My best friend at work recently confessed that he was attracted to me and wanted to be with me physically. He is in a LTR and I am married. He told me he had been feeling that way for over a year and that he liked me a lot. He said he knew the feeling was mutual and the sexual tension between us was off the charts. I agreed that I was always attracted to him but I felt safe flirting with him because I'm married and he's 9 years younger than me. He was always honest with me about cheating on all his girlfriends. He said this is the longest relationship he's been in that he hasn't cheated yet. He hates commitment. He always said he doesn't want to get married because he can't imagine being with one person for the rest of his life. I told him this was crazy and it could ruin our lives and our friendship. He kept trying to convince me it would just be two friends having fun and it doesn't have to mean anything. I said I should be honest and say that at home everything is good. I really do love my husband and family and we don't really have an major issues. Two days after this conversation this guy kissed me. Not just a quick innocent kiss. He came up to me, held my face and looked in my eyes and kissed me very passionately. It was extremely intense. I stopped him and told him I needed a minute and he just held me tight and said "I've wanted to do that for so long" then we kissed some more. After that things got hot and heavy. Lots of sexting and some more make out sessions. Then we had sex. It was an amazing night. Without going into details we clearly both enjoyed it. He begged me to stay the night and I did. We had sex in the morning again. The next few weeks we talked a bit about it and if it was going to happen again but he started to get distant. I confronted him and he finally told me he felt guilty about cheating and that has never happened to him before. He said he wasn't over this whole thing he just needed time. So I tried to give him space. Then a few times just to see where his head was at I asked him if he wanted to hook up and he just said maybe but nothing happened. So I confronted him one more time and asked him flat out if all of it was just a game to sleep with me. He said absolutely not, he said he just felt guilty and he was still trying to process it. But then he tells me not to worry cause it's definitely happening again. Well after a few weeks I hadn't been sleeping right and tired of wondering what was going on I decided I needed it to be over. I told him I thought we should both agree that we lost our minds for a few weeks and we should just be friends. I said I need him more as my friend than I need to have sex with him. He agreed and that's where I left it. Things have been ok at work but now I find my self wondering what the whole point of this was. If he was ever really my friend why would he want me to risk everything just for sex? He's a good looking guy and I'm not really the type of girl people are making moves on. I'm cute at best but I'm not hot. Part of me thinks he had feelings for me and being with me scared him and part of me thinks he really just needed something to chase to get out of a rut with his girlfriend. I just hate not having answers. Does anyone have insight into this kind of thing?

So my boyfriend of almost 2 years told me the other day that while I was away staying at my mother's house he had someone over to our apartment and received oral sex from them. We do not have a very good sex life because of the medications I am on and I just don't have much interest. But we do have sex on occasion. He is VERY sexual and needs to have sex every day to "de-stress." He justifies his action because I "don't give him any" and he has "urges." He takes me not being sexual very personally. It is like a drug to him and he is very addicted to it. He thinks that I understand why he did what he did and that we are moving on but I have been thinking to myself over and over if this is going to work or how to move on from this. I'm not sure what I should do next to address the situation?

This article was written by Prof. Janet Reibstein, a psychologist and Professor in the School of Psychology at the University of Exeter. The views expressed in this article are not necessarily shared by Click or OnePlusOne.   Unsurprisingly, many couples argue about flirting and fancying others. You don’t start affairs without fancying. It’s a firmly held belief that partners should command each other’s sexual attention. But how far that ‘attention’ extends is not well defined; it's not always clear what constitutes an ‘affair’. When does fancying someone else or giving off sexual signals in a relationship even without physical contact, constitute danger or betrayal? But clamping down unnecessarily courts a different sort of disaster. I once was on a forum with a clergyman, who gamely confessed that women assumed that because he was a married vicar, that that meant he wasn’t sexually alive. When he flirted, they were shocked. Plaintively, he cried, ‘I may be a married vicar, but I still have eyes, and I’m not dead from the neck down! I’d never have an affair but these are two different things!’ It’s my reading – of both research and clinical data — that what seems at stake around flirting are two things: whether you are ‘enough’ to keep your partner and insecurity about the relationship’s future. We’re deluged with sensuality in our culture, reminding us that most are still alive from the neck down and most have eyes to see others - who are also sexual. So, that’s part of normal interactions. And if we like the person we’re talking to, and he or she also pleases our senses, that inescapably confirms our own sensuality. If we try to ignore this (the vicar would argue we can’t), it might mean we also ignore our basic sensuality. That affects our partnerships. In Esther Perel’s book, Mating in Captivity, she cites research showing that over time most couples get into a sexual rut, and argues that couples can redress this partly by making their sex lives conscious and deliberate. One way, she recommends, is to observe each other’s sensual effects on others: to give permission to flirt. As you do, you become aware of your own power to attract as well as your partner’s. It does mean we need to be alert to boundaries though. But what are acceptable ones? Boundaries make people secure. By establishing them, you make things explicit, agreeing what makes you secure, and why. Talking about boundaries clarifies why you’re scared, what sets it off, and why. You reassure each other, redefining activities that might have set off feelings of insecurity in the past but don’t have to any more. For instance, if your ex-boyfriend’s flirting led to infidelity, you are likely to feel threatened when your partner flirts. But if you are reassured of his fidelity to you and that he still finds you attractive you may find over time that ‘flirting’ needn’t mean ‘affair’. By being open, you also undermine the damaging role secrecy plays in flirting. Talking intimately about sensuality can also invite sensuality into the relationship. Talking to establish boundaries can reassure both of you that there’s nothing concealed, or to conceal. Flirting is undeniably dangerous: it can be heady and therefore lead to a wish for more. The implication of shared sexual desire for another does challenge a committed partnership and so as it grows there is usually a wish for concealment. But if you conceal or exclude your partner from your activities with others you might fancy, two things happen: firstly, you are signalling something suspicious is occurring and secondly you are defining your flirting as unacceptable to the partnership. When Perel suggests openly flirting she’s pointing to a couple talking honestly with each other, finding a way to bring into the relationship excitement that occurs outside it. That can’t happen with secrecy. That’s why talking and reaching common understandings is central to establishing boundaries. Central are the ‘meanings’ of flirting or fancying. If the meaning you give to your partner’s attraction to someone else is that they are less attracted to you — you’ll feel threatened. If the meaning you give to flirting is betrayal, trust in your partner and your future together will be undermined. But if, as the vicar suggests, fancying others means you’re sensually alive while still a faithful partner, you can feed sensual life back into your relationship.

My wife called me by the wrong name during lovemaking. Not sure what to do now. Your thoughts? I'm a forgiving person. I thought, maybe she was having a one-time fantasy. Hurtful, but after so many years of marriage, kids, trials and tribulations, and our history together, it's a forgivable moment. I got over it in a matter of days. Pretty quick, considering. Nothing has meaning until we give it meaning. Right? I chose not to over-think it. Let it go.   A week later, when she called me the wrong name during sex again, I was flabbergasted. Years later, in personal counseling, I told my therapist, "Well, it's not a pattern until it happens three times."  He responded, "In psychology, two is a pattern." That wouldn't matter anyway. After the second time, I was in utter shock. Yes, one might think I should have immediately confronted her, lashed out, demanded answers. Truth be told, I was dumbstruck.   As I processed the first event, I thought empathetically, she must be highly embarrassed and ashamed anyway. Why rake her over the coals? Assuming that, I felt a sense of justice that she too, must be feeling very badly. As for me, I was even more stunned than the first time. The first time, I reasoned, must have been some utterance, driven, uncontrolled, from the primitive part of her brain. What the hell?!  How could this occur a second time? Wasn't she so ashamed and embarrassed that she would avoid doing this again? I didn't know what to make of it.   This time, still stupidly naive, I thought, there's no way she would do this again, but if she did, I will confront her on the spot. I will confront her loudly and emotionally. I will confront her the way she and I both deserve. I will. Or, I won't. I thought I was ready.   Another week later, when she called me the wrong name during sex for the third time, I wasn't surprised. I thought I'd be angry and confrontational, but I was saddened, disappointed, and just plain hurt. Too deflated to confront her, I pretended to hear nothing and thus, said nothing. We finished. I rolled off, stared at the wall, and fell asleep hours later. I wasn't having audible hallucinations. This really was happening. She didn't lose voice control in some sex-induced trance. If she would just stop, this would go away.   About ten days later, guess what.  She called me the wrong name during lovemaking for a fourth time. I went off. My penis still in her, I reached over, turned on the light and confronted her, "What the hell?!  