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“My ex and contact with our daughter”

A bit of the back story... My ex and I had been together for three years when I got pregnant with our daughter. She was planned. I was 36 and she is my first child. My ex has 10-year-old twins from a previous relationship who he sees every weekend. Admittedly it was me that wanted our daughter when my ex and I discussed trying for a baby. He admitted he wasn;t as excited as me about the idea but said he would have one more child with me.

Once I had my daughter I was shocked at how little he helped me with her. She was quite a difficult baby she had colic reflux and milk allergy so didn't sleep a lot at first. My ex had a two-week paternity leave then had to go back to work so I didn't expect him to do a lot as he was working and I was on maternity leave. However, when he did have our daughter on a night for an hour or so it was as though he was doing me a favour. Even saying to me, if I asked for a little more help, 'But i work!'

Things got progressively worse after that. I did every single night feed myself, even at weekends when he was off not once did he offer to do it. I admit I became resentful especially when I got no help with housework and when the twins came on a weekend I also had them to look after them too with no help from him. Things came to a head resulting in him telling me he didn't feel the same about me anymore and we split. I moved back to my parents' with my 10-month-old daughter.

Since the split my ex has stayed in contact and picks up my daughter mainly when I have to work. However, I went back to work part time so this in effect only adds up to approx 11 hours per week that he has her. Several times he's let me down and hasn't picked her up only letting me know last minute. He refuses to have her over night too. I've bitten my tongue for a long time because I don't want anything to impact on my daughter who does love her dad and he is good with her when he has her but his lack of interest and letting her down has brought things to a head. Last night we had a huge argument (not in front of my daughter). I told him how I felt and gave him a few home truths which did not go down well so he brought our daughter home early and is now refusing to have her until I 'stop hassling him'. I'm at a loss what to do next. All I want is for him to take more of an interest in our daughter.

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