“Lonely first-time Mam”
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I’m a first time Mam to our wonderful, happy 5 month old daughter - but am struggling to understand my husbands actions since her birth. I appreciated at first that her arrival would bring about a significant and substantial change in our dynamic and that time and talking through it would help us resettle into our new rhythm as a family. However - he has been dismissive and distant - put his needs above hers / ours. He has planned a number of imminent holidays away with his friends - spends leisure time away from the home at pubs / coffee shops when he isn’t working.

When I try and raise these issues with him he tells me I’m overreacting and that this is his routine. He regularly bemoans my breastfeeding as a way of ‘stopping us’ from going out in the evenings and has continued to neglect my requests for help / support with domestic chores. When baby is ready I will of course look forward to evenings out but at this age (and as she isn’t taking a bottle) I’m not prepared to leave her with relatives and friends in the evenings or overnight. I try my best to encourage him to spend time with me in the late evenings when baby is asleep, but he just wants to camp out in front of the TV.

When he is home, he pays little attention to our daughter in terms of play and will only engage with her so that he can post photos on social media. As a result - I’m lonely - frustrated and wanting desperately for him to understand how overwhelming his behaviour is becoming. I fear that he is only interested in the aesthetic of our marriage and family - and has very little interest in how we function practically as a unit. Any advice would be welcomed x

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