Who the hell are you talking to?!" I pulled out and finally, finally confronted her. It was a brief confrontation and verbally combative, albeit in one direction. I finished by suggesting she get some counseling. Within a few short minutes, I could hear the rhythmic purr of her sleeping breath while I laid awake for the next several hours. And, what the fuck is up with that?! Apparently not something she needed to lose sleep over. It would take years of denial, adherence to my values, more denial, self-doubt, depression, counseling, and suicidal thoughts to finally, finally come to grips. The obvious conclusion would be, she was cheating on me. At first blush, it may appear she was. However, I believe there was actually something even more disturbing going on here. She was doing something worse.  What could be worse?  I will get to that.   With a kindergartner and a second grader asleep upstairs, I was in no hurry to upset the apple cart.  That is, I did not want to rush to a conclusion where we separate. By separating, I could only see myself in some apartment, alone. I would deny myself the daily influence I deserved to have on my daughters. No way. I remember having thoughts of divorce, but again, I couldn't bear being parted from my kids. After the fourth wrong-name event and subsequent confrontation, we buried it. We didn't discuss it, mention it, or regard it for years. I didn't know it at the time, but I continued to revert to my training which was fine by her. That means silence. She would not have to explain it or own it.  I would not have to confront it further. Let's pretend it didn't happen.   But this episode in our lives together served as a catalyst for me to examine our relationship. I had some qualms about our relationship, but overall, we were quite successful. For the first time, however, I really started paying attention. Maybe most people would have just walked out over this and maybe they would be right to do so. I'm not most people. I am who I am, a product of my experiences, especially that pivotal moment when I established my highest personal value, an integrated family. This was a huge wake-up call though. I started paying attention to the nuances in our marriage.  There was certainly a history of slights by her, but they were spaced out enough that I always looked at them as one-off events. Not wanting to upset the family balance, I always overlooked them.  Of course, this just served as my unwitting permission for her to continue. So, here I was, fifteen years in to the marriage and deciding to start paying attention. Bad on me for not paying attention before. However, I didn't think the one I was married to was the one I needed to protect myself from.  Probably, the most loyal love I've ever received was from my parents. Thus, with them, I could be totally unguarded, at ease, vulnerable. I held my wife in that same esteem, but it was becoming apparent this was a mistake.   Take away the physical advantage men have over women and they become equal. It becomes a matter of wits. I didn't realize at first, but there was a competition going on in my house. There was one person who wanted to be on top and be recognized by all as in-charge. It wasn't me. As the kids entered school, we started making new friends. The running joke in those years was, I would hear about my own upcoming social engagements from my kids' friends' moms. "Oh, see you Friday night for dinner." What? A minor display of unilateralism, but repeated over time, it demonstrated who had the power. It also demonstrated a lack of respect. Not only would she make commitments, she made it clear I wasn't involved. Then there was her unilateralism with me present.  We might receive a social invitation together and she would accept or deny without any consultation with me, without even looking at me. I know this certainly made an impression on people because the disparaging comments found their way back to me. She was in charge and seen that way, but at my expense. Then there were the cocktail parties where she would dump me like wet lettuce and go work the room, solo. Sure, I can socialize, but it's not like I didn't spend time standing alone.  She preferred to rub elbows with those she perceived as wealthy.  I get it.  I would be there at the end of the night anyway.  Why team up with me?  To her credit, when we entertained, she was amazing.  She would make the guest list, do the inviting, and the planning. She was like a one-man-band in the kitchen and received the accolades she deserved. Oh, I tried to participate, but always heard, "I got it."  I seemed relegated to just go get some more ice. That's all fine, I guess, but she would consistently accept help and participation from guests. This happened frequently enough that I received smart-ass comments about this, too. "Don't you do anything here?" I believed that's just how she wanted it.  Effective and seen that way, but at my expense.   It should be no surprise that through these and similar experiences, I came to feel disregarded, disrespected, and taken for granted. These were not isolated events. They accumulated to become a condition. There was more. She had longing eyes. Actually, I was okay with that even if she was a little obvious. There are attractive people out there. They're noticeable. I see them, too. But there was one fellow in particular that seemed particularly interesting to her. We would see him only occasionally, but when we did, they got along exceptionally well. In fact, this goes back to before we were married.  It did make me feel a bit insecure. On one social occasion, she blatantly dumped me to go hang out with him. Really, I think the situation produced two things for her; validation from another male and an avenue to try to make me jealous. It worked at first, but then it just became insulting.     