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Managing school holidays when you are separated

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However well you are managing the week-to-week parenting arrangements with your ex-partner, the school holidays may present new challenges.

If you have the children most of the time, you might be looking forward to having a break from the routine, and getting some fun time together with the children (and possibly some ‘me time’ without them!). If you are the non-resident parent, you may have mixed feelings. You may be excited about treating your children, and spending a bit longer together, but also anxious about potential conflict with your ex-partner.

If you can work out the arrangements well in advance, you should have an easier time of it. As parents, you can both make plans, and the children will know what to expect and look forward to. However, it isn’t always easy.

Planning the holidays can often lead to arguments about time, costs, and who needs a holiday most. It can also bring out the competitive nature of ex-partners. While you might feel that you have good reason to fight for your case, conflict can often leave children trapped in the middle.

So, how do you keep things respectful and ensure that your children get to spend quality time with both of you?

Here are a few suggestions for happier holidays

Talk with your children before making any firm plans.
Don’t use your children as messengers between you and your ex.
Try to see things from your ex-partner’s point of view – you will both have different feelings about how best to manage holidays.
Tell the children about changes to activities, but do not overwhelm them with details.
Be respectful of your ex-partner when discussing plans with your children.

Disagreements are bound to arise when dealing with your ex-partner. If you find yourself locked in battle, try to step back and remember the big picture. Try and manage everyone’s expectations as best you can, be prepared to compromise, and remember… there will be other holidays.

Your children will benefit from being able to have a good time with both of you. If you can keep that goal in mind, you may be able to avoid a lot of potential disagreements.

These tips can help you keep it civil

Make it a priority to develop a workable plan with your ex-partner.
Don’t argue with your ex-partner in front of your children – even on the phone.
Avoid talking to your children about your ex-partner’s behaviour.
Be polite and efficient when you’re sorting out the details.
Focus on the strengths and interests of all family members, including your ex-partner.

Remember that holidays can form a significant part of childhood memories. Finding ways for your children to cope better, and trying to be mindful of your ex-partner, can go a long way to smoothing the path and giving your family happy memories to cherish forever.

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Parenting apart

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need help am a man in his 30 in a very difficult situation . I don't know where to begin. We'll anyways b4 my current relation I was engaged with someone else who unfortunately didn't work out even tho we loved each other very much and understood each other certain things were not met. We had a beautiful daughter I was with her since birth until 8 years later I left her mom because she was always acting as if the child wasn't really mine until just a couple of month ago I found out my girl wasn't my little girl which broke my heart. Now just know I left her mom to be with someone else who I had known in high school and had a crush since high school . We got together but b4 that I spoke to the mother of my daughter and told her to change her ways b4 new years that didn't happen so I left her . I mean come on almost 10 years of bs my whole 20s went out the window like nothing . Of course other events happened and what not . 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But I never gave up on her and I would tell her change change stop with bad influence your better than this blah blah blah good things . One day I warned her that one day will come where I will lose my love for her and she will change and it happened she changed too late and I was left with misery and resentment and pain . Am not a emotional man am very logical while she is very emotional and does everything backwards. Now we have gone up and down Lived in friends houses I have lived in the streets due to her drinking and us losing our house for the second time . And she always went to casino and leave the house and.come home when she wanted after she escaped and stayed drinking for days . Of course I would just stop loving her but she had no one and.i have known her for so many years . 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So what I do to escape from the pain I hit up a old lover who.i used to make love with when I was single , she was going tru the same with her baby daddy , we connected and made love pretty much nothing more nothing less , fast forward I Confront her about it and tell her what lead me to do what I did it was simplr I felt my sacrifice and effort and my compassion n love was not valued even when my family and friends and my father told me to save myself and leave her instill had faith . Fast forward we still stayed together infound a house of course after living at my home boy house for a few month... note this has happened 3 times. Now with this fast forward I found a house for us our first actual house not a studio or apartment. I ended up getting a amazing job and she lost her job which led me.to.work.alone for a year. We would still argue and.fight and it was usually her throwing the past and I do my best not reminding her everything she has done that led me to cheat on her . 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