I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for 3 years. For the most part I'm happy, we live together, and she pushes me forward in all aspects of life. In the first year of our relationship we had sex all the time and it was great. Second year in she started taking new medication for her skin and her sex drive vanished. With the lack of sex I sought to feel that similar feeling elsewhere, so I started back up on Tinder (US dating site) in hopes of feeling the similar dopamine effect. She eventually went through my phone while I was sleeping and saw that. She was hurt and felt that I had took advantage...we worked it out and are still together...I love her deeply but at the current point I'm no longer physically attracted to her...and we no longer have sex frequently. When we do it's not enjoyable and it's maybe 1x a month. I'm aware that sex isn't everything but I don't drink, or do drugs, so sex is like my stress reliver. At the writing of this post I've met another girl through my internship. I haven't done anything with her but it's very apparent that we are interested in each other. In reality I'd like to take a break from my current relationship or even break up. But my girlfriend suffers from depression and anxiety. I'm scared that if I come forward and tell her that I'm no longer interested that she will be stuck in a dark place. I'm lost - I know what's right and wrong but it just isn't that easy right now. 

I am a married man, I have a wife and 2 teens. I’ve been married for over 15 years now. My wife is a good mom, but her lack of drive for success, and the mentality of being a housewife has turned me off for many years now. I’ve had a conversation with her about 7 years ago about going out there and getting her degree to challenge herself and help the family financially, I was always met with negative responses. Asking her to get a job was somewhat insulting to her and she tends to tell me I’m to blame for because I don’t like the jobs she applied to (they were not worth the time for the money) and she refused to get a job at decent places with good benefits (like Walmart or Aldi). In any event, through the years I’ve grown professionally and financially with very little financial input from her. I’ve taken care of her parents abroad as well as mine and I feel like I’ve just been a cash cow for everyone. I’ve had numerous discussions with her about my feelings and she finally decided to go out there and get a degree (because she senses I'm going to leave her) which I’m helping pay for, but for many years now I have not been connected to her emotionally, I don’t love her anymore and many things happened between us and her family where she didn’t back me up and chose her family instead. I am only married to her because of my kids. The sex is there just to take care of our needs, we don’t even kiss. During the pandemic I started trying to improve on one of the 4 languages I speak. I met someone on a language app, we started talking, very quickly moved to video conversations and we both started developing feelings. We share many goals, aspirations, and she is the complete opposite of my wife in so many levels which just draws me to her even more. She is also married. We’ve been romantically talking for 4 years now online consistently. Her husband is a macho guy who wants her as a maid essentially, she is putting her self through school with the help of her grandfather (who dislikes her husband) and is on her way to becoming a lawyer this year. I love everything about this woman. We met in person (I had a work trip to her country). We had great conversations and made love, I felt so at home with her I couldn’t believe it. I have never felt so happy in my life, never felt like this with my wife. She has never asked me for a nickel, and she’s helped me in some many ways, I feel like a different man with her. We both want out of our marriages, but I’m afraid of hurting my kids (16 and 13) and disrupting their lives. She is willing to leave her husband for me, she too has a kid (8 years old). I also don’t want to hurt my wife, I don’t love her but I don’t also want to hurt her self esteem and she also cannot support herself financially yet as she is in school till 2024 and working 1 day week for now. She knows I don’t love her like the first day we got married, we talked about it, tried working on it for a few years but it’s no use. We are both in our 40s and I am not happy with her and I feel I’d be giving up my own happiness if I don’t pursue my life with the other woman whom I love. I also feel my wife deserves to be loved, by someone who truly feels for her, not me. I don’t know what to do.

I read an article on your site recently about a person in love with their Brother-in-law. I've been feeling the same for many years.