Years later, in couple's counseling, I accused her of maintaining a long-term flirtatious relationship with this particular guy. She denied it at first, but then admitted it was true. The hardest part about it wasn't it's existence, it was that she played it out right in front of me, in my face. Two friends asked me separately if I saw what they saw.  It was then I realized this wasn't insecurity driving my imagination. There were no verbal put-downs, no arguments, nothing exciting over the years. On the outside, we appeared solid. We ran a very successful household. What confused me was, I was enjoying a great lifestyle largely due to her professional success. In many ways, she showed a lot of care for me.   However, the negatives just kept accumulating. Aside from the above, there was a withdrawal of affection on her part. For a time, the only affection given was in response to mine. When it did come my way, I got peck-type kisses. Two pencil tips could share more surface area. Hugs were air-hugs, like when people hug others out of politeness.  Head games came to bed, too, more than the wrong name issue. I can only describe her negative behavior toward me as like death by a thousand cuts.  What was confusing was hearing "I love you" between the cuts. I tried to limit my thoughts on her behavior to the time since she called me the wrong name in bed. That proved to be very difficult.  I couldn't help but see a pattern than spanned our entire marriage.   Ultimately, I realized the pattern preceded our marriage and the roots were laid in our dating years, in our foundation. Yes, I understand my own participation here.  By allowing her disregard, disrespect, unilateralism, and more served as my permission for her to continue the behavior. My parents' modeled an excellent marriage. My parents in-law apparently also had an excellent marriage.  I sought to copy that. However, when our dads dated our moms, I doubt they ever had to deal with things like this: Having their girlfriend display a picture of an old boyfriend on their bedroom wall for two years while they dated. I bet they never had the experience of picking up them from a guy's apartment on a Saturday morning to hear, "We're just friends."  I bet they never found man's length black hair on their girlfriend's pillow, multiple times. I bet our dads never had to see a picture of our moms in bed with a guy, then another one with a different guy.   There's more. I cannot emphasize enough how much I take responsibility for my own situation.  I accepted her behavior and therefore gave permission until I withdrew it. I was the Yang to her Yin. My fault was not having the awareness and self-esteem to stand up or walk out. I remember having questions before marriage, but thinking, "I think this is the best I can do." I said I would circle back to the episode of her calling me the wrong name during sex. Further, I said I would offer a reason for her behavior that didn't include cheating. Regarding being called the wrong name during sex, I believe it was an attempt to make me feel wholly insecure. I call it worse than cheating because cheating is usually an act of self-gratification, not necessarily meant to harm someone else.  If she did it to make me feel insecure, that makes it a truly offensive act meant to undermine me and cause me harm.   In her error, she counted on me staying silent like I had with her other slights. Even with the wrong-name episode, it went four times in short order. When was that going to stop? I've read a lot about forgiveness and learned there are acts where forgiveness is not appropriate. In brief, deliberately harmful behavior often belongs in the non-forgivable category. In personal and marriage counseling, I have been cautioned about tying meaning, if any, to events. Being called the wrong name during sex on four different occasions certainly rises to the level of being meaningful. I asked my wife in counseling what the meaning of this was. Over and over she said, "I don't know, but I'm sorry."  That answer is not working for me. Her back up answer was, "stress". Also, not working for me.   My explanation is very plausible, especially considering she has conducted other behavior intent on causing me jealousy and insecurity.  It makes sense. In counseling, I have been guided through a technique called 'reframing'. That is, the ability to find alternate explanations for events. It's a good thing, but not a panacea. I'm not going to lie to myself and call it reframing. Sometimes things are as they appear. After years of personal and couple's counseling, I feel dead-ended. One counselor asked a brilliant, pointed question of me, "What do you want from her?" I had to sleep on the question.  I wanted an authentic explanation of why she took up this behavior toward me. Particularly, I wanted and explanation of why she called me the wrong name in bed.  The answer remained, "I don't know, but I'm sorry."   I believe she strived to maintain two conditions in our marriage. The first condition is that she be in the power position and is perceived by outsiders as such. The second condition is she attempts to make me feel insecure as a way to perpetuate her power position. Build herself up by pushing me down. In public, she might have her hand on my shoulder. Behind the scenes, it's different. The marital experience feels like I have to alternate being on my toes or on my heels. I am quite able to forgive.  I'd prefer to forgive and continue having a great family.  On the other hand, if she truly doesn't understand her own behavior, why shouldn't she repeat it at some point in the future. That makes forgiveness now foolish. One advisor offered, "Maybe that's just who she is." I know and that's what scares me. It’s not what she does. It’s who she is.

