Hi I just want to know if I'm thinking right about all this. To cut a long story short, my daughter (16) and husband are totally at odds with each other. I love my daughter to bits but she has always been a handful. Truckloads of attitude, very highly strung, always right etc! She can also be very rude and disrespectful. I also love my husband but he does tend to be a very negative person, struggles to see the good in people / situations , and he also is very sensitive ie. Takes everything very personally. He can also be very antagonistic and quick to anger and tends to drop hints and be sarcastic rather than say straight out what his problem is. He is also quite an anxious person and seems to automatically think the worst all the time and worry unnecessarily. It used to drive me nuts but I've gotten used to it and try and ignore it now if I can. He has many good points which I prefer to concentrate on. However it drives my daughter mad. He is a great provider and is never violent but sometimes I find it hard to get close to him because of the negativity. He also doesn't take a whole lot of interest in the kids or their lives. Seems to notice every bad thing they do but rarely praises. My daughter openly tells him that she hates him and that he is a douche and that she wouldn't care if he was out of her life. Which I think is terrible and it really upsets me when she says this. But what upset me more is his reaction. In my opinion, he acts just as bad, threatening to leave, saying he isn't going to stay in a house where he is hated etc. I've tried to suggest that they talk to each other but that never goes well as neither of them ever admit they are wrong. I think they both are. My daughter is a hormonal, strong minded, determined teenager. As far as my husband is concerned, sometimes I feel like I am dealing with 2 teenagers ! I can see both points of view but whose side do I take here? I feel like the meat in the sandwich ! The constant enmity between them is really getting me down. I don't feel like I should have to choose between them but that is how I feel a lot of the time. Am I thinking right here? So confused and depressed. I just want to have a happy, functional family.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year. We have a lot in common and a lot of history. We did a lot together and are really close. He's very sweet and has an incredibly kind heart, and I did love him but he also has a ged and doesn't want to go to college whereas I want to be a pilot in the airforce. But now I'm in college and things feel different between us. At first he was a bit controlling and whiny. I would be busy and didn't always call or text back right away (and it's only been a few days). He's ready to come down and move in and start a life but. I don't know if I am, I don't know what I want. He's clingy and telling me that he would never date if I ever leave and everything. And now here's the thing... I met this guy on campus who is smart and fun and funny and even shows interest in me. He also shares a passion for flying. I just honestly don't what to do. I feel like of I have a boyfriend I shouldn't be feeling for someone else. And I also don't know if me and my boyfriend are in a healthy relationship. I want to do what's best for me in the long road. I don't want to end things with my boyfriend if we can make things work but I don't want to stick around if I'm not in a good relationship and he's not good for me. I don't want to leave someone for somebody else because that's not who I am. I honestly don't know what to do.

When I first met my boyfriend seven months ago, I was still in some contact with two guys that I hooked up with, both of which I had to see due to work related obligations. I told him that I had blocked the one guy on everything, and later on he had seen that guy in my snapchat. He knew I was lying, and had confronted me on it. I ended up telling him that I had been receiving snapchats from him, they were meaningless pictures of his dog, and that was it. He didn’t believe me and thought there was still something going on, and I understand why. I was still friends with the second guy I had hooked up with, and he questioned me about him and I told him that he was just my friend and nothing had happened which was obviously a lie. I ended up telling him I had hooked up with him, and then deleted both of them on my social media/snapchat. I ended up telling him later on after he had to dig to find out that the second guy I still had to be in contact with due to work related obligations. He already knew this about the first guy. I lied to him initially about the first guy because I just made a stupid mistake, and once I saw how intense his reactions were to finding this out, I was scared to admit to any of the other lies I had told him in the past. His reactions were warranted because I caused this, but they were explosive and scared me. This still isn’t a good excuse to lie, however that’s how I felt. Now he cannot trust me on anything, and I understand why, and is to the point where he is coming up with the idea, and is firmly believing that I cheated on him when I didn’t. I never did anything remotely close to that, but he thinks I'm lying. We had a big fight recently, and I told him I had ordered chinese at work. He misheard me and thought I said “we” ordered chinese and firmly believes that I ordered chinese with someone else. I showed him proof of the transaction in my bank history, and it was a $10 bill which is about how much one person would spend on chinese. I provided him a record of the phone call I made to order the food, and he is claiming that someone must have taken the leftovers, even though I said I threw them out because I don’t eat leftovers and he knows this. He is ready to end things with me, and I understand why but obviously don’t want this to happen and want to prove to him that he can trust me. An instance that has come up where he need to know something involving another male, I told him about immediately after fully expecting an explosive reaction but he had a great one. I have tried very hard for the past three months to show him that he can trust me, and every and any opportunity I have I give him to prove to him. He can see my location, go through my phone, knows my schedule, I don’t have any forms of social media anymore, he has access to every single thing of mine. I understand why he doesn’t trust me, but I don’t want this relationship to end because I love him more than anything and I want to fix this and show him, and continue to show him, that he can trust me. Any words of advice on building trust and trying to get him to see clearly with this whole chinese food thing? I can explain more in the comments if anybody has questions.

