I started dating this guy, we'll call him "Joe" about two years ago. For the first few months of dating, everything was great as it usually is in the beginning. I did notice that he had a lot of female friends on Facebook. I don't have a Facebook account, but he used to scroll through it on his phone with me next to him. One day, about a month or two into our relationship, he was at my house and received a call and spoke with a female friend of his who was in a female prison or halfway house. I tried not to listen in, but at the end of the call he said (right in front of me, not hiding anything) "I love you! Bye!" He then told me a sad story about this woman who had been his friend for decades, who had been incarcerated for holding drugs. He said that she didn't do anything wrong, and he "had no reason not to believe her." I think that is naive of him, but whatever. He told me they had never been romantically involved. He told me he was sending her some money, and that she was looking for an iPod or something for music. I had an old iPod, but it wasn't new enough for her, in his opinion. Over the next few months, he kept talking about her, explaining how they met, how his friend had dated her. He told me about her ex-husband and children. He told me how she'd looked the last time her saw her (how she looked like she was on drugs, etc.). When we were together for about five months, she was released. She messaged him through Facebook while we were at my house, and they had a little back and forth, exchanging numbers. He did say that he was "at his girlfriends house," and showed me her picture, saying she used to be prettier. Since then, he's completely stopped talking about her. I started noticing when we were scrolling through his Facebook that her name kept popping up in posts and messages, and he would quickly swipe them away. Fast forward to now - I bought a house, and he's moved in. He stopped looking at Facebook in front of me completely, and I asked a few times, but he always changed the subject. To note, he is chipping in 1/2 of everything financially, but not chore-wise. A few months ago, we were looking at YouTube videos on his phone, and an alert popped up about a Facebook message from her. He made an offhand comment to the affect that "she sends me crude photos and videos." Now here is where I did the wrong thing. I checked his Facebook from his computer, where he was always logged in. I saw such disgusting videos of naked women, references to dildos, oral sex, etc. coming in direct messages from her. I confronted Joe, under the guise of him telling me that she was sending him crude photos and videos, and asked him to tell her to stop since I didn't like it. He flipped out, changed the subject, and then said he'd delete his Facebook account. I told him I didn't want him to delete his account, just tell her to stop the filthy messages. He said he wouldn't do that, he'd just delete his account. He's since re-activated his account. BUT he hides it 100% from me, doesn't get any alerts at all on his phone anymore. I horribly looked at his computer, and he's not logged in anymore, but when he looks at his email in bed I see his notifications from Facebook, which he quickly swipes away. I've asked him several times about her, why I haven't met her if she's such a good friend, and he says that its because she lives 2 hours away. We've visited people 3 hours away, 17 hours away, etc. I'm ready to end this over someone I've never even met. Not because I think he's cheating physically, but because he won't be honest with me. Am I being unreasonable?

My partner and I have been together five years and he still hasn't divorced his ex even though they have been separated for over eight years. In the early days, he said he wanted to marry me and we discussed dates and even looked at rings. His reason is always that we can't afford it as divorcing is expensive but it would be so straightforward as all financial issues were dealt with long ago. For me this should be a big priority. I worry now that marrying for a third time is just not something he is interested in. I love him deeply and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I hate the idea I am sleeping with someone else's husband every night.

I've been seeing a guy for over six years now... we met on a dating site. At the beginning he told me he had a friend who is female. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't see a lot of him because of his job. He works shifts and it clashed with my work on occasions. After seeing him for three months, he went on holiday with his female friend. He told me it was booked for a while, again I was OK with it. When I asked to meet this friend he always made excuses, he also invited her to family do's and not me but again made excuses that she was a family friend. After one year passed we had our fair share of arguments about this friend, he again went away with her to the same place they went year before. I contacted her on fb to see what her relationship was with him... expecting her to say they were friends. She wanted to know who I was, had I met his family! She saw herself as his partner. After another argument he denied they were a couple, he maintained they were friends. Oh, I found out they slept in the same bed when they go away but nothing happens, and I've asked her that and she has said they don't do anything but sleep. Over the years, he's continued to go away with her. When we argue he books to go away with her then blames me. She had to sell her house about four years ago and she moved in with this guy I'm seeing... I've been over and she has her own bedroom. I don't go over much, very rarely, he comes over to me more. I've met his family and recently went away for five days to his brother's with him. He's a fab guy when he's with me and we get on so well... but when he goes home it changes and he says it doesn't, it's me! Last year I'd had enough. I finished it completely and met someone else. He was devastated and pleaded with me to go back and he'd change even promised me we'd get engaged... I finished it with the other guy and went back... He went back on his word and all the promises he made. I even found out he'd been on two dating sites. He says he loves me and I believe he does. He went through a bad divorce, his wife left him for someone else, and he says he finds it hard to trust... I love him but I just can't cope with his lies. I don't know what he's up to when I don't see him, and with his work that can be 21 days before i see him. Anyone got advice please?

