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Need the right move for my son
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need help am a man in his 30 in a very difficult situation . I don't know where to begin. We'll anyways b4 my current relation I was engaged with someone else who unfortunately didn't work out even tho we loved each other very much and understood each other certain things were not met. We had a beautiful daughter I was with her since birth until 8 years later I left her mom because she was always acting as if the child wasn't really mine until just a couple of month ago I found out my girl wasn't my little girl which broke my heart.

Now just know I left her mom to be with someone else who I had known in high school and had a crush since high school . We got together but b4 that I spoke to the mother of my daughter and told her to change her ways b4 new years that didn't happen so I left her . I mean come on almost 10 years of bs my whole 20s went out the window like nothing . Of course other events happened and what not .

Fast forward I left her still with love and attachment in my heart while I got with my current partner or w.e we are . We got with each other and this year will be 4 years . Now this is where the issue falls and let me tell you it's huge so huge that I can't seem to get out of it. B4 I got with my current partner who just gave birth to our wonderful son just 3 weeks ago . We were happy at first it was nice and rosy she gave me all I always asked and the same went to her until I saw her true nature and let me tell you there was more red flag than what China has.

Now this is coming from someone who doesn't drink I do smoke weed but not anymore because of who am with and because I didn't want this to affect my son and I wanted to make some sort of sacrifice for God and myself . Anyways so with who am with little by little I found her she was a drunk, a coke user, meth user , a disrespectful woman everything a man wouldn't want in a woman she was that woman . Now she never cheated on me but did make many many actions that lead anything Similar to cheating as letting strange men in our house while I would be working disrespect me in restaurant, attack me leave me marks now listen I've fought all my life in the street and this girl left me more marks than the next Gangster on the block.

Of course little by little she would cry and beg and plead for forgiveness and I as a Christian man forgave her more time than I can count but little by little I was losing love and attraction towards her and my single man style was coming out little by little to escape the pain that I was living tru .

Now I made my mistakes as she has as well. Most of our issue and fights begin and always began when she drank . Which led me to change who I was . I was this really laid back fun and happy all about love and peace type of guy and a huge chunk of that died throughout the years with the mother of my son . But I never gave up on her and I would tell her change change stop with bad influence your better than this blah blah blah good things .

One day I warned her that one day will come where I will lose my love for her and she will change and it happened she changed too late and I was left with misery and resentment and pain . Am not a emotional man am very logical while she is very emotional and does everything backwards. Now we have gone up and down Lived in friends houses I have lived in the streets due to her drinking and us losing our house for the second time . And she always went to casino and leave the house and.come home when she wanted after she escaped and stayed drinking for days . Of course I would just stop loving her but she had no one and.i have known her for so many years .

Fast forward when we lost our second house I was trying to record music at my friend's house and I get a call from my friend telling me baby mama called her drunk with rape nonsense, not true BTW she was just drunk from drinking half a bottle of gin . I told my friend to go with me ad witness b4 we know it baby mama went crazy to where we needed to call the police they took her to a rehab center that same day the owner of the house who was also a alcoholic told me hey you need to leave today we saw what your girl did tru camera....I couldn't belive it 2nd house lost because of her .

So what I do to escape from the pain I hit up a old lover who.i used to make love with when I was single , she was going tru the same with her baby daddy , we connected and made love pretty much nothing more nothing less , fast forward I Confront her about it and tell her what lead me to do what I did it was simplr I felt my sacrifice and effort and my compassion n love was not valued even when my family and friends and my father told me to save myself and leave her instill had faith . Fast forward we still stayed together infound a house of course after living at my home boy house for a few month... note this has happened 3 times.

Now with this fast forward I found a house for us our first actual house not a studio or apartment. I ended up getting a amazing job and she lost her job which led me.to.work.alone for a year. We would still argue and.fight and it was usually her throwing the past and I do my best not reminding her everything she has done that led me to cheat on her . BTW just note what am writing here is still not even.half. it's way to much to write. She would still drink and what not and be so slick my God if only ppl knew... anyways am a person who can accept the wrongs I do and am not one to usually fight and argue that shit is beneath me but with her it's like she knows how to press my button. Now fast forward I got fed up and was going to leave her finally until she got pregnant

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Child contact centres are neutral places where children meet the mother or father who no longer lives at home with them. The centres provide a valuable service in allowing contact to take place which otherwise might not happen. There are two types of child contact services – supported and supervised.  Supported child contact centres are often held in community centres or church halls. They have facilities to help children build up or maintain their bond with the non-resident parent and other family members. Staff and volunteers are available to assist parents and help create a comfortable atmosphere.  They also deal with the handover of the child so ex-partners don’t need to meet. The staff are completely impartial and are not there to monitor or write reports about parents.  The only things recorded are the dates and times of attendance.  If the contact goes well – and everyone agrees – the next step might be for the parent and child to spend some time together outside of the contact centre. Sometimes the contact centre is used just to help with the handovers. After a while, many parents will feel confident enough that the contact centre is no longer needed. If you feel that a contact centre would be helpful to you, visit NACCC or talk to your solicitor, social worker, health visitor or doctor. In most cases, you will need a referral. Supported contact centres are suitable for families where no significant risks have been identified for the child or those around them. Where there are risk factors, supervised contact may be necessary. Supervised contact gives priority to the physical safety and emotional wellbeing of a child. It also assists in building and sustaining positive relationships between a child and members of their non-resident family. This requires skilled supervisors who are confident enough to intervene if necessary and can work with vulnerable children and distressed adults. Referrals will usually be made by a court, Cafcass officer, local authority, or another child contact centre.
