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'I'm 18 and he's 35?! I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be'

I need help guys, long story short I'm in a sticky situation with this man who has kids and a girlfriend. We’ve worked together for 3 years until corona came and I haven’t worked there since. But I can’t now and here’s why. We’ve always been quite flirty and there’s always been a big sexual tension which isn’t good when there’s a 18 year age gap. And a child.

I'll cut it to the juicy bit - I hadn’t seen him properly in around 5 months until now. I went to this place were he worked. But my friend said he wasn’t working. Me and my friend both got very drunk, I ended up chatting to him and he said do I want a lift home (he knows where I live from picking me and dropping me from work all the time). I was completely blackout drunk but I remember I was crying and he was trying to comfort me and we ended up SNOGGING and more and things. Got a little bit too heated (p.s. I never thought this would happen because Ive always really liked him and never thought he felt the same). He dropped me back home and it's now the next day. He rang me and said are you okay and how do you feel and what do you remember? I said about the kissing and stuff - he’s bit scared as he’s got a girlfriend and doesn’t want me telling her as I was working with her the NEXT DAY!! I knew I would never say anything to her anyway but we were arguing about it all and he ended up blocking me which actually broke me. He called me 2 days after to say it's because she keeps on checking my phone.

2 months later he’s unblocked me after I’ve asked 4 times. The unblocking happened last week. I felt nervous to message but knew I wanted to and at the time I had corona so I told him and said I'm dying In 2 days as a joke and he said goodbye. Anyway I'm saying all this as this is what’s pulled us closer physically. But we're so drifted apart now as I don’t work with him and see him nearly every day, and he lives with his girlfriend so I can’t message him when I like. We used to be so close and have chats on WhatsApp about literally anything and we always had a laugh. I just wish things could go back to the way they were because I miss it and him. I've spent so many nights crying about it and wishing things were different but I'm too young to be this sad over him. But then my gut says I need to get over him because it's not going to work. But my heart says he’s my soulmate. I realised I was so much happier when he was around. If you can help me I'm stuck in a rut. 

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