I have been reading a book on controlling partners and there have been clear signs that he is controlling, but even though I am more aware of his behavior, I am having a hard time distinguishing what is controlling and what isn't for the day to day stuff. I will give a few examples of what has happened in the last few weeks: 1- My husband and I want to lose weight and eat healthier. I started to cut up fruit and veggies and I made him a smoothie each day for a week. He has mostly boiled eggs and peeled them. One evening he reminded me that I hadn't made a smoothie for him yet, and I said that I need to show him how to make one. He turned to me and said "oh, I knew that was coming" - implying that I would not be making his smoothies for the long haul. I quickly replied that I was just kidding and got up and made him his lunch for the next day. 2-The other day I was cleaning the house. The last few months I have not been cleaning at all and our house is a disaster. With spring coming, I put in a good 5 hours doing laundry, wiping down the kitchen, dusting and cleaning the entry way. Our entry way was pretty grungy so I decided to wipe down everything including the window blinds. I removed the blinds and took them to the bathroom and quickly cleaned them (about 15 minutes). Later that evening, I was explaining how easy it was to clean the blinds and my husband got frustrated with me and asked me "I don't want to start a fight, but that was the most important thing to clean at this time?" I had to justify that yes it was because of the dust on the blinds, and that it would benefit us later and that I didn't take a long time on them." He dropped the discussion, but I felt criticized. 3- The other night, he asked for a glass of water...well actually he said "you should get up and get me a glass of water." I told him that he could get up, and he looked at me and said (I think jokingly) I could get up as well and get him water. I stood my ground and didn't move, but neither did he...

I’ve been very overwhelmed and stressed the past few days. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and I believe I do love him and I appreciate him so much and how he cares for me, however we are only young and it’s been getting very intense emotions wise. We are both quite immature, and insecure in ourselves so it makes the relationship we have quite difficult for example if I go out with my friends and some guys will be there, he doesn’t like that, and we will usually get into an argument about it. This has happened quite a few times and I don’t know what to do as I feel as though I might react the same way that he does, so I don’t want to say much, however I don’t think it’s fair because seeing another guy when I’m out with my friend/friends is normal as long as I’m not doing anything with them. And I feel as though he’s put those thoughts in my head making me think that it’s not okay, because deep down I know that he shouldn’t be telling me that I can’t see boys or add boys. It’s just what makes it difficult is that I feel like if it happened to him I might feel the same. However he hadn’t done stuff like that so I don’t know, but I have. If I speak to him about it and say that I think we should be able to see our other genders without getting upset about it he just says he doesn’t want to do that so I feel as though I’m doing something wrong. It’s just hard for me because I want to be able to speak to guys and I feel like We both should, especially because we are only young our love isn’t marriage and it is possible that he will find someone better and I might. Anyway, an argument sparked the other day because I went out with my friend and some guys were there and I added one of them on Snapchat so I could be friends with him, however I didn’t tell my boyfriend and he found out and was so distraught. However I really liked that guy and I don’t know whether I have developed feeling for him, I’ve only seen him twice when I’ve gone out with a friend. I’m just stuck on what to do and I feel like I’m a bad person for liking the company and enjoying it with another guy when my boyfriend is so upset about what I’ve done. I asked my boyfriend if We should take some space apart because of what happened I need to get my head straight and basically decide what I want and I don’t want to be unloyal and stay with him when I could possibly like another guy. But he isn’t agreeing and saying that he should be the one wanting space and he thinks that I will just go off and speak to guys. I’ve been so stressed and upset. I need some advice of someone else, please help.

