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So for the last couple of weeks I have been working at this new place, i can't complain about the job but there is an issue. I have a crush on my coworker who is already taken, whose gf also works with us. This guy has shown me interest, but he also tends to his gf and spends lunch with her. I honestly have been talking to him and being flirty, not with my words but with my smile. Honestly i dont even consider smiling being flirtatious, you just can tell that i like him from miles away but im not necessarily making verbal moves. I can't help it, he's my type and to be honest i wasnt trying to hide my feelings even when i knew he was taken. Just because, i dont know i guess i was being selfish. But now that i think about it, maybe i dont want to be the reason why he and his gf break up. I mean it's difficult to find a guy like him, i would feel bad if i was the reason why the other girl loses a good catch like him. An a great relationship shouldn't start like this. Especially i want to avoid him after realizing my coworkers have been treating me differently because they think of me as a homewrecker although i dont think i have done much to deserve that title, it's unfair especially cause no one treats the guy WHO IS ACTUALLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP differently. I just have a crush, which is normal considering how attractive he is as a person. I am a very nice person and have a great moral compass i was just naive this time and didnt realized this couple could really have something good going for them and my existence being a threat isn't cool. What upsets me the most, is my supervisor using my personal feelings to judge me in my professionalism, i did cry a little bit because i work too hard for my image to be damage by a guy that i have tried to avoid too but he keeps showing interest in me. I dont want to be punished for feelings i cant control, but I'll try to avoid more since i wasnt doing a great job before. Do you think im a bad person?

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“I'm in love with him... but he has a girlfriend”

First, please understand that I want no part in ruining someone's relationship. To cause someone pain is the very last thing I want. I am not here to get advice on how to "get him to break up with her". I'm here to share my story and perhaps hear back from others who have experienced the same thing. I met this man a few years back, and there was instantaneous physical attraction to him. We had run into each other a few times, briefly spoken and that was all. But soon we became inadvertently involved in the same projects, and our friendship continued to grow... or rather, I became emotionally attracted to him as well. He knows how I feel about him, because I told him. Perhaps not the extent, but that there are definitely feelings. Obviously, since he has a girlfriend, I also told him that I would say or do nothing to try to change that and we continued to hang out more and more. He is very kind to me and treats me well. We both listen to each other, and I feel as though I can trust or tell him anything. I believe he feels the same about me, because he has talked about many things that are clearly personal matters, and mentions his girlfriend to me on occasion, even telling me that things aren't going well. I, of course, try to steer him in the direction of trying to work things out with her, because I assume he is happy with her and I DO like his girlfriend too. Even if I didn't, it wouldn't be something I would try to work to my advantage. He treats me very much in a manner that seems like more than 'friendship' to me. Perhaps it's just a STRONG friendship, but there is often little touches, flirting, obvious desire to spend time with me, buying food and drinks whenever we go out to eat. We have SO much in common, more so than I think he does with his girlfriend, and there is definitely a vibe of understanding in one another. It does make me wonder sometimes if he really feels more for me than even a strong friendship. I also know guys are often flirtatious with their friends too. But it's also the way he looks at me, and is completely at ease around me... the vibes of at the very least, an attraction. I know a lot of you will think, "Why does she continue to hang out with him if she's obviously unable to have him?" Because though in my heart of hearts, I DO desire a relationship with him, I also have never been the kind of person to back away from a friendship unless that person was deliberately hurting me... and I don't think he IS deliberately hurting me. Well, the hurt just comes from my desire being unrequited and of course worrying about "what if" he decided to begin something with me (only if it were after leaving his girlfriend, in what my deepest of hopes would be a mutual decision between him and her where there is as little hurt as possible) and worrying if he would just do the very same thing with another girl... and worrying about his girlfriend (who has seemingly accepted our friendship), possibly getting hurt in the end. I want what is best for everyone but I don't want to lose him as a friend. Though I have nights where I feel sad, I AM okay with him being my friend. Just having him near is good enough, knowing that he cares about me in SOME healthy way. That is the extent of it. I know I'm continuing to get my hopes up, but I also know the reality of it. I know he may not even be infatuated with me, and that I might just be reading too much into it. I know I may be in love with the "idea" of him, though I personally feel that isn't so... every possible outcome I have gone through several times. What are your thoughts? Any similar stories? (There must be) Thank you all for reading.

