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Is this love?

There are many many reasons that I can think of for my behavior towards my husband. I'm just not understanding and putting a point on the reasoning. Lack of love affectionate happiness I would say is my problem. I could write a book for all the problems that I have with my marriage. I'm not in a struggle or in a desperate decision or given any ultimatums or even separation. To me right now I feel as if he's just a roommate or a best friend.

Don't get me wrong there is Romance only when I want it to be romantic not much him trying to be towards me and me rejecting him because I don't reject him. I just don't have the interest like I should to go up to him and give him a hug and a kiss or play with him and tickle him or go game with small gift or conversate with him on how his day was at work and stick to the true feelings of missing him. When he comes up to me and kisses me I kiss him back and tell him I love him no problem, when he wants to make love I'm willing no problem, when he wants to go to a restaurant I hesitant but I do no problem.

To me I would say it's a boring relationship but I very very much love him there's no abuse whatsoever there's no alcohol drugs whatsoever I just can't get my mind to wrapped around why I don't treat him the way he should be treated with my love and lots of my attention and interests. We're mostly quiet when we're around each other it would devastate me to the most if he were to leave me I do know that I do know that I do love him I've been with him for 21 years he's not going nowhere. And I sure ain't.

Please could you help me with this I'm going through why am I doing this and acting like this towards him? I will admit there are times where this comes up in an argument that ignore him or that I just simply don't show him that I love him as he says. I'm scared and I don't know why this is going on. If I were to be in his shoes I would have left thinking that he doesn't love me. In my mind I feel that there is no respect and appreciation that I get from him that is one of the main and I mean one of them the main reason that is the cause of my behavior.

But it's not something that I think about everyday how he disrespects me or how he doesn't show me appreciation or that he doesn't touch my face at night and smile and tell me he loves me. Those three things are definitely on rocks right now. He knows about them I tell him all the time but you see he is in denial he's never done anything wrong he's knows everything everything he thinks about and does is the right decision. So yeah it's kind of hard to convince or to make the other understand and realize that they have an issue that they need to take care of along me explaining that I too have issues that need to be changed in the relationship giving him the okay to talk about it or admit it or make up a plan to fix it.

I think that constantly seeing these things in him has got me to be the way that I am. It has to be something similar to that it has to be. Our youngest daughter is 6 years old and our son is 13 I don't want us to split it would hurt me deeply but I know deep in my mind that this cannot go on any much longer or he's going to leave me. I would if I was him. He's not getting the love that he deserves or that he needs. But I want to assure you I'm not getting the respect that I deserve and the apologies that I deserve and most definitely the most important I do not get appreciated for the things that I do for him or in life General. Please I need your help thank you for your time and I hope to hear back God bless

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