I met someone who made me feel so loved and special when they met me. At that time, I was so confident and full of happy prospects in my life. They came into my life and became so attached to me. It was the first time that I received so much affection and attention from someone, and I easily reciprocated. I cared, went out of my way, and gave them my all. Two years later, it seems I have given too much that I no longer know myself. My priorities are always second to theirs. I could always wait for them even when they never waited for me. Despite taking me for granted and making me feel so isolated, I always go back to give and forgive them even more. How did I end up to be the one who is more attached? This person only thinks of me when they are lonely. Our last conversation ended when I told them that they had completely forgotten me, and I will forget them too from now on. They responded ‘ok’ and left. I regret expressing my foolishness, as if it mattered whether they would approve my decision or not. To be honest, it doesn’t hurt me that they left as much as they coldly obliged to it. Were they just waiting for this moment? Was I such a horrible person to be with? I can barely imagine the confident and happy person that I was before I met them. I feel so caved in, antisocial and unconfident in my own shoes, as if I have failed so much. My abilities to work or operate other aspects in life has also decreased drastically. I just needed to express that here, in case someone could share their wisdom with me. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

I met someone in a chatroom that I was in. He lives states away. I had no intention on meeting someone. However we just clicked. Continued our conversation in private. Within hours he gave me his phone number. Normally I am very hesitate about contacting people online. But I had no hesitation. We talked on the phone for a long time. Then continued at night and talked for 4 hours. Nothing really sexual. Just chatting. Then the next day we talked for a total of 8 hours.We text and talked on the phone all weekend. Our connection was so incredibly strong. And by day three he told me he loved me. I felt the same. We both were done with relationships before we met. I am a single mom. Haven’t had an official boyfriend in ten years. It’s hard to explain our connection and everything we’ve talked about however he was a player and admitted that opening before we got serious. He says I made him a one woman man. He wants to marry me and have kids. He has talked to my daughter. Another thing I’m very hesitant and protective about but had no hesitation with him. We’ve had fights because I feel like this is too good to be true. We haven’t met. I’m going to see him in April. I was supposed to in February but we got into a fight. He plans on moving to me in a couple months. I’d prefer he wait until we meet in person anyway. We text, talk on phone and FaceTime often so I don’t think it’ll be much different but it could be. He knows I’m insecure and it makes it ten times worse since he’s far away. He’s constantly reassuring me I’m it for him. He’s found the one. And I feel the same and have pulled back in sharing my insecurities. There’s wonderful feelings I have for him but also feelings of distrust I have for him. This is kind of all over the place but I’ve wanted to give some background. My question is...Can people fall in love in three days and have a lasting relationship? It’s almost a fairytale. The night he entered the chat I was asleep and the next morning I was busy at work. I hopped on on my lunch break and he said he wanted to get to know me immediately. And he said before I entered the chat he almost left but there was a fellow military man in there he felt bad for and kept talking to him. So we almost missed each other which makes it even more crazy.

My wife and I have been together for 18 years and married for 5 years. We've had fights regarding her ex occasionally throughout the years. She is still in contact with her ex, which bothers me a lot. In the first few years of the relationship, she kept sending him messages and flirting with him. I found out and told her it was not right. She told me she would stop doing it. We were young. I didn't know how to deal with it and honestly I didn't care or love her as much at that time. She told me she had very happy but also bad memories of her ex, which sometimes still ache her heart when thinking about it. She said she wanted to let go of the memories. After we got married, I asked her if she could stop contacting her ex. She refused and said they were just friends and did nothing wrong. They grew up together and he understands her so well - she doesn't want to lose a good friend. She thinks that I am too sensitive and there is really no need to start a fight because of her ex. Plus she said she married me because I didn't mind she is still friends with her ex and I accepted her past. Recently, I found out that she has been using her ex’s name as her password for a bank account. She said it’s easier for her to remember it. We had a big fight again. I’m so tired of this already. I don’t know how to resolve the problem. I feel that my wife is not 100% loyal to me. She said she doesn’t want to forget the memories of him. Could anyone help me? What should I do or how can I change my mindset of not being so sensitive?