Article | separation, children, family
“My wife had an affair with her boss”
I've just discovered my wife is having a sexual relationship with with her ex boss. This has torn my world apart completely. When she started working for this company five years ago she was warned about the sex mad owner. I trusted her as our sex life wasn't great or very ambitious. She was never one for taking risk or trying anything new in the bedroom, and it wasn't for the want of asking on my behalf either. I offered everything from toys, group, partner swap, dressing up, role playing, outside - in fact, I think I tried most things without any joy. Anyway I discovered messages on her phone around four months ago but left it and tried to find things out for myself. I had no luck and in the end just decided to come out with it and, hey presto, she came clean on everything. She said it started as friendship but led on to more things and they have been sleeping together for about six months now (so she tells me). She has broken down and is beside herself for hurting me after 14 years marriage and 20 years together. She says she doesn't know how it has led this far and also how it has continued as well, as she felt bad after every time... My problem is the fact I feel I'm being laughed at - as he will see it as another notch, although she says not. She has lied to me for months about where she has been swimming, shopping, her sister's. This and the fact someone else has had their hands on her makes me sick (and I have been). Any one who knows please feel free to comment...
Ask the community | cheating
“Having an affair but can't leave marriage”
I really need someone to put my life back on track, to turn me back into the mother and wife I once was... a year ago, all that matters to me was my family whom I took pride in and would do a lot for them without expecting anything in return. After all, love is unconditional and as a mother, its my job to love, care and protect them. I didn't even ask a lot from my husband nor did he expect a lot from me. We were just in a good marriage, hardly any arguments between us and we took pride in our parenting and are proud of our beautiful, bright children. It all started when a single dad at school confessed to me that he finds me attractive and admitted fancying me for a while. It all came as a big surprise to me as I do not expect a mum like me to still have "admirers". Although I turned him down but since then my confidence grew and I started enjoying the fact that I can still attract male attention. Six months ago, I met William. I was very much attracted to him, physically and sexually. We started off texting back and forth, first with light and gentle flirting. We met up for a few drinks now and again and have a good time laughing and flirting. Then it soon developed into a bit more and more and then more. I am not one into casual flings or reckless, irresponsible behaviour but then suddenly before I realise, I found myself having an affair with William. A proper full blown affair. By the time I asked myself "what have I done?", it was too late. I have already slept with him. I know it was all principally and morally wrong. I know I have done something very bad and my husband would not forgive me if he knows what had happened. I asked myself what do I want from this relationship with William? Is it just purely for sex? Physically, we both look good together and we are both in lust with each other although William said its not just about that. He said he cares about me and wanted to see me every weekend. He kept telling me he misses me whenever he is not with me and he would send me daily texts messages which were all very sweet to read. I thought I was falling for William because I can't get him out of my mind and I really love being with him. I am so attracted to him that no one else can catch my attention because my heart and mind is just set on him alone. The problem is I can't seem to leave my marriage because I don't want to break my family apart and let my kids and husband down. What I have is beautiful and to destroy it could be the biggest mistake and regret in my life. Yet I can't stop contact with William no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up going back to him again and again. It is like an addiction. Maybe I am in love with him but I am just in self denial. Although William has told me he loves me but he doesn't convince me enough that our relationship has a future. Although I can see myself (on my own) with him but I can't see my children in the picture. William is a single guy, still living a bachelor life and there is no way he would swap his convertible two seater sports car into a family car. Everything in his life is that of a bachelor; even his bachelor pad is so unchild-friendly and immaculate that I can't even imagine my kids sitting on his leather creamy sofa. I can't even see him swapping his bachelor pad to a family home. All signs are telling me is I am a "current" girl he is currently seeing until he finds himself a single girl he is willing to settle down with. I have somehow raised that issue in a joking way with him and of course he denied it. I didn't press him more because I don't want to spoil the fun between us. Also I felt I have no right to press him for commitment when I myself am still married. He did say to me before that I should make my mind up on what I want in life or with my relationship and he is jealous to imagine sharing me. There is no sharing. I have become even more emotionally and physically detached from my husband. Thinking back over the years, we have grown apart emotionally and intimately. There is hardly any connection between us and I am no longer attracted to my husband in a sexual way. No matter how I want to try with him again but I just couldn't find myself interested in the whole idea. I think its because I am so distracted having William around. Sooner or later this is going to come out and my husband will find out what I have been doing. I really have to decide what I want in life but at the moment its nearly like saying wanting to have the cake and eat it. In my dream, if I can, I would just walk away from my marriage and start a new life with William but I cant leave my children behind and it pains me to imagine letting my husband down because it would be a blow to him. It would kill him if I leave. Also, is William the kind of guy who is worth sacrificing for? That question has been hanging on my head. If I leave my marriage for a guy who is worth every tear and pain and manage to have a good relationship and lead a happier life with.... that would be beautiful but William might not be worth the sacrifices. Should I confront William and ask him to be honest with me on what he wants? He got to give me some kind of commitment. Part of me thinks if he can't commit on a long term thing with me and include my kids in, then he is a waste of time and effort. He is just not worth it. But to raise all these with him mean potentially I am at risk of losing the fun I can have with him. And if he said yes he is ready to commit, do I really have the heart and courage to leave my marriage and tear all their world apart? Please please please have anyone been through similar experience or can someone wake me up?