Ask the community | someone else, flirting

“I don't trust my man's female friend”

Hi guys. I'm new here... I can't discuss this with anyone in my life, so *really* I hope you can help me wrap my head around this problem. Lately, I've been stressed by a new addition in my boyfriend's life: his female friend from work. He and I are in our 20s and have been together for two years. We've had a solid and happy relationship until this point...and it's still mostly happy as long as his "friend" doesn't come up in conversation. The summary is this: I don't trust his female friend AT ALL. And I feel that my boyfriend should be more alert to the red flags that I'm seeing from her. Henceforth I will call this girl "Lacey" and I'll call my boyfriend "Joe." Here's the facts on Joe: He's extremely mellow by nature. He's nonjudgmental (a little too much, in my opinion) He's extremely loyal and respectful towards women. He's a clear and honest communicator. My happiness is one of his greatest priorities, but he won't compromise his values or beliefs to please me. He gets sad about the fact that he has very few friends. He doesn't want to lose Lacey's friendship. Here's the facts about me: I'm pretty smart and diplomatic. I'm a pretty good judge of character and strongly dislike unethical people. I'm not a jealous person and know that I can't change someone or dictate how to live their life. If there is a conflict, I always scrutinize my feelings and perspective before the other person's. Here's the facts on Lacey: She's in her mid-twenties and is single. She comes across as attractive and normal.... until you know her backstory. She got pregnant as a teenager and has two kids by two men. She was married to Dad#2 until he cheated. Then she started cheating WITH him on his currently-pregnant girlfriend. She felt zero guilt about this. Now Dad#1 has temporarily moved into her apartment with his new girlfriend. Lacey is now cheating with him instead. Again, she feels no guilt for doing this. Besides those scary facts, this is my biggest problem with her: She seems clueless about proper behavior when being friends with a man in a relationship. Here are some examples: - When Joe and I first started hanging out with her, we'd go out every weekend. Then I started realizing she had no interest in being friends with me. She ignored my existence 90% of the time and only talked to Joe about work or her life. Also, she would only text him, not me. I found it very rude and started not wanting to hang out with her. - While she was cheating with Dad#2, she would show Joe VERY EXPLICIT texts that Dad#2 would send her. Things like, "I wanna lick your *bleep* and make you *bleep* while you *bleep* my *bleep." I think it's very inappropriate that she showed these to my boyfriend. - She came over once to hang out. I got tired at midnight and went to bed. Instead of leaving soon after (which seems proper to me), she stayed and talked with Joe until after 1:00am. - She has asked to have dinner with Joe on a Friday/Saturday evening a few times. Once, they were out for about 6 hours. I ended up going to bed by myself. My boyfriend insisted that it was fine and normal. I feel it wasn't right. - The last time she came over, she kept pressuring my boyfriend to smoke a cigarette with her on our balcony, knowing that I wasn't happy about it. I didn't like the vibe I got from that. During this same evening, she talked about the banter she & Joe engage in through text. She sounded like a teenager bragging about thinly-veiled flirtation: "Omigod, like, he's SO MEAN to meeee! He said I was uglyyyy," she said while laughing. "Even when I make little sad faces in my text, he's still mean to meee!" ......... I just sat there like, Really? You think I wanna hear about what you two banter about? Joe insists that he knows what flirtation is, and doesn't flirt with her. - In the past month, she quit her job at the place where she and Joe worked. Now she has a lunch shift that coincides with Joe's. They've gotten lunch together a few times now. And she has posted two Instagram photos of them at lunch together. She likes referring to him as her BFF ("best friend forever"). In the second photo, she was pressed against his side with her hand wrapped around his upper arm. It was a pose that could be construed as either innocent or a bit too cozy. So that's it in a nutshell. I keep trying to avoid blaming Joe for condoning and going along with her questionable behavior (especially those dinners they used to get). I don't want to blame him because, all this time, he's been 100% upfront and honest about their interactions, and he said he'd never be inappropriate or cause problems. He also thinks I'm judging her too harshly and reading too far into her behavior. I think he's ignoring red flags, ESPECIALLY the fact that she's a shameless cheater! And I think he's egging her on by condoning questionable behavior: letting her take pictures of them together, buying her a funny shirt, texting her regularly, etc. I just don't know how to feel about this, guys. I hope you can tell me your thoughts about this. I know that asking him to end their friendship is out of the question. That's not my job as his girlfriend. But am I crazy for thinking she's behaving inappropriately? (Or is he behaving inappropriately too?) Am I crazy for thinking he shouldn't be hanging around with a woman who cheats shamelessly? Am I crazy for thinking that spending evenings alone with her is inappropriate from now on, now that they have the opportunity to get lunch together? I would really appreciate any advice or thoughts you guys have on my situation. It's so hard feeling so alone. :'(

