Hi everyone, I've been with my partner for over 11 years and we have a 4 year old daughter. We've had relationship issues for a long time, lack of physical contact, little/no sex, arguments etc. Just recently I met someone I was doing a favour for. We clicked and exchanged numbers, we've both agreed it's nothing more than friends but I can't help having feelings for her. It's made my situation worse with my partner as its now getting to the point where I don't want to go to bed, I don't want to talk to her and, although I'm a very physical person, the idea of being intimate with her really turns me off. This other woman is a bit older than me but the way she talks to me I feel human again, not just a dad/taxi/handyman etc. I know its wrong to have feelings for someone else, especially when they'll never be reciprocated but what do i do? The biggest thing is I can't split up with my current partner as I know she will use our daughter as a weapon. The thought of not seeing my daughter every day kills me inside but I cant have one without the other. It's a giant mess really. My partner is starting to notice my lack of contact, although I think she's quite happy about my lack of sexual attention towards her. I know I'm an awful person for behaving like this but i just don't know what to do, help please :(

On two occasions my partner lied about going to another women's house. She came to us after this but was extremely rude. I've tried talking to him about it I'm just not sure what to say or do. Am I wrong to ask him not to speak to or see the person in question again?

I've just discovered my wife is having a sexual relationship with with her ex boss. This has torn my world apart completely. When she started working for this company five years ago she was warned about the sex mad owner. I trusted her as our sex life wasn't great or very ambitious. She was never one for taking risk or trying anything new in the bedroom, and it wasn't for the want of asking on my behalf either. I offered everything from toys, group, partner swap, dressing up, role playing, outside - in fact, I think I tried most things without any joy. Anyway I discovered messages on her phone around four months ago but left it and tried to find things out for myself. I had no luck and in the end just decided to come out with it and, hey presto, she came clean on everything. She said it started as friendship but led on to more things and they have been sleeping together for about six months now (so she tells me). She has broken down and is beside herself for hurting me after 14 years marriage and 20 years together. She says she doesn't know how it has led this far and also how it has continued as well, as she felt bad after every time... My problem is the fact I feel I'm being laughed at - as he will see it as another notch, although she says not. She has lied to me for months about where she has been swimming, shopping, her sister's. This and the fact someone else has had their hands on her makes me sick (and I have been). Any one who knows please feel free to comment...