I’m 47 years old and been with my bf on/off for four years. I discovered he’s been following and commenting on social media with transgender women. I first found out in 2017. I confronted him about this and he told me it was for business. Before I go on I must explain. He’s been in jail for eight years. He went in when he was 17 and released when he was 24. He grew up like a typical teenage boy raised in the projects. I’m from West Indian ancestry and I was raised by strict West Indian parents. I’m not savvy with the street life. So when I saw this post I asked him about this again in 2019. Well, he again said it was a business relationship. We had broken up from Nov 2019-mid February 2020. At this present time I discovered he’s still following this person AFTER I confronted him and told him it’s a man. Well I just found another transgender male FOLLOWING my BF. My woman instincts tells me he’s bisexual and of course when I asked that he denied that also. I made him unfollow the first person and since then I noticed he’s been different sexually. Am I correct with my instincts?

My husband and I have a pretty decent sex life. It's often, but we can sometimes be a bit lazy when it's been a long day. About a year ago, I found out that he was following a ton of porn accounts on every social media account that he owns. I started snooping after feeling uneasy about his time in the bathroom. After discussing it, he deleted the accounts. I tried to go along with it to be the "cool wife," even though it honestly made me feel inadequate and also disgusted by him. He insisted that they were old accounts that he had no interest in and deleted them, though. A few nights ago, I was trying to find a bookmarked website on our laptop when I saw a few porn pages bookmarked. Apparently, his phone somehow linked with the laptop, because I realized I was in Mobile bookmarks. I didn't outright let him know what I found, but I sat him down and finally told him truly how him watching porn made me feel (without accusing him of anything). He started to get slightly defensive, but didn't. By the end of the conversation, I'd gathered that he wasn't watching it anymore. Today, I was going to see if a picture that I tagged him in on IG shared, because my phone was being dumb. Instead, I saw that he had recently followed nearly 100 more accounts than when I saw his profile last. There were nearly 100 porn accounts that weren't there after our conversation recently. In fact, some of them weren't even porn accounts. They were normal women's accounts who happened to wear skimpy outfits sometimes. A couple of them were girls who are local strippers. I am so sick, physically and with the relationship. I'm not sure if I should tell him what I found and try to have a civil conversation (again) about it and try to work through it, sleep in separate rooms until he gets it together, or just leave for a little while. I know this is so drawn out, but I'm at a loss. I cannot compete with the looks of these women, and I don't want to feel like I have to.

I have been dating a guy for over a year now. We have a great time and have never fought. We have told each other we love each other and having been spending holidays with each other’s family. Problem! His ex wife . They are the best of friends. She texts him and calls him. They were only married two years and they never had kids together. He told me they fought all the time. I have seen texts from her and him from nsayinf they love each other. She has had him to her house whom she lives with a new boyfriend and the new boyfriend so t like them around and he has never been invited back. My it is almost like she can’t let go of him. I am sick about it. My ex husband cheated on me after 17 years of marriage. I do t know how to bring this up to the new boyfriend that it bothers me without it causing a big problem. I trust him but I do not trust the feeling nor the situation. What do I do?

Hi guys, I really need your help here please as I am going desparated now. I met this guy four months ago when I was traveling to LA for my vacation. Quickly we clicked and bond together. We really enjoyed our every single moment there so we decided to keep contact and talk everyday when I came back to FL.We’re really open and transparent about our private life. I’ve never married or had a kid so everything is pretty simple from my side. He is actually still married, he and his wife submitted the divorce file and waiting for court hearing. They have 8 year old son and he’s mainly custody of the kid as his wife is flight attendant and unable to take care of the kid full time. So weeks ago he decided to bring his son with him to visit me. When his wife found out, she went crazy, they had fight, yelled to each other and she did everything to ruin his trip, acted like a bitch (as he said). Previously she was the one to control everything in their married life and he and his son have to do whatever she wants. Now since he’s with me, she may think that things are out of her control and therefore extremely upset about that. She tried everything to catch thie attention, including putting herself in trouble (like sleeping pill overdose) and my boyfriend had to be there take care of her. Eventually my boyfriend still visited me 2 days ago and they are staying with me for 2 weeks. His son is pretty a good boy but his head is packed with all the bad things from his mother about me so he’s cold to me and dislike me. And my boyfriend is too soft to his every single request, with no rule for kids and I have feeling that he’s spoiling the kid a little too much. Whatever his son asks, he follows and I haven’t seen him say no to his son during 3 days here. He came here to visit me but we hardly hold hand, hug because his son sticks around him all the time and barely talk to me though I’ve been trying to be nice. He slept with his son as well and only came to my bed at 2 or 3am and then back to his son at 6am before he woke up. I feel like I am the person who is left out in my own house, everytime his son openly talk to me, his mom called and later on, he dislike me again. I don’t really have experience with kid or dating a guy with kid so I am pretty lost here. I even feel a bit insecured because of my boyfriend’s enabling characteristic and the fact that his wife is having trouble with her boyfriend. I don’t know if it’s just my feeling or it’s common to all others who date a guy with kid. How could I do to get rid of this kind of feeling or what should I do to make this situation better, to make his son like me a bit more? Or will I have to run around and deal with his crazy wife if I still want to be with him in the future? I really appreciate your advices please

