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“Lack of sex is destroying me but he doesn't care”

The core problem is that we don't have sex very often and it makes me feel bad. The frequency of intimate activity dropped dramatically; he would want to do something three or four times a week. Now, we'll have sex maybe once or twice or maybe three times a month. It makes me feel unwanted, fat, and ugly. My self-esteem is in the tank. Also, because I've talked to him about this so many times, now I feel kind of dirty or wrong for wanting to have sex. And, I feel helpless because, in my eyes, I can't do anything about it.

He has always been the one to initiate sex. I became too discouraged to try anymore a long time ago because he either doesn't notice when I'm trying to initiate or (when he does notice) he doesn't want to have sex. I've tried every trick in the book to turn him on, but it doesn't matter. The one time I managed to initiate he couldn't perform. So, we only have sex when he wants to, and as a result, I feel like I can't even turn him on, which makes me feel worse.

He doesn't feel bad about the lack of sex. I'm not sure if he doesn't notice it, or if he doesn't need it. Whenever I've talked to him about it, he's never given me a reason for not wanting to have sex. I just wish he would show me that he loves me and finds me sexually desirable (since he doesn't tell me that I'm pretty), but it doesn't matter. To me, it's not a physical need but an emotional one. To make things worse, the reason why I'm so hard to turn on is because I don't ever expect him to follow through. He likes to "tease" me, doing the same types of things he does when he wants to have sex but not follow through. He says he needs to touch me to get turned on, but that everything shouldn't have to lead to sex, so I shouldn't worry about it.

But, I can't help but feel like he doesn't want me anymore. He always wants to watch porn and he wants me to Jack him off but he doesn't even bother to touch me. He always has an excuse like his arm hurts or he's not in the mood or he is too sleepy but if I don't get him off his arm no longer hurts or he is not too sleepy anymore, so he will get himself off and when he touches me and doesn't get turned on unless he is watching porn.

I feel like he's becoming a selfish lover, only concerned about his needs, which was never true before. I'm desperate. I can't go through the pain and humiliation of talking to him again. I've been trying recently, and I can't get him to have sex with me. I believe a sexual relationship goes both ways as well. The only times I have ever denied him is... NEVER. I'm giving up. I'm crying out for help. Sometimes, I just wish my life was at the end already. Any advice would help so much. Thanks.

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