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“Caught boyfriend on webcam”
I just found my boyfriend masturbating over a girl online.  He was using his webcam and it was obvious they were both at it. Please help, I feel so betrayed and don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice?
Ask the community | cheating, sex
“How do I forgive cheating?”
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 years, living together for almost 4 years now. I am 32 she is 29. I have recently found out (from her friend) that she has cheated on me with an older man who lives down the street. They had sex in his van, a friend's car and our bed, of all places (while I was in work). I don't know what to do. She has apologised etc and said it was a mistake and it went too far, she said she enjoyed the attention but not really the sex. This guy is pretty ugly etc I don't understand. I had my suspicions as I found a pack of condoms in her bag, one missing, but she lied saying they were her friends. I since realised they were hers and one was used with him. I am devastated as I thought we were happy. She lied to my face when I accused her with no evidence. It wasn't until I told her someone had told me about the affair that she admitted it. She has told me it finished after the last time and there has been no contact and deleted his number. We are still together, trying to rebuild our relationship. We have decided to move but it will take well over a year to sell our house etc. I see this other guy almost on a daily basis. He has no idea that I know about their affair. I see his van and, knowing they had sex in it is a constant reminder. I struggle to sleep in our bed knowing she has been with him in there. I really don't know what to do, I have so many questions. Should I ask all these questions, even ones relating to the sex they had, or should I try to forgive her? It is so difficult with all these constant reminders and the fact I know the other guy. We have so much history together and this is the only time any of us have cheated but how can I deal with the lies she told me and the constant reminders of him living down the street while we still live in this house? Thanks
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Affairs: a psychologist's perspective
This article was written by Prof Janet Reibstein, (co-author of Sexual Arrangements: Marriage and Affairs). The views expressed in this article are not necessarily shared by Click or OnePlusOne. Twenty years ago, I began an interview study of couples in which one person (at least) was having or had had an affair. As a new parent, I could not fathom how contemporaries of mine had the inclination or energy, never mind the time, to conduct one. Yet affairs, even among new parents, were happening and some of these couples presented themselves to my consulting room. The discovery of an affair at any stage of the relationship is still a chief reason couples come into therapy. I found, and so have others who bravely try to research this most difficult area (how do you study people’s secrets, for that’s what most are?), that people usually have affairs because they feel disappointed by marriage and are estranged in some way from the person they wanted to love and honour. They’d lost their way in love. Affairs struck me as primarily a symptom of people’s inadequacy in negotiating the changes of married life.  How do affairs start? The arrival of children, work taking one or both away into different worlds, not managing disagreements and conflicts and resentment building in consequence, all contribute. Or all of these combined can lead to the start of an affair. The upshot of not catching things early is feeling misunderstood, neglected, unappreciated, unloved, or undesired. Drift sets in. With it goes hope and effort. Attention wanders. And couples find renewal arises away from home.  Affairs can begin – and sometimes remain, a remedy for what particular light has gone out: just about sex, just about fun, just about talking and feeling understood. But sometimes they grow and become about love—the most dangerous kind for marriage (this applies even to ‘open marriages’). However, it’s possible, as research has shown that sometimes those affairs that stay limited and those that stay secret do not actually disturb the stability or commitment to the marriage (and the children in them), even if they might disturb the person having one. Dealing with the consequences But once an affair – except those tiny few ‘open marriages’ – becomes discovered or revealed, all marriages will suffer. This is related to how we understand marriage. We’re supposed to marry our best friends. We’re meant to be ‘intimate’ - to share innermost thoughts, private joys and troubles, ideas and pleasures. Thus, an act of intense intimacy and pleasure shared with someone other than our partner is like a dagger thrust first and then – the final betrayal- if kept secret from your ‘best friend’, repeatedly, is continual knifing at the heart of modern-day, best-friend-and-lover partnerships. Sometimes there’s a happy ending – sometimes not. But, as with all deep wounds, sometimes not. This marital drama’s been replayed over and over again in all my years in clinical practice. First I manage the wounds, and then return to the marriage: where, when, why the lights went out, before the wandering began.
