In December I met my brother's in-laws at their Christmas dinner. Funny enough I knew my sister in law had brothers but I never knew much about them or what they looked like. I got to met the eldest one that day and honestly I saw him and all I thought about him was that he's handsome but that's it, he was nothing out of the ordinary and I was not interested. When we were leaving I went in to shake his hand but he went in and gave me a tight hug.
Around 4 days later my sister in law texted me and told me her brother was asking for my number. He texted me immediately and even called me. We were on the phone for over an hour and he kept telling me that I had his attention right when I walked through the door. Well the very next day we were off on our first date. His birthday was the next day, he was turning 39.... I was 25 at the time. I left the date feeling unsure about him but I wanted to give him a chance because he seemed genuinely interested. He had invited me back to his place that day after work which I accepted. We had a very romantic night together in the sense that everything felt perfect. Nothing felt forced and he treated me like I was the only girl in the world and he even had a glimmer in his eyes. Mind you while we were on the date we told each other that we were both not in place where we could prioritize a relationship. I was newly promoted at my job and trying to put all my energy into my career and also going back to school in a few weeks. Crazy enough we are both going to school for the same degree. We pretty much spent the whole weekend together just enjoying each other's company and thinking how crazy it had been that we had just barely met when our siblings had been together for 4.5 years. It didn't feel like a coincidence at all, more like the right timing.
Well a week later we are hanging out and he made a comment.. "you have such chubby cheeks" to which I was like yeah and? He proceeds to say "What are you gonna do when you get pregnant? I am going to have to make you walk the dogs twice a day. As soon as he said that I wanted to yell but I had the biggest knot in my throat that I got up and walked out without saying a word. The next day when we tried to talk about it he got really defensive and I felt attacked so I shut down. He completely changed with me after that day. we barely talked and if we did it was like a hi and bye. A month later I had a desk delivered to him because he had shown it to me and to make it known that I was serious I got it for him. He didn't open it immediately. He left it sitting in his garage for another month...
I know I should have communicated my feelings better but I also felt like I didn't owe him an explanation for why I didn't like the comment. I know that it wasn't because I was insecure but because I have been diagnosed with PCOS which already makes me have to work 2 times as hard than the next girl. He tells me on our last day together that I had triggered him and that he was not in a place in his life where he wanted to teach someone their feelings which is understandable, he's 40. What I didn't appreciate is that he tells me that he actually didn't feel like we had a strong connection, but he had already looked through my Pinterest board for my engagement ring, we talked about how our wedding would be and what our dream house would look like, joked about baby names. He included me in his future plans without me saying anything and he opened up and shared childhood stories even.
So I left feeling so hurt because I think it was his way to push me away and maybe he got scared? Now the problem and the thing I am struggling with the most is that I've had to bump into him every time I go to my brother's house. Hi family has told me that he would make comments/talk about me every time he would go over to their house. He told me to let him be but his actions confused me, it was like yes one day and no the next. To make matters worse, my brother became his front door neighbor. I became really close to his other brother who feels like my twin, his step mom and I get along so well and his dad and I love joking with each other. They live one street over and their backyard connects to my brother's
My brother and sister in law just welcomed a baby, my first nephew and I want to be at their house all the time but that man hurt me in ways I had never hurt, It feels like he love bombed me and left me with nothing, not even friendship. Crazy thing is that I believed him in him, I even believe he was going to serve a greater purpose in my life than just what he did. I don't know how to let go, I have to pretend I don't know his home anymore and it hurts, all I want to do is talk to him get my closure and be able to visit my brother without hurting.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?! I NEED ADVICE PLEASE