Trying to be friends after breaking up
What am I dealing with?


After a breakup, one of the hardest things to swallow is that everything you’ve put into that relationship is being left behind. All the stuff you went through, all the dates, all the intimate moments, all the fights… So it’s understandable that some couples hope to maintain a friendship.

How do I deal with it?

Plenty of space in the initial phase

Because you’ve both lived with a kind of shared identity for the duration of your relationship, you’ll need time to regain your individual identities again. The longer you’ve been together, the longer this might take. Giving someone space means leaving them alone completely, so even by texting one another, you could risk disrupting that process.

Bitterness is bad for you

If you still feel bitter towards your ex for how things ended or the way you were treated, then it’s worth dealing with those feelings. Either let it go and cast it aside for the sake of the friendship, or you take it up with them as an open, honest conversation.

It’s not always easy

Emotions can be difficult to control. It could potentially become quite exhausting if you’re constantly dealing with emotional outbursts from your ex, and it’s no failure on either one’s part to accept that the friendship just isn’t working out.  

Be mindful of clutter

If you decide to build a friendship, take care when it comes to indulging in nostalgia, ego boosts or pining. In vulnerable and lonely moments following a break up, it’s easy to reach out to someone familiar and seek comfort, and now that you’re looking to build a platonic relationship, reaching out to one another might compromise that.

Keep it simple

To keep things simple, establish the boundaries you want to set for yourselves and stick to them. If you’d rather meet up strictly in public places or with a group of friends, then stick with that – or whatever works for you. By agreeing to stick by certain rules, both of you will be less likely to complicate the situation. And after a breakup, complication is the last thing you’ll want. 

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