just a player who doesn't care about people's feelings- only himself. He told me this, but I never heard about any of this from anyone else. I knew he got kicked out of his house when he was a teenager, but I didn't know about his mother, so I don't think my boyfriend would be lying. Then again, there were times when my boyfriend lied to me because he was scared of what I would think, say, or that I would leave him). I brought up the fact that I was beginning to have feelings for another person to him the day after I began to feel those feelings. My boyfriend told me to block him off Snapchat and to never speak to him again. I blocked him and haven't spoken to him since that night. My boyfriend and him started talking to each other again two weeks or so ago. My boyfriend just tells me "It's not his fault" and leaves it at that. I told him I was sorry and I didn't want to have feelings for him- which is true. I didn't want to, but I ended up having them. I never did anything because of them, but I still had them. After this all happened I didn't speak to anyone. I felt the most guilty and ashamed of who I was I had ever been in my entire life. I never thought I'd feel something for another person besides my boyfriend and felt so bad for hurting him. That night, he told me to leave and I tried sleeping in the car with little to no gas in the cold. My boyfriend drank, broke a few things in the house, and harmed himself (which he is getting help for now), and then begged me to come back crying. I came back when he told me he hurt himself. I didn't want him to do it again and I needed to be there for him. I brought up that I was depressed for awhile and he said he was too. After we told each other that, we were there for each other more, but everything still felt like it happened very late. My boyfriend asks what he could do for me sometimes. He makes me food and helps me out if I ask him. He's been trying to spend more time with me- take me on dates- or did try for the first few weeks after I brought this issue up. An issue we had was him begging me to come home because he missed me, but then him playing games by himself or with people instead. I brought up a system of where I wash the dishes one night and he washes them the other night before or if one person washes the dishes, the other can just put them up and he said "yes, that sounds like a great idea," but it hasn't changed. I also brought this up about taking out the trash, washing the dog, cleaning up after our pets, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, etc. I asked him to help me with house duties. I brought up that he doesn't listen to me or forgets and that nothing is changing. I told him I want us to do the things we said we would do together. I begged him to go through with what he promises me and to not be lazy about our plans. But after awhile, it's tiring to keep on asking someone for help, it's miserable to ask someone to change for the better and it makes me feel even more miserable to ask someone who tells me I'm their everything, but doesn't treat me like I am. For the most part, he's fallen back into not trying that much anymore- he says he is, but I don't see a change really. There were other issues that we had. He tried, and still tries, to keep me from hanging out with other people. I stopped talking to my best friend of 8 years because he was telling me she didn't care about me and that I shouldn't forgive her, things like that. She wasn't entirely the best the past year or so, but I wasn't either. I moved away, got sucked into university, and I was with my partner often. She was stuck with work, university, and was with her partner often as well. We both became busy adults and we were both growing up, so I understood and forgave her. He still bad mouthed her along with some of my family. I used to see a future with him. I saw us marrying each other one day with a place together, but now I don't really see one. I've been questioning what I want out of life and I feel so lost. I just want to run away from everyone. I don't know what to do anymore... In the past, I noticed differences between us, but those differences didn't divide us. We've both changed as people since the beginning of our relationship, but I'm noticing more differences in him now than I had before. I enjoy learning about a lot of different things and love to talk about anything/everything. I'm a Foreign Language and English Major, so I love languages, cultures, the world, history, movies, food, basically everything excites me. I'm one of those people who become excited and happy from the sunset they see every day. Being excited by new things makes me want to talk. Everything makes me want to talk. But when I begin to talk to him, every time he asks me "why are you talking so much?" "shhh.." "oh here we go again.." comments like that and it makes me feel like I can't speak on anything that makes me happy. I've brought this up to him before and I tell him that it hurts me, but he brushes it off by waving it off with his hands or tells me I'm too sensitive. I love watching documentaries, horror, action, adventure films. He likes watching comedies, horror, and action films. Compared to when we first started going out, he only likes watching comedies. I still watch them with him, but the only problem I have is that whenever I bring up a suggestion, it's shot down. He used to tell me I didn't want to do anything he wanted to do, but I always told him I do and meant it. Whenever something that he wants to do is brought up we do it, unless I'm lying in bed about to go to sleep for my morning classes. We don't have the