Ask the community | trust, someone else, flirting

“Am I cheating because I flirt?”

I have been with my S/O for almost three years now. I am so in love. I love him with all of my heart. He is perfect. He makes me feel perfect and special. He always knows how to make me feel better. But we are getting older now, and I just feel like I sometimes am in a different stage in my life. I sometimes feel more mature. I have threatened a breakup because I have these feelings that things aren’t going to change. He is going to be the same. He is going to still be this amazing and wonderful person but he has no head on his shoulders. He has a dream but is afraid to go for it. Or at least that's what it seems like. But I have been with him for so long that I just couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else. I know he has some family issues going on right now which is the root of most of his issues but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if things would be different. Which is why I feel like I am constantly searching for something new. But I don’t want it to be our relationship. I am heavily attracted to one of our close friends and I keep having these dreams of being with him and I feel so guilty. And sometimes I catch myself flirting with him, laying down and snuggling with him and constantly thinking about him. The way I used to think of my boyfriend. But the thing is i feel like I will never stop loving my boyfriend. I love him so incredibly much so I feel so guilty. I don’t know how to feel. Am I guilty of cheating in my head? Am I cheating because I flirt with my guy friend? Am I wrong for having these sorts of dreams? I have spoken to my boyfriend about my feelings and he does know about them. But sometimes I can’t help but feel like even though I felt great after that talk and I felt so much closer to him I still keep getting those feelings of my guy friend. I just don’t know what's right and wrong anymore.