I really need someone to put my life back on track, to turn me back into the mother and wife I once was... a year ago, all that matters to me was my family whom I took pride in and would do a lot for them without expecting anything in return. After all, love is unconditional and as a mother, its my job to love, care and protect them. I didn't even ask a lot from my husband nor did he expect a lot from me. We were just in a good marriage, hardly any arguments between us and we took pride in our parenting and are proud of our beautiful, bright children. It all started when a single dad at school confessed to me that he finds me attractive and admitted fancying me for a while. It all came as a big surprise to me as I do not expect a mum like me to still have "admirers". Although I turned him down but since then my confidence grew and I started enjoying the fact that I can still attract male attention. Six months ago, I met William. I was very much attracted to him, physically and sexually. We started off texting back and forth, first with light and gentle flirting. We met up for a few drinks now and again and have a good time laughing and flirting. Then it soon developed into a bit more and more and then more. I am not one into casual flings or reckless, irresponsible behaviour but then suddenly before I realise, I found myself having an affair with William. A proper full blown affair. By the time I asked myself "what have I done?", it was too late. I have already slept with him. I know it was all principally and morally wrong. I know I have done something very bad and my husband would not forgive me if he knows what had happened. I asked myself what do I want from this relationship with William? Is it just purely for sex? Physically, we both look good together and we are both in lust with each other although William said its not just about that. He said he cares about me and wanted to see me every weekend. He kept telling me he misses me whenever he is not with me and he would send me daily texts messages which were all very sweet to read. I thought I was falling for William because I can't get him out of my mind and I really love being with him. I am so attracted to him that no one else can catch my attention because my heart and mind is just set on him alone. The problem is I can't seem to leave my marriage because I don't want to break my family apart and let my kids and husband down. What I have is beautiful and to destroy it could be the biggest mistake and regret in my life. Yet I can't stop contact with William no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up going back to him again and again. It is like an addiction. Maybe I am in love with him but I am just in self denial. Although William has told me he loves me but he doesn't convince me enough that our relationship has a future. Although I can see myself (on my own) with him but I can't see my children in the picture. William is a single guy, still living a bachelor life and there is no way he would swap his convertible two seater sports car into a family car. Everything in his life is that of a bachelor; even his bachelor pad is so unchild-friendly and immaculate that I can't even imagine my kids sitting on his leather creamy sofa. I can't even see him swapping his bachelor pad to a family home. All signs are telling me is I am a "current" girl he is currently seeing until he finds himself a single girl he is willing to settle down with. I have somehow raised that issue in a joking way with him and of course he denied it. I didn't press him more because I don't want to spoil the fun between us. Also I felt I have no right to press him for commitment when I myself am still married. He did say to me before that I should make my mind up on what I want in life or with my relationship and he is jealous to imagine sharing me. There is no sharing. I have become even more emotionally and physically detached from my husband. Thinking back over the years, we have grown apart emotionally and intimately. There is hardly any connection between us and I am no longer attracted to my husband in a sexual way. No matter how I want to try with him again but I just couldn't find myself interested in the whole idea. I think its because I am so distracted having William around. Sooner or later this is going to come out and my husband will find out what I have been doing. I really have to decide what I want in life but at the moment its nearly like saying wanting to have the cake and eat it. In my dream, if I can, I would just walk away from my marriage and start a new life with William but I cant leave my children behind and it pains me to imagine letting my husband down because it would be a blow to him. It would kill him if I leave. Also, is William the kind of guy who is worth sacrificing for? That question has been hanging on my head. If I leave my marriage for a guy who is worth every tear and pain and manage to have a good relationship and lead a happier life with.... that would be beautiful but William might not be worth the sacrifices. Should I confront William and ask him to be honest with me on what he wants? He got to give me some kind of commitment. Part of me thinks if he can't commit on a long term thing with me and include my kids in, then he is a waste of time and effort. He is just not worth it. But to raise all these with him mean potentially I am at risk of losing the fun I can have with him. And if he said yes he is ready to commit, do I really have the heart and courage to leave my marriage and tear all their world apart? Please please please have anyone been through similar experience or can someone wake me up?

Hi there. I have been with my boyfriend on and off for almost 6 years. He is my first love and I care greatly for him. The problem is someone I've known for many years also, we have always had a spark between us and i cant help but think about him. I feel I am currently unhappy in my relationship, I'm not sure if we really have any future and as much i love the guy I'm beginning to wonder if it may be best to go our separate ways. The more unhappy i have become in my relationship the more me and this other guy have been talking. We talk online and text each other most days and i have heard through friends that he likes me and i think i like him too. The trouble is i don't know if i really should end things with my boyfriend, 6 years is a lot to give up on and i don't want to just assume something would happen with this other guy. But am I really staying with my partner for the right reasons? If I were to end things what would be the best way? And what do I do about this other guy? Please help any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm so sick of thinking about this.