User article | cheating, trust
“My wife is texting other men”
This is my first post, and I'm writing it after having just confronted my wife over messages on her phone. About 2 months ago, I start having suspicions over the amount of texts she was getting, so rightly or wrongly I managed to get her phone (which she normally guards like a monkey with nuts). I quick skim through her messages showed me that my older brothers best friend had been texting her with some really dodgy stuff. With this information, I entered my wife facebook page, and found even more messages in her trash that she obviously thought she had got rid off. I confronted the problem then, telling her to stop talking to him. For a while it seemed to be ok, then it started again last week. I walked in to the study to find her click off of a conversation on facebook she was having with someone.. i deliberately hung around till the reply pooped up on her screen, and guess who... its that fella again!!.. this time it didnt seem to be rude though. I asked her why she was talking to him again, to which I got accused of being a control freak and not letting her talk to anyone. That night I took myself downstairs to sleep on the sofa, next morning a gave her another clean slate and said nothing of it. However the issue must be on my mind, because as soon as she left her phone unguarded i checked again. Probably the wrong thing to do, but there were no sexually explicit texts this time thatI saw, just a few with some strong sexual references, suggesting sex on the beach.. and asking her if she was all wet?! (sorry if that offends anyone). I confronted it again, once again being accused of being a control freak.. and being told I should leave. However as soon as I suggested that I would seek custody for our son, stating he deserved better than a woman that would do this to her family it all changed... she wanted relationship counselling etc. What do I do? Just so you know the background, My wife was in a previous relationship, and had 3 children. She found out he was having an affair with a man at work and so they seperated, however I have heard part conversations of other versions, stating actually my wife was sleeping with his brother (yet again more secrecy). At 21 years old I took on the role of dad to these 3 boys that I now see as my own, however I know legally I have no standing. But Joseph is mine, after a very late miscarriage two christmases ago, where we lost a daughter at 7 months, we were lucky to conceive Joseph... and he is a little star.. his first word is Dada... and to be honest is probably the reason I've stuck around.
User article | cheating, trust
“Girlfriend gave oral sex to her colleague”
Hi everyone, this is my first time posting a question. I have been going out with my girlfriend for just under 6 years now and we have had a very stable relationship minus a few rough patches due to stress from everyday lives such as work and money. Over the last year or so we haven't really been spending that much time in the bedroom, sometimes this was due to me being preoccupied and other times her. We decided on having certain intimate nights at weekends and one in the middle of the week which I thought had brought us back to our once comfortable sexual lives. The last 2 months I've been changing jobs and have been extremely stressed after work and sometimes spent the majority of weekends applying for different roles and spending a lot of time on the phone, this is where I think the problems may have started to begin. Due to me being very busy my partner had decided to work some overtime too for extra money and to give me more time to myself (or so she had said) this was usually 1-2 nights mon-friday anywhere from 2-3 hours per evening. To cut a long story short she recently left her skype open on my laptop and she had been talking to a good girlfriend of her's about us and how she wasn't happy and how she'd been going to a colleagues place for an hour or two after work and had really gotten to like him and had developed sexual feelings for him.. without going into the details of the full conversation she had been visiting him at least once a week at his flat and performing oral sex on him after watching a movie or after he cooked her dinner. Part of the conversation was how she didn't want to pursue relations with him but really enjoyed his company and pleasing him in such a way for cooking her dinner and keeping her company and how it made her feel really good pleasuring such a nice guy and how it made her feel very powerful and attractive. Her friend was actually very shocked and didn't really condone it but the part that really hurt was that I know she was coming home to me after seeing him and I feel very betrayed knowing I've been kissing her and such without knowing. Needless to say we've now broken up and she seems truly sorry and is even willing to leave the job she works at in order to distance herself from him but I am truly lost as to what to do. Any advice would be great! Thanks  
Ask the community | sex, cheating
“I want to know details of my wife's affair”
My wife and I have been together for 15 years. We are very compatible and get on well but for some years we have been drifting and not appreciating one another. We have two wonderful children whom we both adore and who we love raising together. A few years ago my wife decided to focus more on herself. Where previously I would have considered that we were soul mates it was painful to see her separate from me and I couldn’t rationalize how the desire to set up a business meant no longer sharing her thoughts and feelings with me. I realized a couple of years ago that I was no longer her priority and then about a year ago I asked if she was still in love with me. She said no, nor did she know if she wanted to stay with me. I wondered about an affair but she always said that she’s too busy and that this wasn’t her. She is obsessed with time on her own, in part because of her perception that I am clingy and also mainly because she just needs a break from the kids and her day to day life. She went away for a weekend in June with some girlfriends. She mentioned that she’d met a guy there that she used to go to school with. Because I trusted her I thought nothing of it. Sex has been patchy between us since having kids and we started sleeping together more regularly after this trip away. I just put it down to the fact that she’d had a good time and I felt happy that I had been able to support her in doing this. We spent some time with her family in France this summer. I needed to return home to work and my wife was very keen to stay in France for two further weeks. This confused me as she hates the countryside and she gets stressed with being alone with the kids. Clearly she wanted some time