I’m beyond lost. We have an 18 months old, we struggled for years to have. She adores her daddy. He has children from a previous marriage I will lose. I found out my husband was looking to sleep with trans women before we got married. I should have left then but I didn’t. He has said over and over that he only wants a relationship with me. I’m his best friend, he loves me, etc. This is just something I can do sexually that he wants. He has gone behind my back to fulfill these needs. He says I’ve caught him every time but I’m not sure I believe that. We’ve been together for 7 years (I think) and the stress/worry has taken it’s toll. I agreed to an open relationship where he can OCCASIONALLY seek out sex with trans women. In 2 weeks he’s had sex with 3 trans women. One he brought to our home while I was out. She left her lip gloss behind (I told him this was on purpose but he doesn’t believe me). He says I didn’t say he couldn’t bring them to our home so he didn’t think it was a rule. Our baby sleeps in our bed… he didn’t even change the sheets. My mind is still spinning so I’m all over the place. Is an open relationship even possible?? I feel like I’m delaying the inevitable. I want to be in this marriage. I want it to work. I’ve explored leaving. I have 2 dogs and a cat I won’t leave. I can’t rent with my dogs. With the housing market booming I can’t afford to buy on my own. I don’t want my baby to be without her daddy. I’m so lost. He said I could sleep with women but I don’t have that desire. He’s suggested 3somes but I really don’t have that desire. My sex drive is nonexistent at this point. The lies, nursing a baby, severe hormone issues, etc. we have sex basically daily but it’s for him. He’s even gone to have sex with a trans women hours after we had sex. I have zero desire to date or find another relationship. I truly think I’ll be fine being single if this doesn’t work. I’ve been lied to/cheated on in every relationship. If I’ll single that can’t happen but I’d miss the companionship. I consider myself an LGBT+ ally. I’m struggling with the idea of him fetishizing trans women. He seems to think they would never catch feelings for him (but that girl “forgot” her lipgloss) and he would never catch feelings for them. He has said if we didn’t work he’d only be in a relationship with trans women. His family is extremely homophonic so I don’t know that I believe that. I also struggle because he’s a trump supporter… honestly that has caused the most problems in our marriage. How can you be with/be attracted to trans people and support someone who took their rights away? I realize in the grand scheme of things this seems silly but it really bothers me. Has anyone stayed in a marriage where they were open to their husband seeking out trans women? I’ve never talked about this before. I feel very alone. It’s a secret I’ve kept for 7 years! I love this man, I love his kids, and I love (most of) our life together.

First time on here but I need advice & can't go to friends or family with this. I'll keep it as brief as possible. I've always been a bit insecure & had trust issues with regards to my wife, not on a massive scale, more a niggling doubt in my mind. I was recently shown some images of a women who bares more than just a resemblance to my wife in a sexual situation with a guy who definitely wasn't myself. There are so many similarities, the face, hands, & without being crude, even some certain actions being performed. As I said, I've had slight doubts before but nothing major, I trust her completely most of the time. The advice I'm looking for is, do I approach it with her, & if so, how. I love this woman more than anything, we've been together for nearly 15 years & married for nearly 12, the reason I can't go to friends or family is because I don't want them thinking she's capable of something like this, I don't know if I can believe that she is but it's really eating away at me. Your help will be greatly appreciated.