First, please understand that I want no part in ruining someone's relationship. To cause someone pain is the very last thing I want. I am not here to get advice on how to "get him to break up with her". I'm here to share my story and perhaps hear back from others who have experienced the same thing. I met this man a few years back, and there was instantaneous physical attraction to him. We had run into each other a few times, briefly spoken and that was all. But soon we became inadvertently involved in the same projects, and our friendship continued to grow... or rather, I became emotionally attracted to him as well. He knows how I feel about him, because I told him. Perhaps not the extent, but that there are definitely feelings. Obviously, since he has a girlfriend, I also told him that I would say or do nothing to try to change that and we continued to hang out more and more. He is very kind to me and treats me well. We both listen to each other, and I feel as though I can trust or tell him anything. I believe he feels the same about me, because he has talked about many things that are clearly personal matters, and mentions his girlfriend to me on occasion, even telling me that things aren't going well. I, of course, try to steer him in the direction of trying to work things out with her, because I assume he is happy with her and I DO like his girlfriend too. Even if I didn't, it wouldn't be something I would try to work to my advantage. He treats me very much in a manner that seems like more than 'friendship' to me. Perhaps it's just a STRONG friendship, but there is often little touches, flirting, obvious desire to spend time with me, buying food and drinks whenever we go out to eat. We have SO much in common, more so than I think he does with his girlfriend, and there is definitely a vibe of understanding in one another. It does make me wonder sometimes if he really feels more for me than even a strong friendship. I also know guys are often flirtatious with their friends too. But it's also the way he looks at me, and is completely at ease around me... the vibes of at the very least, an attraction. I know a lot of you will think, "Why does she continue to hang out with him if she's obviously unable to have him?" Because though in my heart of hearts, I DO desire a relationship with him, I also have never been the kind of person to back away from a friendship unless that person was deliberately hurting me... and I don't think he IS deliberately hurting me. Well, the hurt just comes from my desire being unrequited and of course worrying about "what if" he decided to begin something with me (only if it were after leaving his girlfriend, in what my deepest of hopes would be a mutual decision between him and her where there is as little hurt as possible) and worrying if he would just do the very same thing with another girl... and worrying about his girlfriend (who has seemingly accepted our friendship), possibly getting hurt in the end. I want what is best for everyone but I don't want to lose him as a friend. Though I have nights where I feel sad, I AM okay with him being my friend. Just having him near is good enough, knowing that he cares about me in SOME healthy way. That is the extent of it. I know I'm continuing to get my hopes up, but I also know the reality of it. I know he may not even be infatuated with me, and that I might just be reading too much into it. I know I may be in love with the "idea" of him, though I personally feel that isn't so... every possible outcome I have gone through several times. What are your thoughts? Any similar stories? (There must be)   Thank you all for reading.

I just found my boyfriend masturbating over a girl online.  He was using his webcam and it was obvious they were both at it. Please help, I feel so betrayed and don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice?

Before anyone answers, please know I'm not looking to be judged. In a nutshell, I want to be over this. The problem is, I have been sincerely in love with my husband's brother for years. Every year it gets stronger. My husband and I started dating when we were 17 and his brother was only in 6 grade. We got married at 19- about 8 years ago. Around 6 years ago, I developed a personal relationship with my brother in law that was totally healthy and since then have always had a soft spot. I really can't remember when it started, at least 4 years ago, I began to fall in love with him. I know it's wrong. I don't need to be told that. It's gotten to the point that when I'm around him I get depressed. I tried telling myself it's sick because he is basically my little brother but that doesn't work. I won't go on about what it is I love about him as to not justify my feelings. I tried severing any ties or chance of seeing- hearing about him but their family is close and it isn't really possible with out it seeming suspicious. My six year old son is extremely close to him and talks about him constantly. I can't get away from it. I go to bed thinking about him and wake up thinking about him. My marriage is a good one. We got married too young and are very different people. Regardless, my husband and I love each other very much and are best friends. We have moved passed the gushy part on our relationship but are mature adults. I'm a black and white person and feel like there is no situation that would ever make being with my brother in law OK. But I can honestly say I have never loved anyone the way I love him, and it's love that has grown over years. How do I get over him? I know these feelings are not healthy for me my family or my husband's.