User article | someone else, flirting

Fancying and flirting with other people

This article was written by Prof. Janet Reibstein, a psychologist and Professor in the School of Psychology at the University of Exeter. The views expressed in this article are not necessarily shared by Click or OnePlusOne. Unsurprisingly, many couples argue about flirting and fancying others. You don’t start affairs without fancying. It’s a firmly held belief that partners should command each other’s sexual attention. But how far that ‘attention’ extends is not well defined; it's not always clear what constitutes an ‘affair’. When does fancying someone else or giving off sexual signals in a relationship even without physical contact, constitute danger or betrayal? But clamping down unnecessarily courts a different sort of disaster. I once was on a forum with a clergyman, who gamely confessed that women assumed that because he was a married vicar, that that meant he wasn’t sexually alive. When he flirted, they were shocked. Plaintively, he cried, ‘I may be a married vicar, but I still have eyes, and I’m not dead from the neck down! I’d never have an affair but these are two different things!’ It’s my reading – of both research and clinical data — that what seems at stake around flirting are two things: whether you are ‘enough’ to keep your partner and insecurity about the relationship’s future. We’re deluged with sensuality in our culture, reminding us that most are still alive from the neck down and most have eyes to see others - who are also sexual. So, that’s part of normal interactions. And if we like the person we’re talking to, and he or she also pleases our senses, that inescapably confirms our own sensuality. If we try to ignore this (the vicar would argue we can’t), it might mean we also ignore our basic sensuality. That affects our partnerships. In Esther Perel’s book, Mating in Captivity, she cites research showing that over time most couples get into a sexual rut, and argues that couples can redress this partly by making their sex lives conscious and deliberate. One way, she recommends, is to observe each other’s sensual effects on others: to give permission to flirt. As you do, you become aware of your own power to attract as well as your partner’s. It does mean we need to be alert to boundaries though. But what are acceptable ones? Boundaries make people secure. By establishing them, you make things explicit, agreeing what makes you secure, and why. Talking about boundaries clarifies why you’re scared, what sets it off, and why. You reassure each other, redefining activities that might have set off feelings of insecurity in the past but don’t have to any more. For instance, if your ex-boyfriend’s flirting led to infidelity, you are likely to feel threatened when your partner flirts. But if you are reassured of his fidelity to you and that he still finds you attractive you may find over time that ‘flirting’ needn’t mean ‘affair’. By being open, you also undermine the damaging role secrecy plays in flirting. Talking intimately about sensuality can also invite sensuality into the relationship. Talking to establish boundaries can reassure both of you that there’s nothing concealed, or to conceal. Flirting is undeniably dangerous: it can be heady and therefore lead to a wish for more. The implication of shared sexual desire for another does challenge a committed partnership and so as it grows there is usually a wish for concealment. But if you conceal or exclude your partner from your activities with others you might fancy, two things happen: firstly, you are signalling something suspicious is occurring and secondly you are defining your flirting as unacceptable to the partnership. When Perel suggests openly flirting she’s pointing to a couple talking honestly with each other, finding a way to bring into the relationship excitement that occurs outside it. That can’t happen with secrecy. That’s why talking and reaching common understandings is central to establishing boundaries. Central are the ‘meanings’ of flirting or fancying. If the meaning you give to your partner’s attraction to someone else is that they are less attracted to you — you’ll feel threatened. If the meaning you give to flirting is betrayal, trust in your partner and your future together will be undermined. But if, as the vicar suggests, fancying others means you’re sensually alive while still a faithful partner, you can feed sensual life back into your relationship.

User article | flirting, cheating, sex

“Should I stay with my boyfriend?”

I need some advice on the situation I'm currently in. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month but talking for about six months. He is really nice and we get on really well. However, ever since this party I saw this other boy (let's call him Jake) who I have known for ages. Jake is kind of famous in our area for being extremely good looking and all-around the perfect boy. We previously talked and Jake is so nice, we almost got together last year but it never happened. Jake is so popular he can get any girl he wants and the fact he chose me makes me feel amazing. I can't stop thinking about him and he's always on my mind. I don't know what to do because Jake is also known as a bit of a player and I know I could get hurt by him. I want to pursue things with Jake but I don't want to break up with my boyfriend. He is lovely and (i know it sounds bad) very convenient at uni - he is friends with all the same people I am and lives close by. I would cause drama in my friendship group if we broke up and I wouldn't want to hurt him like that, it's also so close to Valentine's Day and some parts so I don't want it to be awkward. He has no idea I'm feeling like this about Jake and I don't want to end the amazing thing me and my boyfriend have over Jake (who would hurt me). However, I cant stop thinking about him and how amazing things would be. I could also see myself cheating if the situation arose and I feel so guilty. Should i break up with my boyfriend? if so when? should I wait until after Valentine's Day? Should I try and stop talking to Jake and focus on my boyfriend and give things between us a chance? Or should I follow my heart and tell Jake how I feel? Also what do I do if I break up with my boyfriend and Jake doesn't want me? Why can't I stop flirting with him, am I in love or is it only a crush that I will get over? Any help would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much!!!

