I got married 3 months ago. I am 27 and my husband is 32. I have seen that my sister-in-law is a bit weird. When we go out, we share pictures with our families since they never get a chance to accompany us. My husband would send her the pictures of us visiting various places and asks her to show it to his parents, but she never does that. Mind you, she is a 24-year-old girl, not a baby. If the same event happens multiple times, it cannot be considered a mistake right? Also, my husband is not ready to accept her fault. How do I make him realize the damage she is doing by creating a gap between us and his parents? I can clearly see she is trying to create misunderstanding between us. Please tell me how to handle this situation.

I read an article on your site recently about a person in love with their Brother-in-law. I've been feeling the same for many years.

She's a great mother to our son but outside of not wanting to leave him I'm absolutely miserable in the marriage. I don't trust her as a life partner. She's great with the whole family dynamic and being faithful in a relationship but I've long thought her decision making wasn't the best or most thought out and unfortunately she's smitten by the cliche Disney princess facination. I'm a logic/data driven person whereas she makes her decisions based on emotion. This might be part to our drastically different upbringings. For context, I grew up away from most blood relatives and spent a majority of my early childhood between foster care and living with my mom's sister before a couple year stint with my mom until she temporarily abandoned me in a sober living to relapse before spending middle/high school raised by a former partner of hers that fell in love with me as a baby and decided to be my "dad" since my biological one didn't want anything to do with me. She on the other had lived with her mom and siblings, raised amongst a huge family, saw her dad frequently (emotionally unavailable but financially present father)  and was coddled by her mom. Essentially she wasn't really allowed to make critical decisions for herself so she never cared to learn growing up and whenever things got difficult she'd walk away or let someone else fix it. This I've learned definitely came as a result of my now mother in law "wanting the best for her kids growing up" but completely mind fucking them by not allowing them to make their own decisions or have much mental fortitude. Despite loving her I struggled believing in marriage and I made that clear to her. This as a result of wasting money buying jewelry for women before (mom, sister, her) for it to get lost, seeing so many unsuccessful marriages, having to spend soooo much on a ring/one day party for others to enjoy as well as someone (usually the male in my state) getting completely screwed in court when the divorce happens and don't get me started if there are kids involved. Most of our adult lives I've supported her financially paying all/majority of rent and bills while she worked in grad school. This way she could afford gas, apt. internet, insurance and her car note. Dumb on my part looking back as I wasn't making great money and wasn't the best with it but better than her working part time while in grad school. Looking back, I wish I would have talked finances with her instead of being the guy who just took care of it. Eventually we got jobs in the same city, collectively we made six figures, didn't have to pay rent, and could actually start considering saving for travel/house. Our relationship was great, I didn't have to take care of her out of obligation and wanted to build a forever life with her. Decided logically this was the best time to get engaged and start building that life together. Months out from our wedding she quits her job (racism in her department and treatment of staff). We talked about these issues as they were coming up but I didn't expect her to quit. Frankly, racism sucks but as a person of color, regardless of where you are in the US you're going to experience it, especially in university settings, so don't spend your life running from it. Mind you, we hadn't paid for the wedding yet (75% remaining). We move out of free housing provided by her old job and get an apartment. No issue with my jobs salary but still stressful month to month considering she made this choice without even having a solid savings established. Therefore I became that financial support again when she couldn't contribute to our bills or pay her own. She decided she didn't want to go back to the field she was in at university because of racism at higher paying schools. Mind you, this decision came less than 18 months after finishing grad school that took 2 years and cost her six figures in student loans. I considered calling off the wedding because it wasn't feasible to have and the entire foundation of stability I based our marriage on changed. Her dad offered to pay for the wedding and even gave her the remainder of the money for it but she used it for her bills and personal/ student debt. Not a cent went towards helping me with rent which passes me off but at the time i just shook off.. Here comes the curve ball! Despite using emergency contraception, a month before the wedding we find out she's pregnant. Due to covid our official wedding was postponed (no sweat as I didn't want one and we hadnt paid it off). Neither of us wanted to have a child outside of marriage so we got a friend to officiate for us and had a safe and very small wedding with close family only. I love our son but since the moment we knew she was pregnant I wanted to have an abortion, she didn't. I feel like shit saying it now that he's born but logically and financially it made no sense to bring a child into the world when you look at all the other issues we had going on. I talked myself into thinking and feeling like this is what I wanted but I knew it wasn't real deep down. I spend most of my time avoiding conversations outside of our son with her, ive isolated myself from friends and family out of embarrassment over my depression and involving them in a failed marriage. I have good moments in the relationship and then I'm back at hating her. Hating her for making so many emotional decisions that now I have to deal with. It tears me up because we have a beautiful son but part of me hates that he's here because if he wasn't I know I wouldn't be. I'm not crazy enough to hurt myself especially if it meant leaving my son to be raised by her or any of her family but I really feel trapped and see no way out. I know she wouldn't hurt him physically but she's indecisive and weak minded when faced with adversity and I don't want him to be like her. I know I dont want any more kids in this marriage. We've talked about it and she wants to wait until we get property and a house. I don't say much, just sit back and chuckle in my head at the fact that i definitely don't want anymore kids in this marriage and that she thinks we could afford to get a house when she has all this student loan debt. I know I should leave and deal with the whole two parent household but I feel like my happiness would cost me so much more and hurt our son than if I just stayed.