Ok so I am a guy and have a bit of a situation where I need some advice. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years now. I love her and consider myself the luckiest I have ever been to have her. She is the most loyal and committed woman I have ever been with. Ever since the first few months of our relationship, we would stay at each others' houses every night and rarely spent nights apart. So we essentially lived with each other this entire time and have had very minimal problems or conflicts. We now have our own apartment and are still getting along as living partners great. That is the beautiful thing about our relationship is that we are so compatible and cooperative that we can spend every day with each other with little-to-no problems. Of course, there are small things that we get angry about (i.e. "how come I'm always the one doing blah blah?", "all you do is play video games", etc) but they are always temporary and they do not affect the structural integrity of our relationship. We have our ups and downs, and have even separated at one point because things were not working correctly. We eventually reunited and agreed to improve on (and we have improved on) the areas where we were lacking in our relationship. Today, we are strong, together and have big commitments in our future. BUT... here is my predicament. I have a friend that I met through work (we no longer work together currently) and have gotten to be very close friends. She confides in me about things she says she does not tell anyone else, even her family. We share several common interests, passions and get along very well. She has many desirable qualities as a woman and as a person in general. She is essentially the polar-opposite of my girlfriend in many regards. She's also drop dead gorgeous. She has also fought through some very adverse and tragic phases of her life on her own will and has made it to become a strong, independent, self-sufficient, and loving person. She still has her flaws, and actually comes to me for help and guidance. She has had a difficult past with relationships and has always seemingly ended up with guys who don't give her the love, care, commitment, dedication, etc. that she deserves. She has also stated that she is not ready for another relationship as she is still not over her ex-husband. Also, she doesn't get along with other women and doesn't have many female friends (which makes things more difficult) So recently, she has been just "hooking up", "seeing" and spending time with guys. All of which seem to just want to get in her pants. She's aware of what some guys are capable of, yet her actions still contradict what she really wants, which is to be single and emotionally heal from her previous relationship. We text each other very often and spend time with each other a lot (sometimes alone and sometimes with my girlfriend and other friends). I've always been physically attracted to her, but in the past few months other feelings have started to develop. I feel a connection with her. It feels wrong and I don't know how it even developed. I love my girlfriend and would never break my loyalty to her. However, I also understand that you simply can't change what your heart feels. I've tried to remedy this problem with an attempt to channel or reroute my feelings in an appropriate manner, in the form of being a good and loyal FRIEND. When she needs me, I'm there. If she needs advice, I'll give it. If she needs a smile, I'll try to make her laugh. That kind of thing. Purely platonic friendship. My strategy has held firm but as not solved my problem. I don't want to have feelings for this woman! Keep in mind I have never told her that I do have feelings for her. So just last night, we had a get-together/kickback at her place and my girlfriend and I went. Mind you, alcohol was involved. We were all having a great time. There were two guys that came, one of which she knew (and apparently liked). There came a point during the night where everyone (minus my girlfriend and I) became visibly drunk, including my friend. I know she is quite the belligerent drinker and doesn't think quite clearly when she drinks so I kept a close but subtle eye on her. She began making out with this guy (who I believe she has only know for a month or so). There was this feeling in my stomach and fire that started to burn in my mind when I saw it. Jealously? Maybe. The way I analyzed it in my own mind was that I was having a conflict within my own mind. One side of me has feelings for this girl and the other side of me knows her past and has a duty as a friend to protect her from situations where she will get hurt again. For the lack of a better phrase, this sucked ass for more than one reason. Not only did I feel guilty that I was jealous of what I was seeing because my girlfriend was there, but because I had no right to feel guilty! I care for this girl in more ways than one, but I want it to only be ONE way...the PLATONIC way. I don't want to jeopardize this relationship with my girlfriend that I've built for so long. I'm all out of ideas of how to remedy this situation. Do I tell the truth to her about how I feel and lay my cards out on the table? Would that solve anything? Do I continue trying to be a good friend? Will my feelings eventually dissipate or get even stronger? I really need some help here. Thanks.

Hey there,  I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 4 years - we met abroad, then, after year or so, we moved back to my country and he found a job and some friends here. Our relationship, on the other hand, started going downhill; We have common interests - except that he's social and likes to go out, while I am and do not... but he's very practical, down to earth and career and money are important to him, while I'm a typical dreamer: I couldn't care less about career and money, I want to do what makes me happy - in my free time as well as professionally - and I don't want to be faced with financial and bureaucratic issues very single day... I'm not saying that one approach is better or worse, that the other, I'm just saying, that we're different and we want different things. We argue a lot and while I'm overly patient and careful with what I say, my boyfriend get very aggressive and overwhelming. Aggressive as in pushing his opinion into my face, not letting me talk, not listening to my point and not taking them into account...then, a few hours later, when he calms down, he acts like nothing's happened...Other time we're okay, he acts like he still loves me and wants me, he makes plans with me, yet we don't do 'romantic stuff' and don't talk about our thoughts and feelings much... And, now that you have an idea of my ongoing relationship... I've met this guy on a long weekend with friends about a year ago and we 'zinged'. We're very similar, he's also calm, introverted, but very caring. We make each other feel special and good about ourselves. We message each other, we talk sometimes, but we don't push it. I know he likes me, and I know he knows that I like him, but we don't say it...because I have a boyfriend and I don't want to hurt him and while he knows the problems we have, the other guy respect it.  But I can't stop thinking about him. At first I thought it was a crush or something I felt because my boyfriend and I had problems, but still, I think about him and when I see him, it's like...i'm just happy. I think I'm (falling) in love with him. Yet, my boyfriend and I have been together for so long and we've been through so much...he's a kind of troubled person and I've been trying to help him and he's also been supporting me through a lot, even bad decisions. It feels kinda unfair even to just have feelings for someone else and thinking about being with someone else... What the hell should I do?  