apart from me. Just before I left she mentioned that this guy was to visit her with some girls. Again, I thought nothing of it. While I was alone back home I think we spoke about three times and the communication from her was friendly but very matter of fact. Things were awful when she came back and she seemed very cold and distant. I felt suspicious of this guy and asked our son where they’d both slept. He said one thing and my wife had said another. She’d left her inbox open on the PC and I saw quite a passionate email between her and him and a photo of them together during the original weekend away and I knew that there had been an affair. When I confronted her, her reaction was to say I was crazy and that we have problems. I told her what I’d read and then she admitted emotional infidelity but she denied sex because she had her period at the time. I asked her why she did it and she said because he desired her and made her feel like she did when she was young. It turned out that while we were apart she spent hours and hours on her own reading letters from when she was a teenager and listening to music from that time too. I guess she’s having some kind of mid-life crisis, something that she recognized and promptly signed up for therapy with a relationship counsellor I’d located a few years ago to try to do something for our stagnation. This discovery has prompted the most amazing rekindling of our relationship. We have started to have an extremely active sex life and are close physically in a way that we hadn’t been in years. We have started to diet together and to exercise more. I recently ran my first half marathon and I have lost 15kg. We are attending a tantra course together and have two weekends alone planned plus concerts and holidays. We spend our evenings talking and planning and sharing and feeling very connected. For the last few years she has been telling me that there is no such thing as unconditional love. What this experience has shown me is that this isn’t true: that I am still in love with her and that I love her unconditionally. I have told her that I forgive her and I believe this. I have also apologized sincerely for all the million and one things that I did over the years to make her distance herself from me. She feels now that I really listen to her. Our children are so important to us, but I feel that our relationship is more central to our family now. The children see that we are in the bedroom more than before and don’t sleep with our pajamas on but they are happy to play with each other and we still do a lot with them. The one remaining cause for difference is that I don’t really know what happened between them so much as “nothing really happened”. My view is that if this is the case then just tell me what happened and let’s move on. Of course I have doubts that they slept together or at the very least shared our bed but I’d rather know that than feel that she continues to hide things from me. And I’d rather know this now than to discover this years later. Her view is that she is an individual and entitled to her privacy. I agree but not with regard to infidelity. I don’t want to bring it up any more and she has said that she won’t tell me although annoyingly that she was going to tell me. He lives in another country and I’ll never meet him. It hurts that she had him come to stay with our family in France especially that this was literally hours after I left to go home. But that’s it. She did what she did and it’s over. Things are great between us now - really great. I actually feel that she could fall in love with me again. Maybe she already has. So should I just stop wondering what happened during this brief affair or am I entitled to know?
User article | cheating, affair
“Should I stay friends after an affair?”
I have been married for just under 20 yrs, with one daughter aged 16. In recent years our marriage has grown stale - my husband works shifts, and this means we get very little time together. We seem to have gradually drifted apart on both emotional and physical levels. I have made a life for myself and through this have recently had an affair which lasted a few months. In that short time I really felt a connection with the guy, we spoke/txt several times a day and despite both having families managed several liaisons for intimacy. At the outset we both agreed we would never leave our families and it was all to be a bit of fun. Famous last words I know as I definitely started to have feelings and instead of being fun it became a worry as I knew it would never come to anything, however somehow I didnt have the 6strength to end it because he made me happy and whenever he sensed this was how I was feeling he made it clear he wanted to continue - I made him happy too, and I genuinely felt he cared about me. About a month ago the affair ended abruptly due to his wife suspecting. She threw him out initally although he is now back in the family home haviang convinced her it was all in her imagination. All contact between us ceased. I was heartbroken - not just for the loss of someone who had filled every day for the last few months, but for the upset from the fall out for all concerned. My extreme reaction at home, weeping all the time, meant my husband confronted me as he had suspected I was playing away, but he wasnt angry more concerned as he said he loved me unconditionally and was prepared to forgive and forget. He said he understood people lose their way sometimes. He has said he is very hurt by what I have done and its the worst time of his life. My problem is now that despite my lover saying he would disappear from all the circles where we came into contact, he has now reappeared. The first time was a complete shock for me and I could tell he felt awkward. I just kept communication light and kept my distance. In the last week he has gone out of his way to come over and speak to me -still small talk, no referrals to what we shared but the way he looked at me across the room made me think he still felt something. A close friend has said that its highly likely that the feelings we both had will exist for a while - the affair didn't end because those stopped, it was the circumstances. My one wish was that our families wouldn't get hurt and that we could remain friends after it ended. I cant decide whether his recent behaviour is an acknowledgment of trying to go back to being platonic friends again. That said, it doesnt allow me to move on and try and work things out with my husband, who after all has been unbelievably understanding. And I realise I am deceiving my husband again now as I have not told him this person has surfaced again. So my question really is, can we go back to being friends - or is the fact that we have now crossed the line mean that this is realistically impossible.  
