I am a married man, I have a wife and 2 teens. I’ve been married for over 15 years now. My wife is a good mom, but her lack of drive for success, and the mentality of being a housewife has turned me off for many years now. I’ve had a conversation with her about 7 years ago about going out there and getting her degree to challenge herself and help the family financially, I was always met with negative responses. Asking her to get a job was somewhat insulting to her and she tends to tell me I’m to blame for because I don’t like the jobs she applied to (they were not worth the time for the money) and she refused to get a job at decent places with good benefits (like Walmart or Aldi). In any event, through the years I’ve grown professionally and financially with very little financial input from her. I’ve taken care of her parents abroad as well as mine and I feel like I’ve just been a cash cow for everyone. I’ve had numerous discussions with her about my feelings and she finally decided to go out there and get a degree (because she senses I'm going to leave her) which I’m helping pay for, but for many years now I have not been connected to her emotionally, I don’t love her anymore and many things happened between us and her family where she didn’t back me up and chose her family instead. I am only married to her because of my kids. The sex is there just to take care of our needs, we don’t even kiss. During the pandemic I started trying to improve on one of the 4 languages I speak. I met someone on a language app, we started talking, very quickly moved to video conversations and we both started developing feelings. We share many goals, aspirations, and she is the complete opposite of my wife in so many levels which just draws me to her even more. She is also married. We’ve been romantically talking for 4 years now online consistently. Her husband is a macho guy who wants her as a maid essentially, she is putting her self through school with the help of her grandfather (who dislikes her husband) and is on her way to becoming a lawyer this year. I love everything about this woman. We met in person (I had a work trip to her country). We had great conversations and made love, I felt so at home with her I couldn’t believe it. I have never felt so happy in my life, never felt like this with my wife. She has never asked me for a nickel, and she’s helped me in some many ways, I feel like a different man with her. We both want out of our marriages, but I’m afraid of hurting my kids (16 and 13) and disrupting their lives. She is willing to leave her husband for me, she too has a kid (8 years old). I also don’t want to hurt my wife, I don’t love her but I don’t also want to hurt her self esteem and she also cannot support herself financially yet as she is in school till 2024 and working 1 day week for now. She knows I don’t love her like the first day we got married, we talked about it, tried working on it for a few years but it’s no use. We are both in our 40s and I am not happy with her and I feel I’d be giving up my own happiness if I don’t pursue my life with the other woman whom I love. I also feel my wife deserves to be loved, by someone who truly feels for her, not me. I don’t know what to do.

I read an article on your site recently about a person in love with their Brother-in-law. I've been feeling the same for many years.

I met this boy a few years ago. we were paired together on an english project. neother of us had any other friends in that class, so we became permanent partners. we grew close. so close that touching was normal. hugs, playful punches everyhing was normal but friendly. i didnt like him and he was getting over a breakup. i did have a crush on him for a few months but because he was still getting over his last girlfriend, i closed myself off to the possibility that he might like me. i shut off that hope and started to like someone else. however, i dont think i ever got over him. over the years, along with our friendship, i realized that i could read him so clesrly. i could sense his emotions. whenever he was sad, i woukd be too. whenever he was excited, i became excited too. it wasnt somejing that i made happen, his feelings just naturally influenced mine. this confused me, but i thought it was a best friend thig. i couldnt stand not being near him...but i had convinced myself that i liked someone else. a year later, one of his friends told me that he liked me, and i didnt know how to respond to the news i had recieved from him. i asked his friend why he didnt tell me earlier and i was so upset with myself for some reason. a gew months later, he started going out with another girl and they are now together. knowing that he is off likits, i unfollowed him from media, i stopped talking to him, and because of covid, i also didnt see him anywhere for about a year. i thought this was the best way to gwt over him. 2 days ago, i saw him again. i avoided him. he didnt see me. but as soon as i saw him, the butterflies came back, and o got upset and teary eyed. he has a loving, sweet girlfriend and theyre amazing together. i would never betray her. but he once liked me, and i think i love him. we are goi g to the same college and i know that even if i try my best i wont be able to avoid him forever. seeing him with her will break me. i dont know how else to get over him and i dont want to. there was a period of time where he broke up with his girlfriend and he started talking to me. i didnt engage because i refuse to be a rebound friend. but i cant even be in the same room as him without wanting to cry or scream or break something or blame myself for my stupidity. i dont know what to do. please help.