I met this boy a few years ago. we were paired together on an english project. neother of us had any other friends in that class, so we became permanent partners. we grew close. so close that touching was normal. hugs, playful punches everyhing was normal but friendly. i didnt like him and he was getting over a breakup. i did have a crush on him for a few months but because he was still getting over his last girlfriend, i closed myself off to the possibility that he might like me. i shut off that hope and started to like someone else. however, i dont think i ever got over him. over the years, along with our friendship, i realized that i could read him so clesrly. i could sense his emotions. whenever he was sad, i woukd be too. whenever he was excited, i became excited too. it wasnt somejing that i made happen, his feelings just naturally influenced mine. this confused me, but i thought it was a best friend thig. i couldnt stand not being near him...but i had convinced myself that i liked someone else. a year later, one of his friends told me that he liked me, and i didnt know how to respond to the news i had recieved from him. i asked his friend why he didnt tell me earlier and i was so upset with myself for some reason. a gew months later, he started going out with another girl and they are now together. knowing that he is off likits, i unfollowed him from media, i stopped talking to him, and because of covid, i also didnt see him anywhere for about a year. i thought this was the best way to gwt over him. 2 days ago, i saw him again. i avoided him. he didnt see me. but as soon as i saw him, the butterflies came back, and o got upset and teary eyed. he has a loving, sweet girlfriend and theyre amazing together. i would never betray her. but he once liked me, and i think i love him. we are goi g to the same college and i know that even if i try my best i wont be able to avoid him forever. seeing him with her will break me. i dont know how else to get over him and i dont want to. there was a period of time where he broke up with his girlfriend and he started talking to me. i didnt engage because i refuse to be a rebound friend. but i cant even be in the same room as him without wanting to cry or scream or break something or blame myself for my stupidity. i dont know what to do. please help.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. This is my first relationship and he has been through a lot of my firsts. I’m 19 and just graduated high school. Some people take this age to have fun and experience love from different people. I met this other guy at my old job that I quit. He started talking to me first when I walked past him & honestly a part of me was attracted to him that first moment and wanted to talk to him more and more. At first he just showed interest in doing sexual things but I was starting to grow a little crush and would help him out at work because I wanted to be near him. That’s all it was until I quit. He got my number the first day we met but we never actually texted. He texted me a couple days after I quit then a week later we hung out and went to the park and to eat. This guy is 22. Now about my boyfriend and us, my boyfriend just turned 18, is very sweet towards me and doesn’t mean any harm towards me. He’s the relationship kinda guy and would rather be with just one person rather than have a bunch of girls to talk to. He only wants me and forever. He accepts me for me and we have learned to be weird together. We have our inside jokes and places that we like to eat. Everything was so good the first 3 months until I met this other guy and I slowly started to pull away from him. I’ve been hanging out with this other guy more and he likes hanging with me too. This guy doesn’t really have people to hang with, he’s anti social but he let me in. He likes hearing me talk and listens to everything I have to say when I’m talking my head off. He’s also sweet towards me and so caring. I can tell he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me and he treats me as if I was his girl. We’ve talked and I admitted I had feelings or have and he said does too and that he wants me to be his girl. I have been very hurt and confused because I have a boyfriend so I feel bad and don’t know if it’s worth breaking up with him for this other guy. Especially since my boyfriend wants me for the long run no matter what and idk if this guy would even if he says he does. Yes my heart does want this other guy. He’s beginning to be cuter to me the more we hangout and I like him for him more and more. Sigh I don’t know what to do. Breaking up with my boyfriend wouldn’t be easy. I have to let go of everything we’ve done together, seeing his parents, and the side of me he brings out. But people have broken up lots of times and got through it so I know I can too if I had too.

There is this guy I went to school, I loved him since I was nine years old and yes he loved me since then too. I moved to another town up until I was 16. I went back to stay with my granny only to found out that he still loves me and I feel the same. After our matric we went on our separete ways. When we were 29 years old we met again and started to date. And it was for three months only then, again, we went on our separate ways but by that time he has a girlfriend and a kid. Then he came back to me, he was telling me that he loved me since he was a kid, and I make him happy. But the problem started when he didn't tell me the truth about his girlfriend. He only told me that his girlfriend is cheating. He took me to his family, introduced me and told them that he wants to marry me. I wasn't ready because I was hurt on my previous relationship. So he told me that his girlfriend didn't treat him nice and she told him that he must go and find someone else. So I developed lots of feels again for him but he was lying to me. He never told me that he has another child with this girlfriend of his. When I found out, I was hurt to a point that I broke up with him. Weeks later I found out that he is staying with his girlfriend. Now should I just let him go for good or should I still wait. Cause I love him and I feel it in my heart that he's the one. I don't want to break things between him and his girlfriend.