Hi my husband constantly puts his family on a pedestal. I lost some close family members when I speak about them he shuts me off or say that he misses his family members too and make it about him. Or he will talk about how much his mother has been through which is not that bad. He will always doubt me and his family will ignore me flat yet phone him to say how they miss me they are so 2faced he never believes me. I honestly am fed up and don't know how to make him realise that I am his wife. I just want to know what can I do to make him love me and consider me before them?

J is a great caring guy and a brilliant step dad but I feel embarrassed about him. J never brushes his teeth, rolls cigarettes in bed, always has a dirty face, he has b o. All these things are a complete turn off for me, I mention to him about it and he says he would still kiss me if I was dirty. His side of the sofa has dark marks all over it and thinks nothing of going out with dirty clothes on. I don’t think I can deal with it anymore, it’s got to a point to where our relationship is platonic rather than romantic. Does anyone else have a messy partner? How do you deal with it? Did you end up Leaving them?

Hi! I’ve been experiencing some issues with my fiancée and his sister. We’ve been together 8 years, lived together for 7. A year and a half ago, his sister moved in. She’s 15 years older than us, so 45 years old. Ever since I’ve known my fiancée, he’s told me nothing but bad things about his sister. She stole all of the inheritance money meant for both of them and left him in foster care when their Mom died. She also threw away all of his belongings. Since she moved in, she has done nothing to be of any help, whatsoever. She refuses to wash her own dishes, or even put them in the sink, leaving them around the house. She’s just very messy, leaves laundry in the washer for days so we’re obligated to deal with it. She does things like asks us if we can have BBQ’s but does nothing to help prepare for it. Doesn’t buy anything, cook, or help clean up the house. I just think it’s in poor taste to ask for something specifically and then do nothing to help. I offered to buy her groceries so she could save up for a place of her own, never heard a thank you-not for anything. She has loud sex with her boyfriend while we’re five feet away. We have one rule here-not to park in the driveway circle. We’ve brought this up to both her and her boyfriend and yet they still continue to do it. She overspends and ends up in the negative with the bank and has no qualms about asking him or his father for money. She never ever pays it back. I could go on and on about the terrible things she’s done and continues to do. Now, whenever I mention her moving out, he sticks up for her saying “I don’t mind that she’s living here.” It seems that only when I mention it, he takes her side. Otherwise he’s allowed to bash her all he wants. I get it, that’s his sister and siblings will fight. The thing is, though, he has insulted my family numerous times and has gotten offended at me spending time with them and not him, which is crazy because I barely see them-I’m always with him. He’s definitely very controlling and I’m pretty sure he’s a narcissist but still, it’s becoming a strain on our relationship. If I hear him defend her one more time, I think I’m going to just up and leave. She’s given him no reason to want to defend her or support her and yet, she gets treated better than I do and I’ve done nothing but be there for him in every way. What do you think I should do? Should I call it quits? After a certain age, I feel that the person you’re planning to marry should be ahead of a sibling whose done nothing but fuck him over numerous times, but that’s just me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My husband confessed a couple of months back of his debts he'd built up due to gambling drinking etc. Its a substantial amount but he said he had been depressed. I tried to support him and seek him help, which we separated got back and same habits of drink disappearing and lack of trust. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

I have been in a marriage for almost three years and have a baby less than a year old. Unfortunately there is no spark or intimacy in the marriage and i just feel like friends. My spouse doesn’t feel the same, they’re still in love with me but there hasn’t been any intimacy for a long time. I met someone over a year ago who I immediately clicked with and after a few months we couldn’t stop talking to each other and have since been having an affair. I ended up getting pregnant and having a baby with my spouse, but all along feeling like I didn’t want to be in the marriage anymore. Things are serious with my lover as we have said we’re in love each other and want a future together. I’m struggling to end my marriage because we have a young baby and so much to lose, but the spark isn’t there and I don’t feel any chemistry with my spouse anymore. I have told my spouse about the lack of chemistry but not the affair as I’m ashamed. Recently the person I’m having the affair with has decided to end it, saying they want to be with me and have a future together but cannot carry on in the situation we’re in. There have been a few red flags in the affair, a lot of arguments and conflict because of the situation and when the affair was ended; immediately talked of dating others and said it’s none of my business because I’m married. I want to be with this person but I don’t want to hurt anyone and want to do what is best for my baby. I’m really struggling with losing my relationship with my lover and can’t stop getting upset. I don’t know what to do. Anyone else been in a similar position?

