I have been with my partner for five years now and he has always been a bit of a flirt. It's not normally something that bothered as its usually just harmless. However I have been very low for a while now and have lost most of my sex drive. I have found out that he has been going for drinks with a lady that works in a shop a few doors down from his workplace. I have pulled him up on the fact that he had not told me about it and he told me they are just friends. Not proud of myself for this but I went on his phone and there are so many messages between them. A lot of them are quite sexual with him saying he want's to take her to bed even though she is getting married soon. Again I had pulled him up on this a while ago and said i wasn't comfortable with the contents of the messaging and wanted him to stop. It's carried on. I don't really know what to do.

I checked my husband's Facebook this morning (he has cheated several times in the past) and I have seen a message from someone I think he had an affair with years ago. The message, I think, was her follow up to meeting him at work, where she has told him something – I don't know what – but she did say something along the lines of 'I hope you're ok, I just thought you should know as it's your marriage on the line, and I didn't think it was fair even if she didn't go through with it'. I have no idea what that was referring to, but to me it sounds like he has been up to something with someone and its about to come out? It's left me really confused, because looking through his Facebook and he has been looking at hot tub getaways for us secretly (our anniversary is coming up), he says lovely things on Facebook about me and doesn't seem to be having an affair, but I can't ask him what it is all about otherwise he will know I've been on his Facebook again. The trouble is it is eating away at me, and I've come to realise today that I don't trust him, not one bit! I'm a nervous wreck when he goes out and I look for clues he may have been with someone. I hate when he gets drunk as he loses morals, and sometimes he will start being cocky and starts with all the insults. He gets at the kids who are autistic and it's really unfair to them, and he is drinking a lot lately – every night in fact – but most weekends are spent with him being drunk or hungover. His dad is an alcoholic and my husband is going the same way. I thought he was getting help but he wasn't turning up to the sessions. A letter came through the post saying they were sorry he couldn't attend but he denied it, and said they must have made a mistake. I've had enough and want to leave, right now! But I don't know how to. I have three kids, no money, nowhere to go, so I am trapped. I need to go away from him altogether. We have tried to split up several times in the past but he always sweet talks his way back. If I don't do it now then I'll go on for the next few weeks or months with it all going round in my head and pretending everything is fine, then I'll never do it, at all. I cant keep going through this but I just don't know how to break away. If I ask him to leave, he will find ways to keep coming back. Obviously the kids are one excuse for him, and I'm too soft with him. I don't want to take the kids away from him. I wouldn't do that, but I just need to be away from him for now, but can't leave him with the kids so I'm stuck. It might seem I'm being a bit hasty but I have had enough of this over the years. That message was the last straw, and the fact I'm still checking up on him says it all really. How do I break free? I really need some advice on where to start if possible. Thanks in advance x

This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hello. I’ve met my partner a year ago, I love him dearly and have wanted to meet someone like him for a long time and see such a good future ahead of us... cue the ugly anxiety and insecurity from my part that raises its head constantly in the relationship (past trust issues with exes, life situations have greatly shattered my levels of trust and distorted my reality of how I perceive what is potentially threatening to my happiness) Recently, I made the mistake of looking at his pc..out of morbid curiosity to see what pics of his ex looked like. I opened up a can of worms as there were photo albums of them just kissing- photo after photo, the album was even called ‘kisses’. There were also folders of Valentines celebrations, plus many more seemingly happy and romantic times they’d shared. He’s always lead me to believe that this woman he was with for a few years wasn’t the one for him and that he didn’t see a future with her- despite his proposal to her a few years back. He’s always said they had no connection and that he is completely over that relationship. I know I shouldn’t have done this..but I deleted the photo albums. A few weeks ago, I stupidly returned to his pc and saw that he’d moved the photo albums I deleted to the original file paths on his computer- making me question why the hell he would want to keep photos of him and her kissing passionately and sharing valentines dinners. What I want to address is both why he would want to keep these pics and also what it is that I’m so insecure about. He’s never given me a reason not to trust him yet I can’t help but feel I should prepare myself for hurt. I’ve seen a counsellor about my levels of anxiety and insecurity but it was a short term solution to a long term issue of mine. I feel like I’m sabotaging a good relationship by looking for things to hurt or worry me and I would so appreciate anyone else’s views or advice on this. I can’t tell my friends or family as I feel too embarrassed by it all and my partner has understandably had enough of trying to reassure me. Please don’t judge me.

I went on a diving trip last year where I left my partner and her children at home. Whilst on this holiday I put sun lotion on another female's back and when I got home was asked why I was in pictures with this certain girl, I told her I didn’t know why we had just been in the same social group whilst on this holiday. She then asked if anything had happened, I lied and told her nothing had happened even though I had put sun lotion on her back. Few months later I exchanged flirty messages with this girl and one other I was working with at the time. I was caught out after my little girl was playing on my phone. My partner has tried to deal with this understanding that I would never do it again but she can’t trust me, and is no longer happy in the relationship, so she’s asked me to give her some space and move out for a bit, telling me that for me to be serious about the relationship I would do it, I have agreed and respect her enough to do as she has asked. However now I feel alone, I feel since I was caught out we’ve lost our communication in the relationship, so as well as her not trusting me I feel I need to be able to communicate with her better, but how do I get back to where we were happy in our relationship. I wasn’t expecting her to trust me straight away but I want her to be able to trust me again, I love her, and she tells m e she loves me.