Ask the community | cheating
“Affair with best friend at work”
My best friend at work recently confessed that he was attracted to me and wanted to be with me physically. He is in a LTR and I am married. He told me he had been feeling that way for over a year and that he liked me a lot. He said he knew the feeling was mutual and the sexual tension between us was off the charts. I agreed that I was always attracted to him but I felt safe flirting with him because I'm married and he's 9 years younger than me. He was always honest with me about cheating on all his girlfriends. He said this is the longest relationship he's been in that he hasn't cheated yet. He hates commitment. He always said he doesn't want to get married because he can't imagine being with one person for the rest of his life. I told him this was crazy and it could ruin our lives and our friendship. He kept trying to convince me it would just be two friends having fun and it doesn't have to mean anything. I said I should be honest and say that at home everything is good. I really do love my husband and family and we don't really have an major issues. Two days after this conversation this guy kissed me. Not just a quick innocent kiss. He came up to me, held my face and looked in my eyes and kissed me very passionately. It was extremely intense. I stopped him and told him I needed a minute and he just held me tight and said "I've wanted to do that for so long" then we kissed some more. After that things got hot and heavy. Lots of sexting and some more make out sessions. Then we had sex. It was an amazing night. Without going into details we clearly both enjoyed it. He begged me to stay the night and I did. We had sex in the morning again. The next few weeks we talked a bit about it and if it was going to happen again but he started to get distant. I confronted him and he finally told me he felt guilty about cheating and that has never happened to him before. He said he wasn't over this whole thing he just needed time. So I tried to give him space. Then a few times just to see where his head was at I asked him if he wanted to hook up and he just said maybe but nothing happened. So I confronted him one more time and asked him flat out if all of it was just a game to sleep with me. He said absolutely not, he said he just felt guilty and he was still trying to process it. But then he tells me not to worry cause it's definitely happening again. Well after a few weeks I hadn't been sleeping right and tired of wondering what was going on I decided I needed it to be over. I told him I thought we should both agree that we lost our minds for a few weeks and we should just be friends. I said I need him more as my friend than I need to have sex with him. He agreed and that's where I left it. Things have been ok at work but now I find my self wondering what the whole point of this was. If he was ever really my friend why would he want me to risk everything just for sex? He's a good looking guy and I'm not really the type of girl people are making moves on. I'm cute at best but I'm not hot. Part of me thinks he had feelings for me and being with me scared him and part of me thinks he really just needed something to chase to get out of a rut with his girlfriend. I just hate not having answers. Does anyone have insight into this kind of thing?
User article | cheating, trust, sex
Children and non-resident parents
Children benefit from being in regular contact with their non-resident parents but the frequency and quality of this contact can decline over time. A research paper published by The Ministry of Justice looked into the how a child's wellbeing is affected by the relationship they have with the parent they don’t live with. The report (pdf) also looked at the courts’ involvement in settling contact and financial arrangements and the impact these can have on a child’s outcomes as they grow up. The study followed a group of children whose parents had separated by the time they were seven years old. It looked at levels of court involvement in parental separation, and the frequency and quality of the contact between the children and the non-resident parents. Researchers then looked at outcomes for children when they were aged eleven, paying particular attention to: Subjective wellbeing (children’s moods and emotions). Antisocial behaviours, like drinking, smoking, or breaking the law. Social and behavioural problems. How good they were at making decisions around risky behaviour. Contact declines over time According to the report, the level of contact between children and their non-resident parents tends to decline over time, in terms of both frequency and quality. Among children of separated parents, the ones that had the best outcomes at age eleven were those who had had the most contact with their non-resident parents. This can be harder to manage if you’re struggling financially, but it’s important to try and maintain regular quality time together. Even after a separation, you and your ex-partner continue to have a relationship as co-parents, so it’s really important to look after this relationship in as supportive a way as possible. Put your children first and, wherever safe, try to ensure they spend time with both parents. If you’re a non-resident parent and you feel like you don’t get enough time with your children, there are a few helpful things you can work on: Try to resolve your differences with your ex-partner, using external support like mediation where necessary. If you can’t resolve your differences, try to keep your disputes and conflict away from the children. Draw up a parenting plan. Stick to the agreed arrangements, particularly if these have been agreed by the courts. Use the time you do have together to work on developing a bond with your child. You may not love your child’s other parent anymore – you may even resent them or be angry with them – but maintaining contact can protect your child against the negative effects of separation. It might be necessary to set your own feelings aside, at least in the beginning.