There is this guy I went to school, I loved him since I was nine years old and yes he loved me since then too. I moved to another town up until I was 16. I went back to stay with my granny only to found out that he still loves me and I feel the same. After our matric we went on our separete ways. When we were 29 years old we met again and started to date. And it was for three months only then, again, we went on our separate ways but by that time he has a girlfriend and a kid. Then he came back to me, he was telling me that he loved me since he was a kid, and I make him happy. But the problem started when he didn't tell me the truth about his girlfriend. He only told me that his girlfriend is cheating. He took me to his family, introduced me and told them that he wants to marry me. I wasn't ready because I was hurt on my previous relationship. So he told me that his girlfriend didn't treat him nice and she told him that he must go and find someone else. So I developed lots of feels again for him but he was lying to me. He never told me that he has another child with this girlfriend of his. When I found out, I was hurt to a point that I broke up with him. Weeks later I found out that he is staying with his girlfriend. Now should I just let him go for good or should I still wait. Cause I love him and I feel it in my heart that he's the one. I don't want to break things between him and his girlfriend.

He's my very best friend. He loves me, and I am desperately in love with him. He has a girlfriend that is not me. That kills me on the inside. I try to text him but he gives vague responses and he's told me that if he didn't have a girlfriend, we'd be together. He's admitted to wanting to kiss me, but he just seems distant. I ask him if he's trying to ignore me, but he always says no. I miss him. My heart now breaks to think of him because he's just not who he used to be. He's changed since we first met and I just need to see him, but I can't and if you don't know why, then you're oblivious to what's going on in the world. I want to call him, but he says not to call. If he says no or anything like that, I trust him and stay away so that I don't lose him forever. This relationship feels very one-sided. What do I do? As I said, I really don't want to lose him because he is the best thing in my life and really is just keeping me alive. So what is your advice, internet?

So I think a bit of background first will make for a better response to my dilemma. I am a 36yr old male, who was friends with my SO (41yr old female now ex) for many years prior to us becoming romantically involved. She was one of the most caring, loyal and trustworthy people I know and no matter the situation would always be there for me. This was reciprocated whenever she needed a friend. We both had a lot of respect for each other and even though it took a long time, and waiting for the right time - there was always that undeniable attraction, so when the right time came along - we got together and it was amazing. It didn’t take long for us to move in together. It was all going great, the Covid hit. Both of us enjoy our independence and freedom, and trusted each other to be able to go out etc but know we always come back to each other at the end of the day/night. The sex was great, communication great - mostly everything was great. But Covid lockdowns meant spending a lot of time at home together. Once lockdowns finished, an old female friend who I had briefly dated prior to my relationship popped up on fb as “people you may know”. And I know it was wrong, but I reached out via dm just to say hello, it had been 4yrs since our last interaction so I was curious what she had been up to. I had no intentions initially, but this girl confessed she had always had deep feelings for me, and I stupidly decided to “catch up”. One thing led to another - and the next thing I know it was 14mths of infidelity. My SO had no idea. The energy and guilt kept building up the more I cheated. Living a double life was draining. The other woman had begun questioning why I would never to her to my place, never stayed the night and basically only ever went to her place for sex and left again. I had every opportunity to break things off with my SO, but I didn’t want to lose her. I even signed another 12 mth lease on our rental back in August 2023, still slept in same bed with her every night, made sure I checked in if she was at work etc. But in January 2024, after hours of interrogation from the other woman, I admitted I had a gf and that we lived together. She was clearly not happy about this after all my lies etc. I went home to my SO and said nothing. After no communication from the other woman for a few days, my SO woke me up one morning and threw her phone to me and said “read this”. The other woman had somehow found her number and text my SO, telling her about my cheating. My world imploded, my SO calmly asked me to get out, and balling my eyes out I decided to go to her friends house for advise (which I didn’t take) and I stupidly went to the other woman’s place and she surprisingly let me in, for the first time ever I stayed the night with her. And then my SO found out, after I lied about sleeping in my car. My SO told me to leave (in words I will not repeat), and I decided to go to the other woman’s place again. It took me 8 weeks to move out of the house I rented with my SO, and I basically ignored her msgs etc. I have never had a conversation or provided an explanation as to why I cheated. The other woman let me move straight in with her, but from the start she doesn’t trust me - tracks me to make sure I am where I say I am, won’t let me have any female friends and she has anxiety attacks when she has to go to work or I go out for fear I will cheat. Yet 7 months on, I am still here. While I have no contact with my ex, I know what I did completely destroyed her heart. About 3 months after I left, I sent one msg telling her how sorry I was and how I would never forgive myself for what I did, and also told her that I did wholeheartedly love her and missed her. So why am I still with this other woman? I know it will not last given how it started, even though I have put it up on fb I am in a relationship, I have hidden who with from my ex. I have not blocked her number, and not unfriended her. I still read her fb stories the minute I go online and see she has posted. And I know the stories are usually only for an audience of 1 - me. I so badly want to admit that I am not really happy with this other woman, and try make things right with my ex, she was my best friend. I wanted to be with her for life, I wrote her a poem about being my wife one day the week we moved in together. And I know she hasn’t moved on, and that she would give me a second chance because she makes it clear on her fb stories that she still loves me, misses me etc. I hate myself knowing she is hurting so deeply, and struggling to keep the rental with only one income now. But why am I not doing anything. So, has anyone else been in a similar situation? I don’t need any hate, I already hate myself enough. Can anyone give me advice or share their own story? Am I holding back to save face or judgement? Am I scared to hurt my new gf after what I did? I am lost.