Hi guys. I'm new here... I can't discuss this with anyone in my life, so *really* I hope you can help me wrap my head around this problem. Lately, I've been stressed by a new addition in my boyfriend's life: his female friend from work. He and I are in our 20s and have been together for two years. We've had a solid and happy relationship until this point...and it's still mostly happy as long as his "friend" doesn't come up in conversation. The summary is this: I don't trust his female friend AT ALL. And I feel that my boyfriend should be more alert to the red flags that I'm seeing from her. Henceforth I will call this girl "Lacey" and I'll call my boyfriend "Joe." Here's the facts on Joe: He's extremely mellow by nature. He's nonjudgmental (a little too much, in my opinion) He's extremely loyal and respectful towards women. He's a clear and honest communicator. My happiness is one of his greatest priorities, but he won't compromise his values or beliefs to please me. He gets sad about the fact that he has very few friends. He doesn't want to lose Lacey's friendship. Here's the facts about me: I'm pretty smart and diplomatic. I'm a pretty good judge of character and strongly dislike unethical people. I'm not a jealous person and know that I can't change someone or dictate how to live their life. If there is a conflict, I always scrutinize my feelings and perspective before the other person's. Here's the facts on Lacey: She's in her mid-twenties and is single. She comes across as attractive and normal.... until you know her backstory. She got pregnant as a teenager and has two kids by two men. She was married to Dad#2 until he cheated. Then she started cheating WITH him on his currently-pregnant girlfriend. She felt zero guilt about this. Now Dad#1 has temporarily moved into her apartment with his new girlfriend. Lacey is now cheating with him instead. Again, she feels no guilt for doing this. Besides those scary facts, this is my biggest problem with her: She seems clueless about proper behavior when being friends with a man in a relationship. Here are some examples: - When Joe and I first started hanging out with her, we'd go out every weekend. Then I started realizing she had no interest in being friends with me. She ignored my existence 90% of the time and only talked to Joe about work or her life. Also, she would only text him, not me. I found it very rude and started not wanting to hang out with her. - While she was cheating with Dad#2, she would show Joe VERY EXPLICIT texts that Dad#2 would send her. Things like, "I wanna lick your *bleep* and make you *bleep* while you *bleep* my *bleep." I think it's very inappropriate that she showed these to my boyfriend. - She came over once to hang out. I got tired at midnight and went to bed. Instead of leaving soon after (which seems proper to me), she stayed and talked with Joe until after 1:00am. - She has asked to have dinner with Joe on a Friday/Saturday evening a few times. Once, they were out for about 6 hours. I ended up going to bed by myself. My boyfriend insisted that it was fine and normal. I feel it wasn't right. - The last time she came over, she kept pressuring my boyfriend to smoke a cigarette with her on our balcony, knowing that I wasn't happy about it. I didn't like the vibe I got from that. During this same evening, she talked about the banter she & Joe engage in through text. She sounded like a teenager bragging about thinly-veiled flirtation: "Omigod, like, he's SO MEAN to meeee! He said I was uglyyyy," she said while laughing. "Even when I make little sad faces in my text, he's still mean to meee!" ......... I just sat there like, Really? You think I wanna hear about what you two banter about? Joe insists that he knows what flirtation is, and doesn't flirt with her. - In the past month, she quit her job at the place where she and Joe worked. Now she has a lunch shift that coincides with Joe's. They've gotten lunch together a few times now. And she has posted two Instagram photos of them at lunch together. She likes referring to him as her BFF ("best friend forever"). In the second photo, she was pressed against his side with her hand wrapped around his upper arm. It was a pose that could be construed as either innocent or a bit too cozy. So that's it in a nutshell. I keep trying to avoid blaming Joe for condoning and going along with her questionable behavior (especially those dinners they used to get). I don't want to blame him because, all this time, he's been 100% upfront and honest about their interactions, and he said he'd never be inappropriate or cause problems. He also thinks I'm judging her too harshly and reading too far into her behavior. I think he's ignoring red flags, ESPECIALLY the fact that she's a shameless cheater! And I think he's egging her on by condoning questionable behavior: letting her take pictures of them together, buying her a funny shirt, texting her regularly, etc. I just don't know how to feel about this, guys. I hope you can tell me your thoughts about this. I know that asking him to end their friendship is out of the question. That's not my job as his girlfriend. But am I crazy for thinking she's behaving inappropriately? (Or is he behaving inappropriately too?) Am I crazy for thinking he shouldn't be hanging around with a woman who cheats shamelessly? Am I crazy for thinking that spending evenings alone with her is inappropriate from now on, now that they have the opportunity to get lunch together? I would really appreciate any advice or thoughts you guys have on my situation. It's so hard feeling so alone. :'(