I’ve been with my partner for 7 years and we have a young child together. I knew there were sexual issues early on, within the first year he just stopped showing me “that” kind of interest. I struggled with it at first. I loved him so much but he just seem to have little interest in me in that department. I brought it up a few times and he said he was consumed with work etc., but would make the effort. Nothing ever really changed. He even rejected me a few times which is devastating so I gave up in the end, just to keep hold of what little self esteem I had left. I’m now 7 years down the line and I feel broken by it. It’s unbelievable what years of abandonment and neglect can do to you. We had a huge row recently where he admitted he has this issue in every relationship he has but followed it up quickly by kinda letting me know he has no plans to address it or do anything about it. I’ve seen other posts on here from women who are in similar relationships but seem to get affection and attention from their partners. I get nothing. He doesn’t notice if I get my hair done, he never tells me I look nice, never cuddles me or kisses me. It’s a very hard way to live. I just know he doesn’t look at me that. I can feel it, Even if I try to accept it and live with it, it creeps up on me. Normally if our friends talk about their sex lives or I see something on tv, I start to feel stressed. It’s not about the sex for me, it’s about feeling desired, wanted and loved. The reason I’m posting on here today is that I’m about to leave. A decision that I’m struggling with as it will, of course, impact our child. Not only does he give me nothing in the way of affection or sexually but he’s picking on me all the time. Accusing me of saying things I’ve not said, saying I’m being horrible about people when I’m not, manipulating me using guilt to get me to spend weekends how he wants to spend them. No one else makes me feel as bad about myself as he does. I’m feeling like DIRT at the moment. I can’t work out what is going on. Is it not enough to deprive me of any romance and the hope of a loving relationship...but to criticise me constantly and imply that my personality isn’t any good on top of that? Currently we are not speaking. He drank too much the other night, became very irritating and difficult to be around (a common issue recently), but instead of admitting it the following day he has done his usual...accuse me of not being nice about people, he even made some stuff up so I’ve asked him not to talk to me. He has been doing this to me for years. In fact, I cannot think of a single time he’s taken any responsibility for anything that isn’t working in our relationship. In fact, knowing he had these sexual issues in all of his other relationships before he has blamed them on me a few times. I think that’s vile. I’m 38 years old. Am I going to agree to live by his terms when he can’t even treat me properly? What isn’t he worried I’ll leave him for someone else? If a woman deprived a man of these things she’d be waiting for him to sleep with someone else. My self esteem is shot to bits. I feel so angry that he’s stomping around currently as if I’ve treated him badly. None of the issues he seems to have with his own perception of my personality are anywhere near as huge as us having no intimate or emotional connection. I tried so hard to stop that part of our relationship from dying but he just didn’t care. What now?

I've been married for 20 years. Last year, my wife told me that she can’t give me what I want — that is, affection, intimacy, saying “I love you,” trying to make me happy, etc. She essentially wants to cohabitate and just raise our children together. She had been a stay-at-home mom our entire marriage. We haven’t slept in the same room for 15 years, even though the first couple years of our relationship we were having sex on a daily basis. Recently, she told me that she married me in part for financial security rather than love, although she gave no hint of that when we married 20 years ago. I thought that we had something very special back then. She has had frequent bouts of depression and attempted suicide a couple times before we met. She’s never had a friend for more than a couple of months, and I’m the only person in her entire life who hasn’t abandoned her (but I feel like she’s abandoning me). Her parents abandoned her, her siblings did, and my family abandoned both of us because they can’t deal with her. She’s extraordinarily beautiful physically and extremely intelligent, but she’s addicted to shopping, she’s vain, she lies, she’s a know it all, and she’s a spendthrift. She also thinks of herself first—she says that, if I love her, then I should expect nothing from her in return. I tell her that if she loves me then she should show it. She responds that she hangs out with me and that should be enough. She tells me that I’m just selfish to want more. She is not willing to go to any kind of counseling. And she tells me that she knows I will never leave her. She knows that I’m afraid of what my leaving would do to her and the children. But I don’t want to stay. My children are afraid to show affection for me because their mom doesn’t. When she leaves, they have fun with me and we wrestle and play and laugh. When she’s there, they ignore me like she does. If I tell her this, she screams at me and tells me that I’m delusional. I don’t want to stay, but I’m afraid that she’ll kill herself if I leave. I’ve watched her bang her head against the wall until she would bleed when she becomes emotional. When I threatened to leave last year during a fight, she banged her head horribly and the held a kitchen knife to her heart. I feel like I can’t leave because she could hurt herself, or she will quickly enter into an unhealthy relationship which will then end badly. My children need their mom, I want her to be healthy and happy, but I am miserable wondering if this is going to be the rest of my life with her — no affection and the cold shoulder. Any suggestions?

