Menu Relationship issues
When frustration takes over

Hello Community.

I am in a about 3 year relationship with a woman. We do fight here and then, have mostly good times and a hard journey behind us. Her leaving her abusive ex and me kinda being in the middle of all that.

Lately she has the need to talk to me about more in depth subjects, which is not really a problem but we might end up arguing because I didn't realize that she was trying to express herself while I was in the state of mind of having a factual discussion, where I would share my opinion about a fact.

It has always been hard for me to distinguish between someone trying to share and someone trying to actually talk about something in a mutual discussion.

Today, I felt left hanging.

She wanted to express to me how she was in the process of trying to find herself.

The conversation started with "You know how people say they are trying to find themselves" and paused.

We have had a good time before and stupid me of course didn't realize that she tried to get at something.

So I went ahead and said: "well, I don't think people really find themselves, like it's something where you just try to find something that makes you happy. Like it's an ongoing process, things change, you adapt, you find your happiness in it"

And then she got mad/frustrated and let out a waterfall of all that.

"I wish you would understand me"
"I don't think you are right"
"I just can't talk to you"
"I guess I just should drop it then since you don't understand me anyway"

Internally I shut down. Situations like that make my stomach turn and it's hard for me to sit through that.

So I said, multiple times, that it is just my opinion, that its neither right nor wrong. Again, me on the train of discussing a subject.

We separated for a moment and I came back and I said: "You know I would really like to understand you and where you are coming from but I don't always realise that you are trying to share something personal with me, when it seems to start off with something general. Can you try to help me and say something that puts me into the right mindset"

Yet again she got frustrated and said that she doesn't think that she is doing anything wrong, that that is the way she communicates and she won't change that.

My heart dropped. I felt very lonely. In the past I had issues understanding her and it was always up to me to adjust and try to figure her out while when I had something that might had a trigger I just had to fix it. She was never able to find a way to meet each other.

We even went to counseling once because we had a rough time and it was more about fixing me then her trying to meet me in the middle, trying to speak my language, trying to understand me and how I work.

I am just sad at this point and I don't know what else to do.

Comments 0