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“Getting over betrayal”

I'm really struggling to speak to my wife to discuss our children after an affair (on her part). Cutting a very long story short, my wife and I (in my mind) was happy, she was my soul mate and best friend. I told her everything and anything, we spent most of our time together (at work and home) we have two amazing children who I love dearly. I have always played a main role in both their up bringing due to me working from home since they were born.

Four months ago my wife said out of the blue she wasn't happy and she had feelings for somebody else (one of our friends) she is now living with him and my two kids, i'm in the family home which is full of memories and ghosts. I still have regular contact with the kids but no where as much as I would like due to having to start a new job (we closed down our business due to no longer been able to work together) she got really nasty and said a lot of lies which involved me been arrested so she could clear out our home. (i hand on heart did nothing wrong. i have no reason to lie on here as nobody knows me)

I don't understand how her personality can change so much - I can only think he is manipulating her (don't get me wrong i would like to 'hurt' him shall we say for what he has done, however i know i will be punished for it - so there's really no point. I just don't understand what I did? Everything was fab before - she was in tears telling me at first, so apologetic but then just turned nasty saying it was my fault she's not been happy for months etc. I did NOT once get asked for a sit down to discuss things, where I/we may have been going wrong etc. It literally went form picture perfect to its over! over night.

It's really messing with my head and in all honesty i have silly thoughts all the time, my whole world has ended i just want out! but my two amazing kids, i cant leave them - they need me... now more than ever, they are use to seeing me 24/7. I did bath, tea bed, the lot - every day. My eldest screams when i drop him off, begging me not to take him there. "I don't love mummy" "I want to live with you" It kills me!!! (i'm 99% certain that she won't hurt him, no idea about the new guy though)

She's now been nice again (personally i think she's having a mental break down) but she says I can come up and do bath time bed time etc, come for tea - come for xmas (wtf) (all with the new guy there) I'm sorry i just can't deal with it - like I say it was just four months ago. It feels so fresh like it was only a week or two, these four months have flown. It's scary.

Please help me, people! How do I get over it? I don't want her back, she's a raving evil nutter - I just want to learn how to get over the betrayal??? I hope I have made sense. Can I forgive her? How do I do it? For my own sake as well as the kids. Thanks in advance. One very unhappy lonely dad :( #menhavefeelingstoo

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