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I can't understand

My bf of 4 years is denying me sex basically. I've been there in many hard times for him in our relationship he was incarcerated for 7 months after that was shot in the back yard of our home 8 times almost lost his life. Where since he hadn't I had to take care of him for 4 months.

Yes we've had intimate moments and he gives me the out most caring and loving moments but I'm so incredibly lonely at the same time. I'm constantly arguing with him abt giving me sex. I can't understand why I love him so much. I fantasize about him just cuz he doesn't have sex with me. I've noticed when he looks at other women online he's more sexual. Is it me? Cud I not be to him sexy anymore?

One time we were drinking playing pinpong in the house and I asked him to slow dance with me and he started to buy then pushed me away and said he didn't want to. That hurt so bad.. I even started to watch porn with him to make it interesting for us. But he still rejects me. I have to ask for sex. I have to get angry abt it. It hurts me so much..

Finally it's done so much damage to me that... I've gone into a serious depression abt this and I stopped caring for myself. I don't shave I don't care what I eat and even sometimes I don't shower. I just want him to want me like I want him. But I dunno what else to do, and honestly I've lost the will to try.

I feel so broken. I've lost myself on the way. If he doesn't make an initiative to physically want me I may just lose it and God knows what I'll do. I've never felt this way n I need some guidance on what I should do. This is a cry for help.... this is my last resort. I need someone to save me n tell me what I shud do.....

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