Hi guys. I'm new here... I can't discuss this with anyone in my life, so *really* I hope you can help me wrap my head around this problem. Lately, I've been stressed by a new addition in my boyfriend's life: his female friend from work. He and I are in our 20s and have been together for two years. We've had a solid and happy relationship until this point...and it's still mostly happy as long as his "friend" doesn't come up in conversation. The summary is this: I don't trust his female friend AT ALL. And I feel that my boyfriend should be more alert to the red flags that I'm seeing from her. Henceforth I will call this girl "Lacey" and I'll call my boyfriend "Joe." Here's the facts on Joe: He's extremely mellow by nature. He's nonjudgmental (a little too much, in my opinion) He's extremely loyal and respectful towards women. He's a clear and honest communicator. My happiness is one of his greatest priorities, but he won't compromise his values or beliefs to please me. He gets sad about the fact that he has very few friends. He doesn't want to lose Lacey's friendship. Here's the facts about me: I'm pretty smart and diplomatic. I'm a pretty good judge of character and strongly dislike unethical people. I'm not a jealous person and know that I can't change someone or dictate how to live their life. If there is a conflict, I always scrutinize my feelings and perspective before the other person's. Here's the facts on Lacey: She's in her mid-twenties and is single. She comes across as attractive and normal.... until you know her backstory. She got pregnant as a teenager and has two kids by two men. She was married to Dad#2 until he cheated. Then she started cheating WITH him on his currently-pregnant girlfriend. She felt zero guilt about this. Now Dad#1 has temporarily moved into her apartment with his new girlfriend. Lacey is now cheating with him instead. Again, she feels no guilt for doing this. Besides those scary facts, this is my biggest problem with her: She seems clueless about proper behavior when being friends with a man in a relationship. Here are some examples: - When Joe and I first started hanging out with her, we'd go out every weekend. Then I started realizing she had no interest in being friends with me. She ignored my existence 90% of the time and only talked to Joe about work or her life. Also, she would only text him, not me. I found it very rude and started not wanting to hang out with her. - While she was cheating with Dad#2, she would show Joe VERY EXPLICIT texts that Dad#2 would send her. Things like, "I wanna lick your *bleep* and make you *bleep* while you *bleep* my *bleep." I think it's very inappropriate that she showed these to my boyfriend. - She came over once to hang out. I got tired at midnight and went to bed. Instead of leaving soon after (which seems proper to me), she stayed and talked with Joe until after 1:00am. - She has asked to have dinner with Joe on a Friday/Saturday evening a few times. Once, they were out for about 6 hours. I ended up going to bed by myself. My boyfriend insisted that it was fine and normal. I feel it wasn't right. - The last time she came over, she kept pressuring my boyfriend to smoke a cigarette with her on our balcony, knowing that I wasn't happy about it. I didn't like the vibe I got from that. During this same evening, she talked about the banter she & Joe engage in through text. She sounded like a teenager bragging about thinly-veiled flirtation: "Omigod, like, he's SO MEAN to meeee! He said I was uglyyyy," she said while laughing. "Even when I make little sad faces in my text, he's still mean to meee!" ......... I just sat there like, Really? You think I wanna hear about what you two banter about? Joe insists that he knows what flirtation is, and doesn't flirt with her. - In the past month, she quit her job at the place where she and Joe worked. Now she has a lunch shift that coincides with Joe's. They've gotten lunch together a few times now. And she has posted two Instagram photos of them at lunch together. She likes referring to him as her BFF ("best friend forever"). In the second photo, she was pressed against his side with her hand wrapped around his upper arm. It was a pose that could be construed as either innocent or a bit too cozy. So that's it in a nutshell. I keep trying to avoid blaming Joe for condoning and going along with her questionable behavior (especially those dinners they used to get). I don't want to blame him because, all this time, he's been 100% upfront and honest about their interactions, and he said he'd never be inappropriate or cause problems. He also thinks I'm judging her too harshly and reading too far into her behavior. I think he's ignoring red flags, ESPECIALLY the fact that she's a shameless cheater! And I think he's egging her on by condoning questionable behavior: letting her take pictures of them together, buying her a funny shirt, texting her regularly, etc. I just don't know how to feel about this, guys. I hope you can tell me your thoughts about this. I know that asking him to end their friendship is out of the question. That's not my job as his girlfriend. But am I crazy for thinking she's behaving inappropriately? (Or is he behaving inappropriately too?) Am I crazy for thinking he shouldn't be hanging around with a woman who cheats shamelessly? Am I crazy for thinking that spending evenings alone with her is inappropriate from now on, now that they have the opportunity to get lunch together? I would really appreciate any advice or thoughts you guys have on my situation. It's so hard feeling so alone. :'(