My husband and I made the decision to separate late last year and have recently moved out. He has now needed to leave town for work. Our separation came at the end of a long relationship that began 14 years ago (at 16 and 25) and has putted along, not altogether unhappily but with discontent and basically living completely separate lives for the last 5 or so years. We have one child together who is intense behaviourally and he has not been supportive of my struggles with her, so I have worked part time and managed her as best I can while he has worked full.time and pursued his own interests and hobbies at leisure, never feeling that time at home or helping with our child should be prioritised. Last year it culminated in him travelling overseas several times alone and having a relationship there which has now ended. I see this as the catalyst for ending our relationship but not necessarily the whole reason - none of it would have happened if we were happy together. I don't feel as though we have ever been able.to bring out the best in each other. When he first wanted to separate, I was sad (mainly for our daughter) but worked through those feelings, developed peace with the situation and our need to separate and some months later (officially separated but still under the same roof) very tentatively began a new relationship. After this started he backflipped and said he wanted to be back together. He thinks that he is ready to change. The relationship has been up and down basically since the beginning and I honestly feel like the best thing for both of us would be to peacefully and amicably let it go and work on reconnecting him as a parent. I am ok with the whole thing - a little sad but also excited about rediscovering old hobbies, making new friends, starting a new job and seeing how my very cautious new relationship develops now I am living alone (well, with my daughter). He is not emotionally expressive like me, is holding on to a lot of regret and sadness and is really struggling. I am really worried that he won't be ok on his own, and I still care about him deeply and this hurts me a lot. I guess what I want to know is: How do I know if we have made the right decision? Should I get back with him again, do heaps of counselling and really, really try to make it work (obviously ending the new relationship I have begun, which I would struggle with at this point) for his sake and for our daughter? My gut feeling is that if we did this we'd just be delaying the inevitable. If not, how do I help him move on from the relationship? We obviously are still communicating because of our daughter. And how do I go forth and be happy with someone new when I can't shake the feeling I've left a trail of heartbreak behind me? I know this is too long (and yet still so much is left out)! I don't really expect anyone to have the answers but any ideas or experiences would ve helpful. Thanks :)

This is going to be long so bare with me. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half.. Granted we were “friends with benefits” for several months to start out and knew each other for several years before. I also used to work for his Mother briefly and have a really good friendship with her. We now currently live together. To give you a little background.. I am 30 (31 in May) and he is 3 years younger than me. I am divorced. He has never really had a serious relationship before me. His longest relationship was about 3-4 months so he is kind of “inexperienced” (his words). We had many conversations about what we wanted when we first started dating. I told him I wanted children and didn’t want to have any after 35. I also said I would never wait 5 years again for someone to marry me (like my ex husband). I know exactly what I want in life and I wanted to be very clear so if it wasn’t what he wanted we could walk away from the get go. I feel like he’s maybe not sure what he wants sometimes even though he says he does. We’ve had several conversations about the future and about 6 months ago he asked me how I felt about getting a joint bank account and combining some bills (cell phone and car insurance) after the New Year. I told him I would be OK with that considering we had conversations about marriage, etc and I felt like it was going there (obviously way dinner than it is). Well a few weeks ago I brought it up again to see when he was thinking about doing all of that because he had not mentioned it again and he was real hesitant all of a sudden. He said that he had changed his mind and thought we should wait until we were married. I felt real confused and like I was getting mixed signals at that point. He assures me that he would never waste my time and if he didn’t think it was going there then he would just end it. It really doesn’t help that everyone around us is either getting married or having kids. Two girls in our friend group had a baby recently, one more just found out that she’s pregnant and another just got engaged. Also, best friend is eloping to her boyfriend next year in Barbados and they’ve only been dating for a little over 6 months. How is it that a guy she hardly knows already knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with her but my boyfriend and I don’t even talk about future things anymore? Even my ex-husband is remarried with a new baby. I know I should be happy for each and every one of them and I am, but it’s hard not to be envious at the same time. Maybe I’m just impatient? I feel like we are just in limbo and playing house at this point. I don't know if I’m wasting my time or not?