Sorry this is so long but I wanted to explain the whole situation. I have been in a relationship with a Latina lady for a little over a year and I am a white male. Her English to me is pretty good we can communicate well but she is a little unsure of herself and her English. We decided to move in with each other at the beginning of December and things were going very well. At the beginning of February we had a small Superbowl party. She had invited her adult son which is 23 which I get along with great. He had also invited over some other friend which is normal they all come over all the time which I have no problem with. This night there was another friend that showed up that I had never seen before. This guy was a little older approximately 30 or 35 and my girlfriend is in her early 40's but she looks much younger. As the night goes on I notice that he continues to follow her into other rooms where it is him and her alone. And at one point she followed him outside. This made me very uneasy and she could feel the tension. So she calls this guy over to tell him about me. However when them two talked they talked in Spanish. The guy would occasionally tell me things that she was saying which was good things about me. While this made me feel better I still was not sure. I was also frustrated that if there are three people in a conversation and only one language we all three knew why they continued to speak in Spanish. At the end of the night when we was alone. I tried to explain that I felt it was disrespectful to continue to be in the other room with another man. I also tried to explain that it would have helped when including me into the conversation if they would have spoke in English. Her response was he was a long time friend and he was more like a son to her, he felt comfortable in their house and that is why he would go in the other room with her. She also explained that she was embarrassed to speak English in front of him in fear that he would make fun of her. Which I understand but at the same time the guys English was not perfect. The next morning the fight continued and she ask me to leave. I left and went and stayed at a motel down the road for the night. The next day we ended up talking and working things out. She reassured me that that guy was a friend of the families and she would tell him not to come back if I wanted. I said no but she needed to put herself in my shoes and think if she would like it if I did the same with a girl. A couple weeks go by and she tells me this guy is in jail because he is in the country illegally and it would not be a problem anymore. About another week goes by and I come home and there is a strange dog in the back yard. I text her and she is surprised and does not know where it came from. When she got home she tells me her daughter had brought it over and she thought it was the guys dog that was in jail. I ask her how she knew and she said she had seen pictures of the dog before. I ask her if her daughter ask to bring the dog by and she said yes. But in the text she acted surprised. A few more days go by and she says something about the guy having another dog that was bigger and that he had brought the dogs over one time. But a few days earlier she had stated she had only seen the dogs in a picture. She said her memory was not that good. A few more days goes by and she says her daughter had received a phone call from the man in jail and her daughter wanted her to go to the jail to visit him. I told her she could do whatever she wanted to but I was not sure why she would go see the man in jail. Then I started to get curious so I looked at the phone bill to see if this guy had contacted her from jail. I noticed that the night that I was gone she had tried calling her ex-boyfriend two times. It only showed up as 1 min so she may have only got his voice mail I'm not sure. So that night I ask her if her ex-boyfriend had tried to contact her and she said no. I then ask her if she had tried to contact him at all. I also ask that she be completely honest with me. Again her answer was no and then started questioning about being on my phone all the time. Which I am on the phone form 6:00 am until 10:00 pm for work and work only. She really seems like a good girl she does not go out or anything. We stay at home a lot and work together to make our home better. But the question is am I being paranoid? Was it right for me to check the phone bill? And are these small lies hiding something bigger?

Hey my name is E, I’m 18 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 3 years , we’ve had a lot of ups and downs and we’ve been through a lot of hard stuff together however he has a tendency to receive images from other girls recently, his has happened more than one and he knows how much it’s hurt me when these things have happened , we don’t have sex very often due to various issues within my body that leave me in pain and tired and he seems to hold this against me and illudes that this may be why he has to cheat , I’ve always just kind of let him do this and stayed with him . I’ve recently met another boy and we haven’t known each other for long but I am starting to absolutely fall for him and he likes me a lot as well , we FaceTime and talk a lot , he works where I do so I wouldn’t be able to cut him off , I know it’s my fault and I shouldn’t have got so close to someone else whilst I have a boyfriend. This boy did like my friend previously and they were speaking for about a week . Deep down I think I want to be with this new boy but there’s so many factors stopping me , I don’t want to upset my friend and mostly I don’t know if I want to break up with my current boyfriend or not , I’m not happy but I don’t think I could possibly break up with him because I’m just so used to being with him and I really don’t want to hurt him because he has made me happy , I don’t even know what I’d say to him , I know my parents and his parents would be so annoyed with me for breaking up with him . Am I an awful person ? I really don’t know what to do please please help .

I recently was at a party with my friend (female) and I know she has a bf bc we’re all on the same team together. We have super good energy and “mix” very well together. This last party we both got very drunk and ended up having sex. She is afraid to tell her boyfriend bc he wants this relationship to work and Idk if I should tell him or not, I feel awful and want to get this weight off my chest?!?

I recently found out from one of my best friends that our other best friend and my fiancé had sex before we were a thing - this I don't mind because we weren't a thing however I was then also told that she hit him up for sex again AFTER my fiancé and me moved in with each other at this point we would have met and were friends and she still hit him up - they decided to try and get a hotel to have sex. Now my dilemma is that yes he did say to her lets not do this and so technically he didn't cheat but how can I trust him again? I have told him to remove her from his life and I will be doing the same but how can I ever trust him again. Did he technically cheat? Should I ask to see the messages between the both of them? I don't know what to do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Does anyone think it's right that my wife, who cheated on me 8 months ago wants to meet new friends on the internet but says she only wants to meet guys. She says she only wants to meet men because women are vindictive and will steal your man. She gets mad at me for keeping her step sister in my life who I have had relations with.