Basically I have been with my guy for just over 4 years. We worked together also. The past year covid aside has been pretty crap for me so it has had probably a bit of an impact on our relationship. I lost my mum and then my own health took a nose dive so there wasn't alot of intimacy for a few months because of it. He always maintained he was fine with it because of the circumstances and I never had any reason to think he didn't mean what he said. I've never once thought the whole time we have been together that he would even look at another girl and for me to say that its big considering I went through a horrible relationship a few years ago where my bf at the time cheated on me all the time.
But with my guy I just always kinda thought nah no way would he do anything like that. I used to think that anyway until recently. He gave me his phone one night to set a wallpaper for him (it was a new phone and he didn't have a clue) so when I was doing that I came across pictures of other girls on his phone. They weren't particularly flirty or anything just standard selfies. I recognised these girls from work. One is only 19 and he's in his early 40s so right away I was like erm what the hell. Because of this I did what I never thought I would be doing and I looked at his messages.
I no breach of privacy and all that but understand up until seeing them pictures in the 4 years we have been together I have never looked through his phone not even once! I found texts to these girls from work and they were quite flirty one even referred to him cracking one off because of her and him saying how he would struggle to work with one fully functioning arm. Also the one to the 19 year he was saying how if he was younger he would be chasing after her. He didn't say in that text if he was single he would be chasing after no it was if he was younger. He's also said that they 2 r his favourite people and even in the message said I come after them. He's also been texting some other girls including exes and they r also quite flirty.
I asked him about the pictures and the texts and he just laughed it off saying that they are friends and that he won't b stopping texting them the way he does and that I need to stop being so stupid when I told him I felt so disrespected he just said well a don't know why I haven't done anything wrong then he went on to say if I didn't shut up about it he would leave the house and not speak to me the rest of the day. Even writing this I know I make myself sound like a complete push over and to a certain extent I probably am. Now I'm miserable all the time and I think all the time is he cheating or is he thinking about it. Realistically I know I can't do anythin to stop him if thats what he is going to do hes going to do it regardless.
At the moment I am more let down with his reaction to me asking him about it. The way he just laughed me off and didn't seem to care about how he had made me feel. That and the fact I need to face these girls at work knowing now that they are messaging my guy flirty messages they must be laughing their heads off at me. I just dont know how to deal with what's happening having been in this situation before I know how it will probably end. I I feel like all he has done is lie to me. I have caught on to it this time but how many other times has there been that I haven't known about. Has he actually cheated on me with someone else in the past. My mind is awash with all these negative things towards him now I dont know how I can get past it.
We have had a really good relationship and he was there for me for alot but I'm just wondering if it was all a lie is he lining someone else up to replace me because of the bad time we have had. Im so confused