I am at my wits end, I really need some guidance as I have exhausted all of my own resources to no avail. I married my husband two years ago and we now have an eight-month-old daughter. Our relationship has had consistent traits which I could manage before our daughter was born, but find myself unable to do so now. My husband always puts his family first. Our life has revolved around their needs for almost the entire relationship now, and become progressively more of an issue. I work from home, my father in law would come at least once a week to visit during working hours, he would talk and talk for 2-3 hrs and ignore my requests that I really DID need to get back to my work. My husband felt he was showing he cares about me. Our wedding was originally in New York, just the two of us. I did not want a family wedding for 2 reasons, I am divorced (my first husband defrauded £120K from me and then disappeared off the face of the earth, I was granted a divorce and am still repaying what emerged to be online gambling debts he fraudulently and without my knowledge secured against our home) and 2nd because, I wanted I our wedding to be about us, not his family, just us. Our wedding was in the end a large family wedding where every decision was made by his family, any attempt by me to ''push'' what I wanted was met with apocalyptic abuse and threats. I was to get ready for my wedding in a suite paid for by me, my husbands mother and two sisters arrived on my wedding morning and took over this suite, I did not even get to wash my hair. I could not do this the day before because my husbands sister who was a bridesmaid decided she no longer liked her gown, I therefore had to re-model it... my husbands view? they just wanted to share the day with me... On the birth of my daughter (who sadly was born premature, very low birth weight with various health problems and almost died before she was four months old) I struggled with my own extensive health problems (which were aggravated by the pregnancy) and the extreme worry for my daughter as none of the doctors could work out what was wrong with her. I was told that I would attend his sisters 31st birthday party when my daughter was five weeks old. I refused to take her at night to a restaurant when it was virtually impossible to breast feed her in perfect surroundings (she vomited up to 45 times a day - I was breastfeeding her for 90 minutes then taking a 60 minute break then a further 90 minutes - round the clock - as she vomited so much, she was losing weight and dehydrating to the point of being life threatening at least twice a week) she was in a lot of pain and would cry terribly after feeding. I felt it inappropriate to expect me to consent to a demand (not invitation) to bring my baby to a party under these circumstances. My husbands view - it was his sisters birthday and we should consider her feelings, she would be sad if her brother and niece were not there...? Thoughts anyone, advice???

I read an article on your site recently about a person in love with their Brother-in-law. I've been feeling the same for many years.

Hi my husband constantly puts his family on a pedestal. I lost some close family members when I speak about them he shuts me off or say that he misses his family members too and make it about him. Or he will talk about how much his mother has been through which is not that bad. He will always doubt me and his family will ignore me flat yet phone him to say how they miss me they are so 2faced he never believes me. I honestly am fed up and don't know how to make him realise that I am his wife. I just want to know what can I do to make him love me and consider me before them?

Hi! I’ve been experiencing some issues with my fiancée and his sister. We’ve been together 8 years, lived together for 7. A year and a half ago, his sister moved in. She’s 15 years older than us, so 45 years old. Ever since I’ve known my fiancée, he’s told me nothing but bad things about his sister. She stole all of the inheritance money meant for both of them and left him in foster care when their Mom died. She also threw away all of his belongings. Since she moved in, she has done nothing to be of any help, whatsoever. She refuses to wash her own dishes, or even put them in the sink, leaving them around the house. She’s just very messy, leaves laundry in the washer for days so we’re obligated to deal with it. She does things like asks us if we can have BBQ’s but does nothing to help prepare for it. Doesn’t buy anything, cook, or help clean up the house. I just think it’s in poor taste to ask for something specifically and then do nothing to help. I offered to buy her groceries so she could save up for a place of her own, never heard a thank you-not for anything. She has loud sex with her boyfriend while we’re five feet away. We have one rule here-not to park in the driveway circle. We’ve brought this up to both her and her boyfriend and yet they still continue to do it. She overspends and ends up in the negative with the bank and has no qualms about asking him or his father for money. She never ever pays it back. I could go on and on about the terrible things she’s done and continues to do. Now, whenever I mention her moving out, he sticks up for her saying “I don’t mind that she’s living here.” It seems that only when I mention it, he takes her side. Otherwise he’s allowed to bash her all he wants. I get it, that’s his sister and siblings will fight. The thing is, though, he has insulted my family numerous times and has gotten offended at me spending time with them and not him, which is crazy because I barely see them-I’m always with him. He’s definitely very controlling and I’m pretty sure he’s a narcissist but still, it’s becoming a strain on our relationship. If I hear him defend her one more time, I think I’m going to just up and leave. She’s given him no reason to want to defend her or support her and yet, she gets treated better than I do and I’ve done nothing but be there for him in every way. What do you think I should do? Should I call it quits? After a certain age, I feel that the person you’re planning to marry should be ahead of a sibling whose done nothing but fuck him over numerous times, but that’s just me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I got married 3 months ago. I am 27 and my husband is 32. I have seen that my sister-in-law is a bit weird. When we go out, we share pictures with our families since they never get a chance to accompany us. My husband would send her the pictures of us visiting various places and asks her to show it to his parents, but she never does that. Mind you, she is a 24-year-old girl, not a baby. If the same event happens multiple times, it cannot be considered a mistake right? Also, my husband is not ready to accept her fault. How do I make him realize the damage she is doing by creating a gap between us and his parents? I can clearly see she is trying to create misunderstanding between us. Please tell me how to handle this situation.

