Menu Relationship issues
Husband likes trans women, can an open relationship work?

I’m beyond lost. We have an 18 months old, we struggled for years to have. She adores her daddy. He has children from a previous marriage I will lose.

I found out my husband was looking to sleep with trans women before we got married. I should have left then but I didn’t. He has said over and over that he only wants a relationship with me. I’m his best friend, he loves me, etc. This is just something I can do sexually that he wants. He has gone behind my back to fulfill these needs. He says I’ve caught him every time but I’m not sure I believe that.

We’ve been together for 7 years (I think) and the stress/worry has taken it’s toll. I agreed to an open relationship where he can OCCASIONALLY seek out sex with trans women. In 2 weeks he’s had sex with 3 trans women. One he brought to our home while I was out. She left her lip gloss behind (I told him this was on purpose but he doesn’t believe me). He says I didn’t say he couldn’t bring them to our home so he didn’t think it was a rule. Our baby sleeps in our bed… he didn’t even change the sheets. My mind is still spinning so I’m all over the place. Is an open relationship even possible?? I feel like I’m delaying the inevitable. I want to be in this marriage. I want it to work.

I’ve explored leaving. I have 2 dogs and a cat I won’t leave. I can’t rent with my dogs. With the housing market booming I can’t afford to buy on my own. I don’t want my baby to be without her daddy. I’m so lost. He said I could sleep with women but I don’t have that desire. He’s suggested 3somes but I really don’t have that desire. My sex drive is nonexistent at this point. The lies, nursing a baby, severe hormone issues, etc. we have sex basically daily but it’s for him. He’s even gone to have sex with a trans women hours after we had sex.

I have zero desire to date or find another relationship. I truly think I’ll be fine being single if this doesn’t work. I’ve been lied to/cheated on in every relationship. If I’ll single that can’t happen but I’d miss the companionship.

I consider myself an LGBT+ ally. I’m struggling with the idea of him fetishizing trans women. He seems to think they would never catch feelings for him (but that girl “forgot” her lipgloss) and he would never catch feelings for them. He has said if we didn’t work he’d only be in a relationship with trans women. His family is extremely homophonic so I don’t know that I believe that. I also struggle because he’s a trump supporter… honestly that has caused the most problems in our marriage. How can you be with/be attracted to trans people and support someone who took their rights away? I realize in the grand scheme of things this seems silly but it really bothers me.

Has anyone stayed in a marriage where they were open to their husband seeking out trans women? I’ve never talked about this before. I feel very alone. It’s a secret I’ve kept for 7 years! I love this man, I love his kids, and I love (most of) our life together.

Comments 2