User article | crush, flirting, cheating

“I'm in love with him but it's complicated”

I met him about four years ago. We got along right away and became friends. He said he liked my friend but I kind of thought he liked me. After a while I told my best friend I liked him and she told me I should tell him so I did after I thought about it. he felt the same. It was so simple. Not complicated. It was too easy, I wasn't worried about girls liking him or him talking to other girls. It just worked. It freaked me out and I also wasn't ready for a relationship at the time. So I broke up with him. He was hurt. Really hurt. We continued to be friends and my friend started dating him with my permission. He then texted me one night and said “I still like you”. I wanted to say I felt the same but I couldn't hurt my friend so I just talked him through it. We continued to be friends. Some things happened that didn't have to do with him that caused us to be distant. We didn't talk for almost a year and he broke up with my friend and after a bit he started dating another girl. He didn't want to talk to me. I asked him why and he kept switching his reasons. I missed him. A month ago he texted me only saying "hey". I deleted his contact to help me get over him so I replied "who's this" he said a week later "this is" I replied "K?" He said "yes" we talked for a bit then I apologized for not being the greatest friend and the end of my sentence was "I want to say more but I don't think it'd do so much right now" hinting at me liking him. He said it wasn't my fault and that it was his. We were okay. We have been talking lots more. Last week we both went to a fire, he brought his girlfriend and he hugged me. He gave me these looks. And talked to his friend whiling looking at me. After he left I texted him and said "hey there", he replied "hey A!! It was nice to see you, how's the party going" we talked for a bit and then he said he had to go to bed an he would text me tomorrow. He sent me a good morning text. It was so nice to wake up to. He was flirting with me, he even sent a heart and corrected it to be a laugh face. I want to tell him but it'll hurt his girlfriend and what if he doesn't feel the same? Ugh. I think I should tell one of my friends that's good friends with him. Maybe he would know. What do you guys think?

Ask the community | someone else, flirting

“Married with a crush”

I have been married for over 10 years and together for around 18 years. We also have two children together. I have always been faithful and never strayed and nor has my partner. Over the past couple of years our sex life has gone downhill somewhat to the point it is now it probably once every two to three months and when we do it, its nothing special. I am finding myself spending less and less together and most days go by without even such a kiss or I love you anymore. We don't argue much and do generally get along pretty well together. Almost two years ago I joined a local amateur dramatics group and have done a few performances, I met a girl there and we get on great. I will admit I am attracted to her. The current show we are doing involves a long kissing scene and passionate cuddling etc, we are still in rehearsals at the moment but even during the read-through I could feel my heart racing at the thought of this kiss. We have now practised the scene a few times (yes my partner does know about this) and it is now all I can think about. I haven't felt so excited for a very long time now and long for the next rehearsal so we can kiss again. I sort of sense my fellow actor enjoys it as much a I do but she too is married and we haven't really discussed it and nothing has happened outside of rehearsals. It is tearing me up inside a millions thoughts going through my head, part of me wants to ask her about how the kissing scene makes her feel and let her know how I feel too. Or is it that I am longing to be loved something that has been missing from our relationship for a long time now. Your advice welcome.

Ask the community | someone else, flirting

“I love a boy but he has a girlfriend”