So I think a bit of background first will make for a better response to my dilemma. I am a 36yr old male, who was friends with my SO (41yr old female now ex) for many years prior to us becoming romantically involved. She was one of the most caring, loyal and trustworthy people I know and no matter the situation would always be there for me. This was reciprocated whenever she needed a friend. We both had a lot of respect for each other and even though it took a long time, and waiting for the right time - there was always that undeniable attraction, so when the right time came along - we got together and it was amazing. It didn’t take long for us to move in together. It was all going great, the Covid hit. Both of us enjoy our independence and freedom, and trusted each other to be able to go out etc but know we always come back to each other at the end of the day/night. The sex was great, communication great - mostly everything was great. But Covid lockdowns meant spending a lot of time at home together. Once lockdowns finished, an old female friend who I had briefly dated prior to my relationship popped up on fb as “people you may know”. And I know it was wrong, but I reached out via dm just to say hello, it had been 4yrs since our last interaction so I was curious what she had been up to. I had no intentions initially, but this girl confessed she had always had deep feelings for me, and I stupidly decided to “catch up”. One thing led to another - and the next thing I know it was 14mths of infidelity. My SO had no idea. The energy and guilt kept building up the more I cheated. Living a double life was draining. The other woman had begun questioning why I would never to her to my place, never stayed the night and basically only ever went to her place for sex and left again. I had every opportunity to break things off with my SO, but I didn’t want to lose her. I even signed another 12 mth lease on our rental back in August 2023, still slept in same bed with her every night, made sure I checked in if she was at work etc. But in January 2024, after hours of interrogation from the other woman, I admitted I had a gf and that we lived together. She was clearly not happy about this after all my lies etc. I went home to my SO and said nothing. After no communication from the other woman for a few days, my SO woke me up one morning and threw her phone to me and said “read this”. The other woman had somehow found her number and text my SO, telling her about my cheating. My world imploded, my SO calmly asked me to get out, and balling my eyes out I decided to go to her friends house for advise (which I didn’t take) and I stupidly went to the other woman’s place and she surprisingly let me in, for the first time ever I stayed the night with her. And then my SO found out, after I lied about sleeping in my car. My SO told me to leave (in words I will not repeat), and I decided to go to the other woman’s place again. It took me 8 weeks to move out of the house I rented with my SO, and I basically ignored her msgs etc. I have never had a conversation or provided an explanation as to why I cheated. The other woman let me move straight in with her, but from the start she doesn’t trust me - tracks me to make sure I am where I say I am, won’t let me have any female friends and she has anxiety attacks when she has to go to work or I go out for fear I will cheat. Yet 7 months on, I am still here. While I have no contact with my ex, I know what I did completely destroyed her heart. About 3 months after I left, I sent one msg telling her how sorry I was and how I would never forgive myself for what I did, and also told her that I did wholeheartedly love her and missed her. So why am I still with this other woman? I know it will not last given how it started, even though I have put it up on fb I am in a relationship, I have hidden who with from my ex. I have not blocked her number, and not unfriended her. I still read her fb stories the minute I go online and see she has posted. And I know the stories are usually only for an audience of 1 - me. I so badly want to admit that I am not really happy with this other woman, and try make things right with my ex, she was my best friend. I wanted to be with her for life, I wrote her a poem about being my wife one day the week we moved in together. And I know she hasn’t moved on, and that she would give me a second chance because she makes it clear on her fb stories that she still loves me, misses me etc. I hate myself knowing she is hurting so deeply, and struggling to keep the rental with only one income now. But why am I not doing anything. So, has anyone else been in a similar situation? I don’t need any hate, I already hate myself enough. Can anyone give me advice or share their own story? Am I holding back to save face or judgement? Am I scared to hurt my new gf after what I did? I am lost.