Hi, I'm 18 years old, I live and grew up in the countryside. My parents were friends with neighbors from the same village. They had children my age and my sister's age. She is seven years older than me. My friend, the neighbor's daughter, is two years younger than me, her older brother is three years older than me, and the oldest, who left home quickly, is a few years older than my sister. We all met together very often when we were children, we went to school and kindergarten together. Our parents spent time together and we often played together. Mainly me and my younger friend, my sister was watching over us, and sometimes with her brother, with whom I understood more, probably because of his age. I remember those years wonderfully, although there were also some worse moments. Later I changed school to a music school, her older brother had his own company, but I still hang out with my younger friend. In the meantime, their parents had a nasty divorce and from then on everything started to go wrong. Slowly, without even noticing, I began to lose contact with my older friend. At some point, when I was 13-14, I started to like him. I dreamed about it every day and everything. We met at events, for example birthdays or village bonfires. However, we didn't talk to each other. I was having a difficult time in my life at the time, I was afraid to approach him. I was ashamed, it was my first love and I have always been shy. I told my younger friend about this infatuation and she laughed at me, although I don't know if she was happy. Later we didn't talk about it anymore, I told her that I had fallen out of love. I thought so for some time, but every time I saw him, the feeling came back. He had a girlfriend for a while, but he broke up with her because he started studying abroad. I was honestly happy then because I thought we would lose contact and I would fall out of love with him. Although I missed him, I slowly forgot. The problem was that he returned to his family every now and then for the holidays. In the meantime, my young friend had been drinking alcohol and smoking e-cigarettes for several years, and we had completely different lives and friends, which made us distance ourselves more and more. We haven't had anything to talk about lately, I miss her a lot and she seems to miss me too, but when I meet her I don't see any commitment on her part. About her brother: the last time I met him, I thought I didn't feel anything for him, but it turned out that it wasn't true. This feeling hasn't gone away and it scares me. In addition, he has a girlfriend in college. I recently got over it and talked to him. It was wonderful. I felt very natural talking to him. we even sang one song together at the party. I invited him to my birthday party on the 18th, but he couldn't come because he had classes at college. My mother and sister advise me to invite him to the class prom, which is supposed to be in January, but again I'm afraid he won't be able to. I don't have anyone to invite. I don't know whether to try or give up? 

I am alone need love

I have failed four times at marriage, a dozen times at romantic relationships, lived with 10 different girlfriends for varying periods of time, and had sex with approximately 130 women in my lifetime. I'm not incapable of love or commitment; in fact, my relationships have almost always ended because I discovered that I was being deceived or manipulated or betrayed by my woman. Many of them, when I asked "Why did you stay with me if you thought so little of me, and didn't respect me?" said that it was because I am very attentive in bed. I have heard it enough to realize that there has to be some truth to the sentiment, but I'm struggling to find a solution, because I am in a hell that is indescribable. I'm unable to NOT be enthusiastic in bed with a woman, because, frankly, if she's in my bed, my interest is genuine, and it isn't something I can fake, or hide. I've had conversations before a relationship gets serious enough for sex, in which we both agreed that we were not looking for commitment, yet were very much down for exclusivity, so we were able to maintain our individuality and sense of independence, blah blah blah.. So, basically, my conundrum is no more than: Why can't I have great sex with a great woman, who I love a great deal, without her transforming into a possessive, jealous, manipulative liar, who claims to be IN LOVE with me, yet ultimately confesses that she was really just with me because I'm the biggest woman-worship sex freak they'd ever been with and were hesitant to let it go, thus giving up, but hated the fact that I wanted to break it off with HER when I realized that her "love" was lacking ANY respect for me, and oftentimes, for herself as well. Am I a hopeless man-whore? Am I incapable of real love? Am I unworthy of real love? Is it possible that being coerced into sexual intercourse at age six by a girl who was 16 has somehow hardwired me to be permanently FUCKED when it comes to finding real love? At the time of this writing, I've broken up with my girlfriend of six months just about an hour ago, for refusing to stop telling senseless lies to everyone in her life, among other issues. She actually said (jokingly?) to her bff "...yeah but he's got a great big ding dong so it's worth it." Just how fucking broken am I? I have avoided telling the woman I truly am in love with for seven years now, because I don't want to end a wonderful friendship, but I love her so much it is painful. We hang out almost every day. We don't hug, touch, kiss, flirt, just smoke weed and talk philosophy, play darts and listen to music, visit with other friends, things like that. How can I risk fucking all that up, just because I want to make love to her? How BROKEN am I???