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 years, living together for almost 4 years now. I am 32 she is 29. I have recently found out (from her friend) that she has cheated on me with an older man who lives down the street. They had sex in his van, a friend's car and our bed, of all places (while I was in work). I don't know what to do. She has apologised etc and said it was a mistake and it went too far, she said she enjoyed the attention but not really the sex. This guy is pretty ugly etc I don't understand. I had my suspicions as I found a pack of condoms in her bag, one missing, but she lied saying they were her friends. I since realised they were hers and one was used with him. I am devastated as I thought we were happy. She lied to my face when I accused her with no evidence. It wasn't until I told her someone had told me about the affair that she admitted it. She has told me it finished after the last time and there has been no contact and deleted his number. We are still together, trying to rebuild our relationship. We have decided to move but it will take well over a year to sell our house etc. I see this other guy almost on a daily basis. He has no idea that I know about their affair. I see his van and, knowing they had sex in it is a constant reminder. I struggle to sleep in our bed knowing she has been with him in there. I really don't know what to do, I have so many questions. Should I ask all these questions, even ones relating to the sex they had, or should I try to forgive her? It is so difficult with all these constant reminders and the fact I know the other guy. We have so much history together and this is the only time any of us have cheated but how can I deal with the lies she told me and the constant reminders of him living down the street while we still live in this house? Thanks

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting a question. I have been going out with my girlfriend for just under 6 years now and we have had a very stable relationship minus a few rough patches due to stress from everyday lives such as work and money. Over the last year or so we haven't really been spending that much time in the bedroom, sometimes this was due to me being preoccupied and other times her. We decided on having certain intimate nights at weekends and one in the middle of the week which I thought had brought us back to our once comfortable sexual lives. The last 2 months I've been changing jobs and have been extremely stressed after work and sometimes spent the majority of weekends applying for different roles and spending a lot of time on the phone, this is where I think the problems may have started to begin. Due to me being very busy my partner had decided to work some overtime too for extra money and to give me more time to myself (or so she had said) this was usually 1-2 nights mon-friday anywhere from 2-3 hours per evening. To cut a long story short she recently left her skype open on my laptop and she had been talking to a good girlfriend of her's about us and how she wasn't happy and how she'd been going to a colleagues place for an hour or two after work and had really gotten to like him and had developed sexual feelings for him.. without going into the details of the full conversation she had been visiting him at least once a week at his flat and performing oral sex on him after watching a movie or after he cooked her dinner. Part of the conversation was how she didn't want to pursue relations with him but really enjoyed his company and pleasing him in such a way for cooking her dinner and keeping her company and how it made her feel really good pleasuring such a nice guy and how it made her feel very powerful and attractive. Her friend was actually very shocked and didn't really condone it but the part that really hurt was that I know she was coming home to me after seeing him and I feel very betrayed knowing I've been kissing her and such without knowing. Needless to say we've now broken up and she seems truly sorry and is even willing to leave the job she works at in order to distance herself from him but I am truly lost as to what to do. Any advice would be great! Thanks