My fiancée and I have been together for over 10 years, and we have a child together. We recently went on a family trip with my parents, my siblings, and their kids along with a childhood family friend who lives up the road from us. While on the trip we have group texts to keep in contact with everyone this includes the family friend. After we get back from the trip, I learn my fiancée is still texting the family friend. She insists it's nothing and they are just friends and she is happy she found a guy friend she can talk to that doesn’t want to sleep with her. I tell her about his past and how he behaves along with he will not think of this that way. I tell her I am not comfortable, and I set a boundary of no sexual talk/jokes because she does that very often. Their texting continues and it is very excessive, 100’s and 100’s of text a week. Fast forward a few weeks we go out on a date night, dinner, and drinks. Later that night after picking up our child from my parents I noticed she was texting and smiling in the vehicle while waiting for us. I had a funny feeling, and this led me to check our phone records to see who she’s texting, the bill doesn’t show what she texts just who and the timestamps. Looking at the records I found she was texting while on our date when I wasn’t around such as getting drinks at the bar, restroom and picking up our child. I confront her on this and how it feels as if she’s going behind my back to text him on a night that is suppose to be about us enjoying each other. At this point I tell her I am very hurt and feel betrayed, we agree that moving forward she would ask if she could text him. While she did ask a lot I always said yes. It was for my personal knowledge and ease of mind, I didn’t care what they messaged about either. A few times she would ask and then text the next day without asking again then say it was from last night, as if a roll over minutes type scenario. Fast forward 2 months I am out to dinner with my brothers and they inform me that she had messaged him ‘want to fuck’ and the family friend showed them the message while out at a bar one night. In addition to this I also found out she went to his house late at night to ask for a ride to work the next morning, my vehicle being in the shop we were down to one car to get to and from work and school. When I get home she asks if she could text him and before I answer I ask to see her phone. I start scrolling through the message and sure enough I found the ‘want to fuck’ message. I start getting angry and said you broke my only rule, the trust is ruined, and I am done. While arguing she tries to deflect to our past relationship problems to avoid the current issue. She doesn’t think it’s a big deal since the message was in reference to a meme that states ‘Her: He’s just a friend. Me: Ok then, text him you want to fuck and see what he says’. She didn’t mention in the chat with him that it was a joke until later in the text conversation. I tell her that’s beside the point she broke the only rule I had about no sexual talk/jokes, and I had to hear about it from my family along with that she went up to his house late at night. She said she was out for a walk and while out she was thinking of not wanting getting our child up early to drive her to work and she knew he was working in a nearby area. I tell her she crossed the line and was in the wrong. If she had concerns about the driving arrangements, she should have brought them up to me and we could have worked it out. I even said the joke thing probably wouldn’t have been that bad if she just told me after and said it was a mistake but that never happened. We have been arguing for a while and she thinks going to his house wasn’t a big deal but does acknowledge the joke shouldn’t have been said and that broke my trust. The funny thing is I was about to tell her she didn’t need to keep asking me to text him anymore but after this I cannot trust her. She is admitted that she loves me and would never cheat and throw away ten years, but people cheat all the time after 20 or 30 years. She thinks I should believe what she is saying but she could be saying these things because she thinks it’s what I want to hear and will make this all go away. I told her I needed a break, and she will be staying with a friend for a while, and I will take care of our child. I don’t know if I am overacting or if my thoughts and feelings are justified by all of her actions and words.