My female coworker invited me to a weekly game and movie night. There are a bunch of strangers, girls and guys. They’re all friends and their group is always growing. My boyfriend didn’t like me going. He said it made him uncomfortable and jealous, and why would I put myself in a situation to potentially mingle with single guys? That’s not why I went but I stopped going for his sake. I’ve kept in touch with some of the girls from group because there really nice. The whole point of me going was to make some new friends in a Christian environment. Anyway, they invited me to a birthday party for one of the guys. It would be in public, not at someone’s house. So I figured it should be fine. I talked to my boyfriend that day and didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to end up asking his permission if he didn’t like me going. I get to the party and I realise I miss him. I talk to our host and she says he can come, so I call him up to invite him. He's hurt that I didn’t tell him about me going out because he feels I hid it from him. So the next night, after this all blows up, he goes to the strip club, making sure I know where he’s going. He thinks I went out behind his back out of spite, because I’m “mad” when he goes out with people and doesn’t tell me, which I'm not. It is fine because I trust him. It was completely innocent, and he went out specifically as payback. He TOLD me it was payback. This isn’t even the same thing. If he had gone at random, it would’ve hurt my feelings. But the fact that he did this, to specially hurt me, I feel so hurt. And I can’t even tell him how much it hurts me right now because he’s still hurt because he thinks I’m lying and stuff. I’ve apologised so many times because I realise his hurt feelings. He has major trust issues. But I never hurt someone deliberately out of spite and vengeance. And it hurts that he did that to me.

My apologies for the length here but it is a lot to cover. I have been married over 30 years. Throughout our marriage, intimacy has been an issue as it always seemed to be a burden to her and she was often unresponsive. I raised the issue many times but to no avail. In hindsight we should tried marriage counseling. However she has a phobia of doctors so therapy that she needed was out. She has self esteem issues, panic attacks and depression, which she hid the severity of till 20 years into the marriage when her mother died. You might ask why didn't I just leave? I was close several times but something always came up. One time my father had a heart attack and another my wife came down with breast cancer. The biggest reason I stayed was a cloud of fear that she would harm herself if I left. On multiple occasions she expressed she had no desire to live alarming her mother enough to share it with me. Coupled with her out of control sobbing while I was away on strike duty for 4 weeks I was convinced she would take her life if I left. She also spoke of such to our daughter who was 12 at the time. She made one apparent attempt or was sending strong signals by grabbing a bottle of pills and heading down the hall of our daughters university apartment. This was at a time we were arguing with her sister over settlement of her father's estate. Thankfully our daughter stopped her. I was not informed of either incident till months and or years later. She also was talking to her doctor during a checkup and they were alarmed enough to refuse to release her unless we agreed to go immediately to the hospital for evaluation. Let me get to the point. After surviving several years sgi she informed me the rare moments of intimacy we had experienced was no longer part of our marriage. Needless to say I was upset but gave it some time. Well, after several years I saw it was true. At age 55 she expected the rest of my life to be celebrate with her. I began chatting. There were a few casual connections but nothing serious. Finally after 3 years from her proclamation I wanted to meet one contact and ventured outside our marriage to fill that burning desire and try to experience some true passion for the first time. The chemistry was instant and we began seeing each other regularly one day a week. After a while I began working late a day or two each week and my wife began to have suspicions. Finally she confronted me. I admitted I was having an affair. She fell apart crying almost non stop, which lasted for days then weeks. But first I should that night I admitted she sent me a text threatening to harm herself if I didn't stop the affair. I firmly questioned her and determined she was acting out of emotion and not serious. Ironically a couple days later she told our son had I not been scheduled to work from home the next day she would have taken her life. Guess what? That next day while I was working from home she and our an closed out an account with out nest egg!. Given the history I still have concerns as do our grown children who agreed she should move in with our daughter for a while. During that time I went to live with my love who is the love of my life. We are very much in love and when it comes to the indicators you read about