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Fiancée broke my trust
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This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions.

My fiancée and I have been together for over 10 years, and we have a child together. We recently went on a family trip with my parents, my siblings, and their kids along with a childhood family friend who lives up the road from us. While on the trip we have group texts to keep in contact with everyone this includes the family friend.

After we get back from the trip, I learn my fiancée is still texting the family friend. She insists it's nothing and they are just friends and she is happy she found a guy friend she can talk to that doesn’t want to sleep with her. I tell her about his past and how he behaves along with he will not think of this that way. I tell her I am not comfortable, and I set a boundary of no sexual talk/jokes because she does that very often. Their texting continues and it is very excessive, 100’s and 100’s of text a week.

Fast forward a few weeks we go out on a date night, dinner, and drinks. Later that night after picking up our child from my parents I noticed she was texting and smiling in the vehicle while waiting for us. I had a funny feeling, and this led me to check our phone records to see who she’s texting, the bill doesn’t show what she texts just who and the timestamps. Looking at the records I found she was texting while on our date when I wasn’t around such as getting drinks at the bar, restroom and picking up our child. I confront her on this and how it feels as if she’s going behind my back to text him on a night that is suppose to be about us enjoying each other.

At this point I tell her I am very hurt and feel betrayed, we agree that moving forward she would ask if she could text him. While she did ask a lot I always said yes. It was for my personal knowledge and ease of mind, I didn’t care what they messaged about either. A few times she would ask and then text the next day without asking again then say it was from last night, as if a roll over minutes type scenario.

Fast forward 2 months I am out to dinner with my brothers and they inform me that she had messaged him ‘want to fuck’ and the family friend showed them the message while out at a bar one night. In addition to this I also found out she went to his house late at night to ask for a ride to work the next morning, my vehicle being in the shop we were down to one car to get to and from work and school.

When I get home she asks if she could text him and before I answer I ask to see her phone. I start scrolling through the message and sure enough I found the ‘want to fuck’ message. I start getting angry and said you broke my only rule, the trust is ruined, and I am done. While arguing she tries to deflect to our past relationship problems to avoid the current issue. She doesn’t think it’s a big deal since the message was in reference to a meme that states ‘Her: He’s just a friend. Me: Ok then, text him you want to fuck and see what he says’. She didn’t mention in the chat with him that it was a joke until later in the text conversation. I tell her that’s beside the point she broke the only rule I had about no sexual talk/jokes, and I had to hear about it from my family along with that she went up to his house late at night. She said she was out for a walk and while out she was thinking of not wanting getting our child up early to drive her to work and she knew he was working in a nearby area. I tell her she crossed the line and was in the wrong. If she had concerns about the driving arrangements, she should have brought them up to me and we could have worked it out. I even said the joke thing probably wouldn’t have been that bad if she just told me after and said it was a mistake but that never happened.

We have been arguing for a while and she thinks going to his house wasn’t a big deal but does acknowledge the joke shouldn’t have been said and that broke my trust. The funny thing is I was about to tell her she didn’t need to keep asking me to text him anymore but after this I cannot trust her. She is admitted that she loves me and would never cheat and throw away ten years, but people cheat all the time after 20 or 30 years. She thinks I should believe what she is saying but she could be saying these things because she thinks it’s what I want to hear and will make this all go away. I told her I needed a break, and she will be staying with a friend for a while, and I will take care of our child.

I don’t know if I am overacting or if my thoughts and feelings are justified by all of her actions and words.