I’m 62 and my husband is 57. We’ve been married for nearly 14 years and it’s the second marriage for both of us. We got on well as we had the same sense of humour and shared a lot in common. However recently I broke a leg and badly dislocated my ankle. This came right before my husband went to a very big reunion involving his side of the family (which I was due to attend but couldn’t due to my injury). When we met my husband was not speaking to his two sons or to his only brother (he has no sisters). Since he came back from the reunion he has had very little time or patience for me and I’ve been literally crawling on all fours around our bungalow when I’m unable to use the rollator the hospital lent me. He went back to work the day after the reunion leaving me alone and unable to even make a cup of tea, as I can’t carry it. He always was a little bit impatient, but I find myself being astonished at his behaviour lately. Yesterday he watched me crawl into the garden then promptly got himself only a chair and sat in the only piece of shade. He has said to me I must ask if I want something, but surely he should have some initiative and see some of the things I need. Otherwise it feels like me begging for certain things. What do others think - is it just coincidence that he had the reunions then got a lot worse, or do you feel it probably has nothing to do with that? Thanks.

I battle to express my feelings towards my husband. For instance i absolutely hate the fact that he goes to his parents everyday, they live in the flat in the backyard. As soon as I tell him I don't likd it he asks me why not and I'm battling to explain to him why. Please help

There should be nothing more important than creating memories with your family. Positive memories increase the bonds between you and help us through the difficult trials that life can throw in our path. Those of us that can remember childhood fondly, with happy memories to share, tend to be healthier and in better shape mentally and physically. Children who enjoy happy experiences may learn more easily, and have better memories and less stress. Teenagers who continue to enjoy life with the family are much less likely to experience depression. In short, creating positive memories with your family builds resilience in us that helps us succeed more in life. While all this science is astounding, in reality, we want to create memories because it is fun. We want an opportunity to write stories of family life that liven up Christmas meals and birthday celebrations long into the future. Here are some tips and tricks to help you capture those memories with your family. Be grateful for the positives Human beings are predisposed to see the negatives. Our brains are wired for survival, and being happy does not keep you alive in the wilds of our prehistoric past. Although we are no longer at threat from large prey, we tend to find it hard to switch off this threat mechanism. However, to capture happy memories when they are happening, you must make a conscious effort to see the wonderful and the amazing. Consequently, as a parent, you need to do all you can to spot the good in your children. And, children, as you grow up, you need to look for what your parents did give you rather than what they could not. Keep the magic! As we grow up, we lose some of the wonders of creativity. We don’t allow ourselves to be fanciful or to get lost in the make-believe. But as children, we adored it. Therefore, to capture happy memories, you need to embrace play and fun. It is not something you are just doing for the kids either. If you let your imagination rip and abandon yourself to joy, you will find your stress levels reduce immediately. Go on… build that fort in the living room and pretend you are holding off the raging elves from the neighbour’s house. Take up sport Sharing a sporting interest is one of the most remarkable ways to build positive memories. Imagine how many people recount a day on the football terraces or an afternoon at the river fishing with a parent. These are rare moments of a shared passion that can seek to bond you together. It doesn’t have to be a serious hobby… mini-golf was the go-to Sunday afternoon competition in our household. Mum killed it at the windmill! Inside jokes Families all have a joke that only they understand and can start a giggling fit at a single mention. Treasure these shared funnies, as they are a powerful bonding agent. You might even want to think about buying some token that represents this joke, as a reminder of your love for each other. Share your garden If you have a garden, what better way to cement your memories than to work together to build it? Imagine growing your food together, harvesting and then cooking together. It is how people have bonded through time. Capture it all in an image Since we have all had cameras on our phones, we have stopped giving a special place for the photographs of our special moments. The memories live in the cloud but not on our walls or in photograph frames or even albums. Why not capture your family in a professional photoshoot and get images that will continuously jog positive memories? You could always buy yourself a memory book off one of the many online sites but getting a professional to do the work makes it extra special. It takes a village It is a long-forgotten phrase that it takes a village to bring up a child. The bank of memories that can be created could be even bigger with the help of your extended family. While the nucleus of those in our home is so important to use, so should our aunties and uncles, grandparents, cousins and more. Bring them into the story of your lives together and build even stronger memories.

My husband told me that I all I do is put him against his family. My feelings are hurt! Me and my husband own a business so we can't really go out and we also have two toddlers. We used to go around to his family but every time we would go all we would hear is them telling us how boring we are: "You guys never go out", so they eventually stopped inviting us to family parties or little get-togethers. I could see my husband was hurt so I was hurt for him too. A whole year passed and we were excluded from everything. This weekend, all of a sudden, we get invited and I refused to go since they all stopped talking to us or inviting us. I thought to myself, "Then why go now?" Well, my husband decides to tell me I'm the one putting things in his head about his family when it was him always talking bad about them! Now I'm hurt and I don't want to talk to him.