what makes a soulmate we check every box. It was wonderful to be together. We confirmed we would be great as a true full time couple. Then my wife came back, still emotional but better. I've told her I won't stop seeing my love. I'm not sure what she plans to do. She said she doesn't want a divorce and to be alone. So the question now is what to do? Do I stay and hope she will tolerate or even accept the affair or leave to gain happiness but always having that fear she might actually harm herself. She also has the kids feeling that same fear and not speaking to me. I know what I want but hate to destroy her and that fear has been planted and stoked. She has often said if anything were to happen to me she wouldn't be far behind, which reinforces my fear leaving will destroy her. And given her emotional state for the last 2 months the kids fear it too. Of course they blame me for her emotional state as they don't know the entire story and only see their mom devastated and out of control. I've learned she is emotionally fragile but apparently is thnkng about the future expressing to our son she worries she might not get a share of an upcoming pension. So it sounds like the fest may be unnecessary but still the controlled sobbing when I admitted to the affair might be nothing like if I truly leave.

Hi, I've been in a long distance relationship with my current partner for 2 years. He lives 126 miles away. Our 1st year together was really good, we both tried our best to see one another as much as we could. A few months into our relationship, he walked out of his job. He said it was too much stress & pressure & he knew it was having an impact on his mental health. I totally understood & tried my best to help him through it. After a while, he seemed ok & sorted out his benefits to make sure his bills were paid. I didn't pesture him about job finding because I too, suffer with mental health issues so I understood his reasons about how he was feeling at the time etc. The 2nd year of our relationship hasn't been smooth. Covid hit & we went weeks without being able to see 1 another. When we finally got to see each other this is where the little arguments started. Whenever he got irritated or feeling low, he started being horrible to me, saying nasty things. I would do my best to walk away from it so he could cool down & then I'd go back to speak to him (also making sure I was standing up for myself). We have been through a heck of a lot together regarding our ex partners on both our sides causing issues. But we managed to pull through those times. During our relationship, my partner would make comments (implying keeping other girls interested in him or how many women he has slept with etc) he has never shared photos of me or mentioned me on any of his social media. And when he starts an argument with me, he always ends it by telling me to **** off. I have called him out on this many a times so he knows he shouldn't say these things. His reply is always it's just banter. We are now a little over 2 years into this relationship & I'm starting to have doubts. I'm over thinking absolutely everything. He is still unemployed & when I ask him about it, he either tells me there are no jobs he's interested in or no new jobs have been advertised or the hours/days don't fit in around when he has his children. I feel so bad for thinking he now has no motivation whatsoever to find a job. I'm a single mum of 3 & a dog & I work all week so I can't help that him being still unemployed grates on me slightly. Just 4 weeks ago, he had another low day & started messaging me nasty messages again. He was really mean. I ended up ignoring his messages for 3 days to the point I couldn't read anymore from him so I messaged him ending the relationship. That week was awful, he was then constantly begging me to give him another chance & told me he wouldn't ever do it again. Apparently I scared him because he said he thought I would never be the 1 to end our relationship. Since then we've been trying to get back on track, talk everyday etc. He is now buying me gifts & telling me he adores me & how he wants to show me off on social media now. But I can't help but have doubts. It's like I scared him when I ended our relationship & now he's gone into overload with showing me love etc finally. It makes me feel like all this time I wasn't worth it & that he took me for granted in some ways because of the person I am. I took care of him when he was in hospital with pneumonia last year, I'd always do 75% of the travelling to go see him, I'd make plans for us to try new things together etc. I also question whether or not he will move out of his flat to live with me 1 day. When I ask him about it, he tells me if we are together for another 2, 3 years or whatever & he decides he can't move then I shouldn't feel like I've wasted my time with him. It's kinda frustrating when he says this. I love him so much & I really do care for him & try to support him. I saw a future with him & this is what makes it even harder to ignore my doubts. We both have children from previous relationships so it's not just our feelings to consider neither.