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To unpack this issue over the next few pages, we’re going to use this three-step approach: Look at WHAT the specific jealousy or trust issue is for you. Look at WHY this issue might be happening to you. Look at HOW you can help deal with it in a practical way. This approach offers a great way to unpack many other relationship issues and make sense of things. Throughout this journey, we hope to give you plenty of things you can take away and start practising in your relationships right away. Click ‘Next article’ when you’re ready to continue. The whole thing should take about 15 minutes. If at any time you want to start again with a different category, just select one of the options at the bottom of the page.
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User article | cheating, trust, sex
“Girlfriend cheated, I can't get over it”
I met the perfect girl about two years ago who ended up being my first love and first serious relationship. She became my girlfriend, my best friend, my EVERYTHING! Then almost a year into the relationship I was going through some stuff that made me very stressed out and less available to spend quality time, which put a huge strain on our relationship. My girlfriend began to go out with her friends all of the time and I never thought anything of it because I trusted her and was busy myself so I wanted her to have fun. One day later on down the line I see a picture that she was tagged in on Facebook with this guy behind her dancing with her. We had a rule that we wouldn't dance with anyone else and when I questioned her she said they took the picture right when he got behind her to dance with her... Being the (dumb) trusting boyfriend, I accepted what she said without question and just asked her to remove the picture. Then a couple of weeks later, she had a falling out with her roommate who supposedly posted that my girlfriend cheated on me on Facebook and my girlfriend told me about it and how it wasn't true and being once again the (stupid) trusting boyfriend, I was receptive to what she said without question. Cheating was something that i didn't think she would ever do because I knew that she loved me dearly. I began to feel myself becoming more and more unhappy primarily due to the great amount of strain that was put on our relationship because of what I was going through. My girlfriend was somewhat supportive but complained and didn't like it at all one bit. I thought about things for weeks and decided to break up with her because I needed time and didn't wanna do anything bad to her like cheat or anything. She was heartbroken and begged for me back but I refused. Months later I tried getting back with her and she was not making it easy for me at all. There was another guy who she was seeing but she still loved me and it showed and I knew I just needed to be patient so I was. She then decides to get some type of birth control that required her to have an STD test and come to find out she has syphilis and I was likely to have to it as well because we had sex on several occasions. Being focused on wanting to get her back I completely brushed that off when she told me and she felt like she couldn't make me wait for any longer because I was the best thing that's happened to her and she dropped everyone and got back with me. Weeks following I found out that she lied about a guy she said she didn't have sex with and that she cheated on me back when I was going through that stuff and her roommate had posted it on Facebook and told me it wasn't true when it really was. I was completely crushed! I couldn't do anything but want to work things out because I had just gotten her back and wasn't ready for things to end. She made a 360 degree change  for the better and has shown me that she was sorry and loves me and would never do anything like that again. It has been seven months and still to this day, I can't seem to forget about it and I feel like its preventing me from moving on with her. Things will be good for a couple of weeks and then something will happen or I'll see something that reminds me of what she did and it just brings me back to the situation and how much it hurt me. Still to this day there has been a lingering unhappiness that I just can't get over because of what she has done and I do not know what to do with myself! I wish I could just get over it so I can move on with this girl and my life! She has done everything she possibly can to show she is sorry and to make things better. Although I do want to move on with this girl I'm not most concerned with that. What I'm mainly concerned with is what the best thing for me to do for MYSELF is. Advice would be greatly appreciated.. I have been having way too many sleepless nights..Thanks! By the way... my girlfriend and I are both in college. I'm 20, going on 21, and she's 19, going on 20.
User article | cheating, trust
“Is my baby's father interested?”
I was seeing him when he was still in a relationship. He has since then split from his partner but has a daughter from that relationship. When I told him I was pregnant he told me I had to have the baby (I was planning on another abortion until I found out I was five months). But couldn’t be involved straight away as the split from his partner had affected his daughter and he needed to put her first. This was in April. He carried on seeing me throughout my pregnancy but never asked anything about it. I told him about scans and how it was going etc. I gave birth to my beautiful boy nearly three weeks ago, which I told him when I gave birth. I asked if he wanted to see baby and the response I got was that I should rest since I had a c-section and he’d get to see him when he does. Since then he’s spoken to me normally and occasionally asks how baby is doing but it doesn’t move past that. I also asked about a middle name and what surname to put down on the birth certificate and he said that it was up to me and I should choose. He didn’t seem too keen to give him his surname. Am I wrong to question if he wants to be involved again? I feel like he’s not very interested. Yet wants to see me for sex etc? I’m really confused about what to do in regards to this.
User article | trust, cheating
If trust was broken by a previous partner
Article | breakups, trust, YPc
“Wife texting another man”
Recently I found out my wife has been in quite inappropriate conversation with another man, i seen their chat pop up while using her laptop and the content of one message was out of order so i clicked to read further into this. It had been going on 3 months or so and very sexual chats and even some non revealing but teasing photos had been sent. He was leading most of it but recently she seemed to be enjoying it more and playing along (she sent the photos) he kept asking for more revealing photos and she was teasing along. It took me a while but i eventually confronted her about my disgust and i tried to be reasonable and understanding and asked was something missing from our relationship. I had on many occasions felt we were missing something and a few times asked her and she kept saying all was fine. After talking to her about this she admitted she is a bit bored and the younger man made her feel good and it was flattering, she agreed it was inappropriate and promised me it would stop. A few weeks passed and all seemed great but i walked in one day of her taking a close up of her cleavage lying in bed. She quickly passed it off and denied it. She has moved all messaging to snapchat so no history is available and she guards her phone closely which was never really a thing before. I feel its still happening but don't know how to confront her again in case i come across as possessive and controlling as I'm sure she will accuse me of this. We have always been a very open and trusting couple and this leaves me heartbroken and i feel I've lost trust in her since this but I don't want to be watching over my shoulder the whole time. I feel betrayed even though by the messages nothing has happened physically ( well at least not up to a few weeks ago) but i really tried to be understating to make things work and feel she played along and made me feel she would stop to save any further conversation as she has never been into having relationship chats. Is the snapchatting her workaround so I don't find out or am i being paranoid. Her job leaves her open to late nights away and he lives near her job and although I don't thinks anything has happened I'm fearful it can easily under the circumstances as its normal for her job to have her in late and different times each night. I think if it is still going on i will lose all trust and not want to be with her but we have kids and i adore them and i would lost without them. Any advice welcome and thanks in advance.
User article | cheating, trust, emotional affair
“Husband is obsessed with his family!”
We've been married ten years and we have two kids. My husband spends all his free time with his family. On his way home from work he passes his brother, mother, and sister's house and every night has to stop and see them. He should be home by 5 but misses dinner and time with our kids because he shows up at 7 or 8. He doesn't work on the weekends but ALWAYS makes plans to do something with his mother, sisters or brother. His mother is not married and obese and needs help with everything. His sister has two-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant with no BF or spouse and lives with her mother as well. They ask him for help with everything and he will drop everything to go help them. I can beg him for weeks to help me with a project and it still never gets done. Even if they don't need anything he still has to hang out with them every weekend and most week nights. I like his family but I want OUR family to have some quality time alone! It's to the point that I get extremely angry when they invite us for a BBQ or birthday party or just to come over. I've begged him for alone time, he makes me feel like I'm being selfish because they need his help. It's been like this for years. Six months ago I filed for a divorce assuming he can't possibly love me - he does nothing with me. He begged me to take him back for three months, he wouldn't eat or sleep and lost sixty pounds... I dropped the divorce. We talked a lot about our problems during that time and I thought things would change. I found out on Facebook today that he's volunteered to refinish all the furniture for his sister's babies' room this weekend! Last weekend was spent painting his other sister's new house. I don't know what to do anymore, we fight whenever I bring it up he says I'm being selfish. I want to tell every family member to leave us alone and find their own husbands... but there will still always be a BBQ or Birthday party anyways that we have to attend! I can't stand it anymore I want time with my family!
Ask the community | family, values
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