He's my very best friend. He loves me, and I am desperately in love with him. He has a girlfriend that is not me. That kills me on the inside. I try to text him but he gives vague responses and he's told me that if he didn't have a girlfriend, we'd be together. He's admitted to wanting to kiss me, but he just seems distant. I ask him if he's trying to ignore me, but he always says no. I miss him. My heart now breaks to think of him because he's just not who he used to be. He's changed since we first met and I just need to see him, but I can't and if you don't know why, then you're oblivious to what's going on in the world. I want to call him, but he says not to call. If he says no or anything like that, I trust him and stay away so that I don't lose him forever. This relationship feels very one-sided. What do I do? As I said, I really don't want to lose him because he is the best thing in my life and really is just keeping me alive. So what is your advice, internet?

Don’t sweat it. Most people think their long distance relationship will fail because they fear their partner will replace them with someone else. In an attempt to protect themselves from this fear, their brain highlights their partner’s most negative traits. This is a common defense mechanism which prepares for the emotional pain of a breakup. However, couples who establish that they have a trusting, committed relationship, and work on their own individual mental health report greater intimacy in their long distance relationships. Lower levels of psychological distress in each individual also has positive effects on commitment, communication, and satisfaction in the long distance relationship. Healthy daily activities such as running, yoga and meditation can all contribute to a greater relationship with one’s self, which in turn results in more positivity and optimism in the relationship. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. The scarcity effect is a technique successful marketers use to increase the value perception of their products. If a product is less available, people view it as more desirable as a certain status applies to the exclusive few who have it. The latest iPhone must be amazing if there is a long queue of people waiting at the store opening to acquire one of the scarce few, right? In long distance relationships, the demand almost always exceeds the supply. You love each other deeply but cannot see each other as much as you would like. Due to this, couples see each other – and their time together – as more valuable. Planning frequent visits ahead of schedule give you anticipation and excitement. It also shows a willingness to invest in the relationship, which can make you feel more secure. Those who continue to arrange special and thoughtful dates once committed to each other have reported much more relationship satisfaction than those who see each other when it’s convenient. Communication is crucial. Although physically seeing each other may be rare, speaking with each other should not be. Communication really is essential as it results in less loneliness, greater feelings of intimacy, and lower levels of jealousy. Try to make it a mixture of planned and spontaneous communication to keep the relationship both comforting and filled with excitement.

I've been in a realtionship with my current bf for 2 years now...well, sort of - I'm saying that because in the beginning we had a long distance relationship. He eventually moved to my city (an honorable gesture, may i say so) and in 2 months we will celebrate 1 years since we have lived in the same city. However, i must address something that it bothers me so so much. We never go out. And it's not even about spending money or something like that. I would be very happy to just go to the park together and sit on a bench. The thing is he denies to do almost everything. At first i thought he was tired, or he is busy at work or something... but this is a constant. Almost every time i have to initiate things. And 90% of times, he says he doesn't want to do anything. He just wants to sit in the house all day. I understand that he doesn't like to go to clubs and whatever (although i would love to go in such a place together) but even when i compromise it seems it's not enough. All he wants to do is sit in the house and that's all. I am so frustrated because i want to make memories with him, but it seems like he doesn't want to do the same with me... i really suffered when we were in a long distance relationship because we couldn't spend too much time together and we didn't do many things that couple get to do. I thought that if he moves here we would do stuff together...we would discover the beauty of this city together, we would explore caffees and streets and stuff like that. I told him about my feelings. I told him that i want us to do more things together...but it seems like every time i just hit a wall. We have been together for 2 years now...and all i can remember from this relationship is how we are sitting in the house all day...doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes i feel like he is only neglecting ME. In his past relationships he told me he used to visit/do all these stuff that i want now to do with him... (going to the clubs, visiting other cities, exploring parts of our town). I don't understand why he doesn't want to do things with me, but he did things with his ex and with his friends... What should i do? I am starting to lose hope...

My gf took a break from me (via text) and she told she doesn't know what will happen! Long story short, I live in Berlin and she lives in Tel Aviv and she is older than me by 4 years (I'm 22) and we are dating for a year and a half (and lived together in my flat for 4 months+many visits), and this “break” is going since 2 weeks, i was very hurt when she took this decision and cutted any contact. She started texting and calling after few days - I didn't answer. After a week she sent me a recorded message, crying that she is going through a hard time and she wants to talk and blablabla, since then we talk almost everyday (fucked up right?), and today i just asked her: OK, so we are in this break already 2 weeks and that i want her to make it clear for me, if she allows her self to date other guys in the meanwhile, she told me "I don't know, I have to think about it" and she told me that she disagree with me that its cheating if she do date (maybe she already did) other guys during the "break", and i told her that she is making me lose my trust in her saying that stuff, and gave her "deadline", to tell me until tomorrow, what is her clear position, and I clarified to her to consider it breakup if she do want to date other guys during the break. So guys, whats your thoughts? (i never dealt with such situation). P.S. I got many signs also that she is narcissistic.