same interests, but I would go out of the way to do what he likes because it makes him happy and that made me happy. Now, it's getting hard to do the things he enjoys because I'm being shot down for anything I want to do and being put down by him in other ways is still harming our relationship. It feels wrong to say this, but it feels like I'm sacrificing myself and it's making me love him less. Whenever he's upset or mad, he takes it out on the air around him. I tell myself not to take it personally. This happened with my dad as well. He'd place blame on us for his problems or yell at us because something's not going his way. With my dad it was hard not to take it personally since he would directly point the anger out onto us by shouting at us, but with my boyfriend, it feels easier to drown it out. I feel like our maturity levels are different and what we want out of life is different. I want a career that pays well and I don't want to have kids for awhile now. I used to want kids with him in my early 20's, but he's very different than the person I thought I knew. He wants kids and to be married around 25. He doesn't want me to work an intensive job, such as a government job or a job longer than a 9 to 5 job, but that's not how I want to live. I want to find my passion again- which was writing, but I think it could lie in a career position also. I don't want to clean up after him all the time. Right now, I'm nearing the end of undergraduate school and I have to apply to graduate schools soon, so I can find a job as quickly as possible. He told me not to work while in undergraduate school, so that's why I wasn't, but I can't not work anymore since bills are consuming us. I've been trying not to be in debt, but with him, for some reason I can't. I saved up a lot of money before moving in with him, but most of that's gone now because of things I had to pay off for him mainly and for our bills. I've been asking myself a lot of questions regarding my future and what I want. I also feel very stuck here and am afraid I will be stuck here forever. I still think about the other person. I wonder what they're doing and wish I could talk to them. My "crush" feelings for that person lessened after hearing what my boyfriend told me about them, but some of those feelings are still there. It's been nearing two months now, but I still want to reach out to them. I don't like saying this but I miss them. I know I would be miserable getting into a relationship with a person like that, so I don't reach out, but I always wonder if what my boyfriend said is a lie to keep me (he's done this before), and who the other person is truly. I love my boyfriend, but I've fallen out of love with him and he knows this. I told him that I'd focus more on the relationship, but that I'd be focusing on myself- taking care of my depression, classes, hobbies, etc., so I can be there for him with his depression and him overall. I've been here for him, taking care of his feelings/him, taking care of my depression, my classes, getting back into my hobbies, etc., but I'm still failing him. I told him I'd be in this relationship, but I am only halfway at that. I don't want to break his heart because there's a part of me that still loves him. I still become happy when I hug him, I miss him when he's gone for too long, he became my best friend over the time we've been together, I still like kissing him.. but part of my heart feels empty. I don't know if it's from the pain that he put me through or the pain I put myself through on purpose after I realized I had feelings for someone else.. or if it's because I started genuinely liking the other person and had a one-sided breakup? I'm just so confused... Our lease ends in March and I don't know if I should stay living with him, move in with a friend, etc. I can't live with either of my parents- they either don't have space, ask for an "elongated loan" which was basically my mom stealing $2000 from my sister because she has spending problems. I also moved out of my dad's house because every day he would refer to me as a "burden" among other things. Living with him made everything too hard to live with, so I can't go back with him. I'm afraid of leaving my current boyfriend, but I'm afraid of not doing anything because I was scared. I feel guilty staying with him, but I would feel guilty leaving. I've been thinking about my ex lately since I found writing that included him in it, but I typically push that thought aside. I've been thinking about my boyfriends best friend lately, but I typically can't push the thought of him aside. My boyfriend doesn't look at other girls, doesn't talk to other girls, is deeply in love with me, so it hurts me and makes me feel so guilty because I know he doesn't do this at all. I haven't pictured a future with anyone else besides my boyfriend, but now I can't really envision a future with him along with anyone else at all. I told him I would get rid of my feelings for this guy, but I can't entirely. I don't know if it's too soon to get rid of them completely or not, but the feelings are still there. I'm afraid of telling my boyfriend this because I don't want him to hurt himself and I'm afraid of losing him still. I'm just so lost.. please help me