About two years ago, I met this boy at a party. And we started talking right away, but it was short because I was going home shortly after that. So the next day, he added me on all social media and we started to talk a lot, we later than started to hangout one on one. I was 18 at the time and hanging out with a boy one on one was something I had never really done before (but i have had a lot experience with boys in the past so this wasnt my first). When we hung out we would make out and stuff and just hangout and one time i actually slept over his house. Summer was coming and i was graduating high school and i found myself to like him more than he liked me. I was always reaching out to him, he was never answering and i eventually got the point (I also didn't see him a whole lot because he lived in the town next to me but def enough). So I went off to college and the next summer rolls around. We ended up hanging out with friends one night and my friends wouldn't stop talking about how flirtatious he was with me, and he was like that all last summer every time we would hangout. And It wasn't like the previous year, we connected so much and would talk for hours, i have never connected to someone like i did with him. So last summer we hooked up a few times, and he invited me over to his NYC penthouse, but of course it never happened. So I went back to school in the fall, and he gets a girlfriend. So this summer comes and I just basically forgot about him because he has a girlfriend and was taking summer classes. So I saw him last weekend for the first time in 6 months and he was hugging me like crazy and kissing my neck. We talked outside for about 2 hours and he was actually telling me about his girlfriend and how great she is and of course i was encouraging it because i would never want him to get hurt. and he told me that he would never cheat on her but he wishes he was able to just kiss me right there. And i wasnt even tempted to kiss him as much as i just wanted to become best friends with him. Its to the point where if i cannot be with him. i would do anything to just be best friends with him and hangout with him. I know I'm only 20 and still young but I feel like i knew from the second i met this boy that he was someone special. And i don't know what to do now because I cant stop thinking about last weekend (and we do not text, snapchat or anything) and i just really do love him. Should I let it ago and hope that in a few years after college maybe we can be something?

User article | someone else, flirting

“Future brother-in-law issues”

I'm getting married soon to someone who has a twin sister, whose husband I get on well with. They have been married a couple of years. I go out with him now and again with some of his mates. A couple of months ago, when we were in a club, after we'd been drinking most of the day, I noticed he'd taken his wedding ring off. This is a replacement wedding ring after he'd lost his original one, again on a night out, though he'd passed it off as not being sure what had happened to it. I'm thinking of having a man-to-man talk with him this weekend, to tell him A) that I wouldn't be happy having this on my conscience if this were to happen again when I am married to his wife's sister, and B) to consider trying to break the habit of taking it off when out. The four of us are very close. I'm sure he wouldn't go any further but know that his wife would be upset if she knew this was happening. Am I doing the right thing?

User article | someone else, flirting, family

“My girlfriend's sister came onto me”