Article | contact, non-resident
“How to move on from this?”
So my boyfriend of almost 2 years told me the other day that while I was away staying at my mother's house he had someone over to our apartment and received oral sex from them. We do not have a very good sex life because of the medications I am on and I just don't have much interest. But we do have sex on occasion. He is VERY sexual and needs to have sex every day to "de-stress." He justifies his action because I "don't give him any" and he has "urges." He takes me not being sexual very personally. It is like a drug to him and he is very addicted to it. He thinks that I understand why he did what he did and that we are moving on but I have been thinking to myself over and over if this is going to work or how to move on from this. I'm not sure what I should do next to address the situation?
User article | cheating, trust, sex
“Girlfriend cheated, I can't get over it”
I met the perfect girl about two years ago who ended up being my first love and first serious relationship. She became my girlfriend, my best friend, my EVERYTHING! Then almost a year into the relationship I was going through some stuff that made me very stressed out and less available to spend quality time, which put a huge strain on our relationship. My girlfriend began to go out with her friends all of the time and I never thought anything of it because I trusted her and was busy myself so I wanted her to have fun. One day later on down the line I see a picture that she was tagged in on Facebook with this guy behind her dancing with her. We had a rule that we wouldn't dance with anyone else and when I questioned her she said they took the picture right when he got behind her to dance with her... Being the (dumb) trusting boyfriend, I accepted what she said without question and just asked her to remove the picture. Then a couple of weeks later, she had a falling out with her roommate who supposedly posted that my girlfriend cheated on me on Facebook and my girlfriend told me about it and how it wasn't true and being once again the (stupid) trusting boyfriend, I was receptive to what she said without question. Cheating was something that i didn't think she would ever do because I knew that she loved me dearly. I began to feel myself becoming more and more unhappy primarily due to the great amount of strain that was put on our relationship because of what I was going through. My girlfriend was somewhat supportive but complained and didn't like it at all one bit. I thought about things for weeks and decided to break up with her because I needed time and didn't wanna do anything bad to her like cheat or anything. She was heartbroken and begged for me back but I refused. Months later I tried getting back with her and she was not making it easy for me at all. There was another guy who she was seeing but she still loved me and it showed and I knew I just needed to be patient so I was. She then decides to get some type of birth control that required her to have an STD test and come to find out she has syphilis and I was likely to have to it as well because we had sex on several occasions. Being focused on wanting to get her back I completely brushed that off when she told me and she felt like she couldn't make me wait for any longer because I was the best thing that's happened to her and she dropped everyone and got back with me. Weeks following I found out that she lied about a guy she said she didn't have sex with and that she cheated on me back when I was going through that stuff and her roommate had posted it on Facebook and told me it wasn't true when it really was. I was completely crushed! I couldn't do anything but want to work things out because I had just gotten her back and wasn't ready for things to end. She made a 360 degree change  for the better and has shown me that she was sorry and loves me and would never do anything like that again. It has been seven months and still to this day, I can't seem to forget about it and I feel like its preventing me from moving on with her. Things will be good for a couple of weeks and then something will happen or I'll see something that reminds me of what she did and it just brings me back to the situation and how much it hurt me. Still to this day there has been a lingering unhappiness that I just can't get over because of what she has done and I do not know what to do with myself! I wish I could just get over it so I can move on with this girl and my life! She has done everything she possibly can to show she is sorry and to make things better. Although I do want to move on with this girl I'm not most concerned with that. What I'm mainly concerned with is what the best thing for me to do for MYSELF is. Advice would be greatly appreciated.. I have been having way too many sleepless nights..Thanks! By the way... my girlfriend and I are both in college. I'm 20, going on 21, and she's 19, going on 20.