I'm getting married soon to someone who has a twin sister, whose husband I get on well with. They have been married a couple of years. I go out with him now and again with some of his mates. A couple of months ago, when we were in a club, after we'd been drinking most of the day, I noticed he'd taken his wedding ring off. This is a replacement wedding ring after he'd lost his original one, again on a night out, though he'd passed it off as not being sure what had happened to it. I'm thinking of having a man-to-man talk with him this weekend, to tell him A) that I wouldn't be happy having this on my conscience if this were to happen again when I am married to his wife's sister, and B) to consider trying to break the habit of taking it off when out. The four of us are very close. I'm sure he wouldn't go any further but know that his wife would be upset if she knew this was happening. Am I doing the right thing?

I am writing this out of frustration for how my husband’s family treats me and how terrible my husband’s response is. Married for about a year but have been together for 3yrs. Sister in law calls my husband to talk and to share good news and as he jumps for joy, I celebrate too. Only for her to say”is your wife there? If I knew she was there I won’t have said anything”…just like that. Instead of hubby to address this, she ends the call and he gets upset with me for not shutting up while he was on the phone! I just kept quiet. This is not the first time the sister has done this and when I raise how disrespectful and insensitive that is…my husband responds to tell me he didn’t lose his sister when he married me and that’s his family…we had a full blown argument about this and he has decided that he is not going to talk to her about it. And I should focus on listening to him than looking for a problem with his family. Flip this and my side of the family respect him…never has anyone asked if he is home before they have a conversation with me. They literally ask me to talk to him before I give out any kind of help out to them. It’s super early in the marriage but I am exhausted already from trying to reason with my husband over the constant disrespect from his side of the family. To make things worse…his mum addresses me to him as his “roommate “ . We are married with a kid…I am called a roommate. As a result, I refuse any conversation around either of them moving in with us to keep the little peace in my home and looking forward to securing a job out of state so I don’t have to even deal with this. Please help…

I’ve been nervous to speak on this on any platform, however I’ve reached my ultimate breaking point. My husband of 3 years is very kind hearted, often having a hard time telling his family no. For context, he is 2nd generation Asian American, coming from a family who traveled across seas for a better life and have worked incredibly hard to be where they are today. The issue lies with how they constantly guilt him into visiting or attending multiple gatherings even with us being hours away, yet they never visit? Never once have they visited us, and even passed through our home town without a word (which means they traveled right through us). We are two different ethnicities, while it is beautiful to be interracially married, the stress of being perfect is crushing. There’s never a warm feeling during any visit and I always get chalked up to be just the white girl. I’ve had a life changing surgery and nearly lost my life but, his family gave no signs of care. I was hospitalized for 10 days, yet no calls or even FaceTimes to see how I was doing. Yet if someone gets sick where they are, it’s end of the world for them. There’s no much connection or care for me or my side. I’ve noticed it’s all about “family” but more so on the constant need to one up each other. If there is a single accomplishment for me, they do not care. I don’t expect anyone to bend over backwards for me, but even a congrats or simple I care about you goes a long way. To make matters worse his sibling is perfect at sports, singing, and never has anything against her. She acts purposefully dumb for the attention of my husband (brother) when around. She acts incredibly cold and distant when near me. I really do feel like our ethnicities clash, buts such a harsh topic. I can’t see eye to eye, nor can they. There’s a tight family bond, and a controlling bond. On top of that we’re expected to move closer,, basically giving up our own life just to be “near” the family. I personally have never understood that, why can’t we just live where we want and then visit? My own family lives multiple states away and there’s no pressure to move to them. I don’t know how much longer I can personally stand to be with my husband. If we move, I’ll just be miserable and left out at all other get together or just the random white woman who married into the family. You know what we did for our honeymoon? Spend two weeks with his family, not a single day or trip for us. Petty to hold onto that, but there’s never a moment for us, a celebration of us, it has to always draw back to them. There’s always been something to cover my accomplishments or my husbands each time. I’m supposed to celebrate one year cancer free this week, but something magically came up about his sister. I feel that I can’t win against this family. I know they love my husband, but when is enough enough? Do we have to do what is “expected” of family. I’ve never understood not wanting to go where you want to vs going where you’re expected.