I’ve been with my partner for 7 years and we have a young child together. I knew there were sexual issues early on, within the first year he just stopped showing me “that” kind of interest. I struggled with it at first. I loved him so much but he just seem to have little interest in me in that department. I brought it up a few times and he said he was consumed with work etc., but would make the effort. Nothing ever really changed. He even rejected me a few times which is devastating so I gave up in the end, just to keep hold of what little self esteem I had left. I’m now 7 years down the line and I feel broken by it. It’s unbelievable what years of abandonment and neglect can do to you. We had a huge row recently where he admitted he has this issue in every relationship he has but followed it up quickly by kinda letting me know he has no plans to address it or do anything about it. I’ve seen other posts on here from women who are in similar relationships but seem to get affection and attention from their partners. I get nothing. He doesn’t notice if I get my hair done, he never tells me I look nice, never cuddles me or kisses me. It’s a very hard way to live. I just know he doesn’t look at me that. I can feel it, Even if I try to accept it and live with it, it creeps up on me. Normally if our friends talk about their sex lives or I see something on tv, I start to feel stressed. It’s not about the sex for me, it’s about feeling desired, wanted and loved. The reason I’m posting on here today is that I’m about to leave. A decision that I’m struggling with as it will, of course, impact our child. Not only does he give me nothing in the way of affection or sexually but he’s picking on me all the time. Accusing me of saying things I’ve not said, saying I’m being horrible about people when I’m not, manipulating me using guilt to get me to spend weekends how he wants to spend them. No one else makes me feel as bad about myself as he does. I’m feeling like DIRT at the moment. I can’t work out what is going on. Is it not enough to deprive me of any romance and the hope of a loving relationship...but to criticise me constantly and imply that my personality isn’t any good on top of that? Currently we are not speaking. He drank too much the other night, became very irritating and difficult to be around (a common issue recently), but instead of admitting it the following day he has done his usual...accuse me of not being nice about people, he even made some stuff up so I’ve asked him not to talk to me. He has been doing this to me for years. In fact, I cannot think of a single time he’s taken any responsibility for anything that isn’t working in our relationship. In fact, knowing he had these sexual issues in all of his other relationships before he has blamed them on me a few times. I think that’s vile. I’m 38 years old. Am I going to agree to live by his terms when he can’t even treat me properly? What isn’t he worried I’ll leave him for someone else? If a woman deprived a man of these things she’d be waiting for him to sleep with someone else. My self esteem is shot to bits. I feel so angry that he’s stomping around currently as if I’ve treated him badly. None of the issues he seems to have with his own perception of my personality are anywhere near as huge as us having no intimate or emotional connection. I tried so hard to stop that part of our relationship from dying but he just didn’t care. What now?

I've been married for 20 years. Last year, my wife told me that she can’t give me what I want — that is, affection, intimacy, saying “I love you,” trying to make me happy, etc. She essentially wants to cohabitate and just raise our children together. She had been a stay-at-home mom our entire marriage. We haven’t slept in the same room for 15 years, even though the first couple years of our relationship we were having sex on a daily basis. Recently, she told me that she married me in part for financial security rather than love, although she gave no hint of that when we married 20 years ago. I thought that we had something very special back then. She has had frequent bouts of depression and attempted suicide a couple times before we met. She’s never had a friend for more than a couple of months, and I’m the only person in her entire life who hasn’t abandoned her (but I feel like she’s abandoning me). Her parents abandoned her, her siblings did, and my family abandoned both of us because they can’t deal with her. She’s extraordinarily beautiful physically and extremely intelligent, but she’s addicted to shopping, she’s vain, she lies, she’s a know it all, and she’s a spendthrift. She also thinks of herself first—she says that, if I love her, then I should expect nothing from her in return. I tell her that if she loves me then she should show it. She responds that she hangs out with me and that should be enough. She tells me that I’m just selfish to want more. She is not willing to go to any kind of counseling. And she tells me that she knows I will never leave her. She knows that I’m afraid of what my leaving would do to her and the children. But I don’t want to stay. My children are afraid to show affection for me because their mom doesn’t. When she leaves, they have fun with me and we wrestle and play and laugh. When she’s there, they ignore me like she does. If I tell her this, she screams at me and tells me that I’m delusional. I don’t want to stay, but I’m afraid that she’ll kill herself if I leave. I’ve watched her bang her head against the wall until she would bleed when she becomes emotional. When I threatened to leave last year during a fight, she banged her head horribly and the held a kitchen knife to her heart. I feel like I can’t leave because she could hurt herself, or she will quickly enter into an unhealthy relationship which will then end badly. My children need their mom, I want her to be healthy and happy, but I am miserable wondering if this is going to be the rest of my life with her — no affection and the cold shoulder. Any suggestions?