Hi everyone I am 23 years old and I have been seeing my girlfriend for more than a year now and we have one of the best relationships a couple could hope for. I’ve given her a promise ring and had planned on possibly marrying her some day, we also have been living together for over a year. I am extroverted and i tend to say what’s on my mind, if something needs to be said I’ll usually be the one to stand up and say it. she is a month older than i am, she is a little bit shy but not around me. her only major problems in my opinion are that she is very jealous of her sister. she thinks her sister is so much more beautiful than her and she really looks up to her, also she tends to be extremely empathetic and she is easily manipulated by her family because of it. She gets guilted into doing things a lot. It all started on Christmas day. we went over to her parents house for xmas. her parents were there, her sister/boyfriend, her brother and his gf, 4 aunts/uncles and their kids, as well as grandparents. it was after dinner so we all decided to sit down and watch a movie while the rest of the family was in the other room around the dining room table. i was sitting on the left end of a couch and she was next to me on the right. to the right of the couch across the room was the TV. to the left of the couch was an armchair facing down the length of the couch towards the television, in the chair sat her sister and her boyfriend who lap she was sitting on. the chair wasn't reclined at all just laid back a little. well I’m sitting there looking to my right watching the movie and about 20 minutes in i feel something on my left leg.. I think to myself oh she must have bumped my leg so i move my leg over a little and continue watching the movie. One minute passes and once again i feel something on my leg except this time its rubbing up and down on my shin. i think to myself she must think that my leg is the couch so i start bouncing my leg and her whole foot starts moving. (mind you she is on her boyfriends lap at the time and he doesn't notice anything and my girlfriend is watching TV looking the opposite direction and i have my arm around her.) she doesn't react at all in fact she begins to pinch my pant leg with her toes and starts tugging on it. i look over at her and she is staring at me, not the movie then she smiles and winks at me. At this point I'm completely in shock and looking back at it now i should have opened my mouth and said what the fuck are you doing. however in my state of confusion at the time i ended up straightening out my legs so she cant reach my my leg. she repositioned herself again and tried to reach for my feet and i finally stood up and said i was going to go get a drink of water. while i was on my way back i noticed her looking me all up and down when i walked back into the room. i told(my g/f) i was ready to go and we left. Later that night i ended up talking to my girlfriend about it and told her everything that had happened and she was more or less in denial about it and didn't want to believe it had actually happened but she said she would talk to her about it next time she seen her. The next day she was at work and her sister came in and she said "so did you brush up against *'s leg at Christmas? you kinda made him uncomfortable." and her sister replied "i may have bumped his leg once or twice on accident, why does he always have to make things weird". she replied I don’t know and that was the end of that conversation. After she got home from work I asked her how it went and she said exactly what happened at work and i obviously told her I didn't think she handled it right & she needed to talk to her sister again and ask why she was trying to make moves on me etc. well then she proceeded to get mad at me because I didn't think she handled it right, in fact the very next day she made plans to go hangout with her sister and go shopping as if nothing had even happened. i told her to tell her sister she wasn't going to go hangout with her that I was going to go with her shopping so her sister ended up throwing a fit a guilting her into ditching me and going with her to go shopping. I was kinda pissed but I said whatever, her sister had some stuff to do in town first so she and I went and got some food before I dropped her off at **'s so she could ride with her sister. by the time her sister finished what she had to do in town it was almost 7pm and the day was completely gone. (Her sister) then said she didn't want to go shopping.. is it just me or does it sound like she did that just to spite me?? Anyway, later that night i told (my g/f) that i wasn't happy with what happened it and told her this may be the thing that drives a wedge between us in our relationship. i tried to explain to her that it would be life if i had a brother and my brother had a girlfriend and he was at my house for a family thing, while holding his girlfriends had walked by you and grabbed your ass. then when you told me about it not old did i not believe you but i got pissed at you for accusing him of such things. I'm more or less looking for advice on the matter and I'm not sure what i should do. I'm wondering how this will effect our relationship down the road and also I'm wondering if i should marry someone that wont stick up for me in situations like this. your thoughts will be appreciated. Thanks.

Ask the community | flirting

I don’t want to leave him but I have a crush

Hey everyone! I’m having doubts lately on how to deal with a situation that’s been stressing me out… Basically, I’ve known J for almost 2 years now, we’re friends and although there has always been mutual attraction, it was very lowkey until October, we were seeing each other all the time with our friends and that’s when I started noticing he was flirting and reaching out to me in a different way, like wanting to hang out with me without the others or even just focusing entirely on me when there were other people present. However, at the time he was actually seeing another girl, who by the way I was friends with last year before we drifted apart (luckily there was no drama there), and he obviously avoided to tell me until I found out on my own. I felt quite let down by his behavior, and although I stopped flirting back as soon as I found out about her, things between him and I were still tense all winter and I only really moved on when I met A, the guy I’m actually seeing, in February. Things went perfectly until a few weeks ago; I hadn’t seen J for a while and then when I saw him again I found out that he was breaking up with the other girl. Now he’s started approaching me again and I thought it wouldn’t affect me at all but the chemistry between us is really strong and although I know he’s not reliable I can’t help but feel drawn to him. I don’t want to leave A, I already told him that I’m not sure if I can give him a stable relationship and he is cool with that, but at the same time I’m afraid of telling him about J cause I can tell he’s really into me and he doesn’t have a lot of relationship experience in general, so I don’t want to hurt him… he’s probably the best person I’ve ever had by my side soooo I really don’t know what to do, I just have this feeling that I won’t be able to ignore J much longer and I really want to avoid making a mess where I end up hurting myself and the people I care for and ruining friendships and just in general generating drama!!! I hope someone can understand what I feel and maybe share a little piece of advice… I hate myself for falling into these stupid teenage drama traps

User article | crush, flirting

First post here so I hope this is in the correct spot. I'll just get to it, I don't feel like my wife is attracted to me sexually, she says she is but never just initiates anything. She likes flirting with other people online, which i know about and it's fine except for the fact that she'll flirt and then she will initiate sex with me. I don't know how to feel, when it's just me, i get nothing, when she flirts then she is ready for anything. I just dont know how to feel. she says she loves me (which i believe, but I don't believe she's attracted to me.)