User article | cheating, trust
Fancying and flirting with other people
This article was written by Prof. Janet Reibstein, a psychologist and Professor in the School of Psychology at the University of Exeter. The views expressed in this article are not necessarily shared by Click or OnePlusOne.   Unsurprisingly, many couples argue about flirting and fancying others. You don’t start affairs without fancying. It’s a firmly held belief that partners should command each other’s sexual attention. But how far that ‘attention’ extends is not well defined; it's not always clear what constitutes an ‘affair’. When does fancying someone else or giving off sexual signals in a relationship even without physical contact, constitute danger or betrayal? But clamping down unnecessarily courts a different sort of disaster. I once was on a forum with a clergyman, who gamely confessed that women assumed that because he was a married vicar, that that meant he wasn’t sexually alive. When he flirted, they were shocked. Plaintively, he cried, ‘I may be a married vicar, but I still have eyes, and I’m not dead from the neck down! I’d never have an affair but these are two different things!’ It’s my reading – of both research and clinical data — that what seems at stake around flirting are two things: whether you are ‘enough’ to keep your partner and insecurity about the relationship’s future. We’re deluged with sensuality in our culture, reminding us that most are still alive from the neck down and most have eyes to see others - who are also sexual. So, that’s part of normal interactions. And if we like the person we’re talking to, and he or she also pleases our senses, that inescapably confirms our own sensuality. If we try to ignore this (the vicar would argue we can’t), it might mean we also ignore our basic sensuality. That affects our partnerships. In Esther Perel’s book, Mating in Captivity, she cites research showing that over time most couples get into a sexual rut, and argues that couples can redress this partly by making their sex lives conscious and deliberate. One way, she recommends, is to observe each other’s sensual effects on others: to give permission to flirt. As you do, you become aware of your own power to attract as well as your partner’s. It does mean we need to be alert to boundaries though. But what are acceptable ones? Boundaries make people secure. By establishing them, you make things explicit, agreeing what makes you secure, and why. Talking about boundaries clarifies why you’re scared, what sets it off, and why. You reassure each other, redefining activities that might have set off feelings of insecurity in the past but don’t have to any more. For instance, if your ex-boyfriend’s flirting led to infidelity, you are likely to feel threatened when your partner flirts. But if you are reassured of his fidelity to you and that he still finds you attractive you may find over time that ‘flirting’ needn’t mean ‘affair’. By being open, you also undermine the damaging role secrecy plays in flirting. Talking intimately about sensuality can also invite sensuality into the relationship. Talking to establish boundaries can reassure both of you that there’s nothing concealed, or to conceal. Flirting is undeniably dangerous: it can be heady and therefore lead to a wish for more. The implication of shared sexual desire for another does challenge a committed partnership and so as it grows there is usually a wish for concealment. But if you conceal or exclude your partner from your activities with others you might fancy, two things happen: firstly, you are signalling something suspicious is occurring and secondly you are defining your flirting as unacceptable to the partnership. When Perel suggests openly flirting she’s pointing to a couple talking honestly with each other, finding a way to bring into the relationship excitement that occurs outside it. That can’t happen with secrecy. That’s why talking and reaching common understandings is central to establishing boundaries. Central are the ‘meanings’ of flirting or fancying. If the meaning you give to your partner’s attraction to someone else is that they are less attracted to you — you’ll feel threatened. If the meaning you give to flirting is betrayal, trust in your partner and your future together will be undermined. But if, as the vicar suggests, fancying others means you’re sensually alive while still a faithful partner, you can feed sensual life back into your relationship.
User article | flirting, cheating, sex
“Struggling to get over being cheated on”
I have been with my boyfriend just over two years. It's been the best and happiest relationship i have ever had and we moved in together early May this year. It was the best our relationship had ever been (or so I thought) and he was talking about marriage, having a family, etc. This all came crashing down when I received a message whilst we were on a couples holiday from a girl telling me that she had slept with my boyfriend a week prior. Ever since this has happened I think I have felt every emotion in the book and it is so exhausting. I have tried having a ‘break’ from the relationship but just couldn’t do it. I feel so weak for not being able to leave and I don’t think I have fully come to terms with the fact that this person probably isn’t who i thought he was. It hasn’t helped that he lied about it for weeks until I confronted him with evidence. I don’t know whether the lies or the cheating hurt more. The woman he cheated with is gorgeous, a stripper and older than me. I feel completely inadequate. I can’t stop wondering what it is about me that led him to do that? Why did he lie so much? How could he jeopardise a relationship like ours? I feel so low and it's affecting my daily life. I can’t sleep properly and constantly have flashbacks. We are now three months on. I feel like I should be over this by now but I just can’t move on. I love him so much and feel like i don’t know my own identity without him and I just don’t know what to do. Any advice whatsoever would be so appreciated x
User article | cheating, someone else
“Non-compliant ex-partner”
My ex partner of 13 years is refusing to do any type of parenting with me. He won't communicate with me, blocked me on social media email and phone! He has my two boys who are 11 and 5 and I was happy to let them go live with him as that is what they wanted to do. I just wanted them to be happy. We were going to co-parent but he stops me seeing them, always changes arrangements, changes arrangements if anything planned, all because he does not like my friend. He doesn't like my friend as she can see he's controlling towards me and she does not back down to him, she stands her ground !! He does not like a woman to have an opinion. I have just started court process well went to miams meeting to try sort it out. I will co-parent and split weeks with him so both get equal time with the kids but somehow I do not think he's going to comply with anything. He tells the kids I don't bother to see them, contact them or anything when that is far from the truth. I have given my boy my old phone topped up so we have contact that way * he accuses me of all kinds of spiteful stuff saying I'm mental, I'm a druggy, and I live in a dump which all are lies. None of the things he says applies to me at all.
User article | co-parenting, contact
“Court orders”
My son is 12 and my daughter is nearly 16 They do not want what is being proposed my by ex husband in court. They don't want to tell him but he thinks I'm putting them off staying with him. What is the process?
User article | co-parenting, contact
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