Hi guys, I really need your help here please as I am going desparated now. I met this guy four months ago when I was traveling to LA for my vacation. Quickly we clicked and bond together. We really enjoyed our every single moment there so we decided to keep contact and talk everyday when I came back to FL.We’re really open and transparent about our private life. I’ve never married or had a kid so everything is pretty simple from my side. He is actually still married, he and his wife submitted the divorce file and waiting for court hearing. They have 8 year old son and he’s mainly custody of the kid as his wife is flight attendant and unable to take care of the kid full time. So weeks ago he decided to bring his son with him to visit me. When his wife found out, she went crazy, they had fight, yelled to each other and she did everything to ruin his trip, acted like a bitch (as he said). Previously she was the one to control everything in their married life and he and his son have to do whatever she wants. Now since he’s with me, she may think that things are out of her control and therefore extremely upset about that. She tried everything to catch thie attention, including putting herself in trouble (like sleeping pill overdose) and my boyfriend had to be there take care of her. Eventually my boyfriend still visited me 2 days ago and they are staying with me for 2 weeks. His son is pretty a good boy but his head is packed with all the bad things from his mother about me so he’s cold to me and dislike me. And my boyfriend is too soft to his every single request, with no rule for kids and I have feeling that he’s spoiling the kid a little too much. Whatever his son asks, he follows and I haven’t seen him say no to his son during 3 days here. He came here to visit me but we hardly hold hand, hug because his son sticks around him all the time and barely talk to me though I’ve been trying to be nice. He slept with his son as well and only came to my bed at 2 or 3am and then back to his son at 6am before he woke up. I feel like I am the person who is left out in my own house, everytime his son openly talk to me, his mom called and later on, he dislike me again. I don’t really have experience with kid or dating a guy with kid so I am pretty lost here. I even feel a bit insecured because of my boyfriend’s enabling characteristic and the fact that his wife is having trouble with her boyfriend. I don’t know if it’s just my feeling or it’s common to all others who date a guy with kid. How could I do to get rid of this kind of feeling or what should I do to make this situation better, to make his son like me a bit more? Or will I have to run around and deal with his crazy wife if I still want to be with him in the future? I really appreciate your advices please