User article | flirting

Feelings for a close friend

So there’s a guy I am pretty close with. We’ve known each other for a few years now and are good friends but there are often times where our relationship does not seems totally platonic. I have feelings for him but he has a gf (it’s been like 4 months since they met and have been dating) but over the course of the time we began hanging out (usually in a group setting) and even still now, he does things that make me think he also has feelings to an extent. It’s frustrating when he gives a lot of physical cues and signs that he is into me but now has a girlfriend. I really don’t want to ruin his relationship or our friendship because I am happy for me but it still hurts. I’m just not entirely sure what to do at this point because I’ve had these feelings for a while but I can’t move past this. I fall for him more every day and don’t see myself moving past this until I never see him again or someone else comes into the picture in my side.

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New same sex relationship

I came out to my best friend 3 days ago, after she left my house. The day after she said she liked me. I said I liked her back ( I did) but now we’re dating and it’s awkward. She takes longer to text me back and I feel clingy. I don’t think she wants us to be together anymore but I really like her. I’ve told her I like her and she said yay. She’s always too busy, you don’t want to break up but I don’t know what to do. Help, we go back to school in 3 weeks :/

User article | same-sex, new relationship

I've been friends with this guy for a long time. We both have someone. We talk about anything and everything. We just recently crossed the line a couple of times and had sex. So now we have an understanding friends with benefits. His girl has no time for him for the last nine months. She just calls him every day. My guy is always at work and I only see him once a week and I live with him. My friend always asks me when my guy is moving out because he knows I'm not happy with my guy. He says if things don't change real soon with his girl then he's leaving her. I have fallen in love with my friend and told him. I'm so confused about the whole situation. Please any advice would help

User article | new relationship

“I'm supposed to move on”

I've never properly liked a guy until the end of last year. I'm in university and he started here also and he made it a point to get to know me and for the first time, I actually allowed it. I'm majorly shy but I was immediately open to him. I even looked him in the eyes and that's big for me. I became physically and emotionally attracted to him and at one point or two we made out and had fun but never went past the point of no return. And then he got a girlfriend, my flatmate and I've been trying to get over it since then but it's impossible. We're friends so we're often in one another's company and we find ourselves 'flirting' with each other according to my friends and I just don't know anymore.

User article | flirting, crush

“Cherry pie”

Two months ago my husband asked me to order something for him and I couldn’t find the link so I looked on his phone. What I found was a text exchange between him and a woman who works for him. He referred to her in the text exchange using a version of her name but more flirtatious. They exchanged pics of their cats, he sent pics of himself with one of our kids, they talked a lot about people at work and recipes. What was most disturbing was the part from him to her that said “I couldn’t send this over work Skype but I know you would appreciate this: I’m glad we are not in the office because I would so eat your cherry pie, and then thought I shouldn’t hit send on that. And I didn’t mean it like that but after I saw it, I read it like that. And now I can’t stop singing Cherry Pie by Warrant”... I confronted him and he feels horrible. He swears nothing is going on, and that this came from a joke that started at a restaurant they ate in where the desserts have very racy names. I want to believe him but I’ve asked him if she’s texted him personally since and he actually lied and said no. When I told him I thought he was lying, he said it was because he didn’t want to deal with talking about it. Am I crazy?

User article | cheating, flirting

Understanding casual relationships

Article | flirting, fwb, casual sex

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