I am dating my ex whom I have a son with. We are trying again as he has claimed to be more mature in some ways that he wasn't before. And he has.....except this one area he just keeps on having an issue with. Besides our son, I have 2 other boys from a previous marriage. They are 25 and 22. In me and my ex's previous relationship, he mentioned to the counselor that he feels that I may have slept with my 22 yr old son. Sick right??? I thought so and expressed this until I was blue in the face.
A little background on my ex. He grew up where his father left when he was sixteen and his mother is a drinker. Matter of fact his mother's side of the family are a bunch of drinkers and my ex has been an alcoholic a couple of times in his life. He went 10 yrs sober and something made him go back again. I was with him at that time and endured some bad stuff because of it and left him. He became sober again for a while. His last relationship before we tried again, he was involved with someone who was a drinker and weed smoker. It lasted about 6 months, but he again fell backwards. At some point, once they broke up, he got into a fight while he was drunk, and ended up being hurt. He woke up the next day in his bed, in his own piss, and dried blood from his nose and mouth. From that day forward he declared being done with alcohol.
I feel that might play apart as well but let me continue. He has 2 other kids by 2 different mothers. He was never in the same household as his other kids, so he didn’t really see them grow into to who they are. So currently his relationship with his kids is a ‘see you when I see you” basis. He loves them, but they do not talk every day. He is not that close to his father, he sees when he wants to (which is better than just seeing him when he wanted money) and he talks to his mother everyday and sees her when he feels like it. ( I don’t particularly care for his mom as she is what I believe to be a functioning alcoholic.) She drinks every day, is on disability, and at one point was an enabler when he was drinking. He doesn’t see his one brother very much (who by the way screwed one of his girlfriend’s when they were younger) but will be there for him if something were to happen. So he doesn’t seem like he is that close to family.
Me? My parents divorced when I was maybe 5, but my dad got married again to my stepmother. I have a close family. We are an affectionate family as well. We are not perfect but what family is. My dad has been married 3 times. My mother married a man whom we never believed appreciated her and she ended up passing away in another state far from family where he wanted them to live. My stepmom is still living and about 2 hrs away from me. Like I said I have sons. My older two and I have been close since their father and I divorced when they were 10 and 7. I have never remarried.
My sons and I are very close. We talk almost every single day. And yes, I have gone through the teenage thing with them and there have been some rough patches, but we get through it. They have had some rough times and as a parent, I am there for them. Sometimes more so than I should be. Regardless, once my ex came into our lives, he seemed to embrace them. I believe his dislike of my ex-husband has spurred a lot of his not wanting me to be around my kids. My ex has trust issues. Partly because of his actions in his past relationships and partly because of the crap he has done. So he has always felt like my ex-husband wants to be with me. I couldn’t stress enough how I never wanted to be with my ex-husband enough, but my ex-boyfriend just didn’t seem to get it. He felt that anytime I had contact with my boys, my ex-husband was around the corner. I have never given him any reason to believe I wanted my ex-husband. But my ex-boyfriend just couldn’t accept the friendship my ex-husband and I had developed.
When I say friendship I mean, my ex-husband’s family still accepted me as family and would send me and my 3rd son (who was from my ex-boyfriend) gifts on holidays. Ex-boyfriend hated that. Didn’t understand why they continued to do it. Another difference was that my sons were affectionate as well. They would hug or touch my arm. My ex-boyfriend hated that too. Tried to distance me and my sons through arguments. It was working until I figured out what he was doing and decided no one would come between me and my kids. Where he got the idea that I slept with my son….I do not know. I could never do that! Those are my babies!
This time around, I see that he still has an issue with my one son! Only because he’s the one who is around so much. But not enough to affect my relationship. But my-boyfriend gets mad when he finds out my son is at my house. Or when he finds out that my son had to sleep on my couch as he is in between places to live. This time, I am voicing myself. My relationship with my kids has no affect on him. It doesn’t stop my attention, my time, or my affection. But he still seems to have a problem. I feel like in the end, I may just have to scrap talking to my ex and let him be. He seems to have some deep rooted issues that I can not solve (nor do I want to) and he is not willing to seek help for.