So I think a bit of background first will make for a better response to my dilemma. I am a 36yr old male, who was friends with my SO (41yr old female now ex) for many years prior to us becoming romantically involved. She was one of the most caring, loyal and trustworthy people I know and no matter the situation would always be there for me. This was reciprocated whenever she needed a friend. We both had a lot of respect for each other and even though it took a long time, and waiting for the right time - there was always that undeniable attraction, so when the right time came along - we got together and it was amazing. It didn’t take long for us to move in together. It was all going great, the Covid hit. Both of us enjoy our independence and freedom, and trusted each other to be able to go out etc but know we always come back to each other at the end of the day/night. The sex was great, communication great - mostly everything was great. But Covid lockdowns meant spending a lot of time at home together. Once lockdowns finished, an old female friend who I had briefly dated prior to my relationship popped up on fb as “people you may know”. And I know it was wrong, but I reached out via dm just to say hello, it had been 4yrs since our last interaction so I was curious what she had been up to. I had no intentions initially, but this girl confessed she had always had deep feelings for me, and I stupidly decided to “catch up”. One thing led to another - and the next thing I know it was 14mths of infidelity. My SO had no idea. The energy and guilt kept building up the more I cheated. Living a double life was draining. The other woman had begun questioning why I would never to her to my place, never stayed the night and basically only ever went to her place for sex and left again. I had every opportunity to break things off with my SO, but I didn’t want to lose her. I even signed another 12 mth lease on our rental back in August 2023, still slept in same bed with her every night, made sure I checked in if she was at work etc. But in January 2024, after hours of interrogation from the other woman, I admitted I had a gf and that we lived together. She was clearly not happy about this after all my lies etc. I went home to my SO and said nothing. After no communication from the other woman for a few days, my SO woke me up one morning and threw her phone to me and said “read this”. The other woman had somehow found her number and text my SO, telling her about my cheating. My world imploded, my SO calmly asked me to get out, and balling my eyes out I decided to go to her friends house for advise (which I didn’t take) and I stupidly went to the other woman’s place and she surprisingly let me in, for the first time ever I stayed the night with her. And then my SO found out, after I lied about sleeping in my car. My SO told me to leave (in words I will not repeat), and I decided to go to the other woman’s place again. It took me 8 weeks to move out of the house I rented with my SO, and I basically ignored her msgs etc. I have never had a conversation or provided an explanation as to why I cheated. The other woman let me move straight in with her, but from the start she doesn’t trust me - tracks me to make sure I am where I say I am, won’t let me have any female friends and she has anxiety attacks when she has to go to work or I go out for fear I will cheat. Yet 7 months on, I am still here. While I have no contact with my ex, I know what I did completely destroyed her heart. About 3 months after I left, I sent one msg telling her how sorry I was and how I would never forgive myself for what I did, and also told her that I did wholeheartedly love her and missed her. So why am I still with this other woman? I know it will not last given how it started, even though I have put it up on fb I am in a relationship, I have hidden who with from my ex. I have not blocked her number, and not unfriended her. I still read her fb stories the minute I go online and see she has posted. And I know the stories are usually only for an audience of 1 - me. I so badly want to admit that I am not really happy with this other woman, and try make things right with my ex, she was my best friend. I wanted to be with her for life, I wrote her a poem about being my wife one day the week we moved in together. And I know she hasn’t moved on, and that she would give me a second chance because she makes it clear on her fb stories that she still loves me, misses me etc. I hate myself knowing she is hurting so deeply, and struggling to keep the rental with only one income now. But why am I not doing anything. So, has anyone else been in a similar situation? I don’t need any hate, I already hate myself enough. Can anyone give me advice or share their own story? Am I holding back to save face or judgement? Am I scared to hurt my new gf after what I did? I am lost.

Me and my partner are in a long distance relationship for 6 months now. Being in a long distance relationship it very difficult to be physically involved. But the problem is not even that. The problem is even during call over phone if ask for a kiss she always find it very problematic to respond. She has been giving different reasons for it but I found it very difficult to understand. At this point of time I am very frustrated and irritated but I know she loves me . What should I do?

I am 31 years old woman with 10 years old relationship with my boyfriend. I have been 100% loyalty with my boyfriend. My physical appearance, personality and career is above average. There had been many decent guys who genuinely wanted to be with me, but I refused them all. The problem is as I am from Asian country, the couple in my country marry around the age of 28, me and my boyfriend has been together for a long time (10 years), so, my family, my relatives and my friends also asked about the marriage plan. But, from 2 years ago till now, whenever I asked about my boyfriend for the future, i mean about the marriage, he always went blank or confused and didn't answer thoroughly, and he never started the conversation about the marriage until i started or our friends asked him. (PS. We are both financially stable). When we hang out or date, we always talk about movies, work, games or funny things. From 2 years ago, I started to think like he doesn't really love me, if he only hang out me for fun and i feel guilty myself for rejecting the decent guys previously. And whenever I told my boyfriend that we need a break, he didn't accept it nor let me go. I am so stressful that my life will slowly age like this and becomes lonely. ( in my country, when you are around 35, no one interests you). And recently, I have got the feelings for the other guy. We have been known each other for months but we are not close. One day, we met at the resturant accidentally and greet each other and dined together that day. We have same likes and had really fun talking while having dinner. (I let my boyfriend know i am having dinner with that acquaintance). Another day we had our dinner together and talked about random things. After a few times we have been hang out , he said he is very happy to be with me and he has been waiting for this moment with me long ago. He said i am very beautiful like an angel and talked about the future unlike my boyfriend. Everytime we hang out, he cares me in details. He did everything sweet gestures that make me smile. Then I also start growing feelings for him. The thing is when he found out that i have boyfriend , he didn't talk to me anymore. At the current moment, 70% of my mind is always thinking about him and want to be with him and want to build a beautiful family with him. But i am also afraid being told me a cheater by the surroundings. Even if i told him that i want to be with him, will he accept me back? So, I don't know what to do. Please suggest me.