“Throwing blame and anger”
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I am in a serious relationship and we have had our ups and downs like anyone. I have moved away from my awesome job, family and friends and moved 18 hrs away from everyone and everything I've known. During this time my bf has had his own issues with not seeing his daughter, buying a house, me moving in and everything. I've helped him the best I can with those issues.

Lately I have had issues of my own with anxiety and some depression. When he was stressed he would occasionally lash out at me for saying or doing stupid things. Like starting hypothetical conversations, or not closing drawers all the way. He gets so angry and when I try to explain myself or my reasons for saying or doing something he gets more irate. When I get upset or irritable it is unacceptable and starts a huge fight. He blames his outbursts on me saying that "if you wouldn't have starting talking about it I wouldn't have gotten mad" or "you could see me getting pissed you should have shut up" "you're talking in circles and repeating yourself and it pissed me off".

Our last argument we were watching a show about abuse and I made a comment saying "I wouldn't beat you up if you cheated, I would just leave because you don't do that to someone you love" then he goes on about how "yeah, because you know better than to try anything because you would lose" I responded with "I'm sure I could hurt you if I wanted to, but I wouldn't". He took this as a threat and it started a huge fight. I was so confused why he was so angry because he didn't even hear the part that I wouldn't ever do anything, he only heard that I was threatening him. I tried to explain that's not what I meant and he accused me of taking back what I say, and this is why men call women crazy and "answer me and tell me what you would do to hurt me because there is no way" he tells and screams at me to shut up then is enraged that I get pissed...

I feel like my issues aren't important, that I'm not allowed to get mad and that I have to watch what I say to not make him upset. I talked to him about seeking anger management and he won't do it. He feels like I'm making our issues his fault and I'm not taking responsibility for making him mad.... I am ready to move out. Is this normal or am I in a controlling and manipulating relationship?

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