I recently moved overseas to establish my career and my boyfriend is back in my home country where he has already established himself. We love each other despite the distance and put in the efforts needed to make our relationship work. I wanted him to join me here and explore this time with me, as I am not planning to settle down overseas. I want to work here for a while, establish something sustainable before I go back home and I need him to be here with me for this time as I know his occupation is quite in demand here, and this was communicated to him. He however, does not want to leave home and his family. I sometimes fight with him over this but have realised how unfair I am being. It has only been a year and half since we started dating and it was long distance since we are from different cities back home. In this short span, he has grown on me like a wildfire. I, for some selfish reason can not seem to let go of him and it physically hurts to think of moving on if this does not work. The other day, he spoke some truth that hurt me deeply. He said that it will be painful and hard, but he would not allow himself to get stuck or stop moving on if this relationship did not work. Now, I know this is how things usually work but somehow it hurts so much. I feel like my emotions have gone too deep, more than necessary where the lines between healthy and unhealthy are now hard to distinguish. I would never hold him back if he wants out of this, but somehow I feel like I would not be able to move on even if he does. I have never been in a loving relationship such as this, and my selfishness to hold on and the fear of being badly bruised again is stopping me from living in the present and overthink about the future. I am aware that I can not control the future, and I just want to cherish this time we have with each other despite the distance and uncertainties because he is such a wonderful and special man, and I can’t seem to put in words what I feel for him. I also have unresolved past trauma that is deeply embedded for which I am under therapy. My strained relationship with my mother coupled with past trauma is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. It makes me want to stay back in this country and never go back. However this would mean not getting to spend a life or share moments as I imagined with my boyfriend. I just need some guidance and perspective on how to see this in a more mature way as I am finding it almost physically hard to think rationally. I am in a place where I need to chose between my career and love, and I am stunned at how hard and painful it is to pick one and let the other go. Any suggestion, or experience from you guys would help me assess things better. Thank you for reading all of this!

Hii I'm currently a 18 year old girl. This story starts in my 11th standard. I had shifted to this new school so everything was new for me except that my very old friend was with me. It was fun for many months getting to know others and making friends. As I was in 11th standard I went to maths tuition. There I met this guy who was gonna be my first love. I didn't feel anything at first. We started to talk little by little and get to know each other. He always used to test me to ask if I would go to tuition or not. And used to inform me when he would not come. Our friendship grew we got to know each other more and that's how I fell for him. I used to think maybe he felt the same but until when he told me one day that he proposed to a girl who used to like him years back. My heart shattered hearing those words. I was happy for him as he would get someone better than me. Someone who has known him for years and me who met him for just months. I showed him as if it didn't affect me. He left the tuition. At school, although he was in different sections he used to be absent very much and rarely came to school. I thought this was the time to get over and start seeing someone but later I knew that I still felt for him. Now I'm writing this as I met him again my all these years of memory came back. I'm still in love with him. I don't know why. Sometimes I feel I should confess to him but I feel like it would make things more complicated. I just hope my first love will remember me sometimes. I hope you will always be happy.

There are many many reasons that I can think of for my behavior towards my husband. I'm just not understanding and putting a point on the reasoning. Lack of love affectionate happiness I would say is my problem. I could write a book for all the problems that I have with my marriage. I'm not in a struggle or in a desperate decision or given any ultimatums or even separation. To me right now I feel as if he's just a roommate or a best friend. Don't get me wrong there is Romance only when I want it to be romantic not much him trying to be towards me and me rejecting him because I don't reject him. I just don't have the interest like I should to go up to him and give him a hug and a kiss or play with him and tickle him or go game with small gift or conversate with him on how his day was at work and stick to the true feelings of missing him. When he comes up to me and kisses me I kiss him back and tell him I love him no problem, when he wants to make love I'm willing no problem, when he wants to go to a restaurant I hesitant but I do no problem. To me I would say it's a boring relationship but I very very much love him there's no abuse whatsoever there's no alcohol drugs whatsoever I just can't get my mind to wrapped around why I don't treat him the way he should be treated with my love and lots of my attention and interests. We're mostly quiet when we're around each other it would devastate me to the most if he were to leave me I do know that I do know that I do love him I've been with him for 21 years he's not going nowhere. And I sure ain't. Please could you help me with this I'm going through why am I doing this and acting like this towards him? I will admit there are times where this comes up in an argument that ignore him or that I just simply don't show him that I love him as he says. I'm scared and I don't know why this is going on. If I were to be in his shoes I would have left thinking that he doesn't love me. In my mind I feel that there is no respect and appreciation that I get from him that is one of the main and I mean one of them the main reason that is the cause of my behavior. But it's not something that I think about everyday how he disrespects me or how he doesn't show me appreciation or that he doesn't touch my face at night and smile and tell me he loves me. Those three things are definitely on rocks right now. He knows about them I tell him all the time but you see he is in denial he's never done anything wrong he's knows everything everything he thinks about and does is the right decision. So yeah it's kind of hard to convince or to make the other understand and realize that they have an issue that they need to take care of along me explaining that I too have issues that need to be changed in the relationship giving him the okay to talk about it or admit it or make up a plan to fix it. I think that constantly seeing these things in him has got me to be the way that I am. It has to be something similar to that it has to be. Our youngest daughter is 6 years old and our son is 13 I don't want us to split it would hurt me deeply but I know deep in my mind that this cannot go on any much longer or he's going to leave me. I would if I was him. He's not getting the love that he deserves or that he needs. But I want to assure you I'm not getting the respect that I deserve and the apologies that I deserve and most definitely the most important I do not get appreciated for the things that I do for him or in life General. Please I need your help thank you for your time and I hope to hear back God bless

Hi, I'll try to make this as short as I can. Ok so I went on a trip recently to visit some friends. I've gotten along really well with one of the guys for a while and I liked him but always repressed it because he was older than me so I assumed I didn't have a chance, but it's always been in my head. I'm 23 he's 34 for reference. I have very strong feelings for him and I realize that even more after visiting him, that I am in love with him. I can honestly say I haven't ever felt this way. At the end of the trip his sister tells me he's about to ask someone out that he's been interested in. She's 10 years older than him. I do not know how to handle that and anytime someone asks me how the trip is I start crying. I can't even talk about it at all... I have a literal pain in my chest when I think about it. I don't see a point to living or life ever being enjoyable again without him. I also feel scared and worried for him... He has some very very bad past trauma and inner turmoil that he's told me about. He feels like no one will ever understand how he feels. And considering what he's been through it makes sense. I'm worried that he'll end up with someone who can't take care of him, not that I think I can... But because he feels like no one will ever understand him anyways, he'll settle. I don't want that to happen to him. I'm very confused and don't know what to do...

Let me start with saying, I love my husband and I would never betray or cheat on him. My husband and I have a fairly large age gap (think 10+ years) and I’m in my early 20s. The first two years of our relationship were like a dream. He treated me like royalty and worshiped the ground I walked on. And then we got married and suddenly he became inattentive and distant. Things got better when we found out I was pregnant, and then our child was born and he went right back to where he was. He never cleans the house, or spends time with me or our child. He spends all of his free time playing computer games and online bingo. Here’s where my main issue comes in. His brother (5 years my senior) moved in with us some months ago and he… he makes me feel appreciated and loved. He spends time with me, and takes more care of his nephew than my husband does. He cleans the house (WITHOUT being asked!) and will take the baby for a hour a day so I can shower and smoke in peace. He makes me laugh. I think I’m starting to fall in love with him and it scares me. I go to bed thinking of him, I’ve been fantasizing about him, and I haven’t even been caring about my husbands nonexistent sex drive because I’d rather not sleep with -him-. I feel like a traitor. My husband can go days without saying I love you or checking in on me and his brother… he makes sure I have everything I need. I mean I’ve been begging my husband do do the things around the house that are needed and because he won’t do them his brother has started doing it on his own. I’ve tried to talk to my husband about needing to step up, about how he makes me feel er fetters